Dear Journal:
I noticed one very important thing about myself in the last few days, I realized that I hate being home! I feel like I am in a cage and it drives me insane and even though I have been out, I feel like I have been in way too much! I can't sit and watch TV or movies and that is so weird, I feel like I have so much energy all the time that I can't stay still it's a bit annoying. Maybe though, I felt that way because of the whole Hurricane situation and not knowing what was going to happen. I am not one to be panicked but inside I do feel very anxious about these things. These things can be very serious I never take mother nature for granted.
Yesterday, October 29, 2012 New York City got hit with a Hurricane. Before the Hurricane hit, I went over to the strip that overlooks the Verrazano bridge, which is in my opinion one of the most awesome bridges in NYC. I went because I love nature and I wanted to see nature at it's finest I wanted to see the ocean and feel it's love. I know that saying that I wanted to feel the oceans love sounds weird, but it is love it is the universe being one with us when mother nature let's out her energy and goes right through us. I used to think that when things like that happened, it was because god was angry, I no longer think that. I now think that god doesn't do any of that, we do, us, men we do it all.
I wanted to go and check out the scene and so I did. Believe it or not, at one point I felt one with the air and earth. I know sometimes I sound very strange but mother nature fascinates me, it is so beautiful this our world. I don't ever much understand why people don't care for it, it saddens me that people don't see the world as I do. It's such a beautiful amazing place full of mystery.
So at one point I closed my eyes and just allowed the air to hit my face, I closed my eyes and stood in the moment and it was amazing, the water was hitting my cheeks the air brushed passed my hands and my fingers and I closed my eyes and felt one with the energy all around me. I almost felt like I needed it to regain energy as lately I often feel like my energy is being sucked away by negative feelings and angry thoughts. I need to constantly call out to love in order to control my temper and my anger and my rage. Yesterday I felt very sad, angry, hurt and jealous at one point because I felt that someone's actions toward me have not been very kind, but that is a whole other post and quite honestly I don't feel it is worthy of writing. People lie, that is what they often do but when you have been honest and you feel lied to, it's really sad and that's when all those other sentiments come into play. I try not to allow those negative feelings to posses my life and my heart and my soul, so because I was feeling all this negative energy and bad feelings that don't serve any purpose in my life, I went out to regain good positive energy and love from mother nature. It was AWESOME!
My 13 year old son and I were fascinated by these little creatures that were all coming up out from under the rocks and it was pretty sweet, I even wanted to touch one and I NEVER want to touch any creepy crawlers. But the most significant thing that happened yesterday was that I communicated via email with my BK, my lovely friend BK! http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2011/06/how-jazzy-got-her-groove-back.html I realized yesterday how much I still miss him being in my life and although our email conversation was short I felt like we both finally got some closure like we are ok now.
It's so strange because I mentioned him to a friend of mine the other day and when I did so, the person I mentioned him to made a reference with regard to sex, he said that I must have really liked hanging out with this guy because he was young and I liked "young XYZ" I can't actually write the word he utilized because my blog is PG13. I was really offended by his comment because I honestly think that the person who made that comment, really believes that my life revolves around thinking about sex and honestly that is so far from the truth. Yes his comment was really inappropriate and immature for a grown man, but sometimes when people make stupid comments instead of me defending myself I allow them to think what they want. Go ahead judge me all you want! because you will never know all that I am and that is just fine and dandy!
Yes I think of sex often, but that is not all I spend my time thinking about but at the end of the day however, his opinion really didn't matter and I didn't feel like explaining to him how what I shared with BK was truly special and how he was honest and sincere and always true to me even though he was a young man, something I must honestly say the person making the comment doesn't have a clue about as honesty in my opinion is only a word he uses to pretend he is something he probably isn't. Maybe I am wrong I sure hope I am.
Regardless, I know that BK's feelings for me were very genuine and that he was a true friend the kind of person that I allowed into my heart very deeply. And so yesterday I got this email from BK and I responded being a really nasty bitch to him because of what had happened earlier when I was really consumed by anger and jealousy and even some hate and so my poor BK got some of my anger but not only because I was angry at the situation that had just happened, but also because BK himself had not been very nice to me in the past and actually, I had not heard from him in quite a while as he stopped talking to me for I would say about 2 years now. To my surprise however he responded to my nasty response to him and I was really shocked and also very happy. I feel like those few emails we exchanged felt like closure to both of us it was like we were ok with things and I must admit that talking to him felt really good. He is now in a happy relationship and I am so happy for him, I love him and always wish him nothing but the very best! he was a special young man in my life and he was part of the plan of my growth.
Journal as I write this entry I am listening to the romantic music mix that Benjamin made for me years ago http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2012/10/dear-men-what-woman-really-wants.html I really enjoy working to this music, it is very soothing and makes me feel happy. Once upon a time I couldn't even listen to it. I am moving on from all of that slowly I really am this makes me really happy. I feel really good today, maybe it has something to do with the fact that I feel free I feel free from all that negative energy that was consuming me yesterday, I am free from anger and jealousy and even hate. I am allowing love to flow back into my soul.... FOR LOVE IS THE ONLY SENTIMENT I WILL ALLOW IN MY HEART!
Journal...... ALL IS WELL IN MY SOUL! ALL IS WELL IN NEW YORK! YAY!!!
Check out one of the songs on my music mix... THANK YOU BENJAMIN... Maybe listening to your music mix reminds me of what I truly deserve.
