Dear Journal:
I woke up this morning feeling so damn crappy! my chest hurts from coughing and my ears are so clogged I can barely hear, old age perhaps? regardless of my olditis, other than my what appears to be a cold, I am feeling quite good lately. Honestly, somedays I feel so good in fact, that I have to admit that it has to be due to the fact that I have completely changed my diet. The last time I ate a piece of steak was on December 19, 2012, since then, I have not eaten any chicken or meat or eggs and I basically just have fish maybe once or twice a week. My goal is to become completely vegan at some point, but I can't do it cold turkey until I understand how I can get all the nutrients my body needs and until I can make sure that I know how to make delicious foods that will satisfy my cravings for goodness and by goodness I mean sweets!
I don't really miss chicken as I was never really a chicken lover, but occasionally I do miss eggs, however, I understand that as a 41 year old woman, I need to start taking care of myself because although I am very aware that one day I will die, I don't want to suffer on a death bed due to not taking proper care of myself. I also don't want to have to take pills for this and pills for that just because I don't have the discipline and self love, to take proper care of my body. I don't deprive myself though, I must admit that the other day I went to McDonald's and devoured a big mac, so technically I did eat some meat, but that was the only time other than the day I stopped by my friends house and I was starving and he gave me this frozen dinner telling me it was potatoes and when I bit into it, it was lamb or something, so ok, since December I ate meat twice, so that isn't that bad! I was a meat lover all of my life, so this is a huge change, but a change that I have wanted for many many years.
In other Jazzy news, I just registered for my summer courses. I am SO SCARED! I will be taking a class called behavioral neurobiology and drugs and behavior! THAT NAME FREAKS ME OUT!!! but I know I CAN! I have to do well so that I can keep my grades up, this shit (school) it is SO HARD! (insert sad smiley icon here) but I am happy all in all with the choice I made to go back and pursue my dream, because my dream is becoming a reality and I feel like I am a totally different person, it's so weird, but I really did change in many ways. I mean fundamentally, I am still the same person, but there are things about me I have changed and I am happy about some of the things that have changed in my life.
This weekend, I went out with some friends to a bar and at 2am everyone wanted to go home, since I never go out much, I told my friend to drop me off at the bar down the block from my apartment, so he drops me off and I sit at the bar alone to have a beer and these two guys are standing next to me talking to each other, at first I thought they might be a couple, but later on they began talking to me and one of them who was kind of cute and I, got engrossed in this awesome conversation about sex and society and about music and sex and about how sex is just IN OUR FACES at all times.
He told me he got his BA in Psychology also and the next thing I knew, he was being my therapist! IT WAS AWESOME! we then exchanged numbers and after he left he sent me a text telling me that he really liked my t-shirt, I was wearing my green lantern tee because I LOVE SUPER HEROES! and I have a bunch of different super hero tees, I told him I thought he was really handsome and then he said so was I, I guess pretty not handsome, and that was the end of our texting. I kind of want to message him, but at the same time I keep thinking that getting involved romantically right now with someone would probably not be a good idea, I mean I have so much on my plate, so I think I will wait and see if he messages me and if he does, I'll go along with whatever, but I am telling you right now journal, if he even as much as once starts to distract me from my studies, that will be the end of the story! I have come to far to allow anything or anyone to distract me from my goal, and I can almost taste my degree, it will probably taste like beef!
So the other day I get home and my son comes up to me and says, oh my god mom! I saw this video on Facebook about this little girl getting raped by this man! and he seemed really really upset about the video. At first, my oldest son yelled at him because he was coming to me to tell me this, but I was really happy that my 13 year old is open enough about sex with me, that he and I can have a conversation about it in a very normal way. It is SO VITAL! to be opened and honest about sex with our children, it is EXTREMELY important that we help them understand what sex is, and the pro's and con's of it. Yes, there are no CONS I guess once your a consenting adult who well, likes to have sex like a normal human being, but as a child and as a teen, sex is something that is very confusing and the fact that the media is constantly shoving sex down our throats, truly makes me sad, because these are the images our children are always left with and this is what they think sex is and should be like, but sex could be nothing or sex can be everything. So, after I saw that my kid was going through an emotional distress after seeing these horrific images in non other than Facebook, which I honestly don't know in what moment, Facebook began to allow all these sexual things on their site. I told my son to come to my bed and lay down with me, and for us to have a conversation.
