Dear Journal:
As I lay on my bed writing this post I can't seem to help getting a little melancholic about so many painful Thanksgiving days in my past. But there were also some amazing ones. In 2005 on Thanksgiving day my ex husband arrived in America ready to start his new life in the land where dreams can become a reality, he was ready to start a new life with his wife and son. I remember that I picked him up from the airport and we went straight to the Macy's Thanksgiving day parade, that was one of the few times I went to the parade, because as nice as that parade is, it's always so crowded and usually so cold, it isn't something I enjoyed doing much. We had a few Thanksgivings together after that, but our marriage ended in 2007 and I have been having single Thanksgivings ever since.
I want to write about the bad things for some reason, or the sad things. Maybe today will be the first day of my future always happy Thanksgivings and I have to write about the bad ones so that I can let them go. I want to first write about the Thanksgiving in 2008 when I told he who must not be named on my blog anymore, that I was in love with him. It was the day before Thanksgiving and he's response broke my heart. Yes that was a really long time ago, but it still makes me sad that after that time, we were never ever friends again. Yes, after that we exchanged a few words, took some classes together and even shared one last good bye hug, yet every Thanksgiving after that I always recall that day before Thanksgiving when through an email I told him that I was in love with him and his response was that his feelings for me where only of friendship, except he wasn't such a good friend after all because soon after that I found out he had a girlfriend he had failed to mention to me for months. I will never ever understand what that whole lying thing was about, but I do know in my heart that I made a huge difference in his life and that in his own way, he loved me back just as much as I loved him. He is currently engaged and there is no part of me that regrets that pure love I felt in my heart for him. I am also happy that I can write this without not one tear. I do feel sad as I share this story, but not as sad as I felt on that Thanksgiving day when he sent me a text message the day after I had told him how I felt, to wish me a Happy Thanksgiving! how could it be happy, when I wasn't sharing that day with the person I loved.
In 2012, I really liked my neighbor back in Brooklyn. That day I told him I was going to be making potato salad for my family gathering and he wished me luck because he knew I didn't like cooking much. Later that morning, we bumped into each other right outside our building. I remember being ever so grateful that I had just done my hair and that I looked all dolled up. I could tell he was pleased with the sight before him. The way we exchanged looks always felt deep. That evening he sent me a message when he got back from his parents house inviting me over to his apartment for some left over desert he had brought back with him. As badly as I wanted to go, I said no because I was already in my pajamas and I had to work the day after. Til this day I regret that decision! I know that had I gone to his apartment that evening, we would have made love, or at the very least we would have made "like a lot" because by this point my feelings for him were so strong, that I wanted nothing more than to be with him. But I said no, and that was the very last time I had the opportunity to be in his arms. This morning when I woke up I thought about him and I missed him, as I am writing this paragraph tears are rolling down my cheek! I miss my neighbor.
Today is a day when you are thankful for so many things, and although I have sad memories about Thanksgiving past, I am still truly grateful for all the wonderful things that are going on in my life currently. I have made so many wonderful new friends in my new home in Colorado, that today I am making my first full Thanksgiving dinner in more that 8 years I believe. My second turkey ever in my life. Why am I cooking? I am cooking because I have some really sweet friends coming over this afternoon to share with me my first Thanksgiving in Colorado. My friend JC will be here along with his roommate and my other two male friends. No I don't really have female friends, but that is ok. I am glad that I have nice people in my life that are truly special to me.
I leave you journal with one last thing. I am so truly thankful that three years ago I met a young man named AJ who invited me to move to Colorado. The last time I saw him, he told me that he had asked me to move here for a reason, yet he wasn't sure what the reason was. I know what the reason was, the reason was that he was leading me down a path of new and happy times in my life. He was the angel sent to me from heaven to guide me to a new beginning. Although he and I are no longer friends, I most grateful today for having met him, because without that piece of my life, there wouldn't be today, a new Happy Thanksgiving filled with love and good friendships. I love my new home! I love Colorado! I love my new job! and I love that I can write this post and feel happy in my heart!
I'M THANKFUL FOR HAVING YOU JOURNAL!
