Dear Journal:
I LOVE my classes this semester! I really love my creative writing class and believe it or not, I love my statistics class because my professor is absolutely awesome! and although I have no doubt that the class will be very challenging for me, I know that I will do well or at the very least, I will do as best as I can. One thing I love about my professor is that, not only does he make his class feel comfortable and at ease about the topic, he also shares a wealth of wisdom. He said something in class the other night that I will share at the end of this post, because it was truly insightful and inspirational and I almost felt like what he said is exactly how I have always made my goals become a reality.
I have always had goals in my life, I think that goals are very important for our very existence, what would I do without a sense of direction? however, with goals, there is also a thing called reality and a thing called life, YES I can make goals, but I also have to understand that I have to be open to change and to allow mistakes and changes in my plan. There is nothing that in this world is set on stone, the only thing I MUST do is die, other than that, life pretty much is a series of moments, some we have control of, others we don't, so with that thought in place, we have to understand that some goals are a must and some are wants and some are needs and some we will have and some will only always be a dream! I have so many goals sometimes I am all over the place, that is why I have the plan, my 5 year plan, my 10 year plan and then my little goals of I have to stop eating sweets (which has been my on going goal for so many years) what I'm basically trying to say, is that we must be realistic and understand once again my favorite thing to say, which is that although we have goals and dreams, we have to be realistic that this is the only true moment that I have and therefore I can only try to live each moment as best as I can always working toward a goal, but always also being real, real to myself about the fact that I can't control everything.
When I was a recruiter, I would always ask people where they saw themselves in 5 years? their answer gave me an idea if this person had a sense of direction. Anyway, I am sitting in my college library trying to get some work done and I had all these thoughts in my mind that I needed to put on my journal immediately, because I wouldn't be able to rest until I did.
I just walked out of my creative writing class and I have to say that I am loving every minute of it, my professor is so so cool and so funny and just straight up! I love it! anyway, in one of our first meetings he asked about how many times a week I wrote, I told him that I write at least three times a week, so he looked at me and he said.... then you're a writer! imagine? me a writer? I never think of myself as a "writer" I never know how to categorize myself because I'm either all over the place or just to damn diverse to be specific, yet he called me a writer and in that moment I felt so great. No, maybe I don't write three times a week on my blog, but yes, I am constantly writing on paper, my phone, somewhere, it is a non stop feeling of wanting to share, to write something to say anything, to just write, let the words come out of my head and onto some sort of reality. I love to do it.
Yesterday after talking to someone that is very important to me, who is also very creative and is someone who has taught me so many little things and someone who I feel I don't inspire enough, yet he inspires me. I realized that the day I have a romantic relationship, I have to be with someone who inspires me. Can you bring out the best in me? can you bring out the worst in me? can you make me feel all the emotions that we can feel as human beings? if the answer is yes, then I probably want you in my life!
I have been feeling quite happy lately, life is feeling very simple, I feel like I'm happiest when there is simplicity in my life, especially because when life is feeling simple, I can focus more, I can stay true to my goals, I can do what I do best... ME! selfish? perhaps, but I have come to realize that all of my life I have been one very selfish person and I never knew this about myself, I really genuinely did not. It wasn't until my ex husband said something to me the other day that made me think of the relationship we had, that I realized how extremely selfish I have been.
What did he say? he said, Jazz, you better find yourself a man, because I don't want you to feel bad the day I find my one and marry her in church! when he said that, I realized two very important things, one, he never married me in a church because I wasn't the woman he ever wanted, I MADE HIM LOVE ME, I literally did, I saw him, I wanted him, I got him, I had his children! do you see how all this was for ME? I never even thought about it that way, but when he said that, instead of feeling sad and sorry for myself, I looked at him and with love in my heart I said.... I truly with all of my heart hope you find the woman your heart desires, because you deserve it! I want you to be happy. I truly meant that, and I know he knew I did. I really wish that for him, and I will not feel sad for me because he is marrying someone else, I will actually feel happy. I want him to be happy with someone that he feels is suitable for him, because I sure hell was not suitable in any way shape or form and anyone that knows about my relationship with him, can attest to the fact that the whole relationship was for ME. What I wanted, what I needed, how I wanted it. Goodness! that's horrible! but it's the truth, I am quite the selfish person in a really weird way. But what can I say to defend myself about my own accusations about myself, other than the fact that Jazzy has a gypsy soul, I will always do what I want, I will always live my life the way I want to live it regardless of what anyone says or thinks and I have no regrets, I feel happy that I am not afraid, I am happy to have a gypsy soul! even if sometimes, my gypsy soul gets me in all sorts of crazy trouble! but, some take the ride with me, some want to have an adventure and at the end of my adventure, they sort of benefit from it, so maybe it isn't as selfish as it seems. I don't make sense do I?
OK GOTTA GO... Have some school work to get done, but below is the insight my professor gave us... HE'S SOOOO AWESOME!
SELF REGULATION - Basic strategy to get what you want in life
1. Motivation - Jazzy's translation - Shut up and just do it
2. Goal Setting - Jazzy's translation - Sit your butt down and write down what it is you want!
3. Strategy Skills - Jazzy's translation - How am I going to learn to do, accomplish what I want to do?
4. Self Evaluation Skills - Jazzy's translation - Do I really have the skills, what it takes to do it? (realistic!)
5. Adjustment Skills - Jazzy's translation - HOLY SHIT! I can't do this!&$, HOLY SHIT! my whole plan just blew up! Let me change my plans! IT'S OK TO MAKE CHANGES!
Always keep in mind that it is important to ADJUST TO DIFFERENT CONDITIONS!
THANK YOU PROFESSOR!
