I think that we all encounter that person that we can't say no to. That friend, sibling lover ect. That no matter how bad we know we should say no, something inside of us won't allow it.
All of my life, I have struggled with the fact that for me, it's sometimes difficult to say no to people. I always want to help my friends and loved ones as much as I can. Most of my life, people have also taken advantage of this fact, and many many times, men have taken my good nature or good will as a reason to believe that I am in love with them or want them or so forth, when in reality all it is, is that these gestures of mine, are my kindness and therefore it is mistaken for a weakness.
Of course, people I help are the ones I feel closest to, because obviously, I want my friends to be happy. Once someone in my mind becomes my friend, I love them. I love a whole lot of people, and I never hesitate to tell them because I strongly believe that everyone needs to be loved. I don't care what religious beliefs anyone person has, we all know that we want to be loved. Living things need love period.
There is obviously a difference between I love you and I'm in love with you. But many times, people get that confused. Still, if I love you, you will know it, because I am not afraid to let my friends know that in my eyes, they are awesome!
Lately, I have had to take a step back in my life, and sort of evaluate when it's a good idea to start saying no. As I have always been the person who always says yes, this is not really setting in good with people. All of a sudden, Jazzy is such a bitch. Oh my God, she got a job and she thinks she is better then everyone else. She lost some weight and now she thinks she's too good. She is studying, so this makes her think she is too good for the rest of us. These things all sound like things I have even said about other people that were in my life at some point, but then became distant from me, I am beginning to be able to identify where and how this ends up happening.
My reality however is, that I have had to adjust my life, because by me always worrying about helping everyone else, I wasn't helping the most important person, which was myself. And, by me being good to other people, my children were the ones who suffered the consequences.
I am learning slowly how to say no. The other day, I saw my friend who I love tremendously. He needed me to do something for him, and I had to say no. Right after that, I felt really really guilty, like I had done something wrong, yet I am sure for a fact, that this man is completely capable of doing things for himself. At some points in my life, I have felt that many people have taken my kindness for weakness, but its not really that I am weak, its just that whenever I can, I want to help those who I love I want to help a fellow human being, that's who I am, that's how I roll. After a few hours of me feeling bad about having said no, I felt good. Good, because maybe by me saying no, it would force this person to take responsibility and maybe, this person has gotten so accustomed to me saying yes that in a sense I was hurting him by not giving him the opportunity, to resolve his own problems. By me always saying yes, I was actually hurting him.
Saying no to him was really difficult I have to admit it. When he asked for what he needed me to do, I just wanted to do it, because in my mind, I don't believe he is taking advantage of my kindness, still I had to practice tough love because in the end, if I can say no to my children who melt my heart away with their numerous requests and then proceed to give me these looks that are full of the most genuine sincere love their is in the world, then I can most certainly say no to a grown up, who is fully capable.
So, next time that person that you know very well who can take care of themselves, comes to you and gives you that look that you can't help but to give in, think of how much better they will be off, if you let them figure it out on their own and take care of business.
Make good practice of "tough love"
All of my life, I have struggled with the fact that for me, it's sometimes difficult to say no to people. I always want to help my friends and loved ones as much as I can. Most of my life, people have also taken advantage of this fact, and many many times, men have taken my good nature or good will as a reason to believe that I am in love with them or want them or so forth, when in reality all it is, is that these gestures of mine, are my kindness and therefore it is mistaken for a weakness.
Of course, people I help are the ones I feel closest to, because obviously, I want my friends to be happy. Once someone in my mind becomes my friend, I love them. I love a whole lot of people, and I never hesitate to tell them because I strongly believe that everyone needs to be loved. I don't care what religious beliefs anyone person has, we all know that we want to be loved. Living things need love period.
There is obviously a difference between I love you and I'm in love with you. But many times, people get that confused. Still, if I love you, you will know it, because I am not afraid to let my friends know that in my eyes, they are awesome!
Lately, I have had to take a step back in my life, and sort of evaluate when it's a good idea to start saying no. As I have always been the person who always says yes, this is not really setting in good with people. All of a sudden, Jazzy is such a bitch. Oh my God, she got a job and she thinks she is better then everyone else. She lost some weight and now she thinks she's too good. She is studying, so this makes her think she is too good for the rest of us. These things all sound like things I have even said about other people that were in my life at some point, but then became distant from me, I am beginning to be able to identify where and how this ends up happening.
My reality however is, that I have had to adjust my life, because by me always worrying about helping everyone else, I wasn't helping the most important person, which was myself. And, by me being good to other people, my children were the ones who suffered the consequences.
I am learning slowly how to say no. The other day, I saw my friend who I love tremendously. He needed me to do something for him, and I had to say no. Right after that, I felt really really guilty, like I had done something wrong, yet I am sure for a fact, that this man is completely capable of doing things for himself. At some points in my life, I have felt that many people have taken my kindness for weakness, but its not really that I am weak, its just that whenever I can, I want to help those who I love I want to help a fellow human being, that's who I am, that's how I roll. After a few hours of me feeling bad about having said no, I felt good. Good, because maybe by me saying no, it would force this person to take responsibility and maybe, this person has gotten so accustomed to me saying yes that in a sense I was hurting him by not giving him the opportunity, to resolve his own problems. By me always saying yes, I was actually hurting him.
Saying no to him was really difficult I have to admit it. When he asked for what he needed me to do, I just wanted to do it, because in my mind, I don't believe he is taking advantage of my kindness, still I had to practice tough love because in the end, if I can say no to my children who melt my heart away with their numerous requests and then proceed to give me these looks that are full of the most genuine sincere love their is in the world, then I can most certainly say no to a grown up, who is fully capable.
So, next time that person that you know very well who can take care of themselves, comes to you and gives you that look that you can't help but to give in, think of how much better they will be off, if you let them figure it out on their own and take care of business.
Make good practice of "tough love"
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