Jazzy's Journal: August 2013

Thursday, August 29, 2013

I applied for Graduation! ~ And... ART

Dear Journal -

Yesterday I went to school and filled out a form that is required to apply for graduation! My dream of 10 years is about to become a reality and It still hasn't really hit me, It feels strange almost.

There is a bunch of stuff I would like to write you about, but it is so much that I am a bit overwhelmed. Instead of going on a tangent about it all, I will just write a few sentences, that will remind me of the events of my now.

I am feeling really sad about the fact that I am afraid that I lost my friend AJ, http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2012/06/f-trust-issues.html yet I am happy that I made up with my friend BK, http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2011/05/dear-bk.html funny how that worked out. There are a lot of emotions in me at this moment and so I am listening to classical music because it always makes me feel calm. Tomorrow, I am going to the movies with BK, I am so excited to be able to hang out with him again, I have missed him much!

I will tell you more about him and all that has been going on in my life as soon as I have a true free minute. For now, I want to share a short essay that I wrote back when I first started on this road of obtaining my Bachelor's degree. I wrote this on February 2010 the same year I met BK. I want to put on my journal some of or maybe I will eventually put up all of the papers I wrote for school, because this is my journal, one fine journal that I am very proud of. And I want to have my papers here where I can easily read them should I ever want to. I wrote this particular essay in one of my favorite classes which was my art class. The assignment was to go to an art gallery, view a piece that was on display and compare it to one that my professor told us about. Below is what I wrote.

February 2010

Art Class

William T. Willey – The war your after Durer’s

As someone new to art, it is really difficult for me to describe this piece as it is the first time as an adult that I go to an art gallery and look at a piece of art and really detail it and try to describe it as best I can.

As a high school student, I remember going to a few art galleries on a class trip once, but while in the art galleries all that amazed me was the fact that these works of art cost thousands of dollars. When I walked into Claire Oliver’s art gallery the only thing that was really on my mind was how much this painting probably cost and the fact that I didn’t know what I needed to be looking at or describing or how I would accomplish this paper.

When I first set eyes on this strange to me piece of art, my first thought was, “did this artist grab some paint and started throwing it at the canvas?" it looked as if he had grabbed black and white paint and started throwing it at the canvas almost in anger, just upset throwing the colors all over to fill the whole thing, I could almost feel his distress and frustration, yet I did not even know what he looked like. It was only when I looked at the picture with emotion and love for what art represents that I got to see the piece deeper. It was almost like looking through a window of dark color to find what secrets lay inside. I could see the detail of the barbell, I was able see in detail the devil like creature in the background and the words written in Spanish.

I don’t quite understand why this piece is compared to that of Albrecht Durer’s Knight, Death and the Devil. I guess the best explanation that I can give to compare these two pieces of art is, that they both have a devil like creature on them, they are both dark in feeling, very depressing and deeply emotional. Looking at William T. Willey’s piece certainly took me a few minutes to get into it, meaning as I said before, I had to think not with my head but rather let my feelings search for the picture, where as when I looked online for the piece that Durer painted, I didn’t have to let my emotion guide me but rather It was visual it was all there, very evident for me to examine and then let my feelings become involved.

In conclusion, It was a great first experience and one that I will probably never forget. I am definitely learning that art, is not only a picture, but rather an emotion that the painter feels and is trying to portray not with words but with colors, lines and circles.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Ibogane - A miracle drug not legalized in the U.S.

Dear Journal -

I wanted to put on here my short essay on a hopeful drug that is out there to help treat addiction. I couldn't help but to think of VC and JS while I was watching this video and thinking to myself, how badly I wish I had money so I could take them both to Europe for a treatment so they could be relieved of their illness.

If you come across this post and you know someone who is addicted to drugs and you have the resources to help them, think about this option, I think it is a miracle.

I wrote this paper for my Drugs and Behavior class, it's an amazing class and I had an amazing professor.

______________________________________________________

Gales Ibogaine Treatment Video

Gales Ibogaine treatment video is a short documentary on how Ibogaine is currently being used in countries outside of the U.S. to treat addictions that affect the endogenous opioid system. “Ibogaine is a naturally occurring psychoactive substance found in plants in the Apocynaceae family such as Tabernanthe iboga, Voacanga africana and Tabernaemontana undulata.”[1] In the video we can see how Gale is preparing to take Ibogaine to help with her drug addiction. Gale talks about how she developed addiction to street drugs. In addition, we also see her taking the first dose of Ibogaine and witness how her physical symptoms begin to go away after her initial trial dose of the drug.

