Cuddling in my opinion is SO EXTREMELY PERSONAL! that I quite honestly don't understand how people go from cuddle partner to cuddle partner to cuddle partner! for me, cuddling is kind of like falling in love, meaning that for me to cuddle with someone I have to like grow into the feeling like I have to little by little gain trust. I have to know that this person I am going to allow to rub my feet with theirs is genuine and honest and someone I truly trust.
I am going to tell you my last cuddle story, because I have to admit that when I cuddled with him, I felt like a starving person seeking food, like a desperate woman in need of love or in this case in need of affection, cuddling after all is just that it's a form of affection. I think I am becoming a really really cold shallow person but honestly, almost everyone I cuddled with in my life I had a relationship with, so I don't know how to like have a sexual moment with someone and then lay there and let that person warm themselves up with my body heat and hold me and pretend I mean something to them or lay there and hold them and pretend they might mean something to me. I think that's so damn fake please don't hold me pretending you have some sort of feeling of closeness to me and then after we leave this room I don't hear from you for days, that to me is just so damn fake! I only want to hold someone close to me if it's something special, if it's someone that I have special feelings for. I'M SOOOO DAMN WEIRD!
Anyway, my last cuddle session was at a jail in Colombia.... YUP!!! I am DEAD SERIOUS! in Colombia when you visit someone in jail, they don't have fancy visiting rooms or visiting areas, the visitors are able to go into the jail cell of the inmate and while you are there, anything and everything goes! you can basically take naps on the inmates bed if you want to and couples are left to do their thing if they need to. When there are two cell mates in one cell and one has a significant other, they are respectful to each other and whom ever does not have a visit will leave the cell so that the other person can have privacy. I have to say that it's pretty interesting the way things are done there.
Back in February, I went to Colombia and while I was there I went to visit one of my best friends who has been there for about three years now. When I went to visit him, I felt so extremely happy because I had not seen him in so long. Well! as soon as I got into his cell, I started kissing him and hugging him and I told him that he had to lay down with me and hug me.... Come here I said to him, PLEASE COME LAY DOWN WITH ME! he kept laughing and telling me that I was needy and the whole time I just kept saying... shut up and hold me! during the whole visit, he had to lay on the bed with me and had to cuddle up with me and at one point, I made him take off his shoes and rub feet with me! I have to say that it was truly awesome! cuddling with him felt perfect to me, it felt right and most of all it felt safe!
When I think about that safe feeling, I realize that the reason why I don't like to go around cuddling up with people is because I don't want to get used to things that aren't going to be constant. Like why in the world would I allow someone to have the pleasure of holding me close to them of smelling my sweet perfume and maybe all the while, they are holding me and probably thinking of someone else? or maybe doing it because it's the right thing to do after an intimate but really not so intimate moment? meaning unless you know that you are cuddling up with someone that you have an understanding with that you are both heading in the same direction that you are both feeling certain things for one another and it's a special thing, then of course it's different. But as a female it is really hard for me to let someone hold me in their arms if in my mind I feel that they are holding me just cause or that it's just a need for the moment or that they feel that's what they should do because that's what women expect after intimacy.
Anyway, I was ever so grateful to my Nacho who I miss all the time, because if there has been any man in these last five years that I have been single, that has truly cared for me as a friend and person, he is at the top of the list. I trust him because I know that he is genuine with me, was always honest, was always sincere. I know that he loves me just as I am and would do anything for me no matter what it takes. If you haven't read the story of my Nacho, you can find it here..... http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2011/06/love-sex-drugs.html
To cuddle is to be intimate, so if you don't feel safe in someone's arms there is no point to be in them to begin with. Cuddle up with the pillow! pillows are safe, cozy and very warm! GOD I'M SO WEIRD!
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