Sunday, March 31, 2013

THE HARLEM SHAKE YO! :-)

Dear Journal:

This weekend was a lot of fun, yesterday evening, I was with my family celebrating my daughters birthday and we decided to do the harlem shake! as everyone knows, whenever you try to do something with family, it's never easy, so, we had to work on it for like an hour just to get it right... check out the blooper video.  

After what seemed like hours, a lot of arguing and lots of laughing! we finally GOT IT!!! I was the one filming, so much fun! you know what they say, a family that acts crazy together, stays together! and yes! my mom and dad and step mom and my and my sisters ex's where all there shaking it together! we are TRULY! a modern family! lots and lots of love, lots and lots of laughs!

Oh yeah, almost forgot, I went to hang out with some friends today and we decided to well, do the harlem shake! this time, it was filmed on the first try and I joined in the fun! lots of fun this weekend! Good times!























Saturday, March 30, 2013

Duele El Amor - Good Bye Ex Husband

Dear Journal:

The other day my ex husband told me that our divorced had been finalized, I felt soooooo very happy! I'm happy because if I feel like eloping in Vegas, I can! HOW FREAKING AWESOME IS THAT!!! it feels good that after 5 years I am really really for real single, single to the point that I can do something really crazy like having a romantic love affair, the type that is crazy and fast and not lasting, the whirlwind type that you both think your madly in love because the sex is so amazing and you really believe you will be that way for ever! and you tell the whole world that "this one is different" but ultimately in ends because you find out that you don't like the same.....I don't know, type of dog? THAT IS WHAT I CALL AN ADVENTURE! now there is something I have never done! Marriage in Vegas anyone???

All jokes aside, I really do feel good about finally owning the title single, because for a really really long time, while in my marriage, I was really really really miserable.  The other night, my ex husband was over my apartment, and we were talking (we are good friends now) and I told him that I have gone through a bunch of little heart aches since he and I broke up, mini heartbreaks with people I have had short romantic somethings with, but that if I had to do it all over again, I would much rather go through 100 mini ones and not the misery that I felt in my marriage to him.  

I know that saying that sounds really horrible, but it is the honest truth, I really didn't even know how miserable I truly was until I was out of the marriage, until I began to find myself again and realize that alone for me, was way better than in the company of someone that I wasn't compatible with.  When I told him that, his response was that I was fucked up, but then I told him, that it wasn't that he was a bad person, actually, I think he is an amazing person, however, he and I see the world very differently.  I am not going to go into details of what my marriage was like, as I want to save that for the day when I write my book.  But, I will say that there were many nights when I cried myself to sleep, while laying next to the man I was married too.  It was the most horrible feeling in the world, going to bed at night and feeling like I was sleeping with a stranger.  I know now that my marriage failed because he and I did not communicate well, we had not been friends before being lovers and that was all my fault, I saw him, I wanted him, I got him, that was the end of that.  I learned such a valuable lesson with that experience, yet I am also grateful that I lived it, because it helped me grow as a woman and a person and it also gave me two amazing kids so it was all worth it!

Although my ex and I are good friends now, I realize even more how he and I are so different, how he and I are so much better as friends.  I always give him advice because I truly love him as a human being and person and I want nothing but the best for the father of my children.  I also feel that us having a good respectful friendship is important for my children, because they have two great parents that work well together as two people apart, instead of being two people miserable together staying together for "the children" when in reality in my opinion that is probably the worst thing you can do to your children.  My advice to anyone coming across this post that is staying with someone for "their kids" is to get some balls and get out of an unhappy marriage, because your kids will benefit from two adults that can get along separately, instead of two adults that sometimes practically hate one another.  Kids feel all that bad energy in the home, don't for once ever fool yourself that they don't!

Anyway, I just came back from my run and was listening to some music on pandora and this song came on that I used to listen to and cry with while I was still living with my husband, listening to it now, made me realize that the reason why I listened to it and cried, was because the song says, "duele el amor sin ti" which means, love hurst without you, it did, it hurt to be next to him and not have his love at least I didn't think I had it, what a lousy feeling, I do not wish that upon anyone.

