Maná - Eres mi religión (Video Oficial)

human nature - michael jackson

Swv Love Will Be Right Here

My road to the race 18 days till....D DAY :(

OMG! I was thinking this morning as I was running after my daughter.  That in 16 days, I will be running my very first race EVER! I am sooooo extremely nervous.  Here is the link to my first post about it.  http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2011/01/my-road-to-race.html Yes, this is a very short race it's only a 5K but the fact is that I am doing something that I have wanted to do for so long that it makes a 5K race a huge deal.  It is so amazing how we as human beings, can truly accomplish whatever we set out to do as long as we are dedicated.  I speak for myself when I say that there are many times I say that I want to do xyz, yet I don't do it.  


Yet this time, I told myself that I was going to stick with my love of running and accomplish my first goal with it.  The other day I had to pay for the tee-shirt that my team will wear for the race, and I felt so scared and in disbelief that the time is almost here.  I have to admit that I am very excited about it though, I have had this little dream for a really long time.  I remember when I met one of my current closest friends (Mau) and we were getting to know each other and telling each other our future plans and that night as we were partying and drinking, I kept telling him how I would love to run a NYC marathon.  That  (running a NYC marathon) seems almost impossible at this point.  But hey, you never know only time hard work and dedication will tell.  For now though I am looking forward to this race, that although it may seem like a small race to the world.  It is extremely significant to me.  


For the last 10 days however I have been unable to run, I had this excruciating pain in my achilles tendon that I could not bare.  So I listened to the trainer at my gym and I stopped running as he instructed, he also suggested, that I stop wearing heels which kind of annoys me since I just recently bought a new pair.  The worst part is that I was never really one to wear heels, so when I finally get into them and started to feel feminine in my heels I am told not to wear them anymore! FML these things only happen to me.  I don't care though, I love to be in my sneakers and sweats anyway so now I have an excuse to do just that.  I will leave the heels for days when I go out with my friends.   


Listening to the trainer payed off though, I am happy to report that I shall resume my running tomorrow.  I was also told that when I start running again, not to run to many miles right away.  I was told to go slowly and run a short distance.  Still, I am so excited that tomorrow I want to try and run and run until I can't run no more.  


My diet is straight up crap, I cannot sit here and pretend that I have been eating healthy.  I feel like a fat cow who has no self control, it's horrible and I don't feel good about it.  I feel like it's almost related, like the minute I left my running because I was hurt, it also gave me the excuse to eat like a pig, this is not good at all and completely unacceptable.  I should actually be trying to loose weight in order to run better.  I have no idea how I am finally going to be disciplined about my eating habits.  It's just that FOOD IS SOOOO DAMN GOOD! why is that????? I love sweets! I WANT ICE CREAM!  I seriously am having a hard time with my dedication to being a healthy eater.  For the the last about 10 years I have always watched my weight, but I know for a fact I can do better.  Lately though, I have noticed that because I have been trying to eat less of certain things, when I do eat them, I feel sick and disgusted.  It's not even a guilty feeling, is more of a nauseas feeling, like my body rejects certain food.  


This is exactly how I felt when I quit smoking cigarettes, every time I would have one, I would feel grossed out.  I smoked the other day too, but I was drinking so it was casual, however, this type of behavior doesn't make me very happy either.  All of it, it is just a waste of time.  I will say however, that I plan on continuing to hang out and have my drinks with my friends obviously, but I have to practice a bit more self control when participating in extra curricula activities with my very awesome friends.  There is no need for me to stuff my face and get drunk for absolutely no reason.  It's just that  sometimes it just feels good to be bad!


Anyway, I will come back on here and let whoever comes across my blog, know how my race went.  If you have been following my progress, I want you to know, that I am honored, that you would take time out to read what I have to say.  And I further want to let you know that I struggle with every day challenges just like the next person and that I sometimes want to quit everything and hide under a rock and that sometimes I just want to let myself go and just become a slouch.  But knowing that I have to come back to my blog and report about it, gives me an incentive to want to work harder.  So, again, thank you for having my back and helping me with trying to fulfill one of my many dreams and goal.  YOU ARE AWESOME!

Today

Dear Journal -


It is 4:05 am and my daughter will not go to sleep! yes, she is wired from all the excitement today.  I went to six flags with my favorite gay couple in the world.  These two are just simply awesome! in little ways, I witnessed their love for one another today.  And It made me think of how love is just the most amazing thing in the world and how to me, people's sexual preferences are irrelevant.  It's amazing how people's love for another simply demonstrates that we all live for one thing and that thing is love!


At one point, I was standing watching my daughter run around getting wet and I decided that I didn't care that I had not brought cloths with me and I just ran under the water with her and got wet right along side of her.  And then after I got wet and was having a blast all of a sudden he came into my mind and I thought, OMG! for almost three years I took him with me where ever I went, for almost three years I wasted my thoughts on him, WOW! what waste of energy and precious time.  And the minute he came into my mind and I thought that, I said to myself well, it happens it's ok let it go.  I did just that, I let it go right away as to not embrace those thoughts of the past and concentrate on the beauty that was right in front of me, my baby girl.


I feel like I have this secret that I wish I could tell everyone about, but I know that many wouldn't believe me.  I know that some people won't, they will just judge me and think I'm crazy.  I'm not, I am experiencing living in the moment, and realizing that living in the past or future, is nothing but a huge waste of time.  God I wish I would of known this back then.  I let go of my thoughts and focused on that moment, the moment that was right in front of me, the only one that counted.  


Then I thought about how I have sometimes forgotten things that happened in the past, things that I should of remembered, and I realize that the reason why I can't remember certain meaningful moments was because when they were happening, I wasn't paying attention and therefore I forgot them.  I bet when certain things I forgot were happening, I was so busy in my thoughts somewhere in la la land, that I wasn't paying attention to what was right in front of me.   I couldn't really enjoy those moments which in turn made me forget them.  


I am referring of course to moments in my life where I was so miserable about something, that was probably not even that serious, that I couldn't focus on the good things or anything other then the craziness that is daily life sometimes.  Thank God for Dan Millman and his extraordinary book.  I hope one day, I can master this wonderful life, that we are all here to live.


In this moment, my daughter is playing with an extension chord, I am writing this and you, you are probably reading this.  Read this book, you won't regret it!

blink-182 - All The Small Things

love it hahaha...!

No Doubt - Simple Kind Of Life

LOVE LOVE LOVE! A SELFISH KIND OF LIFE.

Crystal Waters - Gypsy Woman (She's Homeless)

DJ Tiesto - Titanic Remix

Orianthi - According To You [with lyrics]

I love it! while to one person you may be less then, to another you are all that and more.  I don't care if you are a man or a woman, DON'T TAKE VERBAL ABUSE!

