SCHOOL GIRL FEELING.

I feel like a little school girl.  One that wakes up extra early to get pretty because today she will see the boy she likes.  And every single time I look at the clock to see that the time is getting closer, I get sick to my stomach at the thought that soon, I will be breathing the same air as he.  All this love, what to do with it? 

If I had a choice, there wouldn’t even be a question.  I know who I love, I know who I want.  Unfortunately for me though, I am not a school girl and this is real life and I can’t have what I want.  I have to always be ready for the worst, accept what I didn’t want to accept for so long and move on as if nothing ever happened.

Still, I am trying to live in the moment, this one and I will be near him if only for a few hours and I will breath the same air and share the same space and laugh at the same things and enjoy a few hours of my complete happiness, because he is around.  And when I go, I will know, that it was all worth it because he is kind and wonderful and amazing and I love him no matter how much I shouldn’t.

One day, I will write about someone else someone who will finally have stolen my heart and my thoughts from him.  For now though, I will indulge in the school girl feeling and be thankful that I am capable of feeling it, because that means that I am alive.