DAMMIT JOURNAL!!!! -
I wish sometimes you weren't PG 13, because if you were not, I could tell you so many many more things! but, I must not, because Jazzy can't very well tell you all of her secrets now can she?
I can only say this...... Before Christmas I was talking to someone who I really liked, I had met him online and he lived pretty far, but we hit it off and we would talk like everyday almost, don't really want to get into to many details but while I was talking to him I always kept thinking of someone else that I would of liked to have had something a bit more meaningful with, yet I wanted to stay true to myself and my feelings and didn't want to say things to two different people at the same time, so while I was talking to the one that I had never met in person, I sort of stopped talking to the other.
Please pay attention because this is tricky. The main thing to focus on here is that this is all TALK! I'm not seeing these two individuals I'm not doing anything but talking, still, you begin to develop some sort of attachment to I guess your phone? because they sort of become that, they are not a person that you are looking into their eyes or spending time with, but rather they are an individual that you develop an emotional attachment to because you tell each other stuff.
Both these individuals lived in different states, one I had already met in person like I mentioned already and the other I only talked to online. The one I met in person I already had some sort of history with so with him it was way more emotional, yet the new person that I was starting to get to know, began to sort of over shadow the one I met in person. There were a few reasons why, but mainly it was that the one I had already seen and spent time with, he and I had a hot cold sort of thing and he wasn't really sure what he wanted.
Anyway, after the new person and I had been talking for a bit over a month, he started to show signs that I wasn't very happy about, meaning that he and I had quite a bit of amount of communication during the first month, but slowly things began to sort of fade, I began to see patterns which led me to believe that since he didn't even live in the same state, it was very possible that he might have a significant other in his. I never told him this but I always say actions speak louder then words so although his words said many many things, his actions did not support those words.
I finally had enough and we had it out and that was the last I heard from him, which led me to the conclusion that maybe I was right and he did in fact have one. I felt/feel sad, because I had become very close to this person in an emotional way. With him I was trying really hard to develop my ability to trust again and he kept telling me that I needed to, yet his actions made me feel that I couldn't. At first, we talked everyday, and as time passed instead of things developing more, it felt as though he wanted to talk to me only when it felt convenient to him, like if it was when he could and had time, my feelings on the matter pretty much didn't count. I had a horrible experience in the past that has thought me so much that although I still wish I knew how he is doing, I just wrote it off and decided to let that be.
After he and I stopped talking completely, I continued to talk to the one that I had already seen and spent time with. I was ready to sort of try something more meaningful with this person, so for the third time I made him an offer and asked him to think about it and let me know. His actions sort of changed and he started to show me that he wanted to try, yet I felt by then that it wasn't the same anymore, because I had had the opportunity to meet someone new who for almost 2 months had sort of reminded me that it could and should be different.
Then, on New Year's eve, I kissed someone at times square
http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2012/01/dear-journal-1-2-12-new-years-kiss.html and having done so sort of woke me up to the reality and that reality was this.
I realized how much I missed kissing and how fun it was. I had not kissed a man in over 4 months and I was sort of focused on these two individuals who in reality, I could not have anything with but a friendship. I had sworn years ago that I would never have a long distance relationship again, those are really hard. Yet because of my crazy schedule, I kept thinking that maybe it could happen, after all when will I see this person if he's in NY anyway? I don't have time.
On the day after New Year's day, I sent the one that I had made the proposition to and seen already a message, he decided that on that day he wasn't in the mood for me and never responded. That was not the first time this person had treated me this way, yet I sort of allowed it to go on for so long I think I gave the impression to him that I was ok with that and that I would always be here for him when he felt like answering. On the next day after not hearing from him, I made the decision that since he didn't feel like talking to me, I didn't feel like talking to him anymore either and that's when it happened.
I was so pissed at myself for not loving myself enough, that I went onto the new dating site I had joined a few weeks earlier and started going down the list of men that were just dying to talk to me, and what do you know, some lived in NY right here in Brooklyn! so I started talking to one who said he would love to meet me and what did Jazzy do? I said OK! and we met. The rest is pretty much history.