Lenny Kravitz "Again"

I forget how much I love Lenny Kravitz. I was somewhere today and I heard this song. Great song.

LOVE GUITARS!

Rihanna - What's My Name? ft. Drake

I heard you good with them soft lips,Yeah you know word of mouth. The square root of 69 is 8 something right? cuz I’ve been tryna work it out, oooow good weed, white wine uh, I come alive in the night time...

TO BK WITH LOVE!

I wasn't going to share this letter.  But then I thought, that there are many people like me, that may want to say something to someone and just don't, because they may be afraid to do so or because they can't for whatever reason.  That's ok, it's normal not to want to say everything you think.  But I also think that sometimes it's good to write a letter to that person and just keep it.  It sort of makes you feel better, it allows you to get it out of your system.  Or maybe I do stuff like that because I just love to write. 

Whatever the case, even if you don't have the balls to send it or if you just think that things are just better left un said, or if you just want to leave things the way they are.  I think it's really important to express our feelings.  This is true especially for men, who are raised almost being taught that they shouldn't.  So if you are a man and don't want to tell someone something and when I say someone I mean people in general, it doesn't necessarily have to be a woman.  Then writing a letter and just keeping it or later ripping it or throwing it away, is a helpful way to let out negative energy that is stored inside of us, do to lack of expressing our feelings.  Getting rid of negative energy is good for one's soul.

I wrote this letter to my friend BK.  Because even though I like the way things are right now, that doesn't mean I don't miss him everyday and want to tell him stuff all the time.  I love and miss him so much! I wrote him this letter and well, he won't see it, but you will.  Yes you, who ever you are reading my journal (thank you).  That makes me really happy! thank you for coming into my mind.

Dear BK -


People bore you, because you don't know what you want.  And That's ok though, you don't have to.  However, you should start thinking about it and when doing so, do not be prejudice about yourself or others.  But, if you ask a question, you should listen for the answer and pay attention.  Remember when I told you that everything and everyone in front of us is our teacher? we can learn something valuable from everyone.  You just need to pay attention to the answers.


I miss you so much, because you are my friend and I love you!  I always think about the way we laughed when we would be together talking about our random non sense that only we would understand.  It's crazy how someone can come into your life and make you want to change for the better.  I miss you all the time, oh, I think I said that already.  On the last day of the semester, I was standing on the corner of the school waiting for the light to cross and I looked down the block to where you wait for you bus, and I felt really sad.  When if ever will I see my BK again? and then I thought, it's better this way anyway.


I don't know if you will ever see this letter, as I have no idea who reads my blog unless they tell me, and I won't advertise this letter on FB or twitter because I kind of only want you to see it.  Sometimes I think you miss me too, but I can be wrong.


I remember when you went to China and I became really really sad and I went into this as I like to call it "my shell mode" behavior.  I almost felt like I was in China with you, because we had talked about how much fun we would of had there together.  Anyway, for some reason, when I think of China I think of Souls and strange things happening.  I guess it's because we had discussed finding ourselves and I felt like when you left we both sort of were going through these finding ourselves feelings.  I am thinking of you at this very moment, because I had met someone I really liked and then everything got weird between us (shocker) but not weird in a bad way.  This was actually a difficult situation that we couldn't control, we live far from each other and well, it's really hard to get to know someone when you can't really see them.  


You know what I told you right? That it's really hard for me to like people.  Well the reason why it was so hard was because I don't want to like anyone, or I didn't want to like anyone because I like simple, but you already know that.  The funny thing though was, that liking him wasn't hard at all, It was pretty easy and I liked him a whole lot.  I guess maybe I liked him because I wrote him down.  


Remember the day we were having dinner and I told you that you should get a picture of the car you are going to have and that I always write stuff down that I want and how I always get all these wishes because that is called the law of attraction? well I didn't mention to you that I had written down the man that I want.  I remember that I was about to tell you, and then I thought to myself, don't tell him that.  Anyway, I wrote down his physical characteristics.  Long story short, this person that I had met in a different state, fit the description I had written down! That shit freaked me out.  I didn't even realize it, until one day I was looking at a picture of him and I was like OMG! I wrote him down! I have been having many weird moments that I cannot describe, but I feel like I am opening up to this sort of new world of possibilities and I can only tell you about it because you understand me and know what I mean.  Not only that, I know you believe me. 

I wanted to tell him also, the guy I described on a piece of paper without ever meeting, that I had wrote him down, but I decided not to do so, because he would of thought I was crazy.  I love and miss you, because although you do know that I'm crazy, you understood and loved me just the way I was.


I love you so much (as a friend) and I miss you everyday! I wish you would talk to me again, but then again I'm glad you don't, because whenever we start trying to be friends again, I don't know if I want to kiss you or hurt you! you are probably one of the only people in this world that can take out the best and worst in me and make those moods shift from one moment to the next.  Only people I really care about can get me that way. 


ps. I'm over him! yes I am! and I am sooo happy! and I am over him, because you helped me! finally BK finally I moved on.  I know if you ever read this (I don't know if you will because I don't even know if you ever have read or even visited my blog) but I know that if you read this, you would be sooo happy for me.  

Thank you BK! because you showed me that I could.


Sincerely,
Jazzy

Wisin & Yandel - Te Siento

This song makes me think about, how sometimes you can think of someone so hard, you can almost feel them....


Crazy!

Fabolous - You Be Killin Em

The first time I ever heard this song, I thought about myself. Especially the part that says....

Shorty in the street, still handle the home. Enough class for wine, still handle patron. 


I was laughing, because that' how I think of myself, I can be every woman.  I bet a lot of girls think of themselves with this song, and why not? It's important to love one self.

I know, I know I love myself right? Yes, because if I can't love myself first, then I will never be able to love someone else.

The Black Eyed Peas - Just Can't Get Enough

YOUR BEAUTIFUL!!!

About a month ago, I was finally able to have my singing debut! yes, you did read correctly, I had a debut.......at the karaoke bar in Astoria Queens NYC!  I have to say however, that if a talent scout would of happen to walk by that bar as I was singing, I would for sure have been singned for a record deal! That night I had the best time ever.  I had never been to a karaoke bar in my life, believe it or not.  Although I am very outgoing and sometimes can be quite loud, I am actually pretty shy (yes, I am a bit shy, about certain things) that night, we only went there because my cousin was wearing sneakers and not allowed into any other place we wanted to go to.  It was just one of those nights were you set out with a plan and all the plans fail, but those are the nights that turn out to be the most fun.  


When I started singing, I made sure to tell my cousins to please use my IPhone to record my performance, because with out a doubt, after that night was over, I would be sending this video out to different record companies, for them to review and give me a record deal.

