Thursday, February 10, 2011

FUCK HIM!

When I wrote my very first Blog post, I talked about a man who changed my life forever, he did indeed do just that.  There are  reasons and specific details as to why.  But I will not be writing about those specifics in my blog, because that stuff I am keeping for my book (the book I hope to write in a few years).  This man not only changed my life forever, but he also caused me a lot of heart ache and sadness.

For these last almost 3yrs of my life, I have struggled tremendously to get over him, I have tried things that most people never even heard of doing just to move on.  Nothing has worked, until now.... 


To you, I will give the gift of revealing my secret strategy of moving on from someone you love who doesn't want you or has done nothing but cause you heart ache and pain.  Yes, I could probably charge a LOT of money for this, but, since I'm cool like that, you get a freeby.  Brace yourself!

What is my new strategy you ask??? Well here it is......

It is simply.......FUCK HIM! yup that's the strategy.  It's simply FUCK HIM! and here is how it works.

So I will get up in the morning and my very first thought will usually be about him.  Before, I would start to dwell on it and start feeling sad about it.  Now, when I wake up an he pops up in my mind I think "whatever! FUCK HIM" and I start my day.  Then I'll be on the train on my way to work, and he will pop up in my mind again and I will say to myself why are you thinking of him??? FUCK HIM!

Later that day, I'll be at work and get the urge to go on my phone and look at his FB status and I will think to myself, "why am I looking at what this man has to say??? it's clearly not very important and, usually if it's not something related to technology which really isn't something that I can use or grow from in any way shape or form, then the status pertains to "how great he is or he pretends to be" so I then think, why am I stalking him??? it's not worth the time and effort! this marvelous energy that I am clearly wasting on someone who thinks he is God's gift to the world, I can use it on something more productive.  So instead of checking the page I simply think "FUCK HIM"!

Then I will be on my way to class from work and I'll see his name on something random (always happens) or something will remind me of him, or my ipod will play a song we discussed and I will think to myself, what a stupid sign and/or this song isn't even that good and by the way Jazz, why are you thinking about him??? "FUCK HIM"!I know I know, mental cursing isn't very lady like, however, to my defense, that man hasn't been very nice to me anyway.

He has his own blog as well, and  he has blogged about me before.  The times that he has, his blog posts weren't very kind or considerate of my feelings at all.  Therefore, I think that sharing this story with you, about someone's unkind writings about me, don't make me feel as if me saying to myself constantly "fuck him" is that awful.  So, why can't I mentally curse him out?

His blog is way busier then mine, he writes a lot of very interesting stuff.  So, why in the world, does he feel that he needs to write about me? and the stuff he writes isn't in my opinion very nice? sure he uses fancy words and I have to admit his writing is beautiful however, if you don't want to talk to me or be my friend, why are you wasting your time writing about me??


The first time he wrote about me was 2 years ago right after our friendship ended.  In that blog post, he made me sound like this horrible person who was out to get him.  The evil witch, that was trying to hurt the poor nice guy.  In that blog post all kinds of people were commenting on and on about how horrible I was.  Remember, his blog is extremely busy, so much so that he gets sometimes paid from google for their ads.  So, here he is getting hits on his blog by talking about this horrible human being who did something really really bad to him.  One person even gave him pointers on how he could get me arrested WTF!

Then, a few weeks ago right after I saw him and told him that I still loved him, he blogs about me again referring to me as if I'm some stranger! This man has never once had any consideration for my feelings.  I understand that men are not as sensitive as woman, however, we should ALWAYS show every single human being some type of love and respect.

I understand that he does not love me back and that he does not choose to be with me. I understand and respect that, what I don't understand is, that when you take into consideration another human beings feelings, then there are certain things you just don't do!

I saw him on that day because I needed some sort of closure, he was very aware of my reason for seeing him, he was also aware that I was going to be in the same place with him and him knowing me the way he does, I am sure he knew that I just wanted to know that we forgave one another and that we could finally close this almost lingering heavy burden from our past and feel free and good, move on and let go of those hurtful feelings.

I thought that the kindest human thing for the both of us to do on that day, would of been to end everything there.  For his answers to whatever my questions or inquiries were to be addressed that day, because after all, he knew I would ask. 

But instead of him addressing my questions and telling me something like, Jazz we are cool but I would really prefer to not maintain contact, or Jazz I'm sorry you feel that way it wasn't my intention.  I honestly at that point would of even been happy with a Jazz why don't you just "fuck off."  I even said that to him and he just giggled, I'm serious I did say that to him and he giggled??? as if he wasn't the intelligent grown man that he is, as if his vocabulary wasn't full of words that sometimes I would have to look up in the dictionary because I seriously didn't know the meaning.  Like if he wasn't a 4.0 college graduate.  No, this man said nothing, he just giggled. 


The thing is, that he knows me well enough to know, that if he would of addressed those things right there and then, I would of left him alone.  He knows me better then anyone in this world.  He knows my mind.  So, why didn't he do that??? why didn't he just say what he needed to right there and then???

Instead, the next day, he writes about me again making me sound like I was some stranger he had just met who as he put it "he was having an interesting conversation with" OUCH!

If someone loved me as much as I have loved him and I didn't feel the same way.  First, I would be sincerely honored that someone would think me to be so great that they were giving their love to me.  And second, I would treat this person with the up most respect and consideration. But, he is who he is, maybe all this time I was just wrong about who I believed him to be.  Maybe it is true that love is blinding to the point that you make the person better then what they actually are.  I don't know.

So, there you have it, if you are being treated un kind, by someone you love, then the kindest thing you can do for yourself is say "fuck them" I guarantee, there will be someone out there that will most certainly deserve what you have to offer. 


Yes I'm still working on getting over him and moving on but with my new "FUCK HIM" strategy, I feel good about it and am sincerely moving on.

So, fuck him or her! This strategy is extremely effective.

CAUTION!


If you decide to use my "Fuck them" strategy, you might find yourself laughing A LOT, (this happens to me all the time) this will cause people on the street or wherever you are, to look at you and think you are crazy! That is OK laughter and smiles are contagious! just DON'T GIVE UP! :)

3 comments:

  1. I've always used that strategy and I agree...it works VERY well, lol.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi, our paths once crossed once before, but you more than likely not remember me. Don't ask how I even ever stumbled upon your blog.

    I just wanted to say that I learned a lot about you through reading your blog posts. You see someone, and yet you can never imagine the things this person has experienced, accomplished, etc. Not that I recall having any bad thoughts about you when we met. What I'm really saying is I enjoyed reading about you, and I now have a lot of respect and admiration for you. I see that you are a strong person, and just wanted to let you know I think you are awesome.

    I hope you find everything you are looking for in a partner because I feel you deserve it. You may not be looking for a relationship now, but one day when the time is right I hope you find the one man who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated, truly make you happy, and give you what you deserve.

    Take care. Wish you well in your studies, too.

    ReplyDelete
  3. @Naty - What can I say, I learn from the best ;)

    @Anonymous -

    I know this will sound silly, but your comment brought tears to my eyes.

    I have no idea who you are and that means that people other then my friends, are reading the stories that I have to share and that means a great deal to me.

    You are my first anonymous comment so THANK YOU! not only for taking time out to read my blog, but also for your comment and good wishes.

    ReplyDelete

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