Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Dear Journal: What guy?

Dear Journal:

I was thinking about you so much lately, what to write next? I'm a bit overwhelmed with school work, it's been a tough summer, but I've managed to make time for the most important people in my life, my kids.  I do have to hear from my 13 year old that I don't ever have time, which makes me feel really sad, I try my hardest to be there for him, I hope one day he will understand all that I am trying to do and hopefully forgive me for the time I haven't spent with him.  

I love him so much, and I always try to do things to keep him happy, but pleasing a teenager isn't always easy, they see the world very differently than adults do, sometimes the way they see the world is pretty much right on the money, but other times they see it so complicated and they are miserable, and of course, I am the enemy.  I know for a fact that as he gets a little older he will start to realize a lot of things that I don't expect him to understand now.  He isn't nearly as tough as his brother was, which helps.  I love my children, but sometimes I am exhausted! trying to keep them all happy can be a very difficult task, which leaves me breathless and exhausted, sometimes I ask, tell me, please tell me what I need to do to make you happy? of course they can't answer the question, because they don't understand, the best thing about being a kid is that time isn't of the essence and they pretty much live in the moment, I am so jealous of that.

Other than that life is simple, I like simple as it feels calm.  I don't think of him journal, I don't wonder about him, I don't want to talk to him, I don't miss anything about him, yes, that guy, the one that you know.  I don't care anymore, I will pretend nothing ever happened it will be a distant memory and all will be ok.  I am not even thinking about it as I am writing this, I am completely over it, YUP! no thoughts in the world about that individual.

I hope he is well.

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