I say who, I say when, I say WHO! ~ Vivian ~ Pretty Woman
Dear Journal:
I have been so swamped and exhausted lately, that I have not had an opportunity to sit on my bed with my lap top on my lap and do this, what I love to do best, write to you, my ever so faithful journal! I have missed doing this, because when I do so, I feel a sense of accomplishment, a sense of truth and freedom. I feel that way, because to you I reveal all my thoughts and feelings and wishes and deepest dreams.
Last week was a really good week, it started with a study session with two awesome people on Saturday afternoon, my classmates and I, met up, got some sushi and headed to our college cafeteria and there we talked life and studied for our statistics class, it was a lot of fun! yeah I know to the majority of people in this world, studying may not be the most exciting thing in the world, but for me, because I waited over 10 years to be able to fulfill my dream, the dream of finally getting a Bachelor's degree, every single time I sit down to study, I am completely happy and I am even happier when I get to do so, with amazing intelligent individuals who are helping me out, thank you friends!
I have been avoiding the dating scene for three months now, and I have to admit that I feel really good about it, I decided a few months ago, that I was going to practice celibacy, because I felt that whenever sex is in my life, no matter in what capacity sex is in my life, it always brings to my life more drama than joy. I will explain. Men will say things like, I am only looking for sex and when I say ok, are you saying that you only what to be friends with benefits and they say yes, all of a sudden I find the person who I have made this agreement with, start to act a certain way with me that I don't quite understand, if we are only "friends with benefits" then why are you getting jealous? why aren't you acting like a friend? and why are you worried about what I do or when I'm doing it? and more importantly, why is it that you get mad if I am treating you like a piece of meat, if that is what you are offering me? so, because for the most part men think that what they want is one thing, but then once they have you in some sort of capacity they don't know what to do anymore, I decided that since I am not interested in a relationship at this moment, because I have to much going on in my life that is way more important, I just don't want to be bothered with sex at all. But, that doesn't mean that I don't get those people who think they want to tell me what to do, so let me tell you journal a little story that happened to me last week.
I have been on dating sites now for almost five years. When I started my dating site adventure, I was genuinely on them looking for a significant other, I really at that time wanted to have someone special because I had never been single in my life, meaning that I had been in relationships since I was 15 years old, never taking a break to just be me, be free and get to know myself. Anyway, at first, I took things on dating sites very personal, I would feel sad or hurt when someone would disrespect me or say mean things to me, but now, I don't quite honestly care what men say to me on line, I honestly don't, I learned not to take things personal.
The other day, I get a message from someone who I had met in person two years ago to be exact, at the car dealership where I purchased my car. That day, one of the guys there, the one in charge of the parts, sort of flirted with me and gave me his number and told me that I should call him for anything I needed that had to do with my car, I thought he was cute but he wasn't really my type, but because I am single and I can flirt if I want to, I feel like maybe I did flirt back a little and maybe even sent him a message at some point, but then found out he was in a relationship and I don't do to others, what I would not want to be done to me, so maybe after our first very casual txt conversation, I never spoke to him again. I remember that the conversation was very casual, because I think I was more texting him about my car, than to get to know him, I honestly almost feel like he gave me the number after he told me he had a girlfriend and stressed that I could txt him about car parts at any time. Anyway, I never spoke to him again, because I never needed to get anything for my car, but I kept his number on my phone, I honestly don't think I ever delete any number. After that brief interaction, I never saw or thought of him ever again until last week, when to my surprise he sends me a message on Plenty of Fish, one of the dating sites I am on, saying something like... Hi, I know you, you are XYZ and called me by my real name, although on the site I utilize my nick name, Jazzy. Anyway, I was really shocked that he remembered my full name and after reading who he was, I obviously remembered who he was and I wrote back and was like oh wow! hey how are you? I'm telling your girlfriend that you are on a dating site..... and the rest of the conversation went a little like this...
Him - You can tell my girlfriend whatever you want I am no longer with her... lol
Me - Oh sorry to hear that, how are you? by the way, I still have your number on my phone
Him - Really? lol, listen let me cut to the chase, I don't have time for games, I just want sex from you, you want to fuck?
Me - Um, no thank you, I am practicing celibacy, thanks for the offer! (being sarcastic of course and then I also wrote) I'm actually only on here to network and chat, I like to write so I invite people to check out my blog, check it out. (I proceeded to send him the link and thought to myself..... You must think you are gods gift to woman to come at me like that! laugh my ass off! your young and handsome, but not really my type, wow, men are so disrespectful!)
Him - Well if you like to write, you must know that you can't "practice" celibacy because your not practicing anything. And your too old not be having sex, you should be getting it every chance you get!
Me - I sent him the definition of "practice" which is...
Practice (verb) - to do something habitually or as a practice.
(I also wrote with my response) and you are right, I am too old, to bad you will never have the opportunity to touch my old body. Also, I'm sorry if I offended you by not taking you up on your offer!
Him - I got to meet you in person and you and I know you are not smart enough to make it as a writer, you should give up while your ahead and I'm blocking you now... call me!
Me - I never had the chance to write back because well.... He blocked me!
Moral of the story...... I have learned, that unkind words, should fall upon death ears and that I offended him because I have the right to choose and I choose who, I choose when, I choose how, and where and why. I don't take anything anyone says to me on line personal, because I understand, that some people have really low self esteem, and this young man, clearly does, even if he is handsome and has a six pack, which he had pictures of to show them off. Hey, I am happy for him that he has a great body, too bad he has a lousy attitude and a terrible personality.
Please! let's be kind with our words to others.....
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