Fast forward to about a week ago after the night in question.  And I am sitting on the train and am going through pics on my phone and there it was, the recording that when sober I had forgotten all about.  As a matter of fact, I don't even think I had seen the recording.  So of course I started watching it, and I have to say, that I could not contain my laughter! It was the worst singing and dancing performance I had ever seen in my life, the best part about the whole thing was, that my audience was being extremely supportive and encouraging to my act.  Needless to say, thank God for alcohol!

While watching this hilarious video that I will only share with the people closest to me, I remembered that one of the songs I sang along side my back up singer aka my cousin no good (yes that's what we call him) was the lovely song 'your beautiful' by James Blunt.  After I was done watching the video and calming down from the laughter that made my day, and realized that there were a few people on the train looking at me.  I looked for the song on my IPhone and began to listen to it.  


Immediately, as I was listening to it, thoughts of him filled my head.  About two months ago, I was on the subway on my way somewhere, I cannot remember exactly where I was going, but it was definitely not somewhere that is on my regular routine.  Meaning it was at an unusual hour that I would not normally take the train.  


Anyway, I'm sitting on the train, and in he walks with his friend.  Usually when I am sitting on the train what I do is either read or write, so I am not usually looking around at anything unless I'm just tired and giving my mind a break.  For some reason however, as they walked in I looked up and him and I caught each others eye.  Immediately I began to move around not knowing where to look, I began to feel uncomfortable, because seeing such beauty before me, was seriously nerve wrecking and extremely distracting.  I couldn't concentrate on what I was doing anymore, I couldn't think straight I couldn't stay still, because all I wanted to do is look at him.  And every single time I would look up at him, he was looking at me as well, while continuing to speak to his friend.  This lasted for what like seemed an hour, but in reality, it takes about two minutes to go from one train stop to the other.  Actually it probably takes less then that.  As I am looking at him and all sorts of thoughts are trying to pop up in my mind but I can't even concentrate for one second to let the thought sit long enough for me to absorb it.  I realize that the next stop finally comes and he gets up to leave the train.  When I see this, I get even more anxious, but what happens next is what made this whole story worth telling.  


He is now standing outside of the train, and we are looking dead into each others eyes as if we are magnetized by the moment.  I look at him and almost open my mouth to say something but the words wouldn't come out, then I'm thinking OMG I can't get up, but I want to get out of this train right now and go to him and I feel paralyzed and I'm thinking OMG, what do I do? what do I do? and he is standing outside of the train, staring back at me almost as if he wants to get back on the train or wants me to get off of the train and his friend is still talking to him but he is not paying attention to him, because we are lost in this magical moment of some sort of trans.  We were talking to each other with our eyes, no words were required.  And it felt like time had just stopped and no one else was around us.  And it also felt like we both wanted to run to each other, but we couldn't, we were stuck to the ground, stuck but with our eyes saying come come! But then, the doors begin to close and as they begin to close we realize it and finally manage to smile at each other.  Now the doors are closed and we are still smiling as the train begins to ride away.  Finally, when I get my composure back, I am left there wondering what the hell just happened??? OMG, why didn't I get off the train? what the hell just happened! what if the man of my dreams, just got away!  


For the rest of the ride, I couldn't stop thinking about him.  He was Albino, pale, but it looked like he had a tan, he had no hair on his head or eye brows I don't think he even had lashes.  His eyes were round and dark, his nose was small and round and his lips were full, his head was perfectly round and his physique was slender and tall.  He was absolutely beautiful to me.  But the thing is, that to the bulk of the population, he was probably not attractive at all.  


I realized in that moment, when I finally was able to hold a thought, that I had not seen his outer beauty or really noticed it much because, what I had really seen, was his soul.  I saw him through his eyes.  His outer appearance was not relevant to the beauty I witnessed.  He was just beautiful! I had to close my eyes for a second just now, to really remember his actual looks, so that I could describe him.  


Often, after that happened he will pop up in my thoughts out of no where.   Who was he? what was his name? where was he going? who was his friend? why didn't he talk to me? how would it have been? where did he live? that beautiful smile, those perfect teeth, that glow!


I have lived in NYC all of my life, I have been on the trains a million times, yet nothing like that had ever happened to me.  I had a moment like that of the James Blunt song, and I wonder, how many people this has happened to?  I wonder if he thinks of me and wonders who I was?  But I have to face the truth, I will never be with him.  I will never see him again, because that is not a usual train route for me.  Still, I shared a wonderful moment with him, a moment that I will never forget.  


Or maybe one day, he will come across this blog post realize that it was him I'm writing about, and come looking for me........Never mind, that only happens in movies.  Still, I believe I had a movie moment and it was awesome!


To whomever you were, this blog post is dedicated to you! I SAW AN ANGEL, OF THAT I'M SURE!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oofSnsGkops

B.o.B - Nothin' On You [feat. Bruno Mars] (Video)

This song makes me think of me. Why? because I love myself! yes, tis true, I really do.

It is only when we love ourselves, that we can truly love somone else. 

Rains Down In Africa (lyrics edition)

I wouldn't trust him as far as I could spit!

Ojos que no ven, siego Hijo de Pueta (HP) = Eyes that  do not see, blind mother fucker!

Amor de lejos felices los cuatro = Love from a far, happy the four of you

Eyes that do not see, blind mother fucker.   This cliche was one of my friend Darwin's favorite (may his soul rest in peace) he used to say this to me, and we would laugh really really hard about it.  Darwin, would tell me this, when talking to me about my ex husband who I had a long distance relationship with for many, many years.  When he would say this to me, I would always laugh and then while laughing say "your so fucked up."  

When I think of long distance romances I cannot help but to get that feeling of UGH! like, I don't understand why people bother?  Yet sometimes in life people are put in our paths and they are just so awesome, that even if they live far from you, you just can't help it but to consider the possibility that the two phrases above, do not have to be so.  

Last weekend, my homework assignment for Gotham's writer's workshop, was to think of different cliche's and write them down.  The purpose of this, was to keep as many of them as possible in mind, so that when writing we DO NOT USE THEM.  When the teacher told us this, I was so bummed, because that's all I ever do.  For some reason, although I usually have a terrible memory about things, I often remember cliche's and quotes.  

Being the good girl and student that I am, through out last week, I kept thinking about different cliche's so that I could write them down.  When I started thinking about them, that's when I began to think about the two above.  After I thought about them, I started to think that they were actually really kind of sad because why can't two people that live far from each other, care about one another?

To me, any kind of romantic relationship takes a bit of work, when I say work I don't mean that you have to sit around and think about it and for it to actually feel like you are performing a task.  I feel as though if you are in a committed relationship and it feels like work, then your probably not too happy in that relationship.  When one is happy in  a relationship, then the "work" you put into that relationship just comes naturally.  Or at least, that is what I remember of it, because I have not been in a serious relationship in almost four years.  I do speak from my own experience however, that when I was in a relationship and it began to feel like "work" that's when it felt like I wasn't really happy in it and problems began to seem to get bigger no matter how small they really were.