Les Nubians Ft. The Roots-Sweetest Taboo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGafHuld9-c
I noticed one very important thing about myself in the last few days, I realized that I hate being home! I feel like I am in a cage and it drives me insane and even though I have been out, I feel like I have been in way too much! I can't sit and watch TV or movies and that is so weird, I feel like I have so much energy all the time that I can't stay still it's a bit annoying. Maybe though, I felt that way because of the whole Hurricane situation and not knowing what was going to happen. I am not one to be panicked but inside I do feel very anxious about these things. These things can be very serious I never take mother nature for granted.
Yesterday, October 29, 2012 New York City got hit with a Hurricane. Before the Hurricane hit, I went over to the strip that overlooks the Verrazano bridge, which is in my opinion one of the most awesome bridges in NYC. I went because I love nature and I wanted to see nature at it's finest I wanted to see the ocean and feel it's love. I know that saying that I wanted to feel the oceans love sounds weird, but it is love it is the universe being one with us when mother nature let's out her energy and goes right through us. I used to think that when things like that happened, it was because god was angry, I no longer think that. I now think that god doesn't do any of that, we do, us, men we do it all.
I wanted to go and check out the scene and so I did. Believe it or not, at one point I felt one with the air and earth. I know sometimes I sound very strange but mother nature fascinates me, it is so beautiful this our world. I don't ever much understand why people don't care for it, it saddens me that people don't see the world as I do. It's such a beautiful amazing place full of mystery.
So at one point I closed my eyes and just allowed the air to hit my face, I closed my eyes and stood in the moment and it was amazing, the water was hitting my cheeks the air brushed passed my hands and my fingers and I closed my eyes and felt one with the energy all around me. I almost felt like I needed it to regain energy as lately I often feel like my energy is being sucked away by negative feelings and angry thoughts. I need to constantly call out to love in order to control my temper and my anger and my rage. Yesterday I felt very sad, angry, hurt and jealous at one point because I felt that someone's actions toward me have not been very kind, but that is a whole other post and quite honestly I don't feel it is worthy of writing. People lie, that is what they often do but when you have been honest and you feel lied to, it's really sad and that's when all those other sentiments come into play. I try not to allow those negative feelings to posses my life and my heart and my soul, so because I was feeling all this negative energy and bad feelings that don't serve any purpose in my life, I went out to regain good positive energy and love from mother nature. It was AWESOME!
My 13 year old son and I were fascinated by these little creatures that were all coming up out from under the rocks and it was pretty sweet, I even wanted to touch one and I NEVER want to touch any creepy crawlers. But the most significant thing that happened yesterday was that I communicated via email with my BK, my lovely friend BK! http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2011/06/how-jazzy-got-her-groove-back.html I realized yesterday how much I still miss him being in my life and although our email conversation was short I felt like we both finally got some closure like we are ok now.
It's so strange because I mentioned him to a friend of mine the other day and when I did so, the person I mentioned him to made a reference with regard to sex, he said that I must have really liked hanging out with this guy because he was young and I liked "young XYZ" I can't actually write the word he utilized because my blog is PG13. I was really offended by his comment because I honestly think that the person who made that comment, really believes that my life revolves around thinking about sex and honestly that is so far from the truth. Yes his comment was really inappropriate and immature for a grown man, but sometimes when people make stupid comments instead of me defending myself I allow them to think what they want. Go ahead judge me all you want! because you will never know all that I am and that is just fine and dandy!
Yes I think of sex often, but that is not all I spend my time thinking about but at the end of the day however, his opinion really didn't matter and I didn't feel like explaining to him how what I shared with BK was truly special and how he was honest and sincere and always true to me even though he was a young man, something I must honestly say the person making the comment doesn't have a clue about as honesty in my opinion is only a word he uses to pretend he is something he probably isn't. Maybe I am wrong I sure hope I am.
Regardless, I know that BK's feelings for me were very genuine and that he was a true friend the kind of person that I allowed into my heart very deeply. And so yesterday I got this email from BK and I responded being a really nasty bitch to him because of what had happened earlier when I was really consumed by anger and jealousy and even some hate and so my poor BK got some of my anger but not only because I was angry at the situation that had just happened, but also because BK himself had not been very nice to me in the past and actually, I had not heard from him in quite a while as he stopped talking to me for I would say about 2 years now. To my surprise however he responded to my nasty response to him and I was really shocked and also very happy. I feel like those few emails we exchanged felt like closure to both of us it was like we were ok with things and I must admit that talking to him felt really good. He is now in a happy relationship and I am so happy for him, I love him and always wish him nothing but the very best! he was a special young man in my life and he was part of the plan of my growth.
Journal as I write this entry I am listening to the romantic music mix that Benjamin made for me years ago http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2012/10/dear-men-what-woman-really-wants.html I really enjoy working to this music, it is very soothing and makes me feel happy. Once upon a time I couldn't even listen to it. I am moving on from all of that slowly I really am this makes me really happy. I feel really good today, maybe it has something to do with the fact that I feel free I feel free from all that negative energy that was consuming me yesterday, I am free from anger and jealousy and even hate. I am allowing love to flow back into my soul.... FOR LOVE IS THE ONLY SENTIMENT I WILL ALLOW IN MY HEART!
Journal...... ALL IS WELL IN MY SOUL! ALL IS WELL IN NEW YORK! YAY!!!
Check out one of the songs on my music mix... THANK YOU BENJAMIN... Maybe listening to your music mix reminds me of what I truly deserve.
Les Nubians Ft. The Roots-Sweetest Taboo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGafHuld9-c
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