You miss 100% of the shots you don't take ~ Wayne Gretzky
Dear Journal:
IT IS A WONDERFUL NEW DAY! and I woke up and saw a picture on Facebook that I will share at the bottom of this post because I was laughing so hard at 9:30 am thinking that it was truly relevant!
COMMUNICATION.....
How can I stress how important it is? goodness I wish I could work harder on being an effective communicator! but because I don't communicate effectively or maybe communicate more than I should, then I end up being called CRAZY! duh.... how come people don't know this about me????
For the last 5 months I have been going back and forth with a man and it has been the craziest roller coaster I have been on thus far! last night we had a conversation where he said to me that "HE COULD NOT HANDLE MY CRAZY" really? as crazy as you are you can't handle MY CRAZY??? after we hung up once he told me I had no chance in hell in ever having him, and I nearly jumped out of my window due to the disappointment that I wasn't going to have this man who in my opinion has lied to himself and me for the last five months about his feelings. I at first felt sad, but the sadness wasn't really about not having him in a romantic way, it was more a sadness of not having him anymore as a friend a decision I made on my own. I told him that it was easier for me to forget about him, if I just don't speak to him anymore, because quite honestly, his friendship wasn't really necessary as I have so many awesome friends already. I think he is a wonderful human being with a great heart, but I also think that he sometimes denies himself things and that he is a bit judgmental towards me. I don't know that having a friend like him in my life is good, because he manages to make me so angry that most of the time I don't even understand myself why.
Regardless, although both of us made an effort to try to understand one another, we just don't and it is a true shame, because well, I never really like anyone (romantically) so when I do, it bums me out that these sorts of things happen. I think that for the next few months I am going to take a break from dating men and just sort of chill out. I mean I have kind of been doing that for a while now, but I still sort of felt that there was this last thing that I needed to do before I moved forward with my plans for 2013. So I expressed myself to this individual and once again he shot me down, so, I'm pretty much done with him I can't be bothered. However, I feel relief that I asked, because well I am not afraid of rejection or taking chances, I rather know than stick around and wonder. You say no, I keep it moving.... End of story!
I decided not to be his friend because I don't want to make the same mistakes over and over again in my life and I want to be realistic about the fact that I like him romantically and that being friends with him at this time would probably not be a good idea. I don't think he was very happy about that, but in a way I think he was relieved because I think he needs the distance as much as I do, sometimes in life, taking a step back and regrouping is important so that you don't end up in the situation I was in 5 years ago when I fell in love with my then best friend and until this day, I still haven't completely gotten over it, although I am no longer in love with him, I still miss my friend all the time.
Anyway, I have been considering for quite sometime to move out of state and I think that this consideration is looking more and more like something that is going to definitely happen. I was on Plenty of Fish the other day and I decided to do a search of men in the city I am considering moving to. So I get all of these results back and I am going down the list and I am reading profiles and I could not help but to notice one very awesome thing. Nearly every man on the search, had on their profiles stuff like... I like to hike, camp, fish, bike, run, ski and as I kept going down the list of men I kept thinking, HOLY SHIT!!! I love them all!!!! ha! it was as if each one was telling me to get there quick, so that we could do all the things that I love to do! my nature man is there waiting for me, I just have to hurry up and get there. It was fun fantasizing for a few minutes about all the fun I will have when I am actually there and it made me feel really happy. I sent out two messages and both men replied, such GENTLEMEN! I have to admit that men in other states are so much more gentle towards women, I have always noticed this being on the online dating scene for so long, that men in other states or just men outside of New York in general are really really nice.
This year is starting off quite well, I got some good grades in school and I am looking forward to some serious running. I went out the other morning in like 30 degree weather, it was the first time I ever did that and it was quite the run! FELT AWESOME! I don't do resolutions, instead I like to set goals. The trainer at my gym suggested that I do quarterly goals as those are much more attainable, so my first quarterly goal is to stay away from beef, eggs and dairy products. I have always wanted to change my eating habits and I wrote about trying to eat more fish before but then I slack off because honestly I don't really like fish, but, Jazzy has to start getting fit so when I move, I can keep up with my nature man! I can't very well let my new man outrun me! but all fantasizing aside, I hope to really get into my running again, since my achilles feels better and I kind of know how to make sure that I don't hurt myself anymore. I plan on running a few 5k races in the spring and just enjoying myself as much as I can because quite honestly, there is no reason in this world not to be happy.
Ok, journal, not much more excitement going on to report, but I will keep you posted with regards to my nature men, this will be fun!
HERE IS THE PIC THAT MADE ME LAUGH THIS MORNING!
THANK YOU FROG!
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