All I can say is that I am pretty happy with my choice! not only is he in Brooklyn, but he makes sure to say Good Morning, Good Night, how is it going and oh yeah..... I GET TO SEE HIM! it's totally awesome! Does this mean I will fall madly in love with him and be with him forever? probably not although one never knows. But what it does mean is that in life, if we give ourselves and others a chance, there is no telling what you may find. For so long I was stuck on trying to get from individuals what they didn't want to give me, I was upset and annoyed at the fact that certain people think that they can come and go from you as they please. The whole time, there was a list of other names just waiting to talk to Jazzy! i'm not being conceded or saying that I can get whomever I want or that I have a line of people dying to date me, what I'm saying is that most of the time I don't even give other people a chance to get to even talk to me because I'm to busy trying to get attention from the one that could care less. I know you are probably thinking duh! but the reality is that I am very loyal to my feelings and I try to be real with people and I don't like to play with people's feeling because I try not to do to others, what I do not want to be done to me.
But, I also have to realize that in order for things in life to happen all you have to do is constantly give new people a chance if that's what you have to do. YOU HAVE TO KEEP IT MOVING! that is one thing one of my guy friends told me long ago and I didn't want to listen. He always said, Jazz, keep it moving. Well, I am doing just that! I am having a great time with someone new who is showing me so much attention I don't even know what to do with it! it's awesome! oh, did I mention I saw him yesterday and he showered me with kisses??? KISSES! LOTS OF THEM! And tomorrow, I will get some more kisses! so, yes ladies, where one wants to play games another is just dying to give you his undivided attention and many many kisses. Oh did I say ladies? guys too! while there is this girl that you can't let go, I bet there is 3 who would love to have the chance to hang out and get to know you! after all, there are way more women then men, so men have it even better. So, I guess the secret to letting go is to.... KEEP IT MOVING!
Ok, gotta go, he's sending me a message.....
Night Journal!
There are soooo many! beautiful people! enjoy my link.. DANCE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e2oRqyn7ToQ&ob=av2e
I wish sometimes you weren't PG 13, because if you were not, I could tell you so many many more things! but, I must not, because Jazzy can't very well tell you all of her secrets now can she?
I can only say this...... Before Christmas I was talking to someone who I really liked, I had met him online and he lived pretty far, but we hit it off and we would talk like everyday almost, don't really want to get into to many details but while I was talking to him I always kept thinking of someone else that I would of liked to have had something a bit more meaningful with, yet I wanted to stay true to myself and my feelings and didn't want to say things to two different people at the same time, so while I was talking to the one that I had never met in person, I sort of stopped talking to the other.
Please pay attention because this is tricky. The main thing to focus on here is that this is all TALK! I'm not seeing these two individuals I'm not doing anything but talking, still, you begin to develop some sort of attachment to I guess your phone? because they sort of become that, they are not a person that you are looking into their eyes or spending time with, but rather they are an individual that you develop an emotional attachment to because you tell each other stuff.
Both these individuals lived in different states, one I had already met in person like I mentioned already and the other I only talked to online. The one I met in person I already had some sort of history with so with him it was way more emotional, yet the new person that I was starting to get to know, began to sort of over shadow the one I met in person. There were a few reasons why, but mainly it was that the one I had already seen and spent time with, he and I had a hot cold sort of thing and he wasn't really sure what he wanted.
Anyway, after the new person and I had been talking for a bit over a month, he started to show signs that I wasn't very happy about, meaning that he and I had quite a bit of amount of communication during the first month, but slowly things began to sort of fade, I began to see patterns which led me to believe that since he didn't even live in the same state, it was very possible that he might have a significant other in his. I never told him this but I always say actions speak louder then words so although his words said many many things, his actions did not support those words.
I finally had enough and we had it out and that was the last I heard from him, which led me to the conclusion that maybe I was right and he did in fact have one. I felt/feel sad, because I had become very close to this person in an emotional way. With him I was trying really hard to develop my ability to trust again and he kept telling me that I needed to, yet his actions made me feel that I couldn't. At first, we talked everyday, and as time passed instead of things developing more, it felt as though he wanted to talk to me only when it felt convenient to him, like if it was when he could and had time, my feelings on the matter pretty much didn't count. I had a horrible experience in the past that has thought me so much that although I still wish I knew how he is doing, I just wrote it off and decided to let that be.
