Sunday, May 29, 2011

My road to the race 18 days till....D DAY :(

OMG! I was thinking this morning as I was running after my daughter.  That in 16 days, I will be running my very first race EVER! I am sooooo extremely nervous.  Here is the link to my first post about it.  http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2011/01/my-road-to-race.html Yes, this is a very short race it's only a 5K but the fact is that I am doing something that I have wanted to do for so long that it makes a 5K race a huge deal.  It is so amazing how we as human beings, can truly accomplish whatever we set out to do as long as we are dedicated.  I speak for myself when I say that there are many times I say that I want to do xyz, yet I don't do it.  


Yet this time, I told myself that I was going to stick with my love of running and accomplish my first goal with it.  The other day I had to pay for the tee-shirt that my team will wear for the race, and I felt so scared and in disbelief that the time is almost here.  I have to admit that I am very excited about it though, I have had this little dream for a really long time.  I remember when I met one of my current closest friends (Mau) and we were getting to know each other and telling each other our future plans and that night as we were partying and drinking, I kept telling him how I would love to run a NYC marathon.  That  (running a NYC marathon) seems almost impossible at this point.  But hey, you never know only time hard work and dedication will tell.  For now though I am looking forward to this race, that although it may seem like a small race to the world.  It is extremely significant to me.  


For the last 10 days however I have been unable to run, I had this excruciating pain in my achilles tendon that I could not bare.  So I listened to the trainer at my gym and I stopped running as he instructed, he also suggested, that I stop wearing heels which kind of annoys me since I just recently bought a new pair.  The worst part is that I was never really one to wear heels, so when I finally get into them and started to feel feminine in my heels I am told not to wear them anymore! FML these things only happen to me.  I don't care though, I love to be in my sneakers and sweats anyway so now I have an excuse to do just that.  I will leave the heels for days when I go out with my friends.   


Listening to the trainer payed off though, I am happy to report that I shall resume my running tomorrow.  I was also told that when I start running again, not to run to many miles right away.  I was told to go slowly and run a short distance.  Still, I am so excited that tomorrow I want to try and run and run until I can't run no more.  


My diet is straight up crap, I cannot sit here and pretend that I have been eating healthy.  I feel like a fat cow who has no self control, it's horrible and I don't feel good about it.  I feel like it's almost related, like the minute I left my running because I was hurt, it also gave me the excuse to eat like a pig, this is not good at all and completely unacceptable.  I should actually be trying to loose weight in order to run better.  I have no idea how I am finally going to be disciplined about my eating habits.  It's just that FOOD IS SOOOO DAMN GOOD! why is that????? I love sweets! I WANT ICE CREAM!  I seriously am having a hard time with my dedication to being a healthy eater.  For the the last about 10 years I have always watched my weight, but I know for a fact I can do better.  Lately though, I have noticed that because I have been trying to eat less of certain things, when I do eat them, I feel sick and disgusted.  It's not even a guilty feeling, is more of a nauseas feeling, like my body rejects certain food.  


This is exactly how I felt when I quit smoking cigarettes, every time I would have one, I would feel grossed out.  I smoked the other day too, but I was drinking so it was casual, however, this type of behavior doesn't make me very happy either.  All of it, it is just a waste of time.  I will say however, that I plan on continuing to hang out and have my drinks with my friends obviously, but I have to practice a bit more self control when participating in extra curricula activities with my very awesome friends.  There is no need for me to stuff my face and get drunk for absolutely no reason.  It's just that  sometimes it just feels good to be bad!


Anyway, I will come back on here and let whoever comes across my blog, know how my race went.  If you have been following my progress, I want you to know, that I am honored, that you would take time out to read what I have to say.  And I further want to let you know that I struggle with every day challenges just like the next person and that I sometimes want to quit everything and hide under a rock and that sometimes I just want to let myself go and just become a slouch.  But knowing that I have to come back to my blog and report about it, gives me an incentive to want to work harder.  So, again, thank you for having my back and helping me with trying to fulfill one of my many dreams and goal.  YOU ARE AWESOME!


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