MEN HAVE FEELINGS TOO...CHEATING!

The Story Below, was written by a very good friend of mine.  He also enjoys writing and he sent it to me so that I could read it.  I don't condone cheating, and I am going to be writing about cheating soon, but to my friends defense, sometimes in life we are caught up in situations and we end up doing things we are not very proud of.

To my friend who sent me this story:

Thank you for sharing and allowing me to post it.  GOOD LUCK ALWAYS! love you lots!

This story begins just over one year ago…

It was a trying time in his life. His marriage has been shaky from the beginning; he never wanted to marry his wife. He knew no good would come from it. She was different from him not a lot in common and what they did share they did so reluctantly. But he was in a stage in his life. A stage that had him question his self worth, whether he was even worth being considered a man. He made some changes in his life, major changes. It was time to get his ducks in a row, before his body gave way to the maggots of obesity.

His body was flush with disease: diabetes, gout, high blood pressure. His cabinets held more prescriptions than plates. His wife was there but not in the way he had hoped for. She had her own demons and he was defenseless to them. He could not cope with his and her issues as much as he tried. She too failed at even acknowledging his issues. Never once did she take a moment to ask how are you? Is everything ok? For her it was about her needs and wants. This translated to everything in their lives, from the car, house and even the baby she desired. His needs were never met, looked at as if they were wants and could be shunned to a later date.

He yearned for communication, for intimacy neither need was ever met unless there was confrontation; this is all he knew for 13 years of being with her. He knew that if he wanted his needs met he would need to argue, to fight in order to have both of those needs met. The fights where their form of communication, the time in which he could finally get out what he needed to say and she would listen, but not hear him. These arguments were the same each time, the same with each breath. Nothing changed or wavered from them. It was as if they were scripted, with the same words spoken. He grew tired of this his mental capacity for this type of interaction grew very weak. He expressed to her this and she took it as nothing.

           

     As time went on he started to hate life, watching all those couples having fun, smiling, enjoying one another’s company. His life was that of solitude. Yes he had the American dream, had the house in the suburbs, the 2 cars, even had one kid and 2 dogs. Life on paper was perfect, but within those walls his life was in shambles.

     Two years after he signed on the dotted line they discussed the idea of children. For him, he heard intimacy, something he was craving for so long. She wanted the child to perfect the American dream. So they set out to try…he thought this would be a long winded process of getting it right, hell nothing ever in his life went that easy anyway. So when after consummating the path once they found new life was beset on them…What? how can that be he thought…just once is all it took! His wants of intimacy ruined at that moment. Her plan was intact, she now had what she desired and his needs and wants were pushed to the side. He patiently waited for this new life to be brought, hoping that in this little one he can find happiness that would make him want to stay in this dismal marriage. On the first day of June that following year his daughter took her first breath. A joyous occasion unlike any other, his life had changed, he was protector to his baby girl from that moment.

           

      But her life as precious as it was, was not enough for him. He needed more wanted more out of life. After her birth he tried to make amends with this. Tried feverishly but could not find the magic ingredient that made him happy. He embarked on a new path, saw that his current ways would cause nothing but hardship and pain to him and his family if he did nothing. His choice was to get fit by any means necessary. He found solace in the fact that he was not just doing this for himself but for his daughter.

     Gastric bypass was in his future, he made all the arrangements for the surgery sat and discussed it with friends and family. His wife put up the biggest issue, you do not need to do this was said many times over. If you do this you will leave me, this was said numerous times. Not the fact that this is a surgery and you could die or there are complications or can you try something else first. This bothered him immensely, over a dinner with her he mentioned to her that this is something that may have to be curtailed the constant eating out. Her answer to him was “I have friends to go out with” now hearing that was a dagger thru the heart. She was not onboard with him. He heard her in disbelief. She did not care that he was going to alter his life and he knew and told her that she did not have to follow a strict manifest like he was to. All he hoped for was her to say I have your back, but she didn’t, she put her needs again in front of his, as always this was a one way highway not a normal give some and take some just take some.

