Blame it on the..... Aaaalcohol....

"A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same" ~ Elbert Hubbard

Dear Journal:

For someone who has no social life, I sure do end up in all sorts of trouble! additionally, I always end up doing things that I later feel like I did not act well, like I made the wrong decision, like I maybe misled someone and then I feel crappy about it, except I shouldn't feel bad because well, I didn't REALLY do anything wrong after all, we are two consenting adults and I didn't really do anything bad or anything but still, I know he knew that by taking me out, there would be that possibility, that there might be a chance and me saying yes to going out, sort of said that I was consenting.  

Let me briefly tell you what I'm rambling about.  There is a man, he is my friend for almost three years, I love him TO DEATH! and although I think he is really handsome, he isn't someone that I ever think of in a romantic way, yet I think he is so awesome and wish so bad that the stupid women that cross his path, could see what I see, could see how lucky they are that he is interested in them.  He is a true catch! I have some really amazing male friends! Anyway, I went out and drank way to much and next thing I knew, my tongue was down his throat and I was all over him like a desperate woman in need for love! what the hell is wrong with me journal? The thing is he and I have had this conversation before, we both know how we each care about each other, we both don't want anything other than friendship with each other.  However, I feel like deep down we are both curious, it is really weird.

Anyway, after my stupid behavior, which I have no choice other than to blame it on the alcohol (no I did not have sex with him! my friend has respect for me!) I get home and let poor AJ have it, http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2012/06/f-trust-issues.html I called him and told him off, because I love him and he always manages to piss me off, except that on that particular night, he didn't even do anything! but when I told him I had been drinking, since he knows me so well, he always knows what to say to make me happy.  OH! and let's not forget the fact that I rang the wrong bell by accident on purpose because I just felt like it, because he, the person who's bell I rang, was nothing but a lying asshole, who deserved to get smacked right across his face for being so fucking fake!!!

So yes, I don't have much of a social life, except even when I'm trying to just chill and be good and just stay away from everything and everyone, shit always happens and all this just because I want to be social and go out every now and then and hang out.  I am really really looking forward to my vacation! I can't wait to go fishing and hang out with my new friends, I am so excited to just get away from this stupid city that gets on my nerves that one day I will probably miss, I feel so sick and tired of school, I'm so exhausted all the time of thinking about it and the fact that I have to get good grades.  Speaking of which, I am really happy because I did pretty decent in my statistics midterm, thanks to my awesome friends who studied with me.

Lastly, on April fools day I told a bunch of my friends I was with child, the responses I got were sort of like..... (first friend) WHAT!!! OH MY GOD! what are you going to do??? .......(second friend) What the fuck??? who's the father? you better not say it's that asshole that lied to you and played mad games with you! (third friend) JAZZY WHAT THE FUCK!!!! why aren't you using condoms??? (fourth friend) JAZZY! I thought you said you were staying away from men?? (fifth friend) OH BOY! I'm going to be an uncle! (sixth friend) Jazzy, HOLY SHIT! why doesn't this surprise me! you would be pregnant and not be all upset about it! lol..so what are you going to do???

But after all the initial crazy responses, they all said things like, JAZZ, NO MATTER WHAT I SUPPORT YOU! then I told them all they were suckers and they were like.... I seriously believed you because that's just how crazy you are! and then proceeded to laugh! I learned one very important thing on that day, one, all of my friends think I am crazy and two my friends are AWESOME! because they were all letting me know that they supported me no matter what I decided to do! THAT IS SO FUCKING AWESOME!!! I LOVE MY FRIENDS!

So this person who I went and kissed like a desperate crazy woman in need of love, he sends me a message to check up on me and I apologize for the way I acted and then he never gets back to me! I am SO glad, he handled that well!!! THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I DIDN'T WANT TO HAPPEN! I never kiss my friends I SWEAR! I mean I have had guys that started out romantic and end up my friends and obviously I kissed them, but I have never had a good friend for years who I end up kissing. UGH! this is so annoying and uncomfortable, I feel really bad! I FUCKED UP journal!!! why can't life be easy dammit!

I'll just blame all of this on the alcohol!

Jamie Foxx - Blame it on (the Aaaalcohol)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Jw24LbeV-w