I LOVE my classes this semester! I really love my creative writing class and believe it or not, I love my statistics class because my professor is absolutely awesome! and although I have no doubt that the class will be very challenging for me, I know that I will do well or at the very least, I will do as best as I can. One thing I love about my professor is that, not only does he make his class feel comfortable and at ease about the topic, he also shares a wealth of wisdom. He said something in class the other night that I will share at the end of this post, because it was truly insightful and inspirational and I almost felt like what he said is exactly how I have always made my goals become a reality.
I have always had goals in my life, I think that goals are very important for our very existence, what would I do without a sense of direction? however, with goals, there is also a thing called reality and a thing called life, YES I can make goals, but I also have to understand that I have to be open to change and to allow mistakes and changes in my plan. There is nothing that in this world is set on stone, the only thing I MUST do is die, other than that, life pretty much is a series of moments, some we have control of, others we don't, so with that thought in place, we have to understand that some goals are a must and some are wants and some are needs and some we will have and some will only always be a dream! I have so many goals sometimes I am all over the place, that is why I have the plan, my 5 year plan, my 10 year plan and then my little goals of I have to stop eating sweets (which has been my on going goal for so many years) what I'm basically trying to say, is that we must be realistic and understand once again my favorite thing to say, which is that although we have goals and dreams, we have to be realistic that this is the only true moment that I have and therefore I can only try to live each moment as best as I can always working toward a goal, but always also being real, real to myself about the fact that I can't control everything.
When I was a recruiter, I would always ask people where they saw themselves in 5 years? their answer gave me an idea if this person had a sense of direction. Anyway, I am sitting in my college library trying to get some work done and I had all these thoughts in my mind that I needed to put on my journal immediately, because I wouldn't be able to rest until I did.
I just walked out of my creative writing class and I have to say that I am loving every minute of it, my professor is so so cool and so funny and just straight up! I love it! anyway, in one of our first meetings he asked about how many times a week I wrote, I told him that I write at least three times a week, so he looked at me and he said.... then you're a writer! imagine? me a writer? I never think of myself as a "writer" I never know how to categorize myself because I'm either all over the place or just to damn diverse to be specific, yet he called me a writer and in that moment I felt so great. No, maybe I don't write three times a week on my blog, but yes, I am constantly writing on paper, my phone, somewhere, it is a non stop feeling of wanting to share, to write something to say anything, to just write, let the words come out of my head and onto some sort of reality. I love to do it.
Yesterday after talking to someone that is very important to me, who is also very creative and is someone who has taught me so many little things and someone who I feel I don't inspire enough, yet he inspires me. I realized that the day I have a romantic relationship, I have to be with someone who inspires me. Can you bring out the best in me? can you bring out the worst in me? can you make me feel all the emotions that we can feel as human beings? if the answer is yes, then I probably want you in my life!
I have been feeling quite happy lately, life is feeling very simple, I feel like I'm happiest when there is simplicity in my life, especially because when life is feeling simple, I can focus more, I can stay true to my goals, I can do what I do best... ME! selfish? perhaps, but I have come to realize that all of my life I have been one very selfish person and I never knew this about myself, I really genuinely did not. It wasn't until my ex husband said something to me the other day that made me think of the relationship we had, that I realized how extremely selfish I have been.
What did he say? he said, Jazz, you better find yourself a man, because I don't want you to feel bad the day I find my one and marry her in church! when he said that, I realized two very important things, one, he never married me in a church because I wasn't the woman he ever wanted, I MADE HIM LOVE ME, I literally did, I saw him, I wanted him, I got him, I had his children! do you see how all this was for ME? I never even thought about it that way, but when he said that, instead of feeling sad and sorry for myself, I looked at him and with love in my heart I said.... I truly with all of my heart hope you find the woman your heart desires, because you deserve it! I want you to be happy. I truly meant that, and I know he knew I did. I really wish that for him, and I will not feel sad for me because he is marrying someone else, I will actually feel happy. I want him to be happy with someone that he feels is suitable for him, because I sure hell was not suitable in any way shape or form and anyone that knows about my relationship with him, can attest to the fact that the whole relationship was for ME. What I wanted, what I needed, how I wanted it. Goodness! that's horrible! but it's the truth, I am quite the selfish person in a really weird way. But what can I say to defend myself about my own accusations about myself, other than the fact that Jazzy has a gypsy soul, I will always do what I want, I will always live my life the way I want to live it regardless of what anyone says or thinks and I have no regrets, I feel happy that I am not afraid, I am happy to have a gypsy soul! even if sometimes, my gypsy soul gets me in all sorts of crazy trouble! but, some take the ride with me, some want to have an adventure and at the end of my adventure, they sort of benefit from it, so maybe it isn't as selfish as it seems. I don't make sense do I?
OK GOTTA GO... Have some school work to get done, but below is the insight my professor gave us... HE'S SOOOO AWESOME!
SELF REGULATION - Basic strategy to get what you want in life
1. Motivation - Jazzy's translation - Shut up and just do it
2. Goal Setting - Jazzy's translation - Sit your butt down and write down what it is you want!
3. Strategy Skills - Jazzy's translation - How am I going to learn to do, accomplish what I want to do?
4. Self Evaluation Skills - Jazzy's translation - Do I really have the skills, what it takes to do it? (realistic!)
5. Adjustment Skills - Jazzy's translation - HOLY SHIT! I can't do this!&$, HOLY SHIT! my whole plan just blew up! Let me change my plans! IT'S OK TO MAKE CHANGES!
Always keep in mind that it is important to ADJUST TO DIFFERENT CONDITIONS!
THANK YOU PROFESSOR!
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