Today, I am feeling great! I ran, and now I am going to get ready to go buy some ingredients for the baked ziti I am going to make for my daughters bday party tonight.  Today, is a good day! I bet you didn't know I could cook huh journal???? well.... DON'T SLEEP ON JAZZY!

I leave you with.....

Duele el Amor - Alek Zyntek ft. Ana Torroja... 


Wednesday, March 27, 2013

WHAT IS A POEM? Thanks to all who gave me ideas!

Dear Journal:

The other night, he sang to me again, this time, he sang two beautiful songs that he wrote himself and he sounded so amazing! when I told him that he sounded amazing, he told me that he sang to my from his heart and soul! when he said that, he filled my heart with complete joy.  Imagine, someone having that affect on you, that feeling of complete, that feeling I feel when we talk, 2 full hours talking on the phone, with the one who sings to me! I love to hear him sing, it was awesome!

I don't have much more to write, because life has been quiet and simple, I like quiet and simple.  I am really looking forward to my trip in May, but I don't want to rush through time, I want to enjoy every moment, because when I do that, I experience life in a truly different way.  For instance, as I am writing this there is a complete full moon outside of my window, the moon is so bright it lights up my room, I love you moon!

Well, since I don't have anything to really report, I am going to share with you my dear journal, one of the poems I wrote for my creative writing class, the feedback my professor gave me about this particular poem was that maybe I should take out the question, meaning, that every line of the poem started with..... What is a poem to you? I composed this particular poem, with an idea that I had, which was to ask different people on a few websites, what a poem meant to them, so, I compiled all the answers and added a few lines myself.  I hope you will enjoy it, I called it..............


A POEM
BY: JAZZY

WHAT IS A POEM TO YOU.  A POEM IS A SYSTEM OF WORDS IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER, OTHER THAN THAT OF WHAT YOU FEEL

A POEM EXPRESSES THE TRUE NATURE OF AN IDEA YOU WISH TO SHARE

A POEM IS A PERSON WHO IS TEARING THEIR SOUL INSIDE AND OUT AND ALLOWING US TO SEE WHAT'S INSIDE, SOMETIMES IT CAN BE SCARY, BUT EVEN THEN THERE IS BEAUTY TO IT, BECAUSE THE WRITER IS ALLOWING ME INSIDE

A POEM IS A WAY TO DESCRIBE WITH WORDS THAT RHYME, A PERSON, OBJECT OR FEELING

A POEM IS AN AUTHORS INSIGHT, IT'S THEIR EXPERIENCE, THEIR PAIN OR THEIR FANTASY A PIECE OF SOMEONE'S SPIRIT, AN EXPRESSION OF HAPPINESS OR SADNESS, IT'S A RANT OR A BLAST A TYPOGRAPHICAL PICTURE OF WHAT LIES IN SOMEONE'S MIND AND HEART.

WORDS THAT CAN BE SPOKEN IN RYTHM

IT'S MAKING ART WITH WORDS

FEELINGS, EMOTION, DREAMS, WORDS, PROVOCATIVE ENTERTAINMENT, ENLIGHTENMENT, BULLSHIT, COMEDY, EXERCISE IN FUTILITY

A POEM IS EXPERIENCES WRITTEN IN SECRET CODES

A POEM BEGINS AS A LUMP IN THE THROAT,  A SENSE OF WRONG, A HOMESICKNESS A LOVESICKNESS

A POEM IS WHEN AN EMOTION HAS FOUND IT'S THOUGHT AND THE THOUGHT HAS FOUND WORDS

WORDS THAT CAN BE SPOKEN IN RYTHM

WHEN YOU ARE IN LOVE, EVERYONE IS A POET

A BAD POETRY, SRPING FROM GENUINE FEELING

WHAT IS A POEM TO YOU.  A POEM IS A DICTIONARY ABOUT EVERYTHING

A POEM IS A DEAL OF JOY AND PAIN AND WONDER, WITH A DASH OF THE DICTIONARY

A POEM IS AN ECHO, ASKING A SHADOW TO DANCE

A POEM IS A WAY TO REMEMBER A STORY

WORDS THAT CAN BE SPOKEN IN RYTHM

A POEM IS THE FIRST STORY IN GREEK HISTORY, WHEN THERE WERE NO LETTERS, NO ALPHABET, AN THE ONLY WAY TO TELL A STORY WAS WITH ORAL TRADITION, WITH POEMS

A POEM IS A GREEK WORD THAT IS USED TO DESCRIBE TO MAKE TO DO SOMETHING

A POEM IS WORDS, WORDS, WORDS!