           

      Fast forward several months and many nights in therapy. Nothing has changed with this relationship. He has asked and begged for something but nothing is being heard... So one night he sets out for the unthinkable. He goes through unconventional methods to talk to someone, ANYONE.  Hell if he could just talk to someone and not have the animosity between them…his wants here go unfulfilled at first, the same kind of banter that makes him want to shun society and lock himself away with multiple books and the necessities and not have to interact at all, it sounded better than the alternative of speaking with people either to full of themselves or looking for mr. money bags or save me from my problem people.

      But after a run with the first one, he decides to put out some more feelers. This time around two conversations seem promising. This is short lived and he is down to one. But there is something about this one. The way the words are strung together, they sound as if this person is seeking out the same. The banter that goes between is enlightening. Nothing labored, it seems as if they are able to converse on a level that he has not been in a very long time.

           

      It is not long until they meet; his amazement at how beautiful she is has him wondering if he could even go through with this. They choose a book store close to her job and he gets there ahead of time, kind of sets up shop. His nerves have his now smaller frame racing. He sees her walk in the front door of the store. He immediately ducks down in fear and does not know what to do. He is scared to meet her. Their conversations on the information superhighway are so good that he is nervous that the face to face would be an end to all of that. But he bucks up and approaches her. Her beauty is stifling it has him speaking with his hands more than his mouth. He is aware of everything about her but yet it is all a blur. They chat for a few, she looks disinterested, he is now wondering if meeting her was a mistake. Did this spell the end of great dialogue? After about ten minutes they parted ways. He walked her to her car, held the door and said their goodbyes. She promised to be online once she got home that night, to which he felt that she would not. He progressed to his car and sat down and finally took the deep breath that he so needed. He flipped down the mirror and looked himself in the eyes and stated well I guess that was nice and that he would never see or hear from her again.

      As he drove home he thought over and over what he had embarked and how this would change the way of life as he knew it. This was his first step of many that made his married life become its own separate entity, something that would be referred to as hell or the term S.O. for significant other.
 

        He arrived home to b.f.e. and made his way to his dungeon, some may call it a basement but this was his life now. He spent countless hours in this space, hoping for the next person to chat to. But tonight was different, he was hoping for this beauty with brains to speak with him. After he said his hellos and goodnights he turned on his laptop to see her name highlighted with a message. Hey where are you? Was written, and he immediately responded, this conversation picked up right where it left off, to his amazement.

       She said it was nice to meet you and he expelled the same to her. He was smitten with her looks and admired her mental capacity. He was latching on with trepidation. He knew that this was not what he should be doing. Sitting two floors up was his wife and as much as he wanted that to change she still held onto that title. But he digressed and relaxed into a pleasurable state as his new friend and he chatted the night away.

           

      The next day was no different it was heavy the go between, he wanted to see her again but allowed her to set the rules so she would feel safe. He knew a little bit about her and saw that she too was in a similar situation.

       They chatted about anything and everything. They watched CNN on tv and discussed it through instant messaging as if they shared the same bed. They spoke on everything. He had felt as if his game needed to step up. She was an intellectual and he knew he was not a slouch but still he needed to get a better handle on it. By week’s end they decided to meet again, this time at a friend of hers house. He patiently waited for the day to come and he made sure he dressed to impress or at least show he knew how to bathe himself.

        He made his way over to the swanky part of town, nice houses prior to the debacle of the housing market, these homes were all well over the 400’s.  He met her friend who was an odd character but he could see they complimented each other, they had a bond. The night grew on and she and he sat on the couch having a beer and talking, she got very comfortable with him and placed her feet under him so he could warm her up. He thought that strange at first, thinking for a second that she is showing signs of being extremely comfortable with him. Was this her personality or was it his presence? He chose the middle ground so his head would not swell to the point that he could no longer hold it up.

