A man, It is in his nature to hunt or do whatever it takes to make the woman he loves happy. It doesn’t matter if he is a good guy, or a bad boy, when a man truly loves a woman he will do anything for her. Yes, this is a fact.
My life has been filled with bad boys, I don’t know what it is about them, but in my young years they were the one’s that made my heart race. Bad boys, although they may seem tough in the outside, in my experience, they are gentle and tender in the inside, they just show their love in different ways.
My first husband was a bad boy, I can write a whole book only on the crazy things this man was capable of doing. I can honestly say, I truly admired his fearless ways. Sometimes people think I am fearless, but the truth is that half the time I am scared to death, which is why I think I had this admiration for him. I would often think damn I wish I had the balls to do that! I spent most of my relationship with him being his mommy, trying to make him stop doing the crazy things he would do, using the love he had for me to help him change.
When he died and I walked into the funeral home, his sister accused me of his death, she said “if you would of stayed with my brother, he would still be alive” I felt like crap! But I almost felt like this could be true. I was the ONLY one, who could control him a little bit all because he loved me.
I was never truly in love with him, but I loved him very much our marriage was not one of your typical love story man on bended knee asks girl to marry him. He wasn't ready for marriage and neither was I. But us getting married wasn't a thing of, we are in deep love and want to spend the rest of our lives together, it was more that of me saying, hey I know you need a green card, why don’t we get married? I want to help you, yeah, I’m cool like that, I like to help people whenever I can.
We got married and set out on a journey of nothing but drama, this man gave me many sleepless nights. At one point, he was the driver of strippers, so I had to go to bed every night knowing that my husband was out taking strippers to work my man was hanging out with sexy women, yeah I know, every girls dream to have a man like that right?
My man also loved partying and doing drugs, this would cause him to stay out all night sometimes, and my role was to stay in bed and cry hoping that he was ok. I don’t know if I cried of anger or fear, still, I remember crying many nights for him, praying that he would be safe.
One Valentine’s day, he comes to me with a box and he is all excited like a lil boy. That valentine's day, my man had done whatever he had to do to make his woman happy. I will never forget the look on his face with happiness, he wanted to make valentine’s day special for me. I looked at the unwrapped box that read VCR on it, we didn’t have one so of course I was really really happy, and then it dawned on me and I asked the question that would undoubtedly have an answer that would probably be upsetting and make the gift not that appealing anymore, but I had to know. I knew for sure he had no money, I knew for sure he had no job, I also knew he was always up to some sort of illegal activity. After me getting upset and catching a fit about it, he finally answered my question. He said, Jazz I stole it and I know you told me that you want me to change and I am really trying, I’m looking for work and I am trying to change for you, but how can I let valentine’s day go by and not buy my wife a gift? As I am writing this and am recalling that night, tears are rolling down my face. He loved me and he would risk going to jail, stealing doing whatever he had to do just to try to make his woman happy.
I started to cry really hard after he told me that, I told him that I didn’t know whether to be happy because he would do something crazy just to make my valentine’s day special or if I was mad that he was still out there doing the things I didn’t want him to do. I would always tell him, I don’t want diamonds and pearls, I just want you to be safe and for us to live a simple life. I just want you’re love, but with Ronald, it was never simple. Ron would go out and rob illegal gambling houses at knife point, he would go out and sell drugs, he would go out and transport hookers/strippers all to take care of the woman he loved. Hunt for the woman he loved.
Ronald, may your soul rest in peace, I hope that wherever you are, you know that I will never forget that you loved me.
Happy Valentine’s day!
Awwww =)
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