In my opinion, trust is probably one of the biggest and most important things in order for any kind of relationship to work.  But trust becomes even more important, in long distance situations.  If you don't trust the person you care about, from that usually stems a whole lot of other issues that sort of make trusting feel like "work."  I was thinking of trust and I came up with the following:

Strong relationships, regardless of the nature of them, ie. working, friendship or romantic, must be built on trust and trust takes time to develop.  

Trust is something that you have to apply in all sorts of relationships.  Bosses have to trust their employees, friends have to trust each other and couples have to have trust in one another in order for a relationship to feel secure.  I cannot imagine myself letting myself fall backward with my eyes closed, into someone's arms that I do not trust.  It is really difficult for me to trust people.  Yet I think that it is only fair to always have the mentality to "give someone the benefit of the doubt" cliche I shouldn't be using, because that is the only way, to start to build something.  Trust takes time, it isn't something that you get or give right away.  It's only in getting to know a person whether it be at work or in friendships or in love, that you can truly begin to build this very important foundation for successful relationships.

When it comes to my two cliche's above, about long distance love and what it means to me.  I have to say again that sometimes some people are just so awesome, it doesn't seem fair to live by those two rules or follow those two cliche's.  In limiting yourself to cliche's like those, you are almost closing the door to something that may otherwise turn into something wonderful.  

As much as I use cliche's I also always think of the opposite of them because the reality is, that each and every case that a cliche falls under has and opposite point to it.  In other words your "damned if you do, damned if you don't" Anyone who know's me, know's that "I don't live by the rules."  I like to give myself the opportunity to experience and accept the things that are put in my path because I am a strong believer that "everything happens for a reason." 

I hope my teacher from Gotham's writers workshop, never reads this blog post.  I'm pretty sure, he will not be very happy.  But damn I sure love me some good old cliche's!  Because we all know that at the end of the day "actions speak louder then words."

Si no le contesto Plan B official video

Cuando no hay confianza, no hay nada.

Klass - How Does It Feel

25 HOURS TO LIVE!

What the F$@K is going on???? all this talk about end of the world tomorrow??? Well, since I might be gone tomorrow, it only makes sense that I write the night before because well, writing is one of the things I love to do most after ..... Something that I really really like to do even more, but don't do often, and can't say it on my blog because it's not PG 13.   


So with that said, if you have ever read my blog, then you know that Jazzy ALWAYS has some sort of story to share, because well, my life is a story and I like to share my story with you.  Tonight I am going to share the story about last Sunday, when I went for the very first time to Gotham's writers workshop, to learn how to be more creative with my writing so that I may further entertain you wonderful magnificent people that come to my blog because you want to know about my crazy life (it's not really that exciting) Or rather, so I can become creative and make my own life into some sort of creative story that will leave you wanting to know more! 


I have no idea what I will get out of this class, never the less, when I got there last week 20 minutes late (I was stuck in traffic my bad) and met the wonderful people there that love to write as much as myself.  I was immediately happy that I spent the money I did and then kept thinking that I must really have serious issues enrolling to attend a Sunday class WTF! I kept thinking to myself (damn Jazz, you getting old) and so I am and it's all good, cause I'm also wiser! and real good at the few things that I know how to do, wink wink!


Anyway, my first assignment while attending the class, was to think and describe what I would do If I only had 25 hours to live! (how appropriate to have this assignment a week before THE END WTF!) and so I looked at the teacher and was like OMG! I've never thought of that before or not enough to write about it at least.  So I had 10 minutes to get into that state of mind and write what I would do.  In my mind I set out on this journey to imagine what my day would be like, below, is what I came up with.


*******************************************************


Tomorrow at this time, my soul will be floating away from my body and entering a new dimension, or maybe clearing up to start a new beginning.  As my soul elevates away from my body, I look down upon my body that is laying there soul less and all of a sudden, begin to see the events of the previous 25 hours when I occupied it. 


I slept like a baby, because I knew that it would be the last sleep I would get.  When I woke up, the first thing I did once I acknowledged the fact that the next 25 hours would be my last hours on earth, was wake my beautiful children up hold each one really tight individually.  I then took each one individually to another room, and told each one of them, what made them so unique and special.  After spending about 30 minutes with each of the three of them.  I made them all get ready, and we got in my car and drove to Queens to my sister's house.  All I could think of was to spend time with my niece, my nephew and my mother.  Them, the only people that truly mattered to me.  I could not think of any other thing to do, or any other place I would rather be, then while at the house, surrounded by the people I love most in this world.  I sat with them throughout the day acting as if nothing was wrong but knowing that the next day I would be gone.  They were none the wiser.  I gave them all, for 25 hours, my unconditional love.


*******************************************************


After I wrote this, I had tears in my eyes, because I actually imagined these events taking place.  After the 10 minutes were up, we were all asked to read what we had written.  As I started to read mine, my voice started trembling and I was not able to do so, so I asked the teacher if I could ask someone else to do it.  He told me that it was really great that I wrote from my heart, this made me very happy.


I was really glad that the teacher gave us this exercise for two reasons.  One, because it really helped me to get into the mind frame of what I would do and two, because It kind of helped me put somethings into perspective.  What I realized after I heard the rest of the class reading what they had written, was that almost everyone in the class said almost the same thing, which was that they would be with the people they most loved in this world (except this one guy who said he would grab every drug he could get his hands on and get all kinds of high!) but besides him, everyone sort of said the same thing just in different story form.


I suggest, that the next time you are having a crapy day, bitching and moaning about how hard and terrible this world is, how hard it is for you, how bad you have it, how shit just sucks! you should sit down and think of what you would do, if you had 25 hours to live. Maybe just maybe, that will help you put into perspective that all the other stuff that we deal with on a daily basis, ultimately doesn't matter because one day, we will all be gone.  And maybe just maybe, that will allow you to appreciate the moment you are in and how valuable life truly is.  And maybe just maybe, it will shut your bitching up and even make you want to tell someone you love that you do so.  I'm telling you right now, it's worth the try.  Just saying!


Oh and by the way, tomorrow is NOT the end of the world, but you should still tell the person you love you love them and you should still make up with the person you fought, because hey, the reality is.......


THAT TOMORROW IS NEVER PROMISED!

The Black Eyed Peas - Meet Me Halfway

THE PLATONIC VIRTUE and Alexander my man!

Plato student of Socrates teacher of Aristotle teacher of Alexander the Great.  Alexander the Great, man of my dreams!


