Journal Entry - May 18, 2011 11:00pm.
Dear Journal -
It was a significant day for me today, because today, the last piece of a very difficult time in my life has finally ended. Today, I saw the rightful owner of the silhouette picture that I use on my blog, the one I use to adorn the pages where I write my story. The story of my days, my thoughts, my challenges, my wants and my needs. It's all about me, or rather, it's all about the moments that are significant to me. Or the random thoughts that pop up in my mind, or the songs that define my taste in music.
The silhouette, the one that is Jazzy's Journal, the picture that I have loved for 3 and a half years. http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2011/04/story-of-silhouette.html whom ever comes to my journal, might not understand this entry, it is of no significance to anyone but me. But I have to put these thoughts on these pages, because this journal is my love. This is who I am and I like to share myself with the world and any of those who want to partake in my life. I want to share all the love that I have in my heart, with who ever reads what I write. So thank you, for coming into my mind and my life and my thoughts.
I sat with him today and asked him permission to use the silhouette picture. At first, he wasn't sure about what I was talking about and then I said, pretending that he didn't know that I had a blog, pretending that I was meeting him for the very first time ever, I told him that I wanted to know, if I was able to use the silhouette that he had once used on his blog. I told him, that I could not let it go, because it no longer represented him in my life or the love I had for him, the picture now represented me. And he said "of course, go right ahead" I believe he was ok with giving it to me, because he also knew our story, no one could understand it but us. What he didn't know and I didn't know until now, is that he was setting me free, free from all the love and anger and pain he caused me for so long. I could finally come to terms, that my challenge was over and that I have moved on. It also signified to me, that the silhouette is really mine now, it is the only thing he ever gave me. He gave me back my passion for writing. Thank you!
And then I asked him, who is she? and he told me that he had found a picture of a real random woman on the internet, he made the picture dark, shrunk it down and made it into what it was. He had created something, he was the internet artist. In that moment I couldn't believe that all this time, I had been in love with a real woman that neither of us knew. She is out there in the world and I have loved her figure all this time. It was ok though, I was really happy that she had not meant anything to him, yet to me, she meant a great deal. When I first laid eyes on his blog and the silhouette, I had fallen in love with the picture and the writer. I remember thinking to myself, wow, I want that to be me, now when I think about it, I don't think I wanted to have that silhouette, I think I wanted to have him, his heart, his love. Because in my mind I thought that the picture was significant to him, in reality it was just a cool picture he had chosen. To me, it means a great deal and I am truly happy that I now have his permission to make her mine.
So, who ever takes time out to come into the pages of this my journal, and read this chapter of my life. I want you to know, that the picture on top of my blog is a picture of me. Or, she can be a picture of you, or the woman you love. Please look at her and let your imagination run wild with thoughts of whomever you wish her to be. I give you me, I give you her.
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