40 WTF! WOW! I have been preparing for this day for the last year of my life, I really have (please note, I will turn 40 on Sunday, Oct. 2). I have been saying things like, I'm 40 now and I'll be 40 soon and I'm freaking out!!! I have been saying things like that, to prepare myself for D-DAY!!!
I cannot continue this post without first stressing, that I want to thank God (the un moved mover, the spiritual being, the highest energy and positively pure love) for allowing me to make it to 40 (I hope I make it to Sunday) and allowing me to share my thoughts and experiences with anyone who comes across this blog and would like to read it.
I need to stress on this my journal, how greatful I am that I have thus far lived a healthy life, that he has given me the gift of three wonderful children who give me the strength to constantly move forward and never look back. I want to thank him for allowing me to have had so many both positive and negative experiences that have made me the woman that I am today. But most of all, I want to thank him for life, which is the most amazing wonderful thing.
I am here, and I know that the day he calls for me, I will have lived a life that has thus far been so full of so many wonderful adventures and experiences that I do not regret not one moment. My soul has a purpose, and everyday it becomes more and more clear, what that purpose is.
I do have to admit that I am a bit scared. I am scared, because I do not know if I'm doing it right, sometimes, I don't even know what I'm doing anymore, yet I wake up and do it anyway. I get up and do my thing, sometimes however, doing my thing is really difficult but I still do it.
Most of my life I have been all over the place (still am sort of) but I do have to say that the first most noticeable thing that I am happy about in turning 40 is, that thinking about this new phase of my life, has given me the opportunity to take a look at my life and evaluate it in a way I never thought of doing before.
For the very first time in my life, I actually know what it is that makes me happy, what makes me sad, what makes me tick, what turnes me on, what I will absolutely tolerate and what I will absolutely not tolerate, what I'm willing to give up or sacrifice, what I will absolutely not give up or sacrifice. For the very first time in my life I feel feminine and comfortable in my own skin.
My 30's were pretty cool, I learned a lot about my sexuality, I learned alot about the opposite sex, and best of all, i learned how to walk in high heel shoes! I have this feeling however, that my 40's are going to be even better. I'm older and most definitely wiser. I am ok with myslelf, and I don't feel the need to be accepted in any "circle" because you either take me as I am, or watch me as I go! It's pretty awesome.
I hope that in my 40's, men my age will give me some attention. I hope that my Achilles tendon that I hurt from my jogs, gets better so that every now and then, when I feel like dressing up like a girl and wearing my heels and putting on some make up, I can do so, without having any pain. I hope that in my 40's the word drama is no longer in my vocabulary.
I have been feeling a sense of peace in my life and I can honestly say that I feel pretty happy with my life as a whole. However, I also hope that in my 40's I will become even wiser, that I will get to know myself even better, I hope to be able to become a better mother. I hope that I can obtain my masters degree in Psychology which will enable me to make a positive difference in lives. I hope to get better at my writing. I hope to become a more loving daughter, sister, aunt, cousin and friend. I hope to move out of NYC and go somewhere West. I hope to have the opportunity to adopt, provide foster care for or become the step mother of a wonderful child or children. Lastly, I hope that sometime in my 40's I meet a wonderful man that will understand the extent of my madness! someone who will not judge me based on my past experiences. Someone that will see me from the inside outward and not vice versa.
I want to say thank you to anyone who comes into my mind and reads my blog. Seeing the statistics of my blog traffic is truly unbelievable to me. From December when I first started writing until today, there have been nearly 5,000 views to it. WOW that is an awesome EARLY BIRTHDAY PRESENT! I never in a million years thought that I would get even 5 people to read it. I always thought I would at the most have my friends as my readers, however, most of my friends usually say things like, sorry Jazz I haven't had time to read it.
I'm not upset with my friends for that, after all I text them all my worries or insecurities or sadnesses etc. My point is, that there have been people that have told me they read it, and I'm blown away by it. Thank you!
I hope in my 40's I will be able to continue with my little project that is this blog, and that I will be able to evolve it into the blog I hope to someday have. I have this vision that is vivid in my mind and hope that I can make that vision come to life. I hope to be able to write about things that are meaningful and important and not just about my crazy life.
To end my post, I would like to ask anyone who comes across this page, that if you have 5 dollars to spare, please give to my favorite charity. That is all I want as a BDAY gift. I want a child to have those things that we take for granted.
Before you is a 40 year old woman, my name is Jazzy.... Thank you for reading!
PS. Midlife crisis???? What midlife crisis!!!!!??? whatever do you mean?!?!? I ALWAYS FREAK OUT!
Peace and Love!
