GYPSY ~ One inclined to a nomadic, unconventional way of life.
I have so much to tell you yet I can only say so much! I will start by telling you that last night I left my drugs and behavior class feeling really sick to my stomach, it’s so deeply depressing what drugs do to us, especially illegal drugs, but even drugs that are for medicinal purposes can be harmful. UGH! I know more than I want to sometimes, sometimes I feel like it is better to just be blind to reality and not know anything.
I did not do well at all on my first exam, I literally left the class crying the day I took the exam. I had a hard time with it, it was really tough for me to really focus and study because I have so much going on in my life right now, that I was feeling a bit overwhelmed, so much so, that when I tried to study it just didn't stay in my head, I did study, but clearly not hard enough. I felt so embarrassed and I promised my professor that I would do better on her next exam. For me, it is more embarrassing than anything else, and I don’t want to let my professors down, especially her, she is truly awesome! such a great woman!
So yes, lots of changes going on in my life right now, but I have to say that I am really happy about them, life is pretty decent at the moment, my biggest stress right now is making sure I do well in this class. Two more weeks of it and I am two classes away from being a college grad for the second time! feels amazing! I got my Associates degree and now I will have my Bachelor’s! so many tears to get this one though, this one was TRULY TRULY HARD! I feel like I lost 4 years of my life but gained 4 years of amazing knowledge, I am practically another woman, but not really all at the same time. I don’t know if it has to do only with what I learned in school, or with what life has thrown my way these last few years, but nontheless, I feel like a new person almost, it does feel awesome!
Lot’s of change, new beginnings, new thoughts, new people!
it’s great to feel a sense of rebirth, and although in me I still have old
things that I will always carry in my heart forever, I understand the value of
change and am always ok with it, I realize that change is magnificent, and that
it is inevitable and that it is good. Someone one’s indirectly told me I had a
gypsy soul, someone aka Benjamin, remember him? http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2010/12/omg-my-first-blog-entry.html yes, why would you ever think
journal that I would completely erase him from my memory? He had a significant
role in my life that I will one day share. For now, though, I can tell you about this one time during our virtual love affair, that he indirectly dedicated a song to me called into
the mystic, by Van Morrison. That song described what I think he felt to the tee
and what I think he thought of me to the tee, he got me so right. I doubt that
any other person in this world knows me as good as he did, yet we never shared
not one kiss, yet he was amazing! Anyway (as my eyes get teary) I did not mean
to get side tracked. One note though, on the wall over my bed, in my last apartment in Brooklyn, I had a picture of a boat
sailing into the mystic, I found that poster size picture in the garbage once, it was a poster size picture with a frame, so I took it and hung it over my bed, I did that, because it reminded me of the song. When I packed, I made sure to pack my poster size picture, I will hang it again soon.
Back to happy thoughts.
So, lot’s of change is going on in my life now, I am trying to let go of
old habits and adapt new ones, I have made some really good friends in these
last four years, I have had little heart breaks here and there that have taught
me things about others and myself and I just feel like I am exactly where I
should be, I have just being allowing life to flow and it is flowing properly,
it feels pretty awesome to just let it flow!
This morning I woke up to a puppy nibbling on my ear and licking my nose! I LOVED IT! he is the cutest thing ever! He isn’t mine, but I love him as if he was! kids are good, and all is running smoothly. What else can I tell you? OH! So for the last four years I have been in the dark about the entertainment world, like I have seen only a handful of movies it feels like in these past four years and I hate that, because I have always been a huge movie fan.
For a while, I was getting entertainment weekly magazine delivered to me, but I never had the chance to read them, they sort of piled up, but for the last few days I started to try to read them and will continue to do so until I read all the ones that were piled up. I cancelled my subscription because there's just no point in getting them. Anyway, I figured if I at least read the ones I had piling up, I can at least catch up sort of, to what has happened in the movie world at least the last year. There are a bunch of movies I’m going to have to watch to try to catch up and be part of this world! I feel like I’ve been in some foreign land for a long time, it’s crazy!
Other than that journal there isn’t anything exciting going
on in my life, other than the fact that I am in one of my "I HATE ALL MEN MODES!"
I’ll get over it, it happens to me from time to time. I won’t write about why I’m
in this mode, but let’s just say it has to do with the fact that for the most
part, men are pretty fake. Whatever, I
don’t even care.
I will leave you today with a song that I remembered while I was reading one of my entertainment weekly issues of December 2012, they were recapping people who passed away in 2012 and one of those people was Whitney Houston, who didn’t love that woman? She had the most amazing voice! Anyway, they were referencing one of her songs and it reminded me of when I was MADLY MADLY MADLY in love with my oldest sons dad (my oldest son is now 19), I think his dad is probably one of the people who I have cared most about in my lifetime thus far. Anyway, the song they were referencing was a song that I cried to so many times I’m surprised I still have tears. It so happened that when the song came out, we were in one of our numerous break ups and I think I might of dedicated the song to him, who knows. Anyway, I still love him very much (not in love) but love him dearly as a friend and father of my oldest child, but I remember back then thinking to myself, that I would NEVER AGAIN IN MY LIFE! LOVE THAT WAY!....RIGHT! My gypsy soul! It has loved time and time again, and will love again someday!
I leave you with
By: Whitney Houston
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14ivtcelIo0
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