When I first started to write my journal, I never knew how badly I would be falling in love with it. I found something so wonderful in writing my stories, that I feel like I don’t even know in which direction to take this piece of me.
I have this vision for my journal, I have shared my vision with a few people and every time I do, I get positive feedback. Of course my plans for my journal are a ways from now, yet I still have to think about how I’m going to make this vision possible.
A long time ago I told someone that the reason why I loved him so very much, was because he was so passionate about what he did. I find that people that are passionate about what they do, or passionate about anything in general, makes them sort of more driven, like they wake up in the morning almost with a bigger purpose then those who don’t have a passion.
My ex husband for example was so passionate about soccer, that his whole life almost revolved around it. He ate, slept, talked, played soccer, he would tell me sometimes that if he had to choose between soccer and I, that would not even be a question, because I had no chance. Sure that wasn’t a very nice thing to say or even talk about, but I really admired the love he had for the game. Yet I almost found it that in his case, it was also an impediment that did not allow him to enjoy anything else. Some passions of course can take a toll on people and make them get a bit out of control, but for the most part especially when it comes to the kind of work that we do, if we are passionate about it, we probably do it with more love and well, probably do it better.
My ex husband for example was so passionate about soccer, that his whole life almost revolved around it. He ate, slept, talked, played soccer, he would tell me sometimes that if he had to choose between soccer and I, that would not even be a question, because I had no chance. Sure that wasn’t a very nice thing to say or even talk about, but I really admired the love he had for the game. Yet I almost found it that in his case, it was also an impediment that did not allow him to enjoy anything else. Some passions of course can take a toll on people and make them get a bit out of control, but for the most part especially when it comes to the kind of work that we do, if we are passionate about it, we probably do it with more love and well, probably do it better.
After Benjamin and I had that conversation about passion, I came to a sad realization that I am not passionate about any one thing and that thought made me feel really upset. No wonder my ex husband wasn’t that into me, I had no damn passion about anything! DAMN! I should of known!
After having that conversation with Benjamin and thinking about this sad new realization about myself, I felt that I had no real purpose and that it was important to have a passion, where o where can my passion be? I had this conversation with Benjamin (that’s not his real name) about three or four years ago and ever since then, I feel like I have been seeking my passion, but there are just so many things that I truly like or even love, how do I know which is my passion? I’m not writing this post by the way to tell you that after searching for the last four years for my passion I have found it, actually, if you think this entry has a happy ending, think again, or stop reading if you like, there is no happy ending to this entry at all and the reason for that is well, I haven’t found my passion! How do we find our passion? Where do I get this answer? And should we all have passions? is it important to have one?
After having that conversation with Benjamin and thinking about this sad new realization about myself, I felt that I had no real purpose and that it was important to have a passion, where o where can my passion be? I had this conversation with Benjamin (that’s not his real name) about three or four years ago and ever since then, I feel like I have been seeking my passion, but there are just so many things that I truly like or even love, how do I know which is my passion? I’m not writing this post by the way to tell you that after searching for the last four years for my passion I have found it, actually, if you think this entry has a happy ending, think again, or stop reading if you like, there is no happy ending to this entry at all and the reason for that is well, I haven’t found my passion! How do we find our passion? Where do I get this answer? And should we all have passions? is it important to have one?
Benjamin told me he felt that my children were my passion, but I disagreed with him telling him that my children were my reason, meaning that I pretty much live for them, but not really, I mean I also live for me, but if you have your own children and you are reading this you would understand what I mean by my reason. I work hard for them but I also work hard for me, and if I didn’t have them I would still work hard because we as people seek what in social psychology is called striving for mastery and we all seek connectedness and that is in our own true being, so that pretty much means that because our human nature is to strive for mastery and seek connectedness, just because I have children it doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t work hard if I didn’t have them.
So, before I go on another tangent which I tend to do when I get into writing this long rambling posts that usually end up nowhere, let me tell you what I did find in the last four years while looking for my passion…..
Jazzy’s many loves!
I have found that I truly truly truly love to write!
I have found that I truly truly absolutely love Psychology and the study of the human mind
I absolutely LOVE PHILOSOPHY
I have found that I truly truly absolutely love to run
I have found that I truly truly love most types of music, I seriously do! I cannot identify one specific genre that I prefer more, but I do tend to lean toward soft rock, Spanish rock, that sort of music anything with guitars fascinates me!
I have found that I truly truly love art, all types of art, classic art or photography and architecture and of course I LOVE nature.
So, after many years trying to find my passion, I have found that I have many passions and that makes me a very different kind of person, one that can sort of accommodate many different people in many different ways because I can relate to so many different things. I don't ever feel like I need to be part of only one group, because that is the group that fulfills me based on the fact that I share a passion with them. Actually, I have so many diverse group of individuals that I share different common interests with, that it's hard for me to choose which type of thing is my favorite. Is this a good thing? I’m not sure, but I have finally come to understand that it doesn’t matter so much to me if I have a true passion, because who ever said that we need to have one passion anyway? We can have many! As long as you know what they are. And the best part about having many loves in my opinion, is that having many different loves makes it easy not to get to crazy over just one!
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