Whenever things happen to me, I can always think of movie quotes that are related to the situation. As I was once upon a time one of those people who saw every movie that was out in theaters. Of course, all my quotes are completely outdated since I don't get to go out to movies anymore, but I still remember many of them. One of my my favorite quotes from one of my favorite shows sex and the city, was when Carrie, says that her wedding plan became "bigger then Big" if you have never watched the show, Big, was the name of the character that played her boyfriend and then became her fiancé. You actually don't find out his name until the end of the movie, but through out the sex and the city series, he is always referred to as Big.
The reason why I'm mentioning this, is because sometimes, in our minds, people become to us, "bigger than big" I know that someone once became so big to me, that the mere thought of meeting him or spending time with him, made me want to throw up (in a good/bad way) this is what happens with online dating. I have been on dating sites now for over three years and I have to say that I have learned so much about people and human behavior by being on them, that I wish I could conduct some sort of study.
About a month or so ago, I sat down with one of my psychology professors and I told her that I wanted to conduct a study on online dating because I have had so many interesting experiences and learned so much about human behavior just by being on these online dating sites, that I was completely fascinated. However, I told her that I didn't really know where to begin or what to look for or what exactly I wanted to uncover. I pretty much have no clue of where to begin, but it's something that I think to be very interesting and that needs more attention from the psychology experts. My professor hands over to me a booklet and tells me, that it appeared that someone had already done some research on the topic.
I begin reading and the first thing that stands out to me, is the fact that it said that when you meet someone on line, you should not wait too long after the initial back and forth conversations started to meet this individual in person. It is important especially to do this, if there is real romantic interest and upon exchanging emails, calls and text messages, you feel there is some sort of potential. The reason being, that when we build ideas about an individual based on things we tell each other, we build a different mental picture of what the individuals are actually like in person. Most often then not, we build them up so high, that they become "bigger then big" and that is exactly what happened to me and Benjamin Nunez (are you sick of reading about him yet?) if you are new to my blog, let me just tell you that I write about Benjamin ALL THE TIME, if don't know who he is by now, you can find out about him here... http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2010/12/omg-my-first-blog-entry.html
Although I initially met Benjamin in person, I only saw him consecutively for about 3 months, maybe daily or every few days in the hallways of the building where he and I worked. Our in person interactions were always brief. When we would see each other, we would always stop and chit chat and we definitely had incredible chemistry, but I was pregnant at the time and we would just talk about life or actually, I would complain to him about something or someone and he would look at me and smile and tell me everything was going to be ok. Gosh! writing what I just did, gave me a mental image about those days that just made me smile, I wish I could have a recording of our little hallway conversations, it was like magic, sparks flying all over that hallway (tear). It wasn't until he left the company where he worked that he gave me his information so we could stay in touch, and after that, we developed and online relationship that lasted
Over a year. (please note that I was pregnant but separated from my husband)
After he left the company he and I began writing each other practically everyday. We exchanged emails and text messages, we would never talk on the phone and we never saw each other after he left the company. We built our friendship virtually. So what of this? well, everything I got to know about him was based solely on what he told me or what I would read on his blog. I never really got to interact with him in a way that is necessary to form real human interactions and relationships. I built an over the top persona, based on what he told me to the point where when it was time to see him again after talking to him for over a year, it was so extremely scary to me. Every time he would mention anything about meeting, I would sort of brush it off and kind of beat around it, not because I wasn't dying to kiss him and hug him and marry him and have his future babies (insert wishing well here) but because in my mind he was this big huge monster almost. The very thought of being around him scared me half to death. Not only that, I fell in love with the person I thought him to be based on the things he would tell me about himself. And of course, who ever says things about themselves that are negative? for instance, he never said, Jazzy, by the way, sometimes I can be a fucking liar! no, people don't usually go around telling other people they lie, nor do they tell people they deceit, nor do they tell people they have bad qualities. I NEVER would tell him about my little problem with having a short fuse, which he already knew because every now and then I would send him letters telling him off. But still, it was different expressing my anger in an email then if he would of been in my face, because in his face I would probably not have the balls to blow up the same way.
Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying that I don't think he is an amazing human being, regardless of his flaws. As of course I am also an amazing human being regardless of mine (insert conceded smiley here) But seriously, he did lie to me and deceived me and led me on. He did this, I think, because at a certain point I just became a picture on a computer screen or a text message on a phone and I lost almost that human quality, that essence that you only experience with someone that you have actual human contact with. I was I think in his mind not a real person and in my mind he was like this God of some sort. In other words, the fact that we lacked the human interaction, almost made it easy for him to treat me a certain way almost un intentionally, because he knew he wouldn't be seeing me.
