Dear journal - 11-14-13
It is 9:26 a.m. and I am on the train on my way to work. I am thinking of you and so I had to take out my phone and begin to tell you. Journal, there will never be a time when I will deny you of my true feelings, of my deepest thoughts of my wildest dreams.
And on my ride to work I think of them both. What of them? And I keep telling myself, that which I heard on the audio book the four agreements by: don Miguel Ruiz, I keep thinking of what he says when he says life is too short to miss anything or anyone, and although I agree, I can't help but to feel it, or rather, I don't know how to control it.... How do I master this moment in time, this space, this place, this now?
My heart yearns for both, and although it yearns for one more than the other, it would please me even just to know that they are well. Am I selfish in wanting them both? In believing that I should have one? And if I had the choice would I regret the choice I make? And if I made a choice would I always wonder?
What happened journal? When did all this happen? When did I become a person that isn't in Love? This is so foreign. I remember only always thinking about one and one person only, and now, I think of a few. There is someone I sort of like, I met him online early this year. Writing about someone to me is very serious business, If I wrote about every single male that I come across in some sort of way, then I would have too much bullshit to write about, I don't mean to sound like I'm so amazingly awesome, but I meet people all the time and yes the majority of them are online, but I meet men in person sometimes. I met a guy last night on my ride home, he was cute, but I'm not really interested in people romantically at this moment, I am on a different mission right now, I will tell you all about that mission on another occasion.
Anywho, I met this one guy last Feb on Plenty of Fish. and he seemed really cool. I will make this story short. When the time came for me to meet him in person, I was sort of hesitant because I didn't really think he was interested in me enough, so I decided to meet someone else instead (who is also awesome) anyway, I didn't get to meet him and sort of forgot about it and one day I thought about him for some random reason and I sent him a message, he responded and told me how he was now in love... WHAT!??? So.... I congratulated him partly jealous and then he told me he was going to be in my town and so I asked to meet him, WELL! not only did I meet him, he and I hit it off REALLY well! I even met his girlfriend! (Insert a hater smiley here!) ok, so she's cute and all, but I know that had I met him when I originally had the opportunity, he might be loving me! I was annoyed at myself but it's cool, we are friends and I'm cool with that....
Anyway, he is in a long distance relationship and those are HARD! And it's not a long distance state to state situation, it's long distance other continent situation, so who knows, life happens! I'm not sitting around waiting for miracles though, and I definitively want him to be happy, so I would never ever ever express to him my interest in him, but I just think this is a lesson to me that when you fucking snooze, you fucking LOOSE! UGH! That was supposed to be mine dammit! Ha!
So yea, I think of random people on a daily basis, but there are two that just kind of linger, and I just remind myself every time I get sad about it, that they weren't really my friends and that life is to short to miss anything or anyone!
Life is good!
NOTE: as of today, I already spoke to one of the two people I think of often, as a side note, he is the one I care for most, so much so, that if I could, I would be with him! he is really tall and thin and amazing! I miss him everyday.
I leave you now with my youngest sons' and my favorite song...(I don't really ever have a favorite! I love all music!)
Daft Punk - Instant Crush
ttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r83_iyO4rhI
It is 9:26 a.m. and I am on the train on my way to work. I am thinking of you and so I had to take out my phone and begin to tell you. Journal, there will never be a time when I will deny you of my true feelings, of my deepest thoughts of my wildest dreams.
And on my ride to work I think of them both. What of them? And I keep telling myself, that which I heard on the audio book the four agreements by: don Miguel Ruiz, I keep thinking of what he says when he says life is too short to miss anything or anyone, and although I agree, I can't help but to feel it, or rather, I don't know how to control it.... How do I master this moment in time, this space, this place, this now?
My heart yearns for both, and although it yearns for one more than the other, it would please me even just to know that they are well. Am I selfish in wanting them both? In believing that I should have one? And if I had the choice would I regret the choice I make? And if I made a choice would I always wonder?
What happened journal? When did all this happen? When did I become a person that isn't in Love? This is so foreign. I remember only always thinking about one and one person only, and now, I think of a few. There is someone I sort of like, I met him online early this year. Writing about someone to me is very serious business, If I wrote about every single male that I come across in some sort of way, then I would have too much bullshit to write about, I don't mean to sound like I'm so amazingly awesome, but I meet people all the time and yes the majority of them are online, but I meet men in person sometimes. I met a guy last night on my ride home, he was cute, but I'm not really interested in people romantically at this moment, I am on a different mission right now, I will tell you all about that mission on another occasion.
Anywho, I met this one guy last Feb on Plenty of Fish. and he seemed really cool. I will make this story short. When the time came for me to meet him in person, I was sort of hesitant because I didn't really think he was interested in me enough, so I decided to meet someone else instead (who is also awesome) anyway, I didn't get to meet him and sort of forgot about it and one day I thought about him for some random reason and I sent him a message, he responded and told me how he was now in love... WHAT!??? So.... I congratulated him partly jealous and then he told me he was going to be in my town and so I asked to meet him, WELL! not only did I meet him, he and I hit it off REALLY well! I even met his girlfriend! (Insert a hater smiley here!) ok, so she's cute and all, but I know that had I met him when I originally had the opportunity, he might be loving me! I was annoyed at myself but it's cool, we are friends and I'm cool with that....
Anyway, he is in a long distance relationship and those are HARD! And it's not a long distance state to state situation, it's long distance other continent situation, so who knows, life happens! I'm not sitting around waiting for miracles though, and I definitively want him to be happy, so I would never ever ever express to him my interest in him, but I just think this is a lesson to me that when you fucking snooze, you fucking LOOSE! UGH! That was supposed to be mine dammit! Ha!
So yea, I think of random people on a daily basis, but there are two that just kind of linger, and I just remind myself every time I get sad about it, that they weren't really my friends and that life is to short to miss anything or anyone!
Life is good!
NOTE: as of today, I already spoke to one of the two people I think of often, as a side note, he is the one I care for most, so much so, that if I could, I would be with him! he is really tall and thin and amazing! I miss him everyday.
I leave you now with my youngest sons' and my favorite song...(I don't really ever have a favorite! I love all music!)
Daft Punk - Instant Crush
ttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r83_iyO4rhI
No comments:
Post a Comment