IT IS THE OPENING AND CLOSING OF A DOOR, LEAVING THOSE WHO LOOK THROUGH TO GUESS ABOUT WHAT IS SEEN DURING THE MOMENT

A POEM IS ENDLESS BEAUTY

A POEM IS WORDS THAT ARE OFTEN THOUGHT OF, BUT NEVER REALLY EXPRESSED

WORDS THAT CAN BE SPOKEN IN RYTHM

A POME IS WRITING WORDS ON A PIECE OF PAPER, WRITTEN ON THE MIDDLE OF THE PAGE, IN ORDER, THREE FOUR LINES AT A TIME, WITH LINE BREAKS

A POEM IS TELLING YOUR DEEPEST DESIRES IN METAPHORS SO NO ONE WILL REALLY KNOW WHAT YOUR DEEPEST DESIRES ARE

A POEM IS A SECRET TOLD WITH TRICK WORDS

WHAT IS A POEM TO ME?

A POEM IS WORDS THROWN TOGETHER THAT MAKE NO SENSE, IT'S SOMEONE JUST WRITING JUST CAUSE, BUT SUDDENLY ENLIGHTENED WITH POWER AND WISDOM AND A FEELING OF COMPLETE ECSTASY THAT ALLOWS THE WORDS TO FLOW, THEY SOUND AS IF GLUED TOGETHER BY A MAGIC POWDER

WHAT IS A POEM TO ME?

A FEELING FROM THE DEPTHS OF MY SOUL, THE COLOR BLUE, WORDS THAT COME FROM MY HEART THROUGH MY THOUGHTS DOWN ON A PAPER, THE WAY I EXPRESS SORROW, HAPPINESS, LOVE, ANGER, FEAR!  THE WAY I RELEASE ENERGY AND THROW IT OUT TO THE UNIVERSE, RELEASE FOR ALL TO SEE, A CHANCE AT DIGGING DEEP INSIDE AND FINDING SOMETHING TO SAY

WHAT IS A POEM TO ME?

IT IS JUST BEING ONE WITH MY THOUGHTS, ONE WITH THESE WORDS, ONE WITH GOD, ONE WITH BEAUTY, ONE WITH UNITY, ONE WITH MOVEMENT, ONE WITH LYRICS, ONE WITH HAPPINESS, ONE WITH SADNESS, ONE WITH ANGER, ONE WITH PAIN, ONE WITH ANXIETY, ONE WITH HATE!

WHAT IS A POEM TO ME?

IT IS A POEM, IT IS A POEM, IT IS JUST A POEM!

WHAT IS A POEM TO YOU?

WORDS THAT CAN BE SPOKEN IN RYTHM!



The moon as seen from my window - 3-27-13


Sunday, March 24, 2013

Sex on my terms

I say who, I say when, I say WHO! ~ Vivian ~ Pretty Woman

Dear Journal:

I have been so swamped and exhausted lately, that I have not had an opportunity to sit on my bed with my lap top on my lap and do this, what I love to do best, write to you, my ever so faithful journal! I have missed doing this, because when I do so, I feel a sense of accomplishment, a sense of truth and freedom.  I feel that way, because to you I reveal all my thoughts and feelings and wishes and deepest dreams.

Last week was a really good week, it started with a study session with two awesome people on Saturday afternoon, my classmates and I, met up, got some sushi and headed to our college cafeteria and there we talked life and studied for our statistics class, it was a lot of fun! yeah I know to the majority of people in this world, studying may not be the most exciting thing in the world, but for me, because I waited over 10 years to be able to fulfill my dream, the dream of finally getting a Bachelor's degree, every single time I sit down to study, I am completely happy and I am even happier when I get to do so, with amazing intelligent individuals who are helping me out, thank you friends!

