"Love is a funny thing. It's an intensely personal yet universal thing. It has a thousand definitions and not one of them gets it exactly right. It's a feeling. It's an experience. It's inside of us and yet elusive. We desire it, yet fear it. It's the central experience of our lives and yet it remains a mystery." ~ Anonymous
Dear Journal:
Can you be friends with the person you are in love with? I think that the answer to that question is NO, in my opinion, you can only be friends with them, once you are no longer in love with them.
For the last few months I have been struggling with something really crazy and out of my control, the fact that I have come to the realization that I am in love with someone I have never met in person is but one piece of the pie, the more important thing that I have been struggling with, is how do I manage this that I feel, all the while being respectful to my best friend, the man I am in love with?
He and I have been friends now for a year and a half and it has been nothing but crazy drama, but not even like drama drama, but more so, emotional drama, the sort of drama that I prefer to avoid at all cost. One of the hardest things in life I think, is managing our emotions, especially when it comes to your friends, or the person you have gotten to know so well, someone you shared so many intimate conversations with, exposed yourself too. But, I am constantly trying to learn how to be more emotionally intelligent, how to try to communicate better with the people around me, how to accept the yes's and the no's, how to be respectful to my own self and my own feelings, and love myself right. Being able to do these things right, will help me salvage meaningful things in life, one of those things being, saving my friendship or holding it off for the future, because in him, I found someone genuine, kind, loving and amazing.
Yesterday I was feeling a bit overwhelmed, because the person that I am in love with, is very confused about his feeling for me. And regardless of what I may think he feels, I have to be accepting of where he is in his life right now, and what his needs are as well. I call this true love, selfless love. I have no doubt in my mind that he loves me in all sorts of ways as well, but I feel that because he can't give me what I need, If I linger around trying to stay his friend only to have a piece of him, I am hurting not only myself, but him as well.
When we love someone in one capacity and they love us in a different way, or don't know how exactly they love us, it is better in my opinion, to lay off, back up and stay away. The reason why I feel that way is, because by me staying his friend all I am getting from him, is the bits and pieces he can give me. Additionally, although me staying away hurts him and me, me staying to close also hurts him and me, and all that does is makes us both act out of of character. I always end up getting told off, getting screamed at and being treated wrong, because he isn't where he needs to be yet in order to say to me, I can do this with you. Instead, because he wants to hold on to me, until he is ready because he is afraid maybe to loose me, he gets jealous, he gets possessive, he treats me as if I am his, but only giving me bits and pieces, yet I am not, I am not his, until we both agree. So, what happens? well, I am not about to be someone's punching bag, and I am not about to be the kind of friend that doesn't love you enough to notice how I make you feel and although I know he isn't seeing it my way, I also know that he will understand it eventually.
If I love myself first, then I can love you right! While I know that he isn't doing any of the things he does intentionally or to be mean to me. By me loving myself first and foremost, I can love him rightly and leave him alone so that he can deal with the things he needs to and if that means loosing him to someone else maybe, or him loosing me to someone else maybe, then that is what it will have to be. I finally understand, what it means to love oneself, to love oneself, means you can let others go, you can set them free no matter how difficult it is, I am setting him free so that when we are ready to be good friends again, true friends, we will be, and it will be amazing.
Do I think that taking time away from him and myself will get us where we need to be? I honestly cannot say, I am not doing this to get him to be with me, I am doing this because I love me. Actually, I sort of waited for him unintentionally for a very long time, what I mean is, that for a long time, deep down inside I was not opening up to anyone because I wasn't sure how I felt about him first, then I realized it and he had someone and then, I started to like someone and that didn't work out. So, deep down I kind of have always been holding on. How long however, is it fair to hold on? again, if I love myself enough and I have an opportunity in my face and I don't take it because I am holding on to someone else, then how is that fair to me? I woke up feeling so free today, I feel like I am truly released from so much hurt, the one I caused him and the one I have caused myself.
If you are in this situation and you come across this post, think of it the way I am going to propose below and maybe it will help you feel a little better about what you are feeling for your best friend, if you and him/her can't be together... (sad face).
