Whom Not To Marry......

Even an uncomfortable truth can be expressed with kindness and respect ~ Father Pat Connor

Dear Journal:

I'm sitting in my kitchen trying to write this book review (my first ever!) as my 4 year old daughter is washing dishes.  Yes, you did read correctly, she is indeed washing the dishes!

Over the last about week during my commute to and from work and throughout any chance that I got, I have been reading the book Whom Not To Marry, Time-Tested Advice from a Higher Authority by Father Pat Connor.  I became interested in this book a few years ago when I was hopelessly devoted to the blog of Benjamin, who read it and wrote about it on his blog.  Since back then I used to worship the ground he walked on (I'm not even sure why?) I read the review and thought to myself that I would put the book on my to read list, because I wanted to know what it was Father Connor had to say about marriage.  

The book is a really short read and father Connor is quite funny in the way he writes it.  I also really liked the format and the vocabulary, because it is easy reading for anyone to understand.  It is a book he wrote based on his experience with pre-marital counseling.  Although he has never been married himself, the man really does know what he is talking about, at least I can attest to it.  

While I was reading the book I definitely saw things on there that made me think back at my own past marriages (2) and I could definitely see a relationship with what he was writing and what went wrong in my own marriages.  I don't really like to talk about my marriages as I honestly don't think about them as "real" both times that I was married, I knew in my heart that it wouldn't last, additionally, I married both times to help people out not really for love.  Still, being in a marriage you definitely learn quite a lot about a person and if you got married for the wrong reasons (like I did) you also begin to identify things you should of thought about before making the commitment.

Anyway, this book is for people who are thinking about getting married to the person they love, not because they need to do a favor, but because they are truly in love with each other and want to spend the rest of their lives with that person (that's scary as all hell!) father Connor however, writes this book more so for women to kind of give them some guidance as to what are some signs they should identify in their partner to see if this person they are going to commit their life to is really "the one" he talks about the different things that are vital for marriage and he also points out that making a decision such as that one, is one that should take careful thought and consideration.

Father Connor talks about "soul mates" he says that we have this notion that we have a "soul mate" and that sometimes because we have this idea, we settle.  He says that we all have more than one "soul mate" and that when we have found one of them and we commit to them once we do so, even if down the line we meet someone else that we think would be a better "soul mate" we should always remember that NO "SOUL MATE" is as important as "your soul mate" therefore, NO CHEATING ON YOUR HUSBAND/WIFE!  Can I just say (thank you to my lucky stars!) that we have more than one soul mate???!!! you imagine only having one? anyway some of the points that I found interesting that I definitely wanted to share on here were as follows:

• He says that above all things you should ALWAYS be patient! (There go my chances at marriage! I have NO patience!)

• He says that an engagement should be at least for a year (I can do a year)

• He says that you shouldn't sit around waiting for your knight in shinning armor! you should use modern technology (internet dating) to find "the one" if that is what you need to do

• He says men fear commitment more then women, because to them it means that they will have to change (I think I have become a man!)

• Father Connor says that COMMUNICATION IS KEY!!! (yay!!! I do also! wooo hooo)

• If a man uses cloudy language to introduce you to people (dump him!) 

• He says to remember that marriage is an open-ended commitment to an unpredictable person! (I totally agree! we are always changing!)

• You should always LISTEN to one another with an open heart and mind, because it means showing respect and paying attention.  He says that kindness understands what another person needs, and is able to respond with generosity, compassion and tenderness! (I love that!)

• He writes about THINK before you speak, which is a phrase that I have seen before THINK has a meaning for each letter... T = is it TRUE? H = is it HELPFUL? I = is it INSPIRING? N = is it NECESSARY? K = is it KIND? (I LOVE THIS SO MUCH! everyone should really do this when having a heart to heart with their love ones and all people in general!)

•  NEVER marry a man who doesn't pay you compliments! (I didn't say it, father Connor did! and I concur!)

•  Be careful with men that are the jealous type, as jealousy is a negative emotion fueled by the fear of loss.  He says you should never marry a man that can't keep his jealousy in check! (I know this all too well! UGH!)

• Make sure your marrying a man that can say "I'M SORRY"

• Never marry a man that makes jokes at your expense (so disrespectful!)

• He says you should always speak the truth in love and that even an uncomfortable truth can be expressed with kindness and respect.... (SOOOO TRUE!)

•  A great couple should be able to compromise! (never marry a man that you can step all over! GROSS!)

• Never marry a selfish man! (Um.... they are ALL SELFISH!)

•  Never marry a man you have to make excuses for! (listen to the father ladies! he knows what he is talking about!)

• Father Pat Connor is Catholic, yet he thinks it's a good idea to live together before marriage! wooo hooo! go father! 

•  You should marry a man you are physically attracted too! (hell yes!) He says a mutual physical attraction is necessary for a happy marriage.

•  He says you should know what your partners idea of "true love" is, because it means something different to everyone.... ASK QUESTIONS! be able to TALK to your partner

•  He says that LOVE is a long distance runner - it NEVER GIVES UP!

• Never marry a man who is not able to express his feeling to you! (true!)

 I hope you enjoyed my review, I have not done a book review since HS so I hope that if you come across this post, you find it useful.  I shared what I thought was pretty significant.  The book like I said is short and enjoyable, I found myself laughing out loud a few times on the train... People in NYC stare! but Jazzy don't care!