Yes, I too am disappointed in myself for sitting on my bed in my sports bra and Calvin Klein girl brief's, writing, instead of being out in a bar somewhere having one to many beers. The truth however is, that I am happy doing just this! What does this tell me about myself?
Maybe I am going into "nesting mode" too bad I don't have anyone to actually "nest" with. I once told someone, that I couldn't believe he was home blogging on a Friday night, yet, I almost feel like I have warped into the female version of him, he was that much of an inspiration to me perhaps? I love to admire someone and maybe, it is this admiration that has gotten me through many many things, that I can't even express. Can I tell you a secret? the other day, after months of absolutely leaving him alone, I couldn't control my urge, and I sent him a message. I will not write on here exactly what my message said, but it was something like this...........
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I read your blog today and I have to say that I am so proud of the way you have evolved in these last few years. I think of you each day still. I hope that one day, you would be so kind, as to accompany me to dinner and we can sit and have a meal, like the two adults that we are. We can have a date. Yes, I am asking you out, because I know you won't respond so it makes it easy for me to ask. I have never asked a man out on a date, but If I could turn back time, you would of been the first. You are still my inspiration and I thank life, for having put you in my path. There is a reason for everything. I hope you will learn much in the next class that you will be taking, the next class will be about love. Maybe there, you will comprehend the extent of my deep sincere love for you. I will miss seeing your beautiful face each week.
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After I sent this message to him, I did not get an answer as I anticipated that I wouldn't. I was ok with it. I didn't expect it nor do I think I even wanted one. But I know he read it and I know he wondered and I know he cared. You, whomever you are reading this blog entry right now, will never understand why? but I do and so does he. I have never asked a man out, and if I ever did, it would be him. One day when we were friends and he told me he wanted us to meet up and get something to eat, I was to scared to do so, that I kind of went around the question and never got around to going. I know now that I was so impressed, inspired, intimidated and shocked at the fact that he was interested in me, that I let fear control me and fear, did not allow me to go out with him and enjoy a dinner or a lunch or even a sundae as we had discussed. I have never regretted anything so much in my life as I do that. So, here I am almost 4 years later, writing a blog that was inspired by him, on a Friday night. His birthday is coming up, I wish I had the guts to go to him and ask him out in person. I can't do it, I'm too scared.
Maybe I am going into "nesting mode" too bad I don't have anyone to actually "nest" with. I once told someone, that I couldn't believe he was home blogging on a Friday night, yet, I almost feel like I have warped into the female version of him, he was that much of an inspiration to me perhaps? I love to admire someone and maybe, it is this admiration that has gotten me through many many things, that I can't even express. Can I tell you a secret? the other day, after months of absolutely leaving him alone, I couldn't control my urge, and I sent him a message. I will not write on here exactly what my message said, but it was something like this...........
*********************************************************************************
I read your blog today and I have to say that I am so proud of the way you have evolved in these last few years. I think of you each day still. I hope that one day, you would be so kind, as to accompany me to dinner and we can sit and have a meal, like the two adults that we are. We can have a date. Yes, I am asking you out, because I know you won't respond so it makes it easy for me to ask. I have never asked a man out on a date, but If I could turn back time, you would of been the first. You are still my inspiration and I thank life, for having put you in my path. There is a reason for everything. I hope you will learn much in the next class that you will be taking, the next class will be about love. Maybe there, you will comprehend the extent of my deep sincere love for you. I will miss seeing your beautiful face each week.
******************************************************
After I sent this message to him, I did not get an answer as I anticipated that I wouldn't. I was ok with it. I didn't expect it nor do I think I even wanted one. But I know he read it and I know he wondered and I know he cared. You, whomever you are reading this blog entry right now, will never understand why? but I do and so does he. I have never asked a man out, and if I ever did, it would be him. One day when we were friends and he told me he wanted us to meet up and get something to eat, I was to scared to do so, that I kind of went around the question and never got around to going. I know now that I was so impressed, inspired, intimidated and shocked at the fact that he was interested in me, that I let fear control me and fear, did not allow me to go out with him and enjoy a dinner or a lunch or even a sundae as we had discussed. I have never regretted anything so much in my life as I do that. So, here I am almost 4 years later, writing a blog that was inspired by him, on a Friday night. His birthday is coming up, I wish I had the guts to go to him and ask him out in person. I can't do it, I'm too scared.
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