My baby aka journal was down for like two days, and I felt like a crackhead going through some sort of withdrawal. It was horrible. But I'm back here this beautiful Saturday morning, putting my thoughts on these pages of the world wide web, for all of those who wish to read them.
Before I got on to my computer however, I made a phone call to someone, that I unfortunately still have to talk to because we have one same thing in common, and that is our children, so I call him and I am talking to him about my children and the next thing I know as usually, he is getting annoyed about something I am asking which was, what time are you picking them up? I have no idea what part of that questions is so horrible that can get a man to want to hang up on me tell me off and proceed to call me crazy. I try to just ignore these things now and God knows that I am slowly learning to be a better person and just let it go, let him deal with his own feelings toward me as I learn myself to go about situations in a different way. My goal in life, is to always try to be the very best human being I can possibly be, by being human, making mistakes and learning from them, to become wiser about life. This post however is not about my pursuit to self actualization. What this post is about is what he said to me next.
He said, Jazzy, you are crazy a friend of mine who is also your friend on FB told me that my ex wife was crazy and that I should tell her to stop writing crazy stuff on there. My first reaction was anger, anger that someone who is "supposedly" my friend, is going back to my ex to talk about me. The feeling of anger lasted for about a minute, because too soon, did I realize that I had nothing to be upset about. Then instead I felt sad, sad that there are people with nothing else to do with their time, than to go around judging others and talking about them behind their back.
If I saw on one of my friends status on Facebook or any other social network site, that they were writing something that seemed like crazy to me, as a real friend I might contact them to check on them to see if they are ok, because I am not here to judge people based on something they are writing. I myself have always been judged and I know how hurtful that is. I have actually done things like that in the past, I have seen sometimes things that seem odd to me that one of my friends has written and I will send the person a personal email and ask them if they are ok. Because I don't take things that people say on a public website too seriously and I find that whatever we write, is a form of expression it's a form of freedom. I thought we had the freedom to say what ever our hearts desired? I love going down the list of things my friends have to share, some make me laugh, some make me shake my head, some make me think damn that was bold I could never say something like that and some make me feel sad for them. I befriend everyone, because I don't believe in crazy, I believe in unique and special I swear I do. I am in aw of the wonderful beauty that is the human race. I love individuality and uniqueness in others. Yet I know that we all experience, the same feelings. Simply amazing!
After calming down from my initial annoyance, I thought about my new friend, the new man God recently put in my path. This really handsome cool guy who has lately made my days a little brighter, who gives me his attention and is bringing out in me a whole other side that I have yet to explore. In thinking of him, I felt bad of how I have already judged him without really knowing him well enough to do such a thing. I need to learn to give people a chance without judgments. It is extremely difficult to practice being non judgmental, but I feel that if I can learn how to live my life, being a little less judgmental of myself and others, then I will probably be a happier person. I don't want to judge my new friend until I really know who he really is, and the only way for me to know who he really is, is to get to know him. If at some point, he gives me reason to believe that he isn't suitable for me, then at that point I can make a decision about us, still, I usually don't give people a chance because I am so busy judging myself and them.
This person who talked about me to my ex, who bad mouthed me and called me crazy, here is what I have to say to you. I don't know who you are, I don't know what your problem with me is, but I can assure you that I am very crazy. I have always been crazy, and I will always be crazy and that is ok, because there are other wonderful human beings, that enjoy partaking in my crazy life with my craziness and all, if you feel that I am not sane enough for you, then maybe you should remove yourself from my life. In addition, I write from my heart, whatever I put on these pages, I truly believe and stand by because my word is my bond. I do not lie or make up stories. If one person reads this and feels that they can relate to something that happened to me in my life, then I believe that having written this post, served it's purpose.
I love to write because when my fingers move, they move to the feeling of my heart and soul. I don't think it, the words just flow from my heart to these pages. I believe I have found a passion, something that I always had but never knew how to explore it.
I am sorry if I offend anyone with what I write on my blog or on Facaebook or Twitter, but the truth is, you have a choice to read it, or simply not.
My name is Jazzy, and I will always say, what I believe to be true, but please forgive me in advance, if I offend you at times, hurt you, or say something that you may think to be crazy. I am not perfect and everyday I am trying to live my life as best I can and trying to become a better me.