The prince and the princess story is very simple. Men are taught as children, that women should be treated like a princess, what people fail to teach their sons however is, that they should be treated like a prince. Have you ever seen a fairytale movie where the princess treats her prince like crap? well, that is how I started to see myself the last few days. When my prince would lash out at me, I would almost want to lash out at him and be a witch, but instead, I recognized all these things that he was doing as a sign that I bring out these bad qualities in him, and that is not who I fell in love with, I don't want to bring out the worst in someone, I want to only bring out the best.
I was proud of myself because I was able to recognize it and I caught myself and stopped lashing out at him. I did not want to be a witch to my prince. Instead, because I love my prince and I can tell that my prince is in distress, the most loving thing for this princess to do, is to step away from the equation and allow the prince to go fight some battles, conquer some lands and guide his army, his emotional army, to wherever he needs to guide it.
This princess on the other hand, will just stay put, and create a new garden and maybe I might just end up picking up a rock while gardening, and under it find a frog. I don't know that I will kiss it right away, not unless it turns into a prince right before my eyes without me having to do anything to it, but, with my luck If I try kissing it, I might end up with warts instead of a prince. When I think of the princess in the stories, the princess is always patient, is always loving to herself, is always kind, generous, special and loving to all. That is how I will conduct myself, because the truth is, that in this very moment, no one else can replace my prince, not yet. So I think that it is fair to say, that if you are in love with a prince and he is all over the place, and you truly love him selflessly, you will let your prince go out in the world and fight some battles, you will love yourself enough to let the prince go, because a true princess, treats herself kind is always singing and dancing, takes good care of herself and waits for the prince.... Whether it is the one you let go, or the new one that will come and sweep you off your feet... Accordingly, the prince is always respectful to his princess, he treats his princess with love and respect and only if they both play their role accordingly and right can they truly love one another and REIGN THE LAND TOGETHER!
GOOD BYE FOR NOW MY PRINCE!
Dear Journal:
Can you be friends with the person you are in love with? I think that the answer to that question is NO, in my opinion, you can only be friends with them, once you are no longer in love with them.
For the last few months I have been struggling with something really crazy and out of my control, the fact that I have come to the realization that I am in love with someone I have never met in person is but one piece of the pie, the more important thing that I have been struggling with, is how do I manage this that I feel, all the while being respectful to my best friend, the man I am in love with?
He and I have been friends now for a year and a half and it has been nothing but crazy drama, but not even like drama drama, but more so, emotional drama, the sort of drama that I prefer to avoid at all cost. One of the hardest things in life I think, is managing our emotions, especially when it comes to your friends, or the person you have gotten to know so well, someone you shared so many intimate conversations with, exposed yourself too. But, I am constantly trying to learn how to be more emotionally intelligent, how to try to communicate better with the people around me, how to accept the yes's and the no's, how to be respectful to my own self and my own feelings, and love myself right. Being able to do these things right, will help me salvage meaningful things in life, one of those things being, saving my friendship or holding it off for the future, because in him, I found someone genuine, kind, loving and amazing.
Yesterday I was feeling a bit overwhelmed, because the person that I am in love with, is very confused about his feeling for me. And regardless of what I may think he feels, I have to be accepting of where he is in his life right now, and what his needs are as well. I call this true love, selfless love. I have no doubt in my mind that he loves me in all sorts of ways as well, but I feel that because he can't give me what I need, If I linger around trying to stay his friend only to have a piece of him, I am hurting not only myself, but him as well.
When we love someone in one capacity and they love us in a different way, or don't know how exactly they love us, it is better in my opinion, to lay off, back up and stay away. The reason why I feel that way is, because by me staying his friend all I am getting from him, is the bits and pieces he can give me. Additionally, although me staying away hurts him and me, me staying to close also hurts him and me, and all that does is makes us both act out of of character. I always end up getting told off, getting screamed at and being treated wrong, because he isn't where he needs to be yet in order to say to me, I can do this with you. Instead, because he wants to hold on to me, until he is ready because he is afraid maybe to loose me, he gets jealous, he gets possessive, he treats me as if I am his, but only giving me bits and pieces, yet I am not, I am not his, until we both agree. So, what happens? well, I am not about to be someone's punching bag, and I am not about to be the kind of friend that doesn't love you enough to notice how I make you feel and although I know he isn't seeing it my way, I also know that he will understand it eventually.
