I felt I needed to clarify something not only to myself, but to whomever reads my blogs and may sometimes feel confused about all the different men that I talk about or mention or tell a story of. Many people play many roles in our lives, some touch us deeper then others obviously. Day after day I live my life as best as I can, and like never before for the very first time, I try not to dwell on the past and or predict the future. It is called trying to live in the moment a very difficult discipline that I may never fully understand or be able to apply to myself.
However, as hard as it may be it isn't harder than not doing anything at all to try to move on from people who hurt me or were confused about me or were just not compatible or the circumstances didn't allow us to develop anything concrete or serious or special or whatever.
I know exactly who I LOVE though. I know who I like, who I lust for, who I would run to, who makes me crazy or sad and so forth. The other day I read an article on Psychology today, that spoke about the fact that it is completely normal to love two people at the same time. I can honestly say, that now I feel better about the fact that about three years ago I was torn between two loves and I fought myself each day because I couldn't understand how I could feel these strong feelings for these two individuals. The only thing was, that with one I was having some sort of a physical relationship with but with the other he was only well, my friend. Three years have passed and I still love one very much as he is my best friend, but three years have also passed and I am fully sure now that I definitely loved one more then the other and that had he loved me back, I would probably be with him right now, because I LOVE HIM STILL! his name is Benjamin Nunez the man who I dedicated this blog too and the man who introduced me to the concept of living in the moment. The man who made me want to be better!
So, for anyone who ever comes across my blog who is confused about all these people I claim to care about, I will tell you this. I have a great big heart and I can care about many many men. However, I am ALWAYS as honest as I can be, because I will not play with anyones feelings. In my heart though, there is only one true love that I try not to think of as much, because he has a girlfriend and is living his life and I am aware that by thinking of him I will only hurt myself. I am learning how to live in this moment and in this moment I am typing on my laptop thinking about a love that never could be. But that doesn't mean I can't still know in the depths of my heart that he is the one person that with all of my heart if he came right now to me I would run away with. YES! I would disappear to never be seen again! that's how real it is!
But, the true reality of my life once again without getting distracted by my active imagination is the fact that the only moment that's real is this one and my reality is he is not in my life and has not been in over three years, so I live and some days I remember him and tears roll down my face as they did this afternoon and I embrace that feeling live it and let it go and move forward. That is all that I can do. That is reality!
Sometimes we need to allow our feelings to resurface so that we can slowly heal. It's important to embrace them, but not dwell on them like I once did. In my heart there he is tucked away in a place that no one else can touch or take from me. There he is the man that I love....his name is Benjamin. Benjamin Nunez......THAT'S NOT HIS REAL NAME...... but if you search my blog, I guarantee you, that's the name you will find over and over again.
If you have never read my blog, then below is the link to the story about Benjamin.... the man I still LOVE!
http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2010/12/omg-my-first-blog-entry.html
ADELE - SOMEONE LIKE YOU...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TysCyqI4kY&feature=related
However, as hard as it may be it isn't harder than not doing anything at all to try to move on from people who hurt me or were confused about me or were just not compatible or the circumstances didn't allow us to develop anything concrete or serious or special or whatever.
I know exactly who I LOVE though. I know who I like, who I lust for, who I would run to, who makes me crazy or sad and so forth. The other day I read an article on Psychology today, that spoke about the fact that it is completely normal to love two people at the same time. I can honestly say, that now I feel better about the fact that about three years ago I was torn between two loves and I fought myself each day because I couldn't understand how I could feel these strong feelings for these two individuals. The only thing was, that with one I was having some sort of a physical relationship with but with the other he was only well, my friend. Three years have passed and I still love one very much as he is my best friend, but three years have also passed and I am fully sure now that I definitely loved one more then the other and that had he loved me back, I would probably be with him right now, because I LOVE HIM STILL! his name is Benjamin Nunez the man who I dedicated this blog too and the man who introduced me to the concept of living in the moment. The man who made me want to be better!
So, for anyone who ever comes across my blog who is confused about all these people I claim to care about, I will tell you this. I have a great big heart and I can care about many many men. However, I am ALWAYS as honest as I can be, because I will not play with anyones feelings. In my heart though, there is only one true love that I try not to think of as much, because he has a girlfriend and is living his life and I am aware that by thinking of him I will only hurt myself. I am learning how to live in this moment and in this moment I am typing on my laptop thinking about a love that never could be. But that doesn't mean I can't still know in the depths of my heart that he is the one person that with all of my heart if he came right now to me I would run away with. YES! I would disappear to never be seen again! that's how real it is!
But, the true reality of my life once again without getting distracted by my active imagination is the fact that the only moment that's real is this one and my reality is he is not in my life and has not been in over three years, so I live and some days I remember him and tears roll down my face as they did this afternoon and I embrace that feeling live it and let it go and move forward. That is all that I can do. That is reality!
Sometimes we need to allow our feelings to resurface so that we can slowly heal. It's important to embrace them, but not dwell on them like I once did. In my heart there he is tucked away in a place that no one else can touch or take from me. There he is the man that I love....his name is Benjamin. Benjamin Nunez......THAT'S NOT HIS REAL NAME...... but if you search my blog, I guarantee you, that's the name you will find over and over again.
If you have never read my blog, then below is the link to the story about Benjamin.... the man I still LOVE!
http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2010/12/omg-my-first-blog-entry.html
ADELE - SOMEONE LIKE YOU...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TysCyqI4kY&feature=related
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