When I took my philosophy class and began to learn about these three amazing men (I only said that Alexander the Great was the man of my dreams for effect) I feel as though Plato's amazing contribution to the world was a significant eye opening and amazing calling to me.  I have always loved to have a good philosophical discussion.   I love trying to learn about life or how to live in a better way, where I can feel happy without having all the things that to society or to the world, may be the only reasons to be truly happy.  In other words, happiness to me is not having money or fancy things, happiness to me, is feeling good in my heart, having health and knowing that I am raising my children in the very best way that I possibly can as a single mother.  


Now I am not saying that I wouldn't want to have a million dollars, I most definitely would, what I am saying is that to me, there are finer things in life that have nothing to do with money or the material things that we constantly look for.  Yes, I would love to live in a big house, yes I want to be able to get my hair cut by a professional and not have to do it by myself the way I will be doing tomorrow.  However, that is not very important to me.  More important to me is, living my life right.  


I sort of have always known that I'm not about material things.  Although when I was younger I was very materialistic, to the point that I wouldn't even date someone if he didn't wear the right name brand.  However, I was younger and all over the place (not that I'm not all over the place now) But at least now, I look for answers to my questions.  Deep down inside though, even when I was younger, I would think about things in a very philosophical way.  But it wasn't until I took my philosophy class in my second semester of school, that I realized how amazing philosophy truly is.  I also realized that the contribution of these 3 Greek philosophers was just simply amazing.  


When I learned of Socrate's death, I was on the train reading my book for my class, I remember I was standing there reading this and all of a sudden, when I learned that he had been killed, I felt as if I knew him and tears began rolling down my face and I was extremely moved.  He died for the truth.

Socrates, Plato and Aristotle, lived before Jesus Crist, yet when I think of Plato's teachings and those of Jesus, I cannot help but to notice the similarities.  I'm not someone that has studied either one of them intensely, nor do I know the bible inside and out, but it is my basic understanding that what they both taught was one very simple thing and that was, that we are all good and that we all know what's right and what's wrong and we all further know, that the only thing we need in order to be all the things that we can be is love.

Jesus walked around preaching love, Plato taught the basic fundamentals of a human being.  Yet when you look at Plato's teachings, it comes down to the same exact thing, and that is, that with love for man kind and each other, we can live the life that we are meant to.

Plato says, that we all have the good in us, but as we begin to grow and start pilling up all the judgments, ego, anger, resentment and the ideas and all of the things that we start to accumulate in our lives, we begin to loose that goodness that is in each and everyone of us.  The goodness that we are born with, the god in all of us.  When I think about these things in a deep way, it makes me extremely sad, because if we all lived our lives in the way it was intended for us to live it, then each and everyone of us could live a happy fruitful, magnificent life.  And the world, for sure, would be a better place.

There are some days that things are so crystal clear to me, that it is almost overwhelming.  So overwhelming in fact, that I almost don't believe it.  It's a feeling of pure happiness, that is almost impossible to describe, yet I turn away from it because it almost appears to me like it can't be true, but it is, it is to me and every single one of us. 

I believe that both Plato and Jesus were sent to this earth, to teach us this.  Not only were they sent down to teach us these things, to enlighten us with wisdom, but so was every other spiritual leader or anyone else that you choose to follow.  It appears to me, that they were all trying to accomplish the same goal, yet we are to blind or afraid to take on the challenge of pure love and happiness.  We are so blinded by all our prejudices and all the social pressures that we forget the fundamental things that are truly important.  We fail to see the good in things, even that which is bad.

Plato says that there is good in all of us.  Tonight, I went to a wake and on my way to the wake, I was writing about Plato (this post).  I arrived at the wake and a few minutes later, a priest arrived to give a sermon.  So I am listening to his sermon and as he is talking, he is almost confirming to me what I was thinking while writing this post on my way there.  In other words, my thoughts that I was writing, was the words that the priest was sharing.  I felt so weird when I heard what he was saying, because my thoughts were not about God or Jesus, my thoughts were about Plato and philosophy.  It was scary almost that he was saying almost exactly what I had just been writing.  


The priest was there talking about God and trying  to give my friends comfort with his words, trying to give them the courage and strength that it takes to keep moving forward after loosing someone we love.  Telling them to keep moving forward and uniting in their time of despair.  Then, he ends it with "even the person you think may be absolutely bad has something good in him we just need to look for it."  


When I think of those last words the priest said and the fact that I had just been writing that, I get chills.  I think the only way we can see the good in people, is when we look at all people with loving eyes.   Then and only then, can we see the good.  I immediately after his comment, though of Hitler and the fact that one day, he had been good.  That his life's experiences had turned him evil, but that even Hitler was made or put on this earth by God, to be good, his purpose was suppose to be that of good, but his life's choices had made him bad.  


Everyday, I make choices and everyday, I make mistakes and sometimes I fuck up and do things that I am not proud of.  However, I think that as long as I try my best to always learn from those mistakes, if everyday I try to look at everyone without judgments, If I try to live my life in a way that I can be proud of.  Then at least I am taking the first step, to living a more fruitful happier more fulfilling life.  I don't know if I'm rambling or making sense.  Regardless of what anyway may think by reading this post, I know in my heart, that at least for me it is important to do the best that I can.   To constantly search for the good in me and in all people, because I believe that the only true religion is non denominational, true religion is just, pure LOVE.  With that, we can accomplish everything else.

Gucci Mane ft. Usher-Spotlight *LYRICS*

This song makes me want to dance......

The Story of the Silhouette part II

Journal Entry - May 18, 2011 11:00pm.

Dear Journal -

It was a significant day for me today, because today, the last piece of a very difficult time in my life has finally ended.  Today, I saw the rightful owner of the silhouette picture that I use on my blog, the one I use to adorn the pages where I write my story.  The story of  my days, my thoughts, my challenges, my wants and my needs.  It's all about me, or rather, it's all about the moments that are significant to me.  Or the random thoughts that pop up in my mind, or the songs that define my taste in music.

The silhouette, the one that is Jazzy's Journal, the picture that I have loved for 3 and a half years.  http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2011/04/story-of-silhouette.html whom ever comes to my journal, might not understand this entry, it is of no significance to anyone but me.  But I have to put these thoughts on these pages, because this journal is my love.  This is who I am and I like to share myself with the world and any of those who want to partake in my life.  I want to share all the love that I have in my heart, with who ever reads what I write.  So thank you, for coming into my mind and my life and my thoughts.

I sat with him today and asked him permission to use the silhouette picture.  At first, he wasn't sure about what I was talking about and then I said, pretending that he didn't know that I had a blog, pretending that I was meeting him for the very first time ever, I told him that I wanted to know, if I was able to use the silhouette that he had once used on his blog.  I told him, that I could not let it go, because it no longer represented him in my life or the love I had for him, the picture now represented me.  And he said "of course, go right ahead" I believe he was ok with giving it to me, because he also knew our story, no one could understand it but us.  What he didn't know and I didn't know until now, is that he was setting me free, free from all the love and anger and pain he caused me for so long.  I could finally come to terms, that my challenge was over and that I have moved on.  It also signified to me, that the silhouette is really mine now, it is the only thing he ever gave me.  He gave me back my passion for writing.  Thank you!