Before I got on to my computer however, I made a phone call to someone, that I unfortunately still have to talk to because we have one same thing in common, and that is our children, so I call him and I am talking to him about my children and the next thing I know as usually, he is getting annoyed about something I am asking which was, what time are you picking them up? I have no idea what part of that questions is so horrible that can get a man to want to hang up on me tell me off and proceed to call me crazy. I try to just ignore these things now and God knows that I am slowly learning to be a better person and just let it go, let him deal with his own feelings toward me as I learn myself to go about situations in a different way. My goal in life, is to always try to be the very best human being I can possibly be, by being human, making mistakes and learning from them, to become wiser about life. This post however is not about my pursuit to self actualization. What this post is about is what he said to me next.
He said, Jazzy, you are crazy a friend of mine who is also your friend on FB told me that my ex wife was crazy and that I should tell her to stop writing crazy stuff on there. My first reaction was anger, anger that someone who is "supposedly" my friend, is going back to my ex to talk about me. The feeling of anger lasted for about a minute, because too soon, did I realize that I had nothing to be upset about. Then instead I felt sad, sad that there are people with nothing else to do with their time, than to go around judging others and talking about them behind their back.
If I saw on one of my friends status on Facebook or any other social network site, that they were writing something that seemed like crazy to me, as a real friend I might contact them to check on them to see if they are ok, because I am not here to judge people based on something they are writing. I myself have always been judged and I know how hurtful that is. I have actually done things like that in the past, I have seen sometimes things that seem odd to me that one of my friends has written and I will send the person a personal email and ask them if they are ok. Because I don't take things that people say on a public website too seriously and I find that whatever we write, is a form of expression it's a form of freedom. I thought we had the freedom to say what ever our hearts desired? I love going down the list of things my friends have to share, some make me laugh, some make me shake my head, some make me think damn that was bold I could never say something like that and some make me feel sad for them. I befriend everyone, because I don't believe in crazy, I believe in unique and special I swear I do. I am in aw of the wonderful beauty that is the human race. I love individuality and uniqueness in others. Yet I know that we all experience, the same feelings. Simply amazing!
After calming down from my initial annoyance, I thought about my new friend, the new man God recently put in my path. This really handsome cool guy who has lately made my days a little brighter, who gives me his attention and is bringing out in me a whole other side that I have yet to explore. In thinking of him, I felt bad of how I have already judged him without really knowing him well enough to do such a thing. I need to learn to give people a chance without judgments. It is extremely difficult to practice being non judgmental, but I feel that if I can learn how to live my life, being a little less judgmental of myself and others, then I will probably be a happier person. I don't want to judge my new friend until I really know who he really is, and the only way for me to know who he really is, is to get to know him. If at some point, he gives me reason to believe that he isn't suitable for me, then at that point I can make a decision about us, still, I usually don't give people a chance because I am so busy judging myself and them.
This person who talked about me to my ex, who bad mouthed me and called me crazy, here is what I have to say to you. I don't know who you are, I don't know what your problem with me is, but I can assure you that I am very crazy. I have always been crazy, and I will always be crazy and that is ok, because there are other wonderful human beings, that enjoy partaking in my crazy life with my craziness and all, if you feel that I am not sane enough for you, then maybe you should remove yourself from my life. In addition, I write from my heart, whatever I put on these pages, I truly believe and stand by because my word is my bond. I do not lie or make up stories. If one person reads this and feels that they can relate to something that happened to me in my life, then I believe that having written this post, served it's purpose.
I love to write because when my fingers move, they move to the feeling of my heart and soul. I don't think it, the words just flow from my heart to these pages. I believe I have found a passion, something that I always had but never knew how to explore it.
I am sorry if I offend anyone with what I write on my blog or on Facaebook or Twitter, but the truth is, you have a choice to read it, or simply not.
My name is Jazzy, and I will always say, what I believe to be true, but please forgive me in advance, if I offend you at times, hurt you, or say something that you may think to be crazy. I am not perfect and everyday I am trying to live my life as best I can and trying to become a better me.
F*ck 'em, not worth knowing.
ReplyDeleteI agree :)
ReplyDelete