If I love myself first, then I can love you right! While I know that he isn't doing any of the things he does intentionally or to be mean to me. By me loving myself first and foremost, I can love him rightly and leave him alone so that he can deal with the things he needs to and if that means loosing him to someone else maybe, or him loosing me to someone else maybe, then that is what it will have to be. I finally understand, what it means to love oneself, to love oneself, means you can let others go, you can set them free no matter how difficult it is, I am setting him free so that when we are ready to be good friends again, true friends, we will be, and it will be amazing.
Do I think that taking time away from him and myself will get us where we need to be? I honestly cannot say, I am not doing this to get him to be with me, I am doing this because I love me. Actually, I sort of waited for him unintentionally for a very long time, what I mean is, that for a long time, deep down inside I was not opening up to anyone because I wasn't sure how I felt about him first, then I realized it and he had someone and then, I started to like someone and that didn't work out. So, deep down I kind of have always been holding on. How long however, is it fair to hold on? again, if I love myself enough and I have an opportunity in my face and I don't take it because I am holding on to someone else, then how is that fair to me? I woke up feeling so free today, I feel like I am truly released from so much hurt, the one I caused him and the one I have caused myself.
The hardest thing is, that he is my best friend, no one knows me like he does, but staying away from him, will allow both of us the time to heal the wounds we are creating by treating each other un kind, because we are both in different places, while I love him first and foremost as my friend, I need more that just his friendship, something he can't give me right now, and, it isn't fair to me, or him, to continue to pretend that we can manage a friendship.
The best thing about us two is, that although I know it hurts him over and over again to almost loose me, in his heart, he knows that we both can't, that no matter how hard we try, it just always ends up in this crazy place called no where, no friendship, no love. Why then not give each other the space we need? although I know in his heart he thinks I will go and find a new frog, which I just might who knows? he also loves me enough to understand that if he isn't giving me what I need, it isn't fair for him to hold on to me for his own selfish reasons, which makes me love him THAT MUCH MORE! I can't wait until we can be friends again, the friends we used to be.... I WILL MISS HIM EVERY SINGLE DAY!
If you are in this situation and you come across this post, think of it the way I am going to propose below and maybe it will help you feel a little better about what you are feeling for your best friend, if you and him/her can't be together... (sad face).
THE PRINCE AND THE PRINCESS STORY...
The prince and the princess story is very simple. Men are taught as children, that women should be treated like a princess, what people fail to teach their sons however is, that they should be treated like a prince. Have you ever seen a fairytale movie where the princess treats her prince like crap? well, that is how I started to see myself the last few days. When my prince would lash out at me, I would almost want to lash out at him and be a witch, but instead, I recognized all these things that he was doing as a sign that I bring out these bad qualities in him, and that is not who I fell in love with, I don't want to bring out the worst in someone, I want to only bring out the best.
I was proud of myself because I was able to recognize it and I caught myself and stopped lashing out at him. I did not want to be a witch to my prince. Instead, because I love my prince and I can tell that my prince is in distress, the most loving thing for this princess to do, is to step away from the equation and allow the prince to go fight some battles, conquer some lands and guide his army, his emotional army, to wherever he needs to guide it.
This princess on the other hand, will just stay put, and create a new garden and maybe I might just end up picking up a rock while gardening, and under it find a frog. I don't know that I will kiss it right away, not unless it turns into a prince right before my eyes without me having to do anything to it, but, with my luck If I try kissing it, I might end up with warts instead of a prince. When I think of the princess in the stories, the princess is always patient, is always loving to herself, is always kind, generous, special and loving to all. That is how I will conduct myself, because the truth is, that in this very moment, no one else can replace my prince, not yet. So I think that it is fair to say, that if you are in love with a prince and he is all over the place, and you truly love him selflessly, you will let your prince go out in the world and fight some battles, you will love yourself enough to let the prince go, because a true princess, treats herself kind is always singing and dancing, takes good care of herself and waits for the prince.... Whether it is the one you let go, or the new one that will come and sweep you off your feet... Accordingly, the prince is always respectful to his princess, he treats his princess with love and respect and only if they both play their role accordingly and right can they truly love one another and REIGN THE LAND TOGETHER!
GOOD BYE FOR NOW MY PRINCE!
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