Dear Journal:
The other day my ex husband told me that our divorced had been finalized, I felt soooooo very happy! I'm happy because if I feel like eloping in Vegas, I can! HOW FREAKING AWESOME IS THAT!!! it feels good that after 5 years I am really really for real single, single to the point that I can do something really crazy like having a romantic love affair, the type that is crazy and fast and not lasting, the whirlwind type that you both think your madly in love because the sex is so amazing and you really believe you will be that way for ever! and you tell the whole world that "this one is different" but ultimately in ends because you find out that you don't like the same.....I don't know, type of dog? THAT IS WHAT I CALL AN ADVENTURE! now there is something I have never done! Marriage in Vegas anyone???
All jokes aside, I really do feel good about finally owning the title single, because for a really really long time, while in my marriage, I was really really really miserable. The other night, my ex husband was over my apartment, and we were talking (we are good friends now) and I told him that I have gone through a bunch of little heart aches since he and I broke up, mini heartbreaks with people I have had short romantic somethings with, but that if I had to do it all over again, I would much rather go through 100 mini ones and not the misery that I felt in my marriage to him.
I know that saying that sounds really horrible, but it is the honest truth, I really didn't even know how miserable I truly was until I was out of the marriage, until I began to find myself again and realize that alone for me, was way better than in the company of someone that I wasn't compatible with. When I told him that, his response was that I was fucked up, but then I told him, that it wasn't that he was a bad person, actually, I think he is an amazing person, however, he and I see the world very differently. I am not going to go into details of what my marriage was like, as I want to save that for the day when I write my book. But, I will say that there were many nights when I cried myself to sleep, while laying next to the man I was married too. It was the most horrible feeling in the world, going to bed at night and feeling like I was sleeping with a stranger. I know now that my marriage failed because he and I did not communicate well, we had not been friends before being lovers and that was all my fault, I saw him, I wanted him, I got him, that was the end of that. I learned such a valuable lesson with that experience, yet I am also grateful that I lived it, because it helped me grow as a woman and a person and it also gave me two amazing kids so it was all worth it!
Although my ex and I are good friends now, I realize even more how he and I are so different, how he and I are so much better as friends. I always give him advice because I truly love him as a human being and person and I want nothing but the best for the father of my children. I also feel that us having a good respectful friendship is important for my children, because they have two great parents that work well together as two people apart, instead of being two people miserable together staying together for "the children" when in reality in my opinion that is probably the worst thing you can do to your children. My advice to anyone coming across this post that is staying with someone for "their kids" is to get some balls and get out of an unhappy marriage, because your kids will benefit from two adults that can get along separately, instead of two adults that sometimes practically hate one another. Kids feel all that bad energy in the home, don't for once ever fool yourself that they don't!
Anyway, I just came back from my run and was listening to some music on pandora and this song came on that I used to listen to and cry with while I was still living with my husband, listening to it now, made me realize that the reason why I listened to it and cried, was because the song says, "duele el amor sin ti" which means, love hurst without you, it did, it hurt to be next to him and not have his love at least I didn't think I had it, what a lousy feeling, I do not wish that upon anyone.
Today, I am feeling great! I ran, and now I am going to get ready to go buy some ingredients for the baked ziti I am going to make for my daughters bday party tonight. Today, is a good day! I bet you didn't know I could cook huh journal???? well.... DON'T SLEEP ON JAZZY!
I leave you with.....
Duele el Amor - Alek Zyntek ft. Ana Torroja...
The other day my ex husband told me that our divorced had been finalized, I felt soooooo very happy! I'm happy because if I feel like eloping in Vegas, I can! HOW FREAKING AWESOME IS THAT!!! it feels good that after 5 years I am really really for real single, single to the point that I can do something really crazy like having a romantic love affair, the type that is crazy and fast and not lasting, the whirlwind type that you both think your madly in love because the sex is so amazing and you really believe you will be that way for ever! and you tell the whole world that "this one is different" but ultimately in ends because you find out that you don't like the same.....I don't know, type of dog? THAT IS WHAT I CALL AN ADVENTURE! now there is something I have never done! Marriage in Vegas anyone???
All jokes aside, I really do feel good about finally owning the title single, because for a really really long time, while in my marriage, I was really really really miserable. The other night, my ex husband was over my apartment, and we were talking (we are good friends now) and I told him that I have gone through a bunch of little heart aches since he and I broke up, mini heartbreaks with people I have had short romantic somethings with, but that if I had to do it all over again, I would much rather go through 100 mini ones and not the misery that I felt in my marriage to him.
I know that saying that sounds really horrible, but it is the honest truth, I really didn't even know how miserable I truly was until I was out of the marriage, until I began to find myself again and realize that alone for me, was way better than in the company of someone that I wasn't compatible with. When I told him that, his response was that I was fucked up, but then I told him, that it wasn't that he was a bad person, actually, I think he is an amazing person, however, he and I see the world very differently. I am not going to go into details of what my marriage was like, as I want to save that for the day when I write my book. But, I will say that there were many nights when I cried myself to sleep, while laying next to the man I was married too. It was the most horrible feeling in the world, going to bed at night and feeling like I was sleeping with a stranger. I know now that my marriage failed because he and I did not communicate well, we had not been friends before being lovers and that was all my fault, I saw him, I wanted him, I got him, that was the end of that. I learned such a valuable lesson with that experience, yet I am also grateful that I lived it, because it helped me grow as a woman and a person and it also gave me two amazing kids so it was all worth it!
Although my ex and I are good friends now, I realize even more how he and I are so different, how he and I are so much better as friends. I always give him advice because I truly love him as a human being and person and I want nothing but the best for the father of my children. I also feel that us having a good respectful friendship is important for my children, because they have two great parents that work well together as two people apart, instead of being two people miserable together staying together for "the children" when in reality in my opinion that is probably the worst thing you can do to your children. My advice to anyone coming across this post that is staying with someone for "their kids" is to get some balls and get out of an unhappy marriage, because your kids will benefit from two adults that can get along separately, instead of two adults that sometimes practically hate one another. Kids feel all that bad energy in the home, don't for once ever fool yourself that they don't!
Anyway, I just came back from my run and was listening to some music on pandora and this song came on that I used to listen to and cry with while I was still living with my husband, listening to it now, made me realize that the reason why I listened to it and cried, was because the song says, "duele el amor sin ti" which means, love hurst without you, it did, it hurt to be next to him and not have his love at least I didn't think I had it, what a lousy feeling, I do not wish that upon anyone.
Today, I am feeling great! I ran, and now I am going to get ready to go buy some ingredients for the baked ziti I am going to make for my daughters bday party tonight. Today, is a good day! I bet you didn't know I could cook huh journal???? well.... DON'T SLEEP ON JAZZY!
I leave you with.....
Duele el Amor - Alek Zyntek ft. Ana Torroja...
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