So my question is, does it make it right to treat people unkind or mean, simply because you don't see them in person? Is it ok to treat people on line like shit because they are just a picture on a computer screen? Of course it does not!!! what people fail to realize when they are meeting others on line is that behind every picture and every profile set up on these sites, there is a real human being. So many get on these sites and lie and deceive and make up stories, it is really saddening, how people treat other people simply because they don't see them in person. Psychologically, It has been statistically proven, that it is easier to kill someone with a gun, then with a knife, because the gun you fire it, where as the knife you actually have to push it through the flesh of the other person and you feel the other person and because you are actually feeling the knife going through the flesh, it is at this moment, that the person you are harming becomes real and the guilt factor comes to play. The psychology behind all of this makes so much sense to me because I have experienced how people can be so cruel to one another because they don't see you or feel you. (I haven't shot or stabbed anyone by the way, I am referring to the part where people are nasty to each other online).
Benjamin created this monster like idea about me, he completely shut me out of his life after I found out he had lied to me and I cursed him out. Well, I also sent him this really mean song that sort of said I wanted to kill him... Ooops! but it was only a damn song! and due to the lyrics of the song, all of a sudden I think that in his mind I was this killer from Queens, who although he had interacted with for a little more then year over the internet, he didn't actually know. He didnt know my friends or my family nor did we have any other people we both knew in common. All he knew was what I told him and all I knew was what he told me. After he hurt me I also created these crazy spy theories about him in my mind. It was crazy! I should have written all those ideas I had of him and wrote a book about it, I would of probably have made some serious money! The things that would go around in my head about him were crazy! I thought that he had plotted to get me and that he was laughing when I would call him crying and that he had this master plan from the beginning, I mean I can go on and on about it. It was really horrible!
So, because we never saw each other, it was weird and we felt that we didn't really know each other, yet, we probably knew each other better then anyone else probably knew us. I told him EVERYTHING! he knew my deepest thoughts fears everything. It was easy for me to tell him things because I wouldn't see him so it was comfortable exposing myself to him in this way. This also happens with online dating, when people find real interest in another person, sometimes they expose themselves more than they would if they were seeing the person daily, it's easier to tell someone something in writing, than to look in their eyes and call them asshole! although I have to admit that I don't really have a problem telling someone off to their face if they have done me wrong. But it really is, how easy is it to just write something to someone when they are not standing there looking at you?
Anyway, the reason why I am writing about this, is because someone recently treated me less than kind based on these same principles. The fact that our friendship was virtual, I think made him create this picture of me that is almost unreal. It's scary to know someone yet not really know them, except if your an honest individual and you conduct yourself on line and personify yourself on line the way you are in reality, then that person that you talk to most and tell your stuff too, probabaly ends up knowing you way better than people you see all the time, the only difference is that you don't actually see this person with your own two eyes or hug or hold or touch. I am me no matter where I am. I made the decision to do that, after I had the experience with Benjamin, I often remind myself to check myself, meaning that I will tell myself, pretend this person is in your face, would you say this to them? that is how I conduct myself on line. You get Jazzy, because whether online or in person, I don't want to do to others, what I would not want to be done to me PERIOD! that's just how I roll. Because KARMA IS A BITCH! and I don't want Karma bitting me in the ass later on for doing things I know are wrong.
Of course we don't ever really truly know someone, because even people we interact with constantly often change and grow. I was with my ex husband for years and sometimes he would do things that I would look at him frowning going WHAT THE FUCK!!! who are you??? My point with this post is that I hope anyone who comes across it and reads it, realizes that if you are going to be online and you are going to meet people on line and you are open to online dating. It is vital that you don't prolonge the meeting in person part of it too much, because the last thing you need is to create in your mind either a monster or a God that in reality doesn't exist. In reality, they are just a mere mortal who struggles and goes through hardships and probably all the same types of feelings you do. And I mean men and women alike, because ladies, do I have news for you, if you don't already know this, men are EXTREMELY emotional creatures, they just deal with things very very different. So, if you think you met some really cool person on line and you think that they have any sort of potential, I say take time out to meet them sooner rather then later and have coffee/dinner. Look into their eyes, see their smile, listen to their voice, see the way they move, and feel their human warmth. There is nothing wrong with meeting people on line, but there is nothing more amazing than looking into someone's eyes and feeling their warmth when they smile.
