Dear Journal:
I am so busy that I have been neglecting you, but I promise that I think of you all the time. My beautiful journal where I write my story. I love it! I have been learning so many wonderful things lately that I have to say that everyday more and more I realize how lucky I am. Studying psychology is so amazing, our minds are so wonderful. I only hope that one day, I will be able to help people with what I am learning as that is my goal.
The truth is that my life has not been very eventful lately, it pretty much consists of me going to work, school and home. I don't party I don't go out, but every now and then I will have a coffee date here and there. I went on one tonight and had a very interesting conversation with a young man, yes, young because thats what I attract and the truth is, I don't care to admit anymore that I like them too. The other day a man my age approached me and the only thing he did was piss me off real bad, what I have noticed for the most part is that no matter what age a man is, they are pretty much the same thing they all want one thing from me and well, lucky for me, I have the option to do whatever I want with that thing that belongs to me. I go out and enjoy coffee and decide what I want, if I want and where I want. I LOVE MY SINGLE LIFE! I have seriously learned to embrace it and honestly believe that being single really gives me the opportunity to meet all sorts of people it's pretty cool.
Something did happen this week that I must mention. The other day I was on the train reading my book and I looked up and there he was, walking towards my direction. When I saw him I felt sick like throwing up, I got nervous I blushed I felt butterflies It was a feeling that I couldn't control. I wanted to laugh hide my face smile I just didn't know what to do. Part of me wanted to crawl under something and disappear, but the other part of me wanted to go over to him and just catch up with my wonderful friend who I love. The funny thing about it though was that I never thought that he still had that effect on me, I wasn't sure what to do and that is so unlike me, but whatever decision I would make in the next few minutes would change so many things. I could walk out of that train and always wonder if he was still angry or confused about me, or I could take a chance talk to him and walk away crying again how I did a few months ago, http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2011/10/journal-entry-10-27-11.html or I could take a chance and get my closure and know that he and I have both moved on and we can still say hello if we bump into each other.
He didn't see me but ended up standing against the door right across from me, I was facing the door where I was standing but with my back to him, so he couldn't see my face. For the next 20 minutes or so I decided that I was not going to talk to him so I began reading my book trying to just forget that he was there. I kept mentally cursing him out telling myself that he was an asshole who hurt my feelings and I refused to talk to a jerk like him, but my heart kept telling me that the right thing to do, was to say hello to my friend that I often think of and miss, so when we finally got to the stop where we both go to college and the train was almost empty, I walked up to him and said hello. With a smile he greeted me and the next few minutes, felt like the old two of us, I almost felt like he wanted to just sit and talk to me about all the things that have happened in his life the last few months and the truth is that if it wasn't because I had to go to class and so did he, I would of loved nothing more then to have sat with him and talked and talked and talked like we once did. I had to control myself and tell myself that things had changed and that he was no longer my friend that I once shared so many secrets with. I told him how I had just been thinking of him a few days before and called him an asshole and we both laughed. God I love him! I miss my BK so much! but in my mind and in my heart I know that we can't even be friends anymore. We finally got to the front of the building where my class is held and I had to say goodbye, I felt so sad that I had to say goodbye and walk away as if he were some stranger that I just bumped into and was catching up with. I walked into the building and pouted all the way up to my class and the whole time I kept thinking...... Life is so unfair!
At the end of the day at least I can say, I LIVED THE EXPERIENCE! I know what it felt like and I have no regrets! He will always hold a special place in my heart and now I know, that if we ever bump into each other again..... WE ARE COOL!
When I wrote that last phrase, I thought of one of my favorite songs ever! Not really related to him and I as we were never in a relationship http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2011/05/dear-bk.html but I really love this song.....
PLEASE ENJOY!
GWEN STEFANI - COOL
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGwZ7MNtBFU
I am so busy that I have been neglecting you, but I promise that I think of you all the time. My beautiful journal where I write my story. I love it! I have been learning so many wonderful things lately that I have to say that everyday more and more I realize how lucky I am. Studying psychology is so amazing, our minds are so wonderful. I only hope that one day, I will be able to help people with what I am learning as that is my goal.
The truth is that my life has not been very eventful lately, it pretty much consists of me going to work, school and home. I don't party I don't go out, but every now and then I will have a coffee date here and there. I went on one tonight and had a very interesting conversation with a young man, yes, young because thats what I attract and the truth is, I don't care to admit anymore that I like them too. The other day a man my age approached me and the only thing he did was piss me off real bad, what I have noticed for the most part is that no matter what age a man is, they are pretty much the same thing they all want one thing from me and well, lucky for me, I have the option to do whatever I want with that thing that belongs to me. I go out and enjoy coffee and decide what I want, if I want and where I want. I LOVE MY SINGLE LIFE! I have seriously learned to embrace it and honestly believe that being single really gives me the opportunity to meet all sorts of people it's pretty cool.
Something did happen this week that I must mention. The other day I was on the train reading my book and I looked up and there he was, walking towards my direction. When I saw him I felt sick like throwing up, I got nervous I blushed I felt butterflies It was a feeling that I couldn't control. I wanted to laugh hide my face smile I just didn't know what to do. Part of me wanted to crawl under something and disappear, but the other part of me wanted to go over to him and just catch up with my wonderful friend who I love. The funny thing about it though was that I never thought that he still had that effect on me, I wasn't sure what to do and that is so unlike me, but whatever decision I would make in the next few minutes would change so many things. I could walk out of that train and always wonder if he was still angry or confused about me, or I could take a chance talk to him and walk away crying again how I did a few months ago, http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2011/10/journal-entry-10-27-11.html or I could take a chance and get my closure and know that he and I have both moved on and we can still say hello if we bump into each other.
He didn't see me but ended up standing against the door right across from me, I was facing the door where I was standing but with my back to him, so he couldn't see my face. For the next 20 minutes or so I decided that I was not going to talk to him so I began reading my book trying to just forget that he was there. I kept mentally cursing him out telling myself that he was an asshole who hurt my feelings and I refused to talk to a jerk like him, but my heart kept telling me that the right thing to do, was to say hello to my friend that I often think of and miss, so when we finally got to the stop where we both go to college and the train was almost empty, I walked up to him and said hello. With a smile he greeted me and the next few minutes, felt like the old two of us, I almost felt like he wanted to just sit and talk to me about all the things that have happened in his life the last few months and the truth is that if it wasn't because I had to go to class and so did he, I would of loved nothing more then to have sat with him and talked and talked and talked like we once did. I had to control myself and tell myself that things had changed and that he was no longer my friend that I once shared so many secrets with. I told him how I had just been thinking of him a few days before and called him an asshole and we both laughed. God I love him! I miss my BK so much! but in my mind and in my heart I know that we can't even be friends anymore. We finally got to the front of the building where my class is held and I had to say goodbye, I felt so sad that I had to say goodbye and walk away as if he were some stranger that I just bumped into and was catching up with. I walked into the building and pouted all the way up to my class and the whole time I kept thinking...... Life is so unfair!
At the end of the day at least I can say, I LIVED THE EXPERIENCE! I know what it felt like and I have no regrets! He will always hold a special place in my heart and now I know, that if we ever bump into each other again..... WE ARE COOL!
When I wrote that last phrase, I thought of one of my favorite songs ever! Not really related to him and I as we were never in a relationship http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2011/05/dear-bk.html but I really love this song.....
PLEASE ENJOY!
GWEN STEFANI - COOL
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGwZ7MNtBFU
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