The endogenous opioid system which is responsible for pain, is also the target site for opiates, like heroine. Because synthetic opioids are agonists they readily bind to the opiate receptors and have a strong effect on our system. Ibogaine is an isolated active alkaloid that comes from the root bark of the Tabernanthe Iboga, that chemical is what apparently resets and refreshes the opiate receptor sites, which in turn alleviates the physical withdrawal symptoms of synthetic opioid drugs. How this process works in not yet fully understood, but once the process is completed, Ibogaine is no longer needed.[2]

In the video, Gale talks about how she became addicted to drugs. Although Gail does not specify what drugs she became addicted to, you can conclude that they are opioids. She says that she was caring for her mother who was ill with terminal cancer and her mother began to offer her the prescription drugs she was taking for her illness. But without meaning too, she put her daughter on a road to addiction of prescription drugs and ultimately addiction to street drugs. Once her mother passed away and all of the remaining prescription drugs were finished, Gail started seeking street drugs to deal with the addiction. This demonstrates that Gail became addicted due to exposure of the drug.

During the beginning of the video, Gail is asked what symptoms she is feeling and she says that she has a runny nose and eyes, she says that she has a burning sensation all over her body and that her body is also in pain. After Gail takes the trial dose of 100mg of Ibogaine, and is asked about the symptoms about an hour later after the dosage, she says that all the symptoms are gone, you can actually hear her sound clearer, no runny nose. After that trail dose is successful, she has to take an additional 3 doses to complete the treatment. Ibogaine clearly helps alleviate the physical symptoms of withdrawal. In the video we are later told that after the Ibogaine treatment, Gale developed chronic pain so she went back to taking methadone, but instead of the usual 300mg she would take, she only takes a dose of 40mg. The ending of the video also tells us that Gail will be going back for a second treatment of Ibogaine.

Watching this video made me feel very hopeful that there will be a day that a drug will help individuals with drug addiction to be cured of this terrible disease. It made me feel really happy to see that someone who was exposed to drugs in such an unfortunate way, was able to try to regain her life back by way of Ibogaine treatment. I am sure there are hundreds of stories like Gale’s where people start using drugs due to unfortunate circumstances. I hope that there will be continued research on Ibogaine and that it will become legal in the U.S.

[1] N.d. Ibogaine. Wikipedia. Retrieved on August 13, 2013 from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ibogaine

[2] N.d. What is Ibogaine? Awakening in the Dream House. Retrieved on August 14, 2013 from http://www.awakeninginthedream.com/ibogaine.html

Gales Ibogaine Treatment video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1cz9CHAOVoE

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Dear Journal: What guy?

Dear Journal:

I was thinking about you so much lately, what to write next? I'm a bit overwhelmed with school work, it's been a tough summer, but I've managed to make time for the most important people in my life, my kids. I do have to hear from my 13 year old that I don't ever have time, which makes me feel really sad, I try my hardest to be there for him, I hope one day he will understand all that I am trying to do and hopefully forgive me for the time I haven't spent with him.

I love him so much, and I always try to do things to keep him happy, but pleasing a teenager isn't always easy, they see the world very differently than adults do, sometimes the way they see the world is pretty much right on the money, but other times they see it so complicated and they are miserable, and of course, I am the enemy. I know for a fact that as he gets a little older he will start to realize a lot of things that I don't expect him to understand now. He isn't nearly as tough as his brother was, which helps. I love my children, but sometimes I am exhausted! trying to keep them all happy can be a very difficult task, which leaves me breathless and exhausted, sometimes I ask, tell me, please tell me what I need to do to make you happy? of course they can't answer the question, because they don't understand, the best thing about being a kid is that time isn't of the essence and they pretty much live in the moment, I am so jealous of that.

Other than that life is simple, I like simple as it feels calm. I don't think of him journal, I don't wonder about him, I don't want to talk to him, I don't miss anything about him, yes, that guy, the one that you know. I don't care anymore, I will pretend nothing ever happened it will be a distant memory and all will be ok. I am not even thinking about it as I am writing this, I am completely over it, YUP! no thoughts in the world about that individual.

I hope he is well.

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

A short screenplay without a name.........

Dear Reader:

Last semester I had to write a screenplay for my creative writing class. I had never written one but it was a lot of fun to do, I loved writing it. I got an A- on it, I was proud of me!

I wrote it in sort of the same format of a real play we read in class, called "God's Ear" which I really enjoyed reading. My professor was a pretty awesome guy who is also a screenwriter/director. One of my favorite classes ever!

Enjoy!

