I was going to write about something totally random today, because I felt like it, but then I went on my Facebook page to put up a status wishing my beautiful niece and baby girl a happy birthday and when I did so, I remembered clearly those two very meaningful days.
The day my niece was born, I was hanging out with my sister and I was drinking, when she started her labor, her boyfriend and I took her to the hospital and the whole time, he and I kept laughing because my sister was acting so crazy! I was laughing because I was just drunk and stupid, he was laughing because he was so nervous. I wasn't allowed to go into the delivery room with her because well one, I was drunk and two I wasn't the father, so I think I got picked up and taken home and woke up a few hours later probably hung over and was told I had a new niece. My life changed, I have loved that little girl since I first held her in my arms almost as if she is my own, sometimes now when she does things that I am not happy about, they affect me deeply and I feel helpless because I don't know what to do to make it better for her or to make her life perfect so that she never has to endure the things that I went through in my life. It is difficult because with our children, we want them to be better then we are, we want them to make the least mistakes as possible, yet all we can really do is try to guide them in the right direction. She is incredibly intelligent and I know that she can go really far in life if she applies herself. I think of her as my own daughter, I would give anything so that she never had to have heart break or pain yet I know that these are the things that make us learn and grow. My beautiful niece!
Four years ago today at 6:30 a.m. I gave birth to my own little girl, I went to the hospital at about 12:30am with my husband who I was broken up with, we had been sleeping in separate beds for a few months already and the only reason why he was still living in the same apartment with me, was because I was pregnant and he wanted to make sure I wasn't alone. He is not a bad man, but he was just not the man for me. Before I went to bed that evening, I sent my friend Benjamin Nunez (remember him? he's the person I'm in love with for years) http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2010/12/omg-my-first-blog-entry.html anyway, I sent him a txt message that evening and told him that it didn't seem like I would be having the baby anytime soon. He told me to let him know as soon as I did and he was so excited for me.
When I got to the hospital with severe labor pains I kept thinking to myself, as I would look at my then husband, GOD! WHY COULDN'T YOU BE HIM! and while my ex husband would try to comfort me the only real comfort I had in my thoughts, was him, I kept thinking that although this man who's child I was about to have was in the room with me trying to coach me through my labor pains, one day I would be with Benjamin and if I could, I would have his 100 babies! and the harder the pains got the more I thought of him and the more I wished my ex was him, it was so crazy! here I was in a hospital room about to give birth to a child in severe labor and all I could think about was that man! IF THAT ISN'T TRUE LOVE, THEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS!
I can't even say that all my thoughts were due to medication because I didn't get anything. Well I did get this thing that they give you to get you ready for an epidural which basically just made me groggy, but by the time I was going to get the actual epidural it was too late because my daughter was about to come out. It was so bad that I told the doctors that they have better get me ready because my baby was coming and they all ran around to do so because I was not playing, that baby was coming! It was a severely painful labor as most labors are, but when I had her and looked at her, it was all worth it! and then I thought of him and kept thinking, God I wish it could be with you! and once they took my baby girl away and my ex left the room with her and I was all alone, I grabbed my phone and sent him a message to tell him I had just had my baby girl, he was the first person I informed. Well, 4 years later and he no longer talks to me, he never even met my princess. Funny, how life goes............
This morning I woke up and thought of him. I wonder how he is doing? God I miss my friend! now I'm crying.............
Sarah McLaughlin - Possession - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ucdnm8iU-5c&ob=av2e
The day my niece was born, I was hanging out with my sister and I was drinking, when she started her labor, her boyfriend and I took her to the hospital and the whole time, he and I kept laughing because my sister was acting so crazy! I was laughing because I was just drunk and stupid, he was laughing because he was so nervous. I wasn't allowed to go into the delivery room with her because well one, I was drunk and two I wasn't the father, so I think I got picked up and taken home and woke up a few hours later probably hung over and was told I had a new niece. My life changed, I have loved that little girl since I first held her in my arms almost as if she is my own, sometimes now when she does things that I am not happy about, they affect me deeply and I feel helpless because I don't know what to do to make it better for her or to make her life perfect so that she never has to endure the things that I went through in my life. It is difficult because with our children, we want them to be better then we are, we want them to make the least mistakes as possible, yet all we can really do is try to guide them in the right direction. She is incredibly intelligent and I know that she can go really far in life if she applies herself. I think of her as my own daughter, I would give anything so that she never had to have heart break or pain yet I know that these are the things that make us learn and grow. My beautiful niece!
Four years ago today at 6:30 a.m. I gave birth to my own little girl, I went to the hospital at about 12:30am with my husband who I was broken up with, we had been sleeping in separate beds for a few months already and the only reason why he was still living in the same apartment with me, was because I was pregnant and he wanted to make sure I wasn't alone. He is not a bad man, but he was just not the man for me. Before I went to bed that evening, I sent my friend Benjamin Nunez (remember him? he's the person I'm in love with for years) http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2010/12/omg-my-first-blog-entry.html anyway, I sent him a txt message that evening and told him that it didn't seem like I would be having the baby anytime soon. He told me to let him know as soon as I did and he was so excited for me.
When I got to the hospital with severe labor pains I kept thinking to myself, as I would look at my then husband, GOD! WHY COULDN'T YOU BE HIM! and while my ex husband would try to comfort me the only real comfort I had in my thoughts, was him, I kept thinking that although this man who's child I was about to have was in the room with me trying to coach me through my labor pains, one day I would be with Benjamin and if I could, I would have his 100 babies! and the harder the pains got the more I thought of him and the more I wished my ex was him, it was so crazy! here I was in a hospital room about to give birth to a child in severe labor and all I could think about was that man! IF THAT ISN'T TRUE LOVE, THEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS!
I can't even say that all my thoughts were due to medication because I didn't get anything. Well I did get this thing that they give you to get you ready for an epidural which basically just made me groggy, but by the time I was going to get the actual epidural it was too late because my daughter was about to come out. It was so bad that I told the doctors that they have better get me ready because my baby was coming and they all ran around to do so because I was not playing, that baby was coming! It was a severely painful labor as most labors are, but when I had her and looked at her, it was all worth it! and then I thought of him and kept thinking, God I wish it could be with you! and once they took my baby girl away and my ex left the room with her and I was all alone, I grabbed my phone and sent him a message to tell him I had just had my baby girl, he was the first person I informed. Well, 4 years later and he no longer talks to me, he never even met my princess. Funny, how life goes............
This morning I woke up and thought of him. I wonder how he is doing? God I miss my friend! now I'm crying.............
Sarah McLaughlin - Possession - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ucdnm8iU-5c&ob=av2e
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