To end this post, I am going to write yet another quote that I heard the other day that blew my mind it goes like this.......
"THAT WHICH IS ESSENCE IN YOU, IS ESSENCE IN ME WHICH MAKES US ALL THE SAME".......
Buenas Noches!
The reason why I'm mentioning this, is because sometimes, in our minds, people become to us, "bigger than big" I know that someone once became so big to me, that the mere thought of meeting him or spending time with him, made me want to throw up (in a good/bad way) this is what happens with online dating. I have been on dating sites now for over three years and I have to say that I have learned so much about people and human behavior by being on them, that I wish I could conduct some sort of study.
About a month or so ago, I sat down with one of my psychology professors and I told her that I wanted to conduct a study on online dating because I have had so many interesting experiences and learned so much about human behavior just by being on these online dating sites, that I was completely fascinated. However, I told her that I didn't really know where to begin or what to look for or what exactly I wanted to uncover. I pretty much have no clue of where to begin, but it's something that I think to be very interesting and that needs more attention from the psychology experts. My professor hands over to me a booklet and tells me, that it appeared that someone had already done some research on the topic.
I begin reading and the first thing that stands out to me, is the fact that it said that when you meet someone on line, you should not wait too long after the initial back and forth conversations started to meet this individual in person. It is important especially to do this, if there is real romantic interest and upon exchanging emails, calls and text messages, you feel there is some sort of potential. The reason being, that when we build ideas about an individual based on things we tell each other, we build a different mental picture of what the individuals are actually like in person. Most often then not, we build them up so high, that they become "bigger then big" and that is exactly what happened to me and Benjamin Nunez (are you sick of reading about him yet?) if you are new to my blog, let me just tell you that I write about Benjamin ALL THE TIME, if don't know who he is by now, you can find out about him here... http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2010/12/omg-my-first-blog-entry.html
Although I initially met Benjamin in person, I only saw him consecutively for about 3 months, maybe daily or every few days in the hallways of the building where he and I worked. Our in person interactions were always brief. When we would see each other, we would always stop and chit chat and we definitely had incredible chemistry, but I was pregnant at the time and we would just talk about life or actually, I would complain to him about something or someone and he would look at me and smile and tell me everything was going to be ok. Gosh! writing what I just did, gave me a mental image about those days that just made me smile, I wish I could have a recording of our little hallway conversations, it was like magic, sparks flying all over that hallway (tear). It wasn't until he left the company where he worked that he gave me his information so we could stay in touch, and after that, we developed and online relationship that lasted
Over a year. (please note that I was pregnant but separated from my husband)
After he left the company he and I began writing each other practically everyday. We exchanged emails and text messages, we would never talk on the phone and we never saw each other after he left the company. We built our friendship virtually. So what of this? well, everything I got to know about him was based solely on what he told me or what I would read on his blog. I never really got to interact with him in a way that is necessary to form real human interactions and relationships. I built an over the top persona, based on what he told me to the point where when it was time to see him again after talking to him for over a year, it was so extremely scary to me. Every time he would mention anything about meeting, I would sort of brush it off and kind of beat around it, not because I wasn't dying to kiss him and hug him and marry him and have his future babies (insert wishing well here) but because in my mind he was this big huge monster almost. The very thought of being around him scared me half to death. Not only that, I fell in love with the person I thought him to be based on the things he would tell me about himself. And of course, who ever says things about themselves that are negative? for instance, he never said, Jazzy, by the way, sometimes I can be a fucking liar! no, people don't usually go around telling other people they lie, nor do they tell people they deceit, nor do they tell people they have bad qualities. I NEVER would tell him about my little problem with having a short fuse, which he already knew because every now and then I would send him letters telling him off. But still, it was different expressing my anger in an email then if he would of been in my face, because in his face I would probably not have the balls to blow up the same way.
Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying that I don't think he is an amazing human being, regardless of his flaws. As of course I am also an amazing human being regardless of mine (insert conceded smiley here) But seriously, he did lie to me and deceived me and led me on. He did this, I think, because at a certain point I just became a picture on a computer screen or a text message on a phone and I lost almost that human quality, that essence that you only experience with someone that you have actual human contact with. I was I think in his mind not a real person and in my mind he was like this God of some sort. In other words, the fact that we lacked the human interaction, almost made it easy for him to treat me a certain way almost un intentionally, because he knew he wouldn't be seeing me.
