Dear Journal -
While it may appear that I write my journal because I want my life to be as the saying goes "out on the street" I want to make clear on this post, that my intention is not so much to put my "business out there" as honestly no one really gives a damn about my life because quite honestly it isn't that important to the masses nor am I some type of important figure who's life needs to be followed or kept up with.
I write my journal because I love to write and because I want to hopefully make a point every now and then, or at the very least make someone smile. So, with that said, when I hear that someone who I would never in a million years even remotely imagine would read my journal, I'm sincerely humbled, flattered and completely taken aback by it. Especially, because I think highly of this individual and have a lot of respect for him as well. So, I really do thank you for taking time to read anything I have to say and when I say you, I mean you the person reading this right now and also you, the person I am writing this post about.
This post is dedicated to someone who played a strange role in my life a few years back, he and I never had any sort of romantic anything, but sometimes I felt that he was angry at me, almost as if I had done something wrong to him. I felt that he thought I was obnoxious and annoying and I also thought that he had no respect for me. I felt as if sometimes, he was just annoyed that I would give my attention to someone else and that irked him, because maybe without noticing, he was competing but not because he liked me as in wanting to take me out on a date and get to know me, but because "what's wrong with me? why doesn't she give that attention to me?" and honestly I don't even think he even realized it as it coming off that way, but his behavior towards me led me to believe that. I think it was a male ego thing or maybe a competition of who can get her attention or maybe he did think I was cute or maybe, he just wanted to annoy me and acted that way to keep himself busy, I honestly am not sure.
Me on the other hand I just always wanted to be cool with him, because I genuinely thought and still think he is an awesome man. What he also didn't know, is that if he would of approached me in a different way, I would have totally given him more attention and even would of gone out with him for a drink or something (if he would of given me that option) and I would have loved to get to know him better, I would of probably at the very least tried, because not only did I find him attractive, I also thought he was incredibly intelligent or still think both so I would have hung out with him and who knows maybe I would of just enjoyed a romantic adventure if nothing else with him, after all he was single and so was I.
However, I do not know, nor will I probably ever know, what it was about me that made him act sometimes hostile toward me, yet I feel as though we had a love/hate relationship type thing, it was really just weird and often times, I would just straight up stop talking to him because I did not know how else to deal with it. That man drove me nuts! or should I say...... DUDE, YOU drove me nuts!
Me on the other hand I just always wanted to be cool with him, because I genuinely thought and still think he is an awesome man. What he also didn't know, is that if he would of approached me in a different way, I would have totally given him more attention and even would of gone out with him for a drink or something (if he would of given me that option) and I would have loved to get to know him better, I would of probably at the very least tried, because not only did I find him attractive, I also thought he was incredibly intelligent or still think both so I would have hung out with him and who knows maybe I would of just enjoyed a romantic adventure if nothing else with him, after all he was single and so was I.
However, I do not know, nor will I probably ever know, what it was about me that made him act sometimes hostile toward me, yet I feel as though we had a love/hate relationship type thing, it was really just weird and often times, I would just straight up stop talking to him because I did not know how else to deal with it. That man drove me nuts! or should I say...... DUDE, YOU drove me nuts!
Anyway, I'm writing this post to him, because I found out that he reads my journal sometimes and I am completely flattered. The only thing I'm going to say about him so that he will know it's him I'm taking about without giving him away to anyone else is, that there was a time when I handed him a piece of paper and when he asked me what it was, I told him to open it and look at it, that it was a drawing, I had drawn especially for him. When I handed the supposed drawing to him he looked at me and I could tell he was a bit flattered and taken aback about the gesture I was showing him, but when he turned the page around and saw that it was a print out of a drawing by Leonardo Da Vinci and not really a drawing, I could tell that he was a bit disappointed or annoyed that I had played a joke on him. Basically, I think that maybe he just wanted me to give him some positive attention, show him a gesture of my appreciation the way I showed other people we both knew, but instead I gave him that paper to be mean or maybe get him back for something he had done to me I am not sure, non the less, after I saw his expression I felt bad because I never imagined that he would feel bad about the joke I was playing on him.
So, he made a remark about it and I just laughed even though I felt a bit bad about what I had just done, because this love/hate we had going on was just obnoxious and weird. But whenever we would stop talking, I would get very upset about it and sometimes I would ask others, if it was something I had done? But, that was a long time ago and I do not have any sort of bad feelings toward him and I actually often ask about him to see how he is doing because I don't see him that often anymore. I still think he is a really cool human being.
So, to you, the person I am writing this post for, I want you to know that I am sorry about anything I ever did to make you uncomfortable or to be mean as it was very immature but you drove me a bit crazy and I never could tell if you liked me or didn't? and when I say like, I don't even mean romantically, I mean as a person. Anyway, hearing that you read my journal, leads me to believe that you think I am an ok human being and that all that hostility between us, was just both of us being immature adults.
Anyway, to make up for whatever I did that upset you, I took time out before finalizing this post, to draw you the Leonardo Da Vinci picture that I love. While I was drawing it, I kept thinking that I hope you will like it, because I did it thinking of you and am going to make sure you get it because you were my challenge and Jazzy always likes a good challenge even when I have no idea what the challenge is about and while you know that my art isn't beautiful at all, I do hope you can appreciate that everything I do, I do it with lots of love. I also want you to know that I don't draw things for just anyone, so consider yourself pretty special in my book.
I thank you old friend for reading my journal, and I also want you to know, that the time you gave me that whole theory of yours on why married men say things like "I knew I would marry her the moment I saw her" and I argued that your theory was weird and wrong, well! I know now, why men say that, it's a biological thing and your theory is all wrong! HA! in your face! (insert smile here). The good news is that if you keep reading my journal, you will find out why exactly it is that men say that and how it ties into biology, as that is a post I intend to write at some point. For now, I'm just satisfied I know something you don't! smarty pants!
So, he made a remark about it and I just laughed even though I felt a bit bad about what I had just done, because this love/hate we had going on was just obnoxious and weird. But whenever we would stop talking, I would get very upset about it and sometimes I would ask others, if it was something I had done? But, that was a long time ago and I do not have any sort of bad feelings toward him and I actually often ask about him to see how he is doing because I don't see him that often anymore. I still think he is a really cool human being.
So, to you, the person I am writing this post for, I want you to know that I am sorry about anything I ever did to make you uncomfortable or to be mean as it was very immature but you drove me a bit crazy and I never could tell if you liked me or didn't? and when I say like, I don't even mean romantically, I mean as a person. Anyway, hearing that you read my journal, leads me to believe that you think I am an ok human being and that all that hostility between us, was just both of us being immature adults.
Anyway, to make up for whatever I did that upset you, I took time out before finalizing this post, to draw you the Leonardo Da Vinci picture that I love. While I was drawing it, I kept thinking that I hope you will like it, because I did it thinking of you and am going to make sure you get it because you were my challenge and Jazzy always likes a good challenge even when I have no idea what the challenge is about and while you know that my art isn't beautiful at all, I do hope you can appreciate that everything I do, I do it with lots of love. I also want you to know that I don't draw things for just anyone, so consider yourself pretty special in my book.
I thank you old friend for reading my journal, and I also want you to know, that the time you gave me that whole theory of yours on why married men say things like "I knew I would marry her the moment I saw her" and I argued that your theory was weird and wrong, well! I know now, why men say that, it's a biological thing and your theory is all wrong! HA! in your face! (insert smile here). The good news is that if you keep reading my journal, you will find out why exactly it is that men say that and how it ties into biology, as that is a post I intend to write at some point. For now, I'm just satisfied I know something you don't! smarty pants!
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