And then I asked him, who is she? and he told me that he had found a picture of a real random woman on the internet, he made the picture dark, shrunk it down and made it into what it was.  He had created something, he was the internet artist.  In that moment I couldn't believe that all this time, I had been in love with a real woman that neither of us knew.  She is out there in the world and I have loved her figure all this time.  It was ok though, I was really happy that she had not meant anything to him, yet to me, she meant a great deal.  When I first laid eyes on his blog and the silhouette, I had fallen in love with the picture and the writer.  I remember thinking to myself, wow, I want that to be me, now when I think about it, I don't think I wanted to have that silhouette, I think I wanted to have him, his heart, his love.  Because in my mind I thought that the picture was significant to him, in reality it was just a cool picture he had chosen.  To me, it means a great deal and I am truly happy that I now have his permission to make her mine.

 

So, who ever takes time out to come into the pages of this my journal, and read this chapter of my life.  I want you to know, that the picture on top of my blog is a picture of me.  Or, she can be a picture of you, or the woman you love.  Please look at her and let your imagination run wild with thoughts of whomever you wish her to be.  I give you me, I give you her.

Lenny Kravitz-Stillness of heart

UB40 - I Can't Help Falling In Love With You

Shakira - Gitana

My girl Shakira! love her!

Gigi D'Agostino - I'll Fly With You (L' Amour Toujours)

Rob Thomas - Someday (Video)

MAYBE SOMEDAY!

Rihanna - Rude Boy

Keane - Somewhere Only We Know

Oh simple thing, where have you gone?

Little picture that means you

And every single time I go down the newsfeed and your picture is no longer there, I feel the same sense of loss I felt when you withdrew it.


We share mutual love for the moon.  I miss you.

FAITHFUL IS A FEELING!

Last week while I was in Omaha, Nebraska, I was hanging out with my extraordinary girlfriends in our hotel room and one of them, Swansti (that's the pet name I gave her) was very upset with me.  But after we kissed and made up (literally we hugged and cried together) my other girlfriends left us alone in the hotel room and her and I laid down in our respective beds (me with a hangover, her just tired from walking) and we began discussing what all girls discuss when they are alone with their girlfriends in a hotel room.  We started talking about boys.  In particular, we were talking about the boys of her and my past and about relationships and being loyal and faithful.


I'm not really sure why we even began the conversation of loyalty and being faithful.  I think it was something to do with this man that I had met that was on a business trip with his co-workers and he was married.   I didn't meet him like him trying to pursue me or anything like that, we were just all hanging out talking in the hotel bar the night before with (Cris) the HOT bartender who I absolutely loved! but that's a whole other blog post! oh and not to get side tracked but Cris was HOT and faithful to his girl, he told us this!.  So it was the married guy, myself my girlfriends and the married guys co-workers and the HOT bartender.  And I think that might of been why Swansti and I started talking about loyalty and being faithful.  Regardless, I said to her one of my favorite phrases that I made up.  I told her, Swansti, to me, FAITHFUL IS A FEELING! 


Now I will not sit here and act like I am the biggest angel that walked the earth, because I have cheated on people I was with in the past.  I have, and when I did, everyone in the world found out about it.  But what people didn't know, was that in actuality, what looked like me cheating, really was not cheating at all.  I can honestly say, that I have never when I have been in a serious relationship with someone, cheated on them, on a long term basis (like going around having a second relationship on the side) I did cheat, but when I did, I broke off my relationship and admitted what I did immediately.  The only time I honestly went around and cheated left and right was when I was with my oldest son's father.  When I say cheating, I don't mean that I would sleep around with other men behind his back, what I did do was, I would kiss other guys. 


If you have read my blog in the past, I am sure that by now you have read about my love of kissing.  I love it, it is awesome! but after him and I broke up and years went by, my guilt that I had carried around for cheating, led me to one day sit with him and tell him about all the dirt I had done behind his back, by then of course, him and I were friends and there were no feelings between us.  I explained to him that I had cheated on him all those times, because I knew that he would cheat on me, and to me, that was a way of getting back at him.  Of course I was only 20 years old and back then I thought that by cheating and creating within me these guilty feelings, I was "getting him back" but in actuality, I was not doing any of the sorts.  What I was actually doing was, one, I was hurting myself because I was doing these things to get revenge even though he would not know about it and two, I was being taken as a joke and being thought of as a slut by the people I was doing the cheating with.  These other guys knew I had a boyfriend.  When I think back on that, I can't even believe I did those things, what the hell was I thinking?  ultimately, what I did was carry  around all those guilty feelings for years.  So much so, that I was not able to let go of the guilt, until I told him years later.  All I did by cheating on him, was create baggage within me.  Me kissing other people served no purpose to my soul and my revenge was useless.


As I got older and began to get to know myself better, I decided that I would never cheat again and so instead, whenever I was in a relationship and felt during the relationship, like I could actually go out and kiss someone else just cause, that would trigger in me a red light that allowed me to identify that I was no longer happy in my relationship.  I always told whom ever I was in a serious relationship with, that if I ever felt the desire to cheat, I would be honest and tell them, because I refused to go around doing things behind someone's back, which in the end, would be actually hurting me.


This is why I KNOW faithful is a feeling.  I consider myself a very loyal person, I don't ever want to do to others, what I do not want to be done to me and I will be honest no matter the consequence, because I rather tell the truth than get caught in a lie and then have to come up with excuses to hide my guilt.  In addition look stupid in the process and like a liar.  When I was married with my first husband (may his soul rest in peace) the minute I cheated on him, I never again let him touch me.  I felt so horribly guilty because I knew that what I had done was wrong and I immediately broke it off with him.  I knew all along that I was going to end up cheating, because I felt the desire to see other people while I was with him.  I was no longer happy in my marriage and every time I would break off things with him, I would take him back because I felt bad.  So, deep down inside I kind of knew, that if I cheated, that would be the only way that our marriage would end for sure, because he was a man with pride and he would not take me back after such a thing.  One day though after we were separated, he told me that he didn't care that he forgave me and that he would be with me no matter what.  I told him that I would be with him only if he would accept that I would probably be with other people also, because I no longer loved him and if me being by his side made him happy then he would have to accept that I would be un faithful, needles to say, we never got back together.


When I was married the second time, the same thing happened again.  I was no longer happy in my marriage and I knew this for a fact, because I began to develop feelings for another man.  Of course in this situation things were really different.  My husband and I had a long distance relationship that I could no longer handle and I told him that I no longer loved him and the reason why I knew this was because I liked someone else.  Of course, he will never tell people this, to the world, I was this horrible woman who was a cheater.    But, as long as in my heart I know that I did the right thing, I am happy and no matter what anyone says it is ok with me.  My soul is clean.