Scene 1 - A woman and a man are sitting at a restaurant. The restaurant is small and cozy. The actors will be having a late lunch, however, the lights on the stage should be dim so that it would appear as though they are having dinner. The reason for the restaurant to look dark is so that it gives the audience the impression that the two people are having this dinner in the evening, however, in scene two, they will be outside and it will be sunny out.

Scene 2 – The man and the woman leave the restaurant and will be taking a walk at a near by park. There should be what looks like a “brick road” which should circle around the inside of the stage. There should be trees in the back ground and sounds of birds chirping, there should also be a bench placed somewhere, where the actors can walk long enough to play out all of scene two, but where they can end the scene sitting on the bench, so they can walk past the bench a few times, but ultimately end back at the bench where they can sit to end the scene. The actors should stroll not walk fast, but rather should walk and talk, but at a point they both stop and Joanna walks to the front of the stage facing the audience to recite the poem.

Scene 3 – An elderly woman is laying on a bed. A younger woman should be sitting beside her. The bed should be big and the woman should be sitting on the bed close to the older woman. The ethnic background of the actors can be any, however, the elderly woman and the young actress should resemble one another in hair type or anything to give the audience the impression that they are related.

The male characters voice should be low and shy, the female characters voice should be a bit louder to demonstrate that he is introverted she is extraverted.

Characters: Ben, Joanna, waitress, Elderly Woman, younger woman (younger woman characters should also be played by actress playing Joanna).

Scene One -

Ben - You look really really good. I can't believe that I have not seen you now in over 10 years, yet you look just as I remember you. Pause… You don’t change.

Joanna – Nothing has changed (smiles) nothing but the weather (giggle) and it’s Spring!

Ben – Yes, (smiles) Spring, Your favorite.

Joanna – (smiling) It still is.

Ben - Remember the philosophy classes? Those were amazing

Joanna – totally!

Ben - (staring at her) Pause… you look as pretty as I remember you that day at the train platform, when you hugged me and said you wouldn't be going back to the classes the following fall.

Joanna - you thought I would go back the next fall didn't you?

Ben – (looks down as to not have eye contact) I did.

Joanna - I'm sorry, I couldn't handle it anymore, seeing you every week was torture, there were times I wanted to hug you, times I wanted to slap you, times I wanted to punch you, times I wanted to shake you. It was such a hard thing to control every single week. But I kept going back because the classes (sigh)…philosophy my second passion next to you. But you, you didn’t love me, you didn’t want me, you had not spoken to me in 2 years and although you would talk to me during the classes, you spoke to me as if I was one of the strangers that were attending the classes as well, as if we had never been friends, as if everything that had happened prior to that class, all those letters I had sent you and you had ignored, as if they had never been sent. I know that you and I had never had a romantic relationship, but we had been friends, we would communicate daily for a little over a year, that was something wasn’t it?

Ben – (looks down at his cup then looks back up)... I'm really sorry, I’m terribly sorry, I was so young and stupid, so young and stupid then.

Joanna - I still online date you know...I know that what happened between us was not online dating, I mean after all I did meet you in person before we started interacting virtually. Remember that building where we met? That place was crazy! but still, our interactions after that initial meeting became virtual so I will always blame the virtual world for what happened between us. I know in my heart that is where everything went wrong. If only… (she pauses) If only we would of hung out from time to time, if we would have hung out, it would have never been so awkward. Yet here I am 10 years later and I’m still part of that world… (actress raises her hands and with her fingers does the quotes sign) “virtual world.” But I don’t ever bother meeting anyone in person, I just mostly chat.

Ben – I agree, you are so right. (he looks down as he says) I was so young, so young and stupid then, I’m so sorry. (looks back up) but why is that? why don’t you meet anyone in person?

Joanna - useless waste of my time, I rather stay in and write. At least the words on a paper are all mine and they are all true, no lies being told to me for no reason at all, other than to get into my pants. Don’t men know? don’t they know they could just get it, you know, my pants, if they asked? Silly men!

Ben - yeah, I know what you mean, I apologize for all of them or should I say, all of us.

Joanna - I talk to this one guy who lives out west, he's younger though, you know me, me and my younger men, I don’t know why I still do it, they just bring trouble, maybe I like the challenge? (Giggles) I mean I had some relationships in the last few years. But I don’t know, they didn’t seem real, and now, now I just don’t care to keep trying, what’s the point.

Note: the next few lines should be said loud and clear and both actors should be staring straight at each other, very mechanical like.

Ben – (staring at her) what's so scary?.... pause….

Joanna – (staring at him) Time