       Before the night was over she invited him over to her house. This was across the street, she was in the process of moving out and back into the home that she and her husband created. All good things come to an end, is what he thought. They chatted in the house and she showed him around. He took notice of her impeccable taste and the niceness of the home.

      They sat on the couch and talked and then proceeded to the  fireplace which he could not light, she stood with a candle flicker and he so wanted to kiss her, but he held back. He was unsure of the situation but really unsure of himself.  Should he do this? will she be responsive? The moment had passed and he stood in despair. He had missed the opportunity to kiss such a beautiful woman. They went back to sitting on the couch where she made herself very comfortable with him again, one thing led to another and they embraced. He felt tingles deep down in his soul, the kisses were magical for him, he was never much of a kisser but this was different. They held each other touching and groping one another. His shirt being pulled over his head her shirt being opened up. They embraced this whole time while their hands roamed each others body. She reached for his belt and undid it. He allowed her to run the show, at this moment he would not know what to do. It was months almost a year since he last touched a woman and he felt lost, unsure of what was or should happen. Her touch was so tender so warm and inviting he held his breath. He was in such a euphoric state that he was hers for whatever she wanted. The culmination of all of their conversations and now this, for him it was more than sex it was the start of something that he yearned for. It was now staring him in his face. Yes this was illicit, their actions underhanded to their S.O’s but he wanted her and she wanted him. As the moments ticked away his subconscious came to light and he hit a roadblock mentally, his apparatus was not going to cooperate with him or her.

      His vows, his contract with his wife, his night with his princess now over in that regard. She took it in stride, consoled him as he left. He has never felt this low about himself. He immediately went home and sat in the dark and tried to make ends of this. His desires and wants were staring him in his face and his hatred of life was sitting two floors above him.

           

      His princess continued to contact him which he felt good about, having not forgotten about that night he vowed for it to never happen again. That maybe it is a side effect of his surgery or maybe it is his current diet, but he knew where it stemmed from. It was not anything against his new found friend it was the fact he had not ended what he was currently in and he felt bad in that respect. But this new relationship was flourishing. They met a few more times and again had opportunity to consummate their relationship. This time it was on the floor of her house, her home in which she had spent the last year or so in before she had been forced to go back to her family home. He made it a momentous occasion, he brought to her the pleasure that she had wanted and she gave him more than he could ever imagine. This moment forever sealed into the time space continuum for him. She was amazing, so beautiful, so gentle, so sexy. Her eyes spoke volumes to him.

           

       As time went on they became very good friends, they shared a lot. Nothing seemed taboo, he asked about her past/current situation. She divulged things to him told him about herself in a detail that you may only speak with someone if you knew them twenty plus years. There was something to be said about that. The ease of saying what you wanted or needed was a good evil, this will prove itself in time he thought. Maybe some things are better left unsaid, in the closet or in the dark so to speak.


      But he went on, she was his sounding board and he was hers. She went on about a man that she had in her life recently that was someone that he saw she loved immensely. He was skeptical about this other man. He knew little but his curiosity got to him, he wanted to know more. He knew she was still seeing him from time to time and that they were romantic as well. This hurt him, he could not stand the thought of her with another especially after some of the stuff that she had told him. But what was he to do, if he says something more than a slight rumble she may just stop talking to him…and go back to the other. So he kept quiet, sat there with a smile when she said he was an asshole or a jerk. Hearing about his demise was ego boosting to him, he sat and thought that this other man’s loss was his gain. He saw what she had within. But this other man kept in the picture for many months and caused many issues over and over with him. He could not understand why after all this time she still wanted to talk to him. Was it that he was her soul mate? did he offer her everything that she ever wanted, was he her fairy tale prince? This messed up the ego and psyche of him, he stood in the mirror and wondered why he was still standing there and trying to get her attention. Was it that she was with another and that what you can not have is what you want? or was it something deeper? He sat multiple days and pondered that.  But inside of him something was growing, something more than just a want of some sexual activity, he wanted her mind, body and spirit.