I have been avoiding the dating scene for three months now, and I have to admit that I feel really good about it, I decided a few months ago, that I was going to practice celibacy, because I felt that whenever sex is in my life, no matter in what capacity sex is in my life, it always brings to my life more drama than joy.  I will explain.  Men will say things like, I am only looking for sex and when I say ok, are you saying that you only what to be friends with benefits and they say yes, all of a sudden I find the person who I have made this agreement with, start to act a certain way with me that I don't quite understand, if we are only "friends with benefits" then why are you getting jealous? why aren't you acting like a friend? and why are you worried about what I do or when I'm doing it? and more importantly, why is it that you get mad if I am treating you like a piece of meat, if that is what you are offering me? so, because for the most part men think that what they want is one thing, but then once they have you in some sort of capacity they don't know what to do anymore, I decided that since I am not interested in a relationship at this moment, because I have to much going on in my life that is way more important, I just don't want to be bothered with sex at all.  But, that doesn't mean that I don't get those people who think they want to tell me what to do, so let me tell you journal a little story that happened to me last week.

I have been on dating sites now for almost five years.  When I started my dating site adventure, I was genuinely on them looking for a significant other, I really at that time wanted to have someone special because I had never been single in my life, meaning that I had been in relationships since I was 15 years old, never taking a break to just be me, be free and get to know myself. Anyway, at first, I took things on dating sites very personal, I would feel sad or hurt when someone would disrespect me or say mean things to me, but now, I don't quite honestly care what men say to me on line, I honestly don't, I learned not to take things personal.

The other day, I get a message from someone who I had met in person two years ago to be exact, at the car dealership where I purchased my car.  That day, one of the guys there, the one in charge of the parts, sort of flirted with me and gave me his number and told me that I should call him for anything I needed that had to do with my car, I thought he was cute but he wasn't really my type, but because I am single and I can flirt if I want to, I feel like maybe I did flirt back a little and maybe even sent him a message at some point, but then found out he was in a relationship and I don't do to others, what I would not want to be done to me, so maybe after our first very casual txt conversation, I never spoke to him again.  I remember that the conversation was very casual, because I think I was more texting him about my car, than to get to know him, I honestly almost feel like he gave me the number after he told me he had a girlfriend and stressed that I could txt him about car parts at any time.  Anyway, I never spoke to him again, because I never needed to get anything for my car, but I kept his number on my phone, I honestly don't think I ever delete any number.  After that brief interaction, I never saw or thought of him ever again until last week, when to my surprise he sends me a message on Plenty of Fish, one of the dating sites I am on, saying something like... Hi, I know you, you are XYZ and called me by my real name, although on the site I utilize my nick name, Jazzy.  Anyway, I was really shocked that he remembered my full name and after reading who he was, I obviously remembered who he was and I wrote back and was like oh wow! hey how are you? I'm telling your girlfriend that you are on a dating site..... and the rest of the conversation went a little like this...


Him - You can tell my girlfriend whatever you want I am no longer with her... lol

Me - Oh sorry to hear that, how are you? by the way, I still have your number on my phone

Him - Really? lol, listen let me cut to the chase, I don't have time for games, I just want sex from you, you want to fuck?

Me - Um, no thank you, I am practicing celibacy, thanks for the offer! (being sarcastic of course and then I also wrote) I'm actually only on here to network and chat, I like to write so I invite people to check out my blog, check it out.  (I proceeded to send him the link and thought to myself..... You must think you are gods gift to woman to come at me like that! laugh my ass off! your young and handsome, but not really my type, wow, men are so disrespectful!)

Him - Well if you like to write, you must know that you can't "practice" celibacy because your not practicing anything.  And your too old not be having sex, you should be getting it every chance you get!

Me - I sent him the definition of "practice" which is...
Practice (verb) - to do something habitually or as a practice. 
(I also wrote with my response) and you are right, I am too old, to bad you will never have the opportunity to touch my old body.  Also, I'm sorry if I offended you by not taking you up on your offer!