After he and I stopped talking completely, I continued to talk to the one that I had already seen and spent time with. I was ready to sort of try something more meaningful with this person, so for the third time I made him an offer and asked him to think about it and let me know. His actions sort of changed and he started to show me that he wanted to try, yet I felt by then that it wasn't the same anymore, because I had had the opportunity to meet someone new who for almost 2 months had sort of reminded me that it could and should be different.
Then, on New Year's eve, I kissed someone at times square
http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2012/01/dear-journal-1-2-12-new-years-kiss.html and having done so sort of woke me up to the reality and that reality was this.
I realized how much I missed kissing and how fun it was. I had not kissed a man in over 4 months and I was sort of focused on these two individuals who in reality, I could not have anything with but a friendship. I had sworn years ago that I would never have a long distance relationship again, those are really hard. Yet because of my crazy schedule, I kept thinking that maybe it could happen, after all when will I see this person if he's in NY anyway? I don't have time.
On the day after New Year's day, I sent the one that I had made the proposition to and seen already a message, he decided that on that day he wasn't in the mood for me and never responded. That was not the first time this person had treated me this way, yet I sort of allowed it to go on for so long I think I gave the impression to him that I was ok with that and that I would always be here for him when he felt like answering. On the next day after not hearing from him, I made the decision that since he didn't feel like talking to me, I didn't feel like talking to him anymore either and that's when it happened.
I was so pissed at myself for not loving myself enough, that I went onto the new dating site I had joined a few weeks earlier and started going down the list of men that were just dying to talk to me, and what do you know, some lived in NY right here in Brooklyn! so I started talking to one who said he would love to meet me and what did Jazzy do? I said OK! and we met. The rest is pretty much history.
All I can say is that I am pretty happy with my choice! not only is he in Brooklyn, but he makes sure to say Good Morning, Good Night, how is it going and oh yeah..... I GET TO SEE HIM! it's totally awesome! Does this mean I will fall madly in love with him and be with him forever? probably not although one never knows. But what it does mean is that in life, if we give ourselves and others a chance, there is no telling what you may find. For so long I was stuck on trying to get from individuals what they didn't want to give me, I was upset and annoyed at the fact that certain people think that they can come and go from you as they please. The whole time, there was a list of other names just waiting to talk to Jazzy! i'm not being conceded or saying that I can get whomever I want or that I have a line of people dying to date me, what I'm saying is that most of the time I don't even give other people a chance to get to even talk to me because I'm to busy trying to get attention from the one that could care less. I know you are probably thinking duh! but the reality is that I am very loyal to my feelings and I try to be real with people and I don't like to play with people's feeling because I try not to do to others, what I do not want to be done to me.
But, I also have to realize that in order for things in life to happen all you have to do is constantly give new people a chance if that's what you have to do. YOU HAVE TO KEEP IT MOVING! that is one thing one of my guy friends told me long ago and I didn't want to listen. He always said, Jazz, keep it moving. Well, I am doing just that! I am having a great time with someone new who is showing me so much attention I don't even know what to do with it! it's awesome! oh, did I mention I saw him yesterday and he showered me with kisses??? KISSES! LOTS OF THEM! And tomorrow, I will get some more kisses! so, yes ladies, where one wants to play games another is just dying to give you his undivided attention and many many kisses. Oh did I say ladies? guys too! while there is this girl that you can't let go, I bet there is 3 who would love to have the chance to hang out and get to know you! after all, there are way more women then men, so men have it even better. So, I guess the secret to letting go is to.... KEEP IT MOVING!
Ok, gotta go, he's sending me a message.....
Night Journal!
There are soooo many! beautiful people! enjoy my link.. DANCE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e2oRqyn7ToQ&ob=av2e
Wow Jazzy that really hit a sore spot in my heart. U are absolutely right n on point. He already knows that he has to continue to keep it moving. I'm not going back. I want that Punch Drunk kinda Love!!! Enjoy!!!
ReplyDeleteYup! ONCE UPON A TIME JAZZY GOT STUCK ON STUPID! THAT WON'T HAPPEN TO ME EVER AGAIN! I live and learn! I'm glad you liked my post :)
ReplyDelete