Thursday, January 13, 2011

My Road to the RACE!

The very first time I ever jogged, I was about 12yrs. old, I remember it like it was yesterday.  I ran with my uncle Gilmer, whom I have tremendous love and admiration for.  One day he said to me, come on I’m taking you jogging, and off we went.  We went around Prospect Park in Brooklyn and that day, I thought I was going to DIE! That was probably one of the worst days of my childhood life!  Through out the whole run, he kept saying to me, come on don't stop you can do it!  I literally was feeling like I was going to collapse, but he pushed me the whole way and I made it back home.  After that day, I NEVER WANTED TO RUN AGAIN! 


Fast forward to my early 30’s and all of a sudden, I wanted to just grab some sneakers and start running.  In the last maybe 8yrs or so, I have jogged off an on, nothing to intense but I have definitely done some jogging and for the last about 2 and a half years, I have been really trying to be consistent, at least in the Spring and Summer.  I don't usually loose much weight though, because I double up on goodies since "i'm running" but I run, because I really love it.  I have done other things like aerobics and biking, but nothing fulfills me more then running.  I think it has something to do with being free.  When I run, I feel free, it's just me and the road ahead, I forget my problems, my surroundings my life.
I have a few friends that are very passionate about running, they are no joke.  They run marathon’s around the country, they live, eat and breath running I really admire and respect these guys.  The human body amazes me, the things we can do when we put our minds to it is really astounding, I cannot get enough of the human race and how extraordinary we can be.  I always admire people that have a passion for something, because I am not really passionate about any one thing, I like so many different things I cannot pin point where my passion lies, however, one thing I do know is, that I love to dance and I love to run.
This New Year’s eve, instead of going out and partying like a rock star (as per usual) I stayed home and rested and thought about what I wanted to do in 2011, I fell asleep thinking about it (I was knocked out by 12:15) but I took time out to think about my New Year’s resolutions and see how I could make them happen.   The problem is, I don’t really believe in resolutions and have never really stuck to any of them in the past.  For example, I said I was going to stop drinking diet coke with my lunch and on New Year’s day, I went to a restaurant and the first thing I ordered was “diet coke with lime please” followed by a smile to the very nice waitress who smiled back in approval, when she smiled back I no longer felt guilty about ruining my "new year's resolution."  I suck at keeping resolutions.
So, this year in order to make things happen for me, I am not thinking about my resolutions as resolutions, but rather, I am thinking of them as "life objectives" when I talk to people and they tell me what their resolutions are, I always notice that the things they want are usually things that are long term, like quitting smoking, loosing weight, getting a better job and so forth.


One of my dreams, for a really long time was to be part of a marathon or some sort of running event where I am not just watching, but actually taking part in.  I have imagined myself with a number on my tee shirt.  This year, one of my "life objectives" is to run my very first race.  You have NO IDEA how scared I am! I am so scared in fact, that it took me two weeks to really take the first step toward that objective.  I asked one of my good friends who runs, what he thought about it, and he said something that really made me think, he said "Jazz, you have to be ready for that life style" so I thought about my current life style and thought about what if anything, I would need to give up to fulfill this dream.  But then I kept hesitating and kept going back to that scary feeling.  And then I would imagine my tee with the number on it and how that must feel and I thought about how I feel when I run, that feeling of freedom and accomplishment at the end of every run even if it's only a 30 min run.    


I also thought about the days 4 or 5 years ago, when I would go Lucille Roberts to "work out" and I would go there, go on a bike or on a treadmill with my book and "exercise" for 30 min (key word here is book) how can I really be doing much if I'm reading? I never even broke a sweat.   Every single time I was on the treadmill, this pretty blonde girl would get on the treadmill next to mine, and run her ass off, I would look at her and feel jealous (that ever happen to you at the gym?).  I would look at her and think, damn I want to be her.  Then I finally thought, Jazz "get busy living or get busy dying" (Shawshank Redemption) I know, I know, that's a bit dramatic, but hey, I love me a good movie quote.


Today, the trainer at my gym, gave me my 16 week training plan to run my very first race EVER.  I will say it again, I AM SOOOO EXTREMELY SCARED! what if I start running and fall flat on my face? what if I start running and I come in last? what if I start running and I start to cry like a girl? what if I start running and don't look good doing it?  I have thought of a million reasons why I might suck at doing it, but I HAVE TO TRY! because we all have the power within us to stick to the things we want to do. 


I am writing this on my journal for two reasons, one, to tell who ever stumbles upon this post that YOU CAN do what you set out to do if you really want to, and two, because even if one person reads this post, I feel like I have to go all the way so as not let you down.  So please take my hand, help me get to that race.  I will be training thinking about this particular post and how I can't let you down.  I write from my heart, I try to be honest and sincere with the things I say, I will try my best to do this all the way.  I am scared, but I won't know if I can accomplish this, unless I try.  I don't even know who actually reads my posts, but what I do know is that if through out these next 16 scary weeks I feel like I am about to quit, I will come back to this post, read it and remember that I can't let you down.  Hopefully, this will give me the strength and courage to keep going.


Now, what was your resolution? and what are you doing about it? today is January, 13 2011 LET'S DO THIS! if I CAN DO IT, ANYONE CAN! WOOO HOOOO!!!!!

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