Typing on an IPAD sucks!
I was thinking today about something that happened to me a few weeks ago, but I am trying not to overly write what is currently happening in my life because my intention for this blog was to write my story telling it from beginning until now, not now and randomly throwing flashback moments which is what I might end up doing. Anyway, I'm going to write the following because I feel it was a memorable moment that I will always cherish and it goes a little something like this.......
I went into the room after going out and getting us something to eat. When I walked in, he was sitting on the bed and he looked at me and asked me if I had gotten him his sandwich, I had, but later found out that I had ordered it wrong and there was something missing in it, he didn't get upset with me, I liked that. My head felt like it was about to explode so I told him I was going to take a nap. He said he wanted to go to the beach, so I told him to go without me, that I would join him later.
After he left I was annoyed that he had not asked me if I needed an advil for my headache, but without giving it much thought, I fell into a deep sleep. I woke up about an hour later, and joined him at the beach.
When I got there, he was inside the water, and it was at that moment that the memorable meaningful part of this little memory happened. For the first time since I had met him about 3months earlier, I actually stopped and stared at him. Yes, I had looked at him many times, but I did not see him, I just looked, with my eyes, but never allowed my heart to open up and really stare. Actually, I would always try to avoid eye contact, because I din't want to see and I didn't want him to see. We give away so much in life with the way we look at people, especially those that mean something.
But, because he was busy in the water not paying attention to me, I was able to really pay attention to him and watch him, and allow my heart to open up and take in his beauty, but when I say beauty, I do not mean his physical looks although he is very handsome. What I am referring to, is him, his soul. In that moment I saw this peace about him that I found fascinating, he was just in the water fighting the waves, I admired how the sun connected with the water and his peaceful demeanor, I admired the way his body had turned reddish from being under the sun so long and how his freckles took different shapes on his back. I stared with my heart, and I smiled, I felt for the very first time in a long time, that I was spending time with someone who I really wanted to. I felt sincere joy in my heart.
Finally, he turned around and saw me, and smiled at me, his facial expression showed me that he was happy to be there with me too. We became one with the sun and the ocean and the peace that we were both feeling. He then came out of the water and I had to shake that feeling off, because I didn't want to give my feelings away, I could not allow myself to feel, because I was scared, so I did not look into his eyes, I avoided eye contact.
I acted cool and collective and he began to show me all the sea shells he had collected while I was sleeping. I could tell that he was so happy about it. I found that to be the most adorable incredibly sweet thing ever. Then, I had to leave again because I had an engagement I had to attend, and all of a sudden, I felt really sad, because I was not able to invite him to come with me and I didn't want to go, I didn't want to leave him, all I really wanted to do was stay right there with him, and just watch his peace.
Little by little I am learning that the most meaningful moments in life, are those where we stop and smell the roses. The little pieces of the day that have a true meaning. If I ever told him that whenever I miss him, which is often, it is that encounter that I think of most. And that I think of him in such a fond way, that it makes my heart ache, he probably wouldn't understand why? and maybe would not believe me either. Actually, whomever comes across this post won't understand why either. But I understand and that is what matters to me. I understand now what he was beginning to mean to me.
Why am I writing at 1:30 in the morning? Well Im going to give my old windows computer that I hate away. I am sending it to people that will probably appreciate it way more then I have. I have like a million pictures on it that i'm uploading to snapfish, so that I can delete them off the hard drive. However, I realized that I don't have a picture of him and I together sharing that moment at the beach that day. Maybe life will allow our paths to cross again someday, but if it doesn't, at least I have the special memory in my mind and one day I can look back at this journal entry and remember that day fondly. That was a good day, I'm glad I was able to live it, and tell the story.......
I was thinking today about something that happened to me a few weeks ago, but I am trying not to overly write what is currently happening in my life because my intention for this blog was to write my story telling it from beginning until now, not now and randomly throwing flashback moments which is what I might end up doing. Anyway, I'm going to write the following because I feel it was a memorable moment that I will always cherish and it goes a little something like this.......
I went into the room after going out and getting us something to eat. When I walked in, he was sitting on the bed and he looked at me and asked me if I had gotten him his sandwich, I had, but later found out that I had ordered it wrong and there was something missing in it, he didn't get upset with me, I liked that. My head felt like it was about to explode so I told him I was going to take a nap. He said he wanted to go to the beach, so I told him to go without me, that I would join him later.
After he left I was annoyed that he had not asked me if I needed an advil for my headache, but without giving it much thought, I fell into a deep sleep. I woke up about an hour later, and joined him at the beach.
When I got there, he was inside the water, and it was at that moment that the memorable meaningful part of this little memory happened. For the first time since I had met him about 3months earlier, I actually stopped and stared at him. Yes, I had looked at him many times, but I did not see him, I just looked, with my eyes, but never allowed my heart to open up and really stare. Actually, I would always try to avoid eye contact, because I din't want to see and I didn't want him to see. We give away so much in life with the way we look at people, especially those that mean something.
But, because he was busy in the water not paying attention to me, I was able to really pay attention to him and watch him, and allow my heart to open up and take in his beauty, but when I say beauty, I do not mean his physical looks although he is very handsome. What I am referring to, is him, his soul. In that moment I saw this peace about him that I found fascinating, he was just in the water fighting the waves, I admired how the sun connected with the water and his peaceful demeanor, I admired the way his body had turned reddish from being under the sun so long and how his freckles took different shapes on his back. I stared with my heart, and I smiled, I felt for the very first time in a long time, that I was spending time with someone who I really wanted to. I felt sincere joy in my heart.
Finally, he turned around and saw me, and smiled at me, his facial expression showed me that he was happy to be there with me too. We became one with the sun and the ocean and the peace that we were both feeling. He then came out of the water and I had to shake that feeling off, because I didn't want to give my feelings away, I could not allow myself to feel, because I was scared, so I did not look into his eyes, I avoided eye contact.
I acted cool and collective and he began to show me all the sea shells he had collected while I was sleeping. I could tell that he was so happy about it. I found that to be the most adorable incredibly sweet thing ever. Then, I had to leave again because I had an engagement I had to attend, and all of a sudden, I felt really sad, because I was not able to invite him to come with me and I didn't want to go, I didn't want to leave him, all I really wanted to do was stay right there with him, and just watch his peace.
Little by little I am learning that the most meaningful moments in life, are those where we stop and smell the roses. The little pieces of the day that have a true meaning. If I ever told him that whenever I miss him, which is often, it is that encounter that I think of most. And that I think of him in such a fond way, that it makes my heart ache, he probably wouldn't understand why? and maybe would not believe me either. Actually, whomever comes across this post won't understand why either. But I understand and that is what matters to me. I understand now what he was beginning to mean to me.
Why am I writing at 1:30 in the morning? Well Im going to give my old windows computer that I hate away. I am sending it to people that will probably appreciate it way more then I have. I have like a million pictures on it that i'm uploading to snapfish, so that I can delete them off the hard drive. However, I realized that I don't have a picture of him and I together sharing that moment at the beach that day. Maybe life will allow our paths to cross again someday, but if it doesn't, at least I have the special memory in my mind and one day I can look back at this journal entry and remember that day fondly. That was a good day, I'm glad I was able to live it, and tell the story.......
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