CHILDREN INTERNATIONAL is my favorite charity. Link below.
http://www.children.org/AChildJustForYouSW3-ChildrenInternational.asp?WT.mc_id=S_Google&RS_ID=2&WT.srch=1
I cannot continue this post without first stressing, that I want to thank God (the un moved mover, the spiritual being, the highest energy and positively pure love) for allowing me to make it to 40 (I hope I make it to Sunday) and allowing me to share my thoughts and experiences with anyone who comes across this blog and would like to read it.
I need to stress on this my journal, how greatful I am that I have thus far lived a healthy life, that he has given me the gift of three wonderful children who give me the strength to constantly move forward and never look back. I want to thank him for allowing me to have had so many both positive and negative experiences that have made me the woman that I am today. But most of all, I want to thank him for life, which is the most amazing wonderful thing.
I am here, and I know that the day he calls for me, I will have lived a life that has thus far been so full of so many wonderful adventures and experiences that I do not regret not one moment. My soul has a purpose, and everyday it becomes more and more clear, what that purpose is.
I do have to admit that I am a bit scared. I am scared, because I do not know if I'm doing it right, sometimes, I don't even know what I'm doing anymore, yet I wake up and do it anyway. I get up and do my thing, sometimes however, doing my thing is really difficult but I still do it.
Most of my life I have been all over the place (still am sort of) but I do have to say that the first most noticeable thing that I am happy about in turning 40 is, that thinking about this new phase of my life, has given me the opportunity to take a look at my life and evaluate it in a way I never thought of doing before.
For the very first time in my life, I actually know what it is that makes me happy, what makes me sad, what makes me tick, what turnes me on, what I will absolutely tolerate and what I will absolutely not tolerate, what I'm willing to give up or sacrifice, what I will absolutely not give up or sacrifice. For the very first time in my life I feel feminine and comfortable in my own skin.
My 30's were pretty cool, I learned a lot about my sexuality, I learned alot about the opposite sex, and best of all, i learned how to walk in high heel shoes! I have this feeling however, that my 40's are going to be even better. I'm older and most definitely wiser. I am ok with myslelf, and I don't feel the need to be accepted in any "circle" because you either take me as I am, or watch me as I go! It's pretty awesome.
I hope that in my 40's, men my age will give me some attention. I hope that my Achilles tendon that I hurt from my jogs, gets better so that every now and then, when I feel like dressing up like a girl and wearing my heels and putting on some make up, I can do so, without having any pain. I hope that in my 40's the word drama is no longer in my vocabulary.
I have been feeling a sense of peace in my life and I can honestly say that I feel pretty happy with my life as a whole. However, I also hope that in my 40's I will become even wiser, that I will get to know myself even better, I hope to be able to become a better mother. I hope that I can obtain my masters degree in Psychology which will enable me to make a positive difference in lives. I hope to get better at my writing. I hope to become a more loving daughter, sister, aunt, cousin and friend. I hope to move out of NYC and go somewhere West. I hope to have the opportunity to adopt, provide foster care for or become the step mother of a wonderful child or children. Lastly, I hope that sometime in my 40's I meet a wonderful man that will understand the extent of my madness! someone who will not judge me based on my past experiences. Someone that will see me from the inside outward and not vice versa.
I want to say thank you to anyone who comes into my mind and reads my blog. Seeing the statistics of my blog traffic is truly unbelievable to me. From December when I first started writing until today, there have been nearly 5,000 views to it. WOW that is an awesome EARLY BIRTHDAY PRESENT! I never in a million years thought that I would get even 5 people to read it. I always thought I would at the most have my friends as my readers, however, most of my friends usually say things like, sorry Jazz I haven't had time to read it.
I'm not upset with my friends for that, after all I text them all my worries or insecurities or sadnesses etc. My point is, that there have been people that have told me they read it, and I'm blown away by it. Thank you!
I hope in my 40's I will be able to continue with my little project that is this blog, and that I will be able to evolve it into the blog I hope to someday have. I have this vision that is vivid in my mind and hope that I can make that vision come to life. I hope to be able to write about things that are meaningful and important and not just about my crazy life.
To end my post, I would like to ask anyone who comes across this page, that if you have 5 dollars to spare, please give to my favorite charity. That is all I want as a BDAY gift. I want a child to have those things that we take for granted.
Before you is a 40 year old woman, my name is Jazzy.... Thank you for reading!
PS. Midlife crisis???? What midlife crisis!!!!!??? whatever do you mean?!?!? I ALWAYS FREAK OUT!
Peace and Love!
CHILDREN INTERNATIONAL is my favorite charity. Link below.
http://www.children.org/AChildJustForYouSW3-ChildrenInternational.asp?WT.mc_id=S_Google&RS_ID=2&WT.srch=1
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