Dear Journal-
I wasn't going to write tonight but I got online and I felt I had to! so here I am.
I wish I could tell you the true events of my day but I am going to have to keep this day under wraps! I can only say that I had a very enjoyable evening with someone who is no one but is everything. I know that, what I am writing really makes no sense, but this is after all my journal and one day when I go back to these pages and read this entry, I will remember exactly what I am talking about. In order for me to know what I am talking about however, I will use the following key sentence, so when I read it, it will enable me to remember the events of this evening. The sentence is as follows: Car parked under the Verazzano bridge, white tee learning about judaism.
Last night I wrote a very creative post that got lot's of views, so many in fact that I was really shocked. http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2012/01/dear-journal-1-11-12what-happens-in.html
I am not married or well I am technically married for what will be 11 years on January, 17... Oh wow, in five days is my 11 year wedding anniversary, yet I have not been with that man for four. Actually, I just spoke to him on the phone a few minutes ago because I have to due to us having children together. And boy is that just the hardest task of all. I couldn't hold a conversation with him for more then two minutes because he irritates me so.
When I think about how I felt on the day we got married 11 years ago, I cannot believe that we are those same two people. I remember feeling so extremely happy that day, I wore this gold dress that had a sheer see through lace back and was really pretty. My husband is 10 years younger then I am, but in our wedding pictures we looked ok, you couldn't really tell that I was older and our son wore a little suit that made him look extremely adorable, my son was one then. We had a white cake and it was the cutest poor civil wedding ever.
One day years later I was talking to him and I said to him that one day I would love to have a real wedding, I wanted to marry him by church in front of God and he looked at me as if I was crazy and said..... Are you crazy! that's serious! I will never forget the heartbreak that I felt in that moment. I often say that sometimes when I write, it allows me the opportunity to go back to painful times and re-live that moment cry about it and heal, well, writing what I just did brought tears to my eyes, I was his wife but he did not want to marry me.
No journal I did not get married in Las Vegas, actually, I haven't been to Las Vegas in years and what happens in Vegas, really does stay in Vegas although I do have to say that when I was in Vegas I had an incident with the cops and my husband, that is all I'm going to say because that is a whole other blog post. But no, there was no marriage I am still as single as they come and I am still loving it. You see journal, I have come to terms with the way my life is going and I will say this once again, I feel completely happy! YES! I find happiness in my life with my children, I find happiness in my work life, I find happiness in my education and no this does not mean that I don't want to one day fall madly in love, I do and I will, but first I must be completely out of love, and no I am not still in love with my husband, I am still in love with him, the one I must no longer write about the one who I dedicated my blog to. You can find out about him here...http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2010/12/omg-my-first-blog-entry.html
The other night after I posted on FB that I had gotten married, that night I had this dream and he visited me in it and there in my dream, we shared our first kiss. Sigmund Freud believed that our dreams are the thoughts of our subconscious mind, well, right before I went to bed that night I remember thinking that if there is anyone at all that I would like to have seen that FB entry, it would be him! no he is not my friend and he has a new girlfriend and he is happy and maybe in love, but I hope he sees it and when he does, it hurts him! I don't know if he saw it or if he will, nor did I put it up for that reason, actually, I put it up because my friend and I were joking telling each other how we are each marriage material, it all started as a joke.
After I posted it not even thinking that so many people would believe it and congratulate me, I was able to email each of those lovely people to tell them it was a joke and out of that post I got to catch up with a whole bunch of good friends I never get to talk to. So, no I am not married well technically I am. But out of that facebook status, I got two things, I got to talk to many good friends that I had not in a while but best of all.......... I got to see him in my dreams and share with him our first kiss....
Good Night!
I wasn't going to write tonight but I got online and I felt I had to! so here I am.
I wish I could tell you the true events of my day but I am going to have to keep this day under wraps! I can only say that I had a very enjoyable evening with someone who is no one but is everything. I know that, what I am writing really makes no sense, but this is after all my journal and one day when I go back to these pages and read this entry, I will remember exactly what I am talking about. In order for me to know what I am talking about however, I will use the following key sentence, so when I read it, it will enable me to remember the events of this evening. The sentence is as follows: Car parked under the Verazzano bridge, white tee learning about judaism.
Last night I wrote a very creative post that got lot's of views, so many in fact that I was really shocked. http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2012/01/dear-journal-1-11-12what-happens-in.html
I am not married or well I am technically married for what will be 11 years on January, 17... Oh wow, in five days is my 11 year wedding anniversary, yet I have not been with that man for four. Actually, I just spoke to him on the phone a few minutes ago because I have to due to us having children together. And boy is that just the hardest task of all. I couldn't hold a conversation with him for more then two minutes because he irritates me so.
When I think about how I felt on the day we got married 11 years ago, I cannot believe that we are those same two people. I remember feeling so extremely happy that day, I wore this gold dress that had a sheer see through lace back and was really pretty. My husband is 10 years younger then I am, but in our wedding pictures we looked ok, you couldn't really tell that I was older and our son wore a little suit that made him look extremely adorable, my son was one then. We had a white cake and it was the cutest poor civil wedding ever.
One day years later I was talking to him and I said to him that one day I would love to have a real wedding, I wanted to marry him by church in front of God and he looked at me as if I was crazy and said..... Are you crazy! that's serious! I will never forget the heartbreak that I felt in that moment. I often say that sometimes when I write, it allows me the opportunity to go back to painful times and re-live that moment cry about it and heal, well, writing what I just did brought tears to my eyes, I was his wife but he did not want to marry me.
No journal I did not get married in Las Vegas, actually, I haven't been to Las Vegas in years and what happens in Vegas, really does stay in Vegas although I do have to say that when I was in Vegas I had an incident with the cops and my husband, that is all I'm going to say because that is a whole other blog post. But no, there was no marriage I am still as single as they come and I am still loving it. You see journal, I have come to terms with the way my life is going and I will say this once again, I feel completely happy! YES! I find happiness in my life with my children, I find happiness in my work life, I find happiness in my education and no this does not mean that I don't want to one day fall madly in love, I do and I will, but first I must be completely out of love, and no I am not still in love with my husband, I am still in love with him, the one I must no longer write about the one who I dedicated my blog to. You can find out about him here...http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2010/12/omg-my-first-blog-entry.html
The other night after I posted on FB that I had gotten married, that night I had this dream and he visited me in it and there in my dream, we shared our first kiss. Sigmund Freud believed that our dreams are the thoughts of our subconscious mind, well, right before I went to bed that night I remember thinking that if there is anyone at all that I would like to have seen that FB entry, it would be him! no he is not my friend and he has a new girlfriend and he is happy and maybe in love, but I hope he sees it and when he does, it hurts him! I don't know if he saw it or if he will, nor did I put it up for that reason, actually, I put it up because my friend and I were joking telling each other how we are each marriage material, it all started as a joke.
After I posted it not even thinking that so many people would believe it and congratulate me, I was able to email each of those lovely people to tell them it was a joke and out of that post I got to catch up with a whole bunch of good friends I never get to talk to. So, no I am not married well technically I am. But out of that facebook status, I got two things, I got to talk to many good friends that I had not in a while but best of all.......... I got to see him in my dreams and share with him our first kiss....
Good Night!
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