My son came to me and I let him put his head on my arm and I made him get into a comfortable position me sheltering him and rubbing his long hair as he is letting his hair grow so that he can cut it and donate it to cancer patients. And then I started to talk to my baby of THE TRUTH ABOUT SEX! I told him that there were very very sick people in this world, I told him that clearly what that man was doing to that little girl was a horrible horrible criminal thing and that hopefully whomever put this video up would get caught by the cops and pay for his vicious crime. I told him that sex was a beautiful thing we do when two people love one another, but I told him that it could be something that we do because we have sexual desires and sometimes once we get older and understand it, we could do as consenting adults because we have these desires that most times we can't control, but if we really want to, we can. I told him that I know that he must watch porn behind my back and that if he does, he needs to understand that women in these videos work at this, that is their job, their job is to allow men to sexually do to them whatever these men want, and that they may or may not like it, but in the video they have to act like it is the best thing in the world. I told him that most women in the real world, are not ok with half of the things he watches the women on the videos do, but that there are some that are ok with it and that is a personal preference. I told him that if at one point in his life he has a girlfriend whom he loves and trusts and they decide to do things they see on a porno and she is ok with it, then they can experiment together as two consenting adults and that at that point it is ok to do it because she is ok with it. I told him that it is important that he respects his body and the body of the person who he is having sexual intercourse with, because at no given time in life does anyone ever belong to you. I told him that he must ALWAYS use protection once he starts having sex. I ended with, you can always talk to me baby if you need to, because I understand that there are certain things that are very embarrassing but that he never needs to feel embarrassed talking to me because I understand him and I love him and trust that he will always make the right choices. After our little talk I kissed him on the forehead and he said.... THANKS MOM! I LOVE THAT I HAVE THIS WONDERFUL RELATIONSHIP WITH MY BOYS! I encourage people all the time to talk to their kids about sex, because this is a vicious world that we should not shelter our kids from, but rather we should prepare them for it, how to face it. There are also really really good people in this world, I know a bunch, so it isn't just bad, it's also good!
My 5 year old daughter is constantly using the word sex, so the other day I had to sit her down and look up a youtube video on child birth and child bearing, I watched it with her and told her that mommy and daddy had sex when they were married because they loved each other and then she came. What I am trying to say is that we have to talk to our children about sex from the moment they start to ask questions, when they are really young, you get all technical about it, as they get older, you start to tell them, THE TRUTH ABOUT SEX. Oh journal! my work is never done! i'm exhausted!
I will leave you today with a song that I can't stop listening to, it makes me think of someone and I told him it did. But, it doesn't make me think of him because I'm in love with him, I am not, and I don't have a (love of my life) sometimes I think and the therapist I had before agreed that (I have not experience true love) or a true rewarding relationship with anyone. But, this song makes me think of him because in the longest time I had not met someone I was so much like in so many different ways, it was weird. He and I were friends, but we don't have that kind of relationship anymore. He did something to me that really hurt me. In learning how to love myself, I am also learning that no matter how great someone is, sometimes they are just not someone you should have in your life, especially if they treated you less than kind. Still, as a person I will always love him and if he talks to me I will always respond, and vice versa. I don't hold grudges they are bad for our soul and I don't believe in "getting someone back for hurting me" as I am not a vengeful person. I try to forgive without hostility, I try to love all people regardless of what I felt they did to me that was wrong. I PRACTICE LOVE.
Mirror - Justin Timberlake ----- LOVE MY JT!