Him - I got to meet you in person and you and I know you are not smart enough to make it as a writer, you should give up while your ahead and I'm blocking you now... call me!

Me - I never had the chance to write back because well.... He blocked me!

Moral of the story...... I have learned, that unkind words, should fall upon death ears and that I offended him because I have the right to choose and I choose who, I choose when, I choose how, and where and why.  I don't take anything anyone says to me on line personal, because I understand, that some people have really low self esteem, and this young man, clearly does, even if he is handsome and has a six pack, which he had pictures of to show them off.  Hey, I am happy for him that he has a great body, too bad he has a lousy attitude and a terrible personality.  

Please! let's be kind with our words to others.....




Saturday, March 23, 2013

The man in the cloud

And you sat looking down, always in your own cloud, and as I looked at you from a far, I couldn't see where you were.

You were a wish that came true, for I had wished for you, the day I first set eyes on you.

But you were better from a far, to look, not touch and leave you where you were.

So I hid behind the stairs and hoped that you wouldn't see me there, because deep down I had always been scared and from a far, you seemed to be fair.

But there you were sitting down, and I watched you as you looked down, yet you didn't know that I was around, because you were always in your cloud.

And it all started one night, with a dance, with a kiss, with a touch with a glance, and a moment of perfection, that put me back in the right direction.

The life that I once knew, even before I wished for you, except I always knew, I wasn't the girl for you.

So I watched you from a far, wondering where you were, what once was will never be, but you brought me back to reality...

Thank you.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

A tear with hope


Dear Journal: the moment of truth! my statistics midterm (insert sad face) I will conquer THIS!!!

So earlier instead of thinking statistics, I thought poetry and writing and Plato and him.... My new inspiration....


A tear drop with hope, that the feeling won’t confirm the truth

What happened to you? where did you go? What did she do that I have to pay for?

And silence wouldn’t even confirm that what we felt was real, and not having you just seemed surreal and not even exhaustion would make me give up, your mine, mine all mine!

Where or where can you be? Where do I go to find thee? Should I run toward you with a rope and when I find you, there you will be, waiting for me, to rescue thee.  I won’t let go, because it’s still me, remember that? you wait and see!

If patience is what Plato taught us, then for virtue all the pain is worth.  In the end our love will prevail and I know that if it wasn’t for effort, we would both fail.

But failure we do not know, I will not give up, we WILL be whole.

Friday, March 15, 2013

Dear Journal - 3-15-13



Dear Journal:

I sure do hope you have not been feeling neglected! I do not mean to be distant, but Jazzy is really busy lately, I’m exhausted! Nothing to exciting to report I’m afraid, life has been pretty simple and I have to say I really like it this way.  For my life to be simple, all I need to do is stay away from the opposite distracting sex! If they are not in my life, life is pretty simple, although I do still talk to people on dating sites here and there, I keep it on the sites, I don’t like to give out my number to too many people as half of NYC and part of the United States already has my phone number since I have had it for so many years.  Randomly, I will get messages from men I have not spoken to in literally years and when that happens, I always send them a message saying something like…. Let me guess? Lonely? Desperate? Going through heart ache and looking for a distraction? Why are you contacting me? 

I know that saying things like that is probably not very nice, but I am honest, I know how people operate, and if you and I had some sort of romantic situation and we stopped talking and both agreed to it and didn’t stay friends, why else would you be contacting me? Sometimes though, depending on who it is, I will be really nice and talk to them, because not all my romantic somethings end up bad, actually, my very short lived romantic somethings end up in a whatever sort of way, and most often they end up in a cool way.  Still, my favorite is when it’s someone I already told I did not have any interest in because they did something to piss off and I completely forget about it and then they contact me three years later asking me out or something.  Dude, if I didn’t like you three years ago, what in the world would make you think that I would like you now?  I honestly sometimes think men are really not well mentally! But well, we all know that I AM THE CRAZY ONE!