As I lay on my bed writing this post I can't seem to help getting a little melancholic about so many painful Thanksgiving days in my past. But there were also some amazing ones. In 2005 on Thanksgiving day my ex husband arrived in America ready to start his new life in the land where dreams can become a reality, he was ready to start a new life with his wife and son. I remember that I picked him up from the airport and we went straight to the Macy's Thanksgiving day parade, that was one of the few times I went to the parade, because as nice as that parade is, it's always so crowded and usually so cold, it isn't something I enjoyed doing much. We had a few Thanksgivings together after that, but our marriage ended in 2007 and I have been having single Thanksgivings ever since.
I want to write about the bad things for some reason, or the sad things. Maybe today will be the first day of my future always happy Thanksgivings and I have to write about the bad ones so that I can let them go. I want to first write about the Thanksgiving in 2008 when I told he who must not be named on my blog anymore, that I was in love with him. It was the day before Thanksgiving and he's response broke my heart. Yes that was a really long time ago, but it still makes me sad that after that time, we were never ever friends again. Yes, after that we exchanged a few words, took some classes together and even shared one last good bye hug, yet every Thanksgiving after that I always recall that day before Thanksgiving when through an email I told him that I was in love with him and his response was that his feelings for me where only of friendship, except he wasn't such a good friend after all because soon after that I found out he had a girlfriend he had failed to mention to me for months. I will never ever understand what that whole lying thing was about, but I do know in my heart that I made a huge difference in his life and that in his own way, he loved me back just as much as I loved him. He is currently engaged and there is no part of me that regrets that pure love I felt in my heart for him. I am also happy that I can write this without not one tear. I do feel sad as I share this story, but not as sad as I felt on that Thanksgiving day when he sent me a text message the day after I had told him how I felt, to wish me a Happy Thanksgiving! how could it be happy, when I wasn't sharing that day with the person I loved.
In 2012, I really liked my neighbor back in Brooklyn. That day I told him I was going to be making potato salad for my family gathering and he wished me luck because he knew I didn't like cooking much. Later that morning, we bumped into each other right outside our building. I remember being ever so grateful that I had just done my hair and that I looked all dolled up. I could tell he was pleased with the sight before him. The way we exchanged looks always felt deep. That evening he sent me a message when he got back from his parents house inviting me over to his apartment for some left over desert he had brought back with him. As badly as I wanted to go, I said no because I was already in my pajamas and I had to work the day after. Til this day I regret that decision! I know that had I gone to his apartment that evening, we would have made love, or at the very least we would have made "like a lot" because by this point my feelings for him were so strong, that I wanted nothing more than to be with him. But I said no, and that was the very last time I had the opportunity to be in his arms. This morning when I woke up I thought about him and I missed him, as I am writing this paragraph tears are rolling down my cheek! I miss my neighbor.
Today is a day when you are thankful for so many things, and although I have sad memories about Thanksgiving past, I am still truly grateful for all the wonderful things that are going on in my life currently. I have made so many wonderful new friends in my new home in Colorado, that today I am making my first full Thanksgiving dinner in more that 8 years I believe. My second turkey ever in my life. Why am I cooking? I am cooking because I have some really sweet friends coming over this afternoon to share with me my first Thanksgiving in Colorado. My friend JC will be here along with his roommate and my other two male friends. No I don't really have female friends, but that is ok. I am glad that I have nice people in my life that are truly special to me.
I leave you journal with one last thing. I am so truly thankful that three years ago I met a young man named AJ who invited me to move to Colorado. The last time I saw him, he told me that he had asked me to move here for a reason, yet he wasn't sure what the reason was. I know what the reason was, the reason was that he was leading me down a path of new and happy times in my life. He was the angel sent to me from heaven to guide me to a new beginning. Although he and I are no longer friends, I most grateful today for having met him, because without that piece of my life, there wouldn't be today, a new Happy Thanksgiving filled with love and good friendships. I love my new home! I love Colorado! I love my new job! and I love that I can write this post and feel happy in my heart!
I'M THANKFUL FOR HAVING YOU JOURNAL!
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