I woke up this morning feeling so damn crappy! my chest hurts from coughing and my ears are so clogged I can barely hear, old age perhaps? regardless of my olditis, other than my what appears to be a cold, I am feeling quite good lately. Honestly, somedays I feel so good in fact, that I have to admit that it has to be due to the fact that I have completely changed my diet. The last time I ate a piece of steak was on December 19, 2012, since then, I have not eaten any chicken or meat or eggs and I basically just have fish maybe once or twice a week. My goal is to become completely vegan at some point, but I can't do it cold turkey until I understand how I can get all the nutrients my body needs and until I can make sure that I know how to make delicious foods that will satisfy my cravings for goodness and by goodness I mean sweets!
I don't really miss chicken as I was never really a chicken lover, but occasionally I do miss eggs, however, I understand that as a 41 year old woman, I need to start taking care of myself because although I am very aware that one day I will die, I don't want to suffer on a death bed due to not taking proper care of myself. I also don't want to have to take pills for this and pills for that just because I don't have the discipline and self love, to take proper care of my body. I don't deprive myself though, I must admit that the other day I went to McDonald's and devoured a big mac, so technically I did eat some meat, but that was the only time other than the day I stopped by my friends house and I was starving and he gave me this frozen dinner telling me it was potatoes and when I bit into it, it was lamb or something, so ok, since December I ate meat twice, so that isn't that bad! I was a meat lover all of my life, so this is a huge change, but a change that I have wanted for many many years.
In other Jazzy news, I just registered for my summer courses. I am SO SCARED! I will be taking a class called behavioral neurobiology and drugs and behavior! THAT NAME FREAKS ME OUT!!! but I know I CAN! I have to do well so that I can keep my grades up, this shit (school) it is SO HARD! (insert sad smiley icon here) but I am happy all in all with the choice I made to go back and pursue my dream, because my dream is becoming a reality and I feel like I am a totally different person, it's so weird, but I really did change in many ways. I mean fundamentally, I am still the same person, but there are things about me I have changed and I am happy about some of the things that have changed in my life.
This weekend, I went out with some friends to a bar and at 2am everyone wanted to go home, since I never go out much, I told my friend to drop me off at the bar down the block from my apartment, so he drops me off and I sit at the bar alone to have a beer and these two guys are standing next to me talking to each other, at first I thought they might be a couple, but later on they began talking to me and one of them who was kind of cute and I, got engrossed in this awesome conversation about sex and society and about music and sex and about how sex is just IN OUR FACES at all times.
He told me he got his BA in Psychology also and the next thing I knew, he was being my therapist! IT WAS AWESOME! we then exchanged numbers and after he left he sent me a text telling me that he really liked my t-shirt, I was wearing my green lantern tee because I LOVE SUPER HEROES! and I have a bunch of different super hero tees, I told him I thought he was really handsome and then he said so was I, I guess pretty not handsome, and that was the end of our texting. I kind of want to message him, but at the same time I keep thinking that getting involved romantically right now with someone would probably not be a good idea, I mean I have so much on my plate, so I think I will wait and see if he messages me and if he does, I'll go along with whatever, but I am telling you right now journal, if he even as much as once starts to distract me from my studies, that will be the end of the story! I have come to far to allow anything or anyone to distract me from my goal, and I can almost taste my degree, it will probably taste like beef!
So the other day I get home and my son comes up to me and says, oh my god mom! I saw this video on Facebook about this little girl getting raped by this man! and he seemed really really upset about the video. At first, my oldest son yelled at him because he was coming to me to tell me this, but I was really happy that my 13 year old is open enough about sex with me, that he and I can have a conversation about it in a very normal way. It is SO VITAL! to be opened and honest about sex with our children, it is EXTREMELY important that we help them understand what sex is, and the pro's and con's of it. Yes, there are no CONS I guess once your a consenting adult who well, likes to have sex like a normal human being, but as a child and as a teen, sex is something that is very confusing and the fact that the media is constantly shoving sex down our throats, truly makes me sad, because these are the images our children are always left with and this is what they think sex is and should be like, but sex could be nothing or sex can be everything. So, after I saw that my kid was going through an emotional distress after seeing these horrific images in non other than Facebook, which I honestly don't know in what moment, Facebook began to allow all these sexual things on their site. I told my son to come to my bed and lay down with me, and for us to have a conversation.