In other Jazzy news, I have to write a 7 page short story by Monday and although I do know what I am going to write about, I still don’t have it all together in my head, I’m feeling a bit anxious about this assignment because although I love to write, I have never written a fiction short story, so although I think I’m pretty creative, I don’t know how well I will do with fiction, but I shall try! The one thing I really like is that I get to make stuff up and I never do that, so I can really let my imagination run wild.  I was having trouble coming up with characters, and then the other day I was on the train and saw this really really beautiful woman and I took out my phone and created her into one of my characters, I kept staring at her as I was writing because I was describing her, she reminded me so much of one of Leonardo DaVinci’s angel paintings.  I kept hoping she didn’t catch me staring, but I do love to admire beauty, male or female, children, grandparents, animals, I just see beauty all around me all the time! because I try to stay present and in the moment.
 
I nearly booked my trip yesterday for May, I cannot wait to go away! Jazzy is extremely exhausted! I will be going away at the end of May and I am going to do nothing but chillax! I AM SOOOO EXCITED! Can’t wait to go hiking! I am also looking forward to spending time with new friendsI have been meeting a lot of new people that are really really nice, I feel as though life is putting in my path some really amazing characters, people that show me true genuine kindness and friendship, this makes me feel happy, because I always try to be genuine myself and the few people that I am building new friendships with, seem genuineI do believe that there are many many amazing people in this world and that if we give each and every person that crosses our path a fair chance, without judging them or looking to our own past experiences to access who they may be, then we not only give them a fair chance, we give ourselves a fair chance as well.  

I fully understand why we as humans find it necessary to look to the past to access new people that we encounter, I studied this in my Social Psychology class http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2012/02/psychology-behind-our-judgements.html however, that is not the best practice, when we judge, we are putting everyone in the same category and there are no two people alike in this world, each person is his or her own individual and therefore, they should be treated as such! I know that this is easier said than done, but I made a promise to myself that I would never judge books by their covers and although I have to constantly remind myself to check myself to see if I am judging, I think that this new approach is really awesome, because each and every person I meet, is a brand new person I don’t know and I give myself and them, the opportunity to be who they truly are, if someone isn’t genuine and true, eventually, it all comes out, that I know for sure.  And, this applies to men and women, I am not talking about romance, I am talking about people in general.

Other than that, what else can I say??? No sex, no drugs, no liquor, no life! GOODNESS! WHEN DID I BECOME A BORING OLD WOMAN???

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Give up your seat YOU JERK!

Courtesy is contagious and it begins with you!

Can you imagine if we all adopted this rule how awesome this world would be? I mean think about it, if you are nice to someone, that makes the person you are nice to feel good, therefore that puts them in a nice mood and the next person they encounter, will be treated nicely because its a domino effect!

I was on the train trying to study some statistics (God Help me!) and I overheard over my walkman playing... wait, did I just type WALKMAN???? GREAT! I just gave away my age! anyway, I overheard over my music playing, the announcement on the number 2 train that if you see someone who is elderly, handicapped or pregnant, to please give up your seat, to please be courteous, because courtesy is contagious and it begins with me! YES IT DOES!

The first thought that came to my mind after the announcement, was the fact that I couldn't even believe this is an announcement that needs to be made, but I understand Social Psychology, so I get why they do it, still, isn't it something so obvious that people should automatically know this? I just don't understand some people some times! and then it dawned on me, a moment of clarity!

It isn't that people aren't naturally kind human beings, it isn't that we don't know in our very beings that we should be kind to others, it's just that most of the time, if not ALL of the time, people are in their heads, they are thinking about last night, yesterday afternoon, five years ago, a year from now, two hours from now and in the mist of all these thoughts, they are lost in never never land, the land called mind, my mind, and if I'm (in my head) as my practical philosophy teacher Mary would often say, then we can't be in this moment, this one while I'm writing this post sitting on the 2 train on my way to class, or this moment now when you are reading this post! HELLO!!! YOU! Yes YOU! READING! HI! (Insert smile) jeez! I nearly lost you there for a moment, please do come back to this present moment, feel my love!