My confirmation to my theory that faithful is a feeling was when I fell in love with someone that did not love me back.  When I fell in love with him and told him and he told me that we could only be friends because his feelings for me were only of friendship, I set out on the hardest challenge of my life to date.  That challenge was to go out and be with other people almost forcing myself to do so, because every moment that I would be with someone else, knowing that I loved him, I felt really guilty about it.  I almost felt as if I was cheating on my boyfriend, yet he was not that, I had never even kissed him.  In actuality he was not even my friend anymore, yet there I would be with some really nice guy feeling like a cheater, because I was cheating on my feelings for him.  I was always faithful in my love for him.  


I honestly feel that I never really cheated on my exes.  To me, cheating is when people go around behind your back having a second relationship.  Yes I sort of did cheat, but I told them right away, I broke up with the person right away.  Ultimately, when we cheat on someone we "love" we are only cheating ourselves.  The man I loved that was only a friend, the one I never even kissed, was not aware of the things I was doing or men I was dating, why would he be? he didn't even speak to me.  I was forcing myself to date other people because I needed to move on from him, to let go, yet there I would be feeling like a cheater because in my heart I knew who I loved and no matter who I kissed I was cheating on him or rather I was cheating on myself on my feelings.


If you are in a relationship with someone and you love them, then you cannot betray them.  I don't care if you are a man or a woman, when you truly love someone with all your heart, you don't want anyone else and nothing or no one else will do.  When I started my relationships with my two ex husbands, I didn't even see good looking men anymore, to me, no one was cute anymore or interesting or any of that, I didn't see men as anything but other people that just shared the world with me.  It was like I had a blind fold on my eyes because to me, the only handsome man was the one I loved at that time.  When you truly love someone with all of your heart then you are loyal to them because no one else will do.  If you feel like your loyalty is forced and you are being loyal simply because you made an oath to them or because you are in a committed relationship with them, then you shouldn't be in that relationship, because then that probably means that you don't truly love that person.  When someone tells me that the person they are with cheated on them, I always think to myself, then that person doesn't truly love you.  I don't care that men are weak and that things happen, yes things do happen, but even in the moments that "things do happen" if they happen, it's probably because there is something wrong in the relationship.  If it's so easy for you to cheat or if you don't do it simply because you are loyal to your commitment not because you feel it in your heart, then something is probably not right in your relationship.  That's my opinion at least,


I have kept an eye on myself in terms of how I continue to identify and study myself regarding my thought that faithful is a feeling.  I have realized that the minute I become interested in a man and I begin some sort of romantic interaction with them, all of a sudden if I really like them.  Other men start not to  seem that interesting anymore, it's almost as if the blindfold begins to cover my eyes.  I begin to feel a sense of loyalty, but not even to the person, just to myself.   If I am only seeing someone and am not in a serious relationship with them then I have the freedom and the right to do as I please.  It is ok for me to see other people, yet sometimes if I do so while I actually like someone else, then I feel like I am cheating my feelings.  Sometimes this isn't good because maybe the person I am developing this sense of loyalty to is not feeling the same way for me, still, that is their problem, because as long as I am true to myself about my feelings then I am good.


Maybe I am the only crazy person in this world that feels or believes that faithful is a feeling, maybe I am the only person in this world that spends time thinking about these things.  But what can I tell you, I'm just a crazy chick.  Oh and my friend Swansti is crazy too because after our conversation, she agreed with my theory! and this is why I love her!

JUDGEMENTS!

My baby aka journal was down for like two days, and I felt like a crackhead going through some sort of withdrawal.  It was horrible.  But I'm back here this beautiful Saturday morning, putting my thoughts on these pages of the world wide web, for all of those who wish to read them.


Before I got on to my computer however, I made a phone call to someone, that I unfortunately still have to talk to because we have one same thing in common, and that is our children, so I call him and I am talking to him about my children and the next thing I know as usually, he is getting annoyed about something I am asking which was, what time are you picking them up? I have no idea what part of that questions is so horrible that can get a man to want to hang up on me tell me off and proceed to call me crazy.  I try to just ignore these things now and God knows that I am slowly learning to be a better person and just let it go, let him deal with his own feelings toward me as I learn myself to go about situations in a different way.  My goal in life, is to always try to be the very best human being I can possibly be, by being human, making mistakes and learning from them, to become wiser about life.  This post however is not about my pursuit to self actualization.  What this post is about is what he said to me next.


He said, Jazzy, you are crazy a friend of mine who is also your friend on FB told me that my ex wife was crazy and that I should tell her to stop writing crazy stuff on there.  My first reaction was anger, anger that someone who is "supposedly" my friend, is going back to my ex to talk about me.  The feeling of anger lasted for about a minute, because too soon, did I realize that I had nothing to be upset about.  Then instead I felt sad, sad that there are people with nothing else to do with their time, than to go around judging others and talking about them behind their back.  


If I saw on one of my friends status on Facebook or any other social network site, that they were writing something that seemed like crazy to me, as a real friend I might contact them to check on them to see if they are ok, because I am not here to judge people based on something they are writing.  I myself have always been judged and I know how hurtful that is.  I have actually done things like that in the past, I have seen sometimes things that seem odd to me that one of my friends has written and I will send the person a personal email and ask them if they are ok.  Because I don't take things that people say on a public website too seriously and I find that whatever we write, is a form of expression it's a form of freedom.  I thought we had the freedom to say what ever our hearts desired? I love going down the list of things my friends have to share, some make me laugh, some make me shake my head, some make me think damn that was bold I could never say something like that and some make me feel sad for them.   I befriend everyone, because I don't believe in crazy, I believe in unique and special I swear I do.  I am in aw of the wonderful beauty that is the human race.  I love individuality and uniqueness in others.  Yet I know that we all experience, the same feelings.  Simply amazing!


After calming down from my initial annoyance, I thought about my new friend, the new man God recently put in my path.  This really handsome cool guy who has lately made my days a little brighter,  who gives me his attention and is bringing out in me a whole other side that I have yet to explore.   In thinking of him, I felt bad of how I have already judged him without really knowing him well enough to do such a thing.  I need to learn to give people a chance without judgments.  It is extremely difficult to practice being non judgmental, but I feel that if I can learn how to live my life, being a little less judgmental of myself and others, then I will probably be a happier person.  I don't want to judge my new friend until I really know who he really is, and the only way for me to know who he really is, is to get to know him.  If at some point, he gives me reason to believe that he isn't suitable for me, then at that point I can make a decision about us, still, I usually don't give people a chance because I am so busy judging myself and them.  