My son came to me and I let him put his head on my arm and I made him get into a comfortable position me sheltering him and rubbing his long hair as he is letting his hair grow so that he can cut it and donate it to cancer patients. And then I started to talk to my baby of THE TRUTH ABOUT SEX! I told him that there were very very sick people in this world, I told him that clearly what that man was doing to that little girl was a horrible horrible criminal thing and that hopefully whomever put this video up would get caught by the cops and pay for his vicious crime. I told him that sex was a beautiful thing we do when two people love one another, but I told him that it could be something that we do because we have sexual desires and sometimes once we get older and understand it, we could do as consenting adults because we have these desires that most times we can't control, but if we really want to, we can. I told him that I know that he must watch porn behind my back and that if he does, he needs to understand that women in these videos work at this, that is their job, their job is to allow men to sexually do to them whatever these men want, and that they may or may not like it, but in the video they have to act like it is the best thing in the world. I told him that most women in the real world, are not ok with half of the things he watches the women on the videos do, but that there are some that are ok with it and that is a personal preference. I told him that if at one point in his life he has a girlfriend whom he loves and trusts and they decide to do things they see on a porno and she is ok with it, then they can experiment together as two consenting adults and that at that point it is ok to do it because she is ok with it. I told him that it is important that he respects his body and the body of the person who he is having sexual intercourse with, because at no given time in life does anyone ever belong to you. I told him that he must ALWAYS use protection once he starts having sex. I ended with, you can always talk to me baby if you need to, because I understand that there are certain things that are very embarrassing but that he never needs to feel embarrassed talking to me because I understand him and I love him and trust that he will always make the right choices. After our little talk I kissed him on the forehead and he said.... THANKS MOM! I LOVE THAT I HAVE THIS WONDERFUL RELATIONSHIP WITH MY BOYS! I encourage people all the time to talk to their kids about sex, because this is a vicious world that we should not shelter our kids from, but rather we should prepare them for it, how to face it. There are also really really good people in this world, I know a bunch, so it isn't just bad, it's also good!
My 5 year old daughter is constantly using the word sex, so the other day I had to sit her down and look up a youtube video on child birth and child bearing, I watched it with her and told her that mommy and daddy had sex when they were married because they loved each other and then she came. What I am trying to say is that we have to talk to our children about sex from the moment they start to ask questions, when they are really young, you get all technical about it, as they get older, you start to tell them, THE TRUTH ABOUT SEX. Oh journal! my work is never done! i'm exhausted!
I will leave you today with a song that I can't stop listening to, it makes me think of someone and I told him it did. But, it doesn't make me think of him because I'm in love with him, I am not, and I don't have a (love of my life) sometimes I think and the therapist I had before agreed that (I have not experience true love) or a true rewarding relationship with anyone. But, this song makes me think of him because in the longest time I had not met someone I was so much like in so many different ways, it was weird. He and I were friends, but we don't have that kind of relationship anymore. He did something to me that really hurt me. In learning how to love myself, I am also learning that no matter how great someone is, sometimes they are just not someone you should have in your life, especially if they treated you less than kind. Still, as a person I will always love him and if he talks to me I will always respond, and vice versa. I don't hold grudges they are bad for our soul and I don't believe in "getting someone back for hurting me" as I am not a vengeful person. I try to forgive without hostility, I try to love all people regardless of what I felt they did to me that was wrong. I PRACTICE LOVE.
Mirror - Justin Timberlake ----- LOVE MY JT!
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