“Love has the power of making you believe what you would normally treat with the deepest suspicion.” ~ Mirabeau
Dear Journal:
September 21, 2012
I lost my mojo! Or is it MOYO? So after I wrote the word Mojo, I had to look it up to see what it means and unbeknownst to me, it turns out that the word “MOJO” is a magical charm bag used in hoodoo! And “HOODOO” is a predominantly African American traditional folk magic! That developed from a number of different cultural beliefs on magic! AWESOME! you see, you CAN learn something from reading Jazzy’s Journal! AND! I just, so you know, googled all that info! I LOVE IT!
I always do things like that, if I don’t know what something means, or what a word means or what it’s referring to, I have to absolutely and must look it up immediately and just absorb the knowledge. I have a list of words I need to look up, whenever my professors talk and I don't know a word they said, I write it down immediately. I hope to expand my vocabulary and I love to learn new things! Of course, if you ask me tomorrow, I would of probably forgotten by then, still, at least I try! That is all I can do.
Ok, so I wanted to write this “quick” post, because the other day I thought that I was going to post a picture on my journal, http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2012/09/dear-journal-9-18-12.html because it was someone’s birthday and I wanted to draw it. Well, turns out that I can’t bring myself to do it, I started to, but I just can’t.
Furthermore, I am also realizing that my inspiration lately is not coming from him anymore, but rather it’s coming from something else, something that I can’t bring myself to admit, so instead, I turn away from it and pretend it’s not there in front of my face. I feel like we all do these things sometimes, we try to ignore what's in front of us because we are afraid. It’s just easier and less scary to face certain things that are too close for comfort. Or maybe not that it's too close for comfort, but so scary, scary is definitely a good word to use right about now. I know I am not making sense. But I am just really happy that I am able to acknowledge at least on my journal, that other people and things can inspire me deeply. That makes me feel extremely happy, because it means that I am slowly moving on and moving on is always something great!
It’s his birthday and I wasn’t going to call/write/sing or dance, because well, “he doesn’t deserve it” but then I thought about my Practical Philosophy class and all that I learned there and I was walking out of the subway and in that moment, I knew what I had to do, it just came to me. So, I grabbed my phone out of my bag and I made a call. On the other end, I heard a ring and then I heard a voicemail and when I did, I wished the person a wonderful birthday, full of love and happiness. I did so, with sincerity and love, because I meant it.
I don’t know what it is that I did to this individual to make him act towards me the way he has all of these years, but I will not allow his behavior towards me, change me and who I am. I am a loving individual, I love to make people smile and feel good. I further love all human beings, no matter what they may have done to me. I forgive, I try to be kind and generous, I try to be honest and sincere. So, I did what I felt in my heart was the right thing to do. I don’t know if I will ever be able to finish that picture that I so badly want to draw, maybe I will maybe I won’t. None the less, I felt inclined to show someone love, because love is all that I have to give.
I feel good! And I am happy! and at the end of the day, that is all that matters.
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