This person who talked about me to my ex, who bad mouthed me and called me crazy, here is what I have to say to you.  I don't know who you are, I don't know what your problem with me is, but I can assure you that I am very crazy.   I have always been crazy, and I will always be crazy and that is ok, because there are other wonderful human beings, that enjoy partaking in my crazy life with my craziness and all, if you feel that I am not sane enough for you, then maybe you should remove yourself from my life.  In addition, I write from my heart, whatever I put on these pages, I truly believe and stand by because my word is my bond.  I do not lie or make up stories.  If one person reads this and feels that they can relate to something that happened to me in my life, then I believe that having written this post, served it's purpose.


I love to write because when my fingers move, they move to the feeling of my heart and soul.  I don't think it, the words just flow from my heart to these pages.  I believe I have found a passion, something that I always had but never knew how to explore it.


I am sorry if I offend anyone with what I write on my blog or on Facaebook or Twitter, but the truth is, you have a choice to read it, or simply not.  


My name is Jazzy, and I will always say, what I believe to be true, but please forgive me in advance, if I offend you at times, hurt you, or say something that you may think to be crazy.  I am not perfect and everyday I am trying to live my life as best I can and trying to become a better me.

FORGIVE ME READERS FOR I HAVE SINNED!

It has been almost 7 weeks since my last confession and I have been a bad Jazzy.. Ok so I have been running minimum 4 days a week about 2 miles per day at least.  There have been weeks that I am sincerely dragging, but I don't give up.  I have to be honest with you that when I first started writing my road to the race entries, http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2011/01/my-road-to-race.html back in January.  OMG I can't believe it's been that long! I almost did it because knowing that I had to update you on my progress almost gave me an incentive or motivation to work hard at it.  Of course, the fact that I really love to run helps, but there have been days that I was just so physically tired, that I have no idea how I pulled it off. 


When I first started my 16 week training plan for my race, I had gotten a plan from the trainer at my gym who is awesome.  But on the third week or so, I realized that I would probably not reach his expectations, and sort of modified the intensity of his program.  Of course I went to him first and told him he was killing me softly! and after we both laughed about my comment, we came up with a modified plan that better suited my pace.


I have ran the Brooklyn Bridge in NYC, I ran in my neighborhood, and of course the treadmill, but my longest most successful run was when I went to Lincoln Nebraska.  WOOOO HOOO GO NEBRASKA!  I had been feeling like I was not able to run long distance, it almost felt like I was getting very tired at only 2.5 miles, the race that I am training for is 3.5 miles, so I have been very nervous about this.  Although my speed is most definitely much better, I still haven't done the mileage.  So when I went to Nebraska and saw how fresh the air felt and how it was flat and looked really peaceful and the weather was awesome, I went on my run and completely lost myself in the moment.  It was so awesome in fact, that I got lost.  Like seriously lost on some road.  So I called my friend and she told me how to get back to her home and as I was hanging up I heard her and my other friend laughing saying these things only happen to Jazzy.... YES THEY DO! It was pretty funny, but I was seriously really happy because I am sure that I ran at least 4 miles, of course I couldn't track my run because I couldn't get the stupid app on my IPhone to work before getting started.  And, since I have no patience, I just ran without it.  As I was running in Nebraska, I have to say that all I could think of was wow! one of the best runs thus far.  It was simply just magnificent.  I also had to constantly remind myself to slow down, because my goal is not to be a fast runner, it is just simply to run my very first race ever and actually make it to the finish line.
My diet, well, if eating an Angus Burger with fries is a diet, then I'm doing really well with it.  I actually have lost since January about a total of 3pounds, because well, I'm a fatso and I love to eat.  I have to say that I have not been eating any steak except for the beef I ate while having the absolutely delicious cheddar cheese and mushroom Angus Burger from McDonalds......SLAMIN! Have you tried it???? You simply must!  Ok I'm getting seriously hungry as I am on the train right now and it is 9:00 am and I haven't had any breakfast.


Needles to say, I need to continue to work on my eating habits but that's a tough one because food is just so simply awesome! My friend during our trip to Nebraska, told me that she was proud of me because she noticed I had really good eating habits.  Well, if having two different kinds of cheesecakes is considered good eating habits then hell yeah!


That is it reader, I hope you will forgive me for my sins....If you are wondering what my sins are, they are...... Sorry I can't tell you EVERYTHING I did in Nebraska! Because well, you all know that what happnes in Nebraska, stays in Nebraska DUH!.....I can say this, I had a great run and I met some AWESOME people! 

Thank you so much for your support and by that I mean, for reading my blog and getting me through this training period or rather, this big change in my life.  I love to run, it is now becoming part of my life, like brushing my teeth or combing my hair.  I could not have done it without thinking that someone out there is rooting for me and by that someone, I mean you, yeah you who is reading this right now and my ever so faithful Journal! 
Ok got to go now, this is my train stop.

GIVING AWAY KISSES!

Dear Journal - May 9, 2011 12:06 A.M. EST. ......


It is midnight and I am laying on my bed trying to fall asleep, I cannot, I am just laying here thinking of well....falling asleep and all of a sudden, I think of kisses (I know, I do really love kissing).  So what does Jazzy do when she starts having random thoughts? I pick up my phone and start writing or typing on my IPhone's notepad.  I love you my journal, because here, I can share my thoughts with you and all those who wish to come into my mind......


A kiss is just a kiss, but a kiss can mean a great deal or nothing at all.  I love all kisses, but I guess I prefer the meaningful ones most.  In particular, I was thinking of the kisses I shared with him.  Oh so tender and sweet, they tasted like honey.... well not really, they actually tasted like a combination of burgers and fries yuk! No not really yuk, they were the best kisses ever! you who ever you are setting your eyes on this blog post right now, are probably wondering... Jazzy, burger and fry kisses are kind of gross! they are indeed very undesirable.  However, I will argue that kisses that taste of burger and fries were to us, delicious kisses, or at least to me they were.  I am assuming that the fact that he never pulled away would lead me to believe that the taste was inviting to him as well, or maybe after our McDonalds date he was still hungry, who knows? What I do know is that even onions would of tasted sweet to me, because those were probably the most meaningful kisses I have had in a really long time.  And then I think, when you really like someone a whole bunch, kisses all just taste sweet! so I never really tasted anything at all, they were just the best kisses ever! 


I will probably share many more random kisses with others and I'm sure they will not mean a thing, but at least whenever I feel down about the many random kisses I give away to undeserving lips, I can think back at those many random kisses that we shared......the ones that tasted like onion with a touch of honey! Yes! How sweet they were!


So remember, if you have someone special who's giving you tender kisses that come from the heart the one's that always taste like honey no matter what they really taste like.  Make sure you cherish every last one of them.  Make every kiss count!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ROsBEHOTuU