So my question is, does it make it right to treat people unkind or mean, simply because you don't see them in person? Is it ok to treat people on line like shit because they are just a picture on a computer screen? Of course it does not!!! what people fail to realize when they are meeting others on line is that behind every picture and every profile set up on these sites, there is a real human being. So many get on these sites and lie and deceive and make up stories, it is really saddening, how people treat other people simply because they don't see them in person. Psychologically, It has been statistically proven, that it is easier to kill someone with a gun, then with a knife, because the gun you fire it, where as the knife you actually have to push it through the flesh of the other person and you feel the other person and because you are actually feeling the knife going through the flesh, it is at this moment, that the person you are harming becomes real and the guilt factor comes to play. The psychology behind all of this makes so much sense to me because I have experienced how people can be so cruel to one another because they don't see you or feel you. (I haven't shot or stabbed anyone by the way, I am referring to the part where people are nasty to each other online).
Benjamin created this monster like idea about me, he completely shut me out of his life after I found out he had lied to me and I cursed him out. Well, I also sent him this really mean song that sort of said I wanted to kill him... Ooops! but it was only a damn song! and due to the lyrics of the song, all of a sudden I think that in his mind I was this killer from Queens, who although he had interacted with for a little more then year over the internet, he didn't actually know. He didnt know my friends or my family nor did we have any other people we both knew in common. All he knew was what I told him and all I knew was what he told me. After he hurt me I also created these crazy spy theories about him in my mind. It was crazy! I should have written all those ideas I had of him and wrote a book about it, I would of probably have made some serious money! The things that would go around in my head about him were crazy! I thought that he had plotted to get me and that he was laughing when I would call him crying and that he had this master plan from the beginning, I mean I can go on and on about it. It was really horrible!
So, because we never saw each other, it was weird and we felt that we didn't really know each other, yet, we probably knew each other better then anyone else probably knew us. I told him EVERYTHING! he knew my deepest thoughts fears everything. It was easy for me to tell him things because I wouldn't see him so it was comfortable exposing myself to him in this way. This also happens with online dating, when people find real interest in another person, sometimes they expose themselves more than they would if they were seeing the person daily, it's easier to tell someone something in writing, than to look in their eyes and call them asshole! although I have to admit that I don't really have a problem telling someone off to their face if they have done me wrong. But it really is, how easy is it to just write something to someone when they are not standing there looking at you?
Anyway, the reason why I am writing about this, is because someone recently treated me less than kind based on these same principles. The fact that our friendship was virtual, I think made him create this picture of me that is almost unreal. It's scary to know someone yet not really know them, except if your an honest individual and you conduct yourself on line and personify yourself on line the way you are in reality, then that person that you talk to most and tell your stuff too, probabaly ends up knowing you way better than people you see all the time, the only difference is that you don't actually see this person with your own two eyes or hug or hold or touch. I am me no matter where I am. I made the decision to do that, after I had the experience with Benjamin, I often remind myself to check myself, meaning that I will tell myself, pretend this person is in your face, would you say this to them? that is how I conduct myself on line. You get Jazzy, because whether online or in person, I don't want to do to others, what I would not want to be done to me PERIOD! that's just how I roll. Because KARMA IS A BITCH! and I don't want Karma bitting me in the ass later on for doing things I know are wrong.
Of course we don't ever really truly know someone, because even people we interact with constantly often change and grow. I was with my ex husband for years and sometimes he would do things that I would look at him frowning going WHAT THE FUCK!!! who are you??? My point with this post is that I hope anyone who comes across it and reads it, realizes that if you are going to be online and you are going to meet people on line and you are open to online dating. It is vital that you don't prolonge the meeting in person part of it too much, because the last thing you need is to create in your mind either a monster or a God that in reality doesn't exist. In reality, they are just a mere mortal who struggles and goes through hardships and probably all the same types of feelings you do. And I mean men and women alike, because ladies, do I have news for you, if you don't already know this, men are EXTREMELY emotional creatures, they just deal with things very very different. So, if you think you met some really cool person on line and you think that they have any sort of potential, I say take time out to meet them sooner rather then later and have coffee/dinner. Look into their eyes, see their smile, listen to their voice, see the way they move, and feel their human warmth. There is nothing wrong with meeting people on line, but there is nothing more amazing than looking into someone's eyes and feeling their warmth when they smile.
To end this post, I am going to write yet another quote that I heard the other day that blew my mind it goes like this.......
"THAT WHICH IS ESSENCE IN YOU, IS ESSENCE IN ME WHICH MAKES US ALL THE SAME".......
Buenas Noches!
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