After those initial thoughts came to my mind, I also remembered two specific events that happened to me while I was pregnant with my third child, little Ms. Jazzy! One day, I was so exhausted (or maybe it was with my second child? Hmmm??) ok whichever child! But anyway, my feet were swollen and I was as huge as a cow! like FAT! wait... I just remembered it was with my second child (shaggy! he has long hair like Shaggy from Scooby Doo) so I'm standing inside the train, by the door, feeling the throbbing of my swollen feet, and this big huge stomach in front of me, and as people begin to enter the train I am pushed into the middle of the train by the crowd, so, I end up standing in front of a row of people that are all sitting down.  I end up in front of this guy and my stomach was literally about to poke him in the eye and neither he nor anyone else sitting at these seats, offered me their seat! NO ONE! IT WAS CRAZY! I remember that the guy was looking straight ahead, it wasn't like he was reading or anything, he was looking around, finally, I couldn't take it anymore and I had to get his attention and ask for his seat, so  he looks up at me looking a little embarrassed and stands up and gives me the seat.

Back then when this happened, I remember being pissed off! How DARE they be so rude to a woman with child! and I know that some would say, I didn't tell you to get pregnant how is that my problem? I have literally heard comments such as those, but I'm  not talking about those few people that are just plain bitter, I'm talking about the people who are caring, the bulk of the human population, the bulk of New Yorkers that really do care.  In my opinion, it isn't so much that people don't care, I refuse to believe that, I honestly believe that we are ALL just constantly in our heads, half the time we walk around like robots, like zombies and this makes me so sad! and I reference NY but when I went back home to Colombia, I saw the same thing

Another time, while also pregnant and this time I'm positive it was with my princess, I was walking out of a bank and tripped and fell! I fell on my side, because I lost my balance, I had a HUGE belly! so there I was on the floor about to cry, and no one noticed, like literally I had to call to a man walking by to help me up! NO ONE noticed! I remember I was pregnant with little Jazzy, because after someone helped me up, I was in such disbelief of what had just happened, that I started crying and sent Benjamin Nunez (remember him? http://www.jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2010/12/omg-my-first-blog-entry.html) a message telling him what had just happened! he couldn't believe it either.  As a side note, I also remember him saying, I can't believe that happened and to a cute pregnant lady at that! (Oh Benjamin! how I miss you so! God I loved him so much!).

Now, as I sit here on this train writing this post, I feel so sad that so many of us walk around in another world, a world called our heads, if you could wake up from that world and come into this one, like what I am trying to do every single day of my life, you will uncover so many amazing things, that I guarantee, you will never want to go back to Never Never Land... Our Minds! Try it! It's Amazing! At least it is for me, whenever I remember to come back to this moment I do so, and I always see beautiful amazing things.... Because this moment, is the only one that counts!



I just thought of a movie scene..... 
  
Socrates: Where are you?
Dan Millman: Here.
Socrates: What time is it?
Dan Millman: Now.
Socrates: What are you?
Dan Millman: This moment.


Peaceful Warrior..............



 

Sunday, March 10, 2013

NevaThaLess..... HOT TALENTED! WIN WIN SITUATION!

Dear Journal:

Check out my friends youtube channel... NevaThaLess... he's the HOTTY! in the blue leather and Mets Hat... I KNOW I KNOW! me no like Mets! but Jazzy loves NevaThaLess! Share the link, spread the love!

http://www.youtube.com/user/NevaThaLess100?feature=watch











Under the Bridge - Red Hot Chili Peppers

Dear Journal:

I want to play the guitar again, once upon a time, I used to play it and even wrote songs.  Yes, that was many years ago, but I think I can do it again, I want to learn how to play this song! 

By the way journal, something about a man with beautiful long hair, just sort of says, I'm a man, I am not afraid to be a man, I am a man with long hair and I am still a man! SOOOO SEXY!

I LOVE IT!

I don't ever want to feel, like I felt that day...

Under the Bridge - Red Hot Chili Peppers 




I wonder if they named the song after Claude Monet's bridge? Hmmm.... I wonder!

One of my favorite paintings... 
Claude Monet - Impressionist French Painter - 1840 - 1926



What happens in Vegas!

 Dear Journal - I know it has been sometime since I last wrote but as of late, my life has been pretty busy! I came on here tonight to write...