Dear Journal:
I was on the train a few days ago listening to my iphone, and on came one of my favorite all time Shakira songs. In that moment someone popped into my head who the song reminded me of. My initial thought was to tear up and my next thought was.... OMG! this song once made me think of Benjamin Nunez.... OH BENJAMIN! where are you now? do you remember Benjamin by the way? http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2010/12/omg-my-first-blog-entry.html although Benjamin was the theme of my life for nearly five years, I must admit that he no longer holds that role and although I have not found anyone to fulfill his role in the significant way that he did, I feel that someone came into my life nearly a year ago, that under the right circumstances, might have taken his place in my heart and in my life. The only difference between the two individuals, was that one Benjamin, I never kissed, the other one, I had the pleasure of doing so. So, here I was on the train listening to this song and I thought of the new man, but also realized that once upon a time, that same song, reminded me of someone else.
A few years back, I struggled to try to forget Benjamin, I often wished I could erase him from my memory completely, I used to wish that he was gone from my thoughts forever, but now that I have had the opportunity to study the human mind a bit, now that I understand so much about our magnificent brains and know how vital memories can be to us and how useful they can be to us, I realize that I am so glad that I have the capability to have those memories and whenever they resurface, I can embrace them, accept them and then let them go. For the first time in all these years, that song that once reminded me of one man, now reminded me of a new one, one that I shared some moments of my life and one who I call friend no matter how controversial our friendship has been. This new man, is not really in my life anymore, I don't see him or hang out with him or barely talk to him, but I care for him very much as a person and a friend and I honestly have to say that I felt really guilty almost to share with him the fact that I had thought of him with a certain song, because It didn't feel fair to me that a song that made me think of one person initially, now made me think of him. Yet it doesn't really matter, I am not cheating anyone, and they are two totally different individuals, but I couldn't help but to notice that there were things about the way I feel for him, that brought me back to the way I would feel about Benjamin. At the end of the day, the point is that our minds hold on to information to help us with new thoughts, ideas and that it is ok to allow them to help us, but not to control us. One person may have reminded me of another, but they were two completely different individuals and I gave the new person a fair chance to get to know him enough that I know in my mind and in my heart, that if I would have ever been with him, it wasn't because I was trying to replace someone else, it was because I liked who he was, he meaning the new man.
So what does all of this mean you ask? and why is this important for me to log on my journal? well, for starters I am going through constant change and I am constantly growing and learning. I want this on my journal because I want whomever comes across this entry, to understand that it is very very important to embrace our feelings and to accept them and then let them go. That a memory is just a memory and that we can allow it to surface, but then let it go and be ok with it. We have the power to control our thoughts and we can allow our thoughts to make us happy, sad, or whatever else we choose to feel. Love is in our minds or is it? I was going to put on this entry, a video of the song I am referencing, but instead I decided to share a video that I watched in the fall when I was taking my Cognitive Psychology class. Please take time out to watch this video and if you are ever going through something (romantic in nature) that is very painful, and you wish you could erase it from your mind, don't wish it anymore, because there are some out there that have to live without memories and it is truly a very very sad thing. Be grateful that you have the ability to store your memories for whenever you wish to think them again.... OUR MIND IS POWERFUL.
The song will now remind me, of two people who touched me in a meaningful way and that is ok, I'm not doing anything wrong, this is my thoughts, my mind, and I can think whatever I wish too, it is the only part of me that no one will ever know unless I share it. Come inside my thoughts sometimes and read my journal, share it with your friends and your families and whomever yo think will find something on these pages worth reading. I encourage you to come into my world, my mind, my thoughts. They are here on these pages I call my journal.
Please watch the video below, it is about a man who lives without memories, very very sad.
Clive Wearing - The man without memory
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