Over the span of 2 years I wrote someone I love, over 500 letters. I sent them all to him, but I never once got an answer. This person is the same person who inspired me to write again, to express my feelings and thoughts via writing. I have decided to post these letters on my blog. I will start posting them in a random order but almost in a way, that will create a story.
I know now, that he did not deserve those words of love that I sent him, yet, these feelings expressed in these letters were the most beautiful feelings in my heart. Some days, I would think of him and the words would flow.
I hope that when you read them, you will find something in them, they will inspire you to tell someone you love, that you love them. I don't regret writing them, because they were my real thoughts and feelings and that means that I am alive. I often say things like, this means I'm alive, because I am and that makes me happy. We must live, love and learn.
I am going to share these letters with the world, because if the person they were intended for didn't appreciate them nor cared nor responded then they are not really that private, they are just my thoughts that were lost in cyberspace. But now I want you to read them, because if you visit my blog, then that means that you like to read my stories and this means a great deal to me, so thank you. I dedicate to you, my letters to him.
Enjoy!
Letter 1. - Telling him I LOVE YOU! - Written Nov. 26 - 2008
(I sent him this letter after having a disagreement with him and him avoiding my questions)
Dear Friend-
The other day when you told me that the relationship I was having with the person I am sort of seeing wasn't healthy, I started thinking about what I feel for you and how un healthy it is and how I need to really stay away from you. And as I write this, tears are rolling down my eyes once again because I am so scared to stay away from you, or distance myself from you, but I know that I have to do it.
Before I do however, there is something that I need to say and so I am just going to do it. I LOVE YOU! I know that it is crazy and that I don't know how this ever happened to me but I do. I know it isn't fake or made believe or anything. I know that we have never had the opportunity to spend much time together that all we do is write each other and send each other text messages so our in person interactions have been limited but based on this fact, Is why I know that I love you!
I know that we will never have a romantic relationship or even share a kiss, I am mature enough to accept, that I am all wrong for you. I have thought about this over and over again and I wouldn't even do it to you because it's not fair. I can name a million reasons why we are wrong for each other, for example, I am catholic you are jewish, I am spanish you are white, I have children you don't, we come from different social backgrounds, I am older then you, I have been married and you haven't, you're a professional who know's what you want out of your career and I don't even know what I am doing. The list can go on and on......
I need to give myself a chance to maybe who know's, date people and give someone a chance that may be better suited for me. I'm sure it won't be anytime soon because I am not ready to be with anyone, not even you because I am scared to feel the way I do or ever live the feeling that I feel because it's to scary and I have had really bad experiences in my past relationships. So why start a new one right? but I felt like I needed to tell you this, because I think you deserve to know and maybe this will help you understand why I get upset with you sometimes.
I swear to you that I am a kind, generous and loving woman who has many wonderful qualities about her and that one day when I find my prince, I will give him my all and be the best woman that I can possibly be and treat him with love and respect and be everything that I know how to be and make him very happy.
I know you don't laugh at me or get a kick out of what I am telling you and that is why I tell you. I know that you are a great man and I know that someday a lucky woman will have the privilege to partake in your life.
I have sent you links to many songs and even though I never used the words "I dedicate this song to you" I know you knew they were meant for you or at least most of them were. But this song is my dedication to you. I dedicate this song to you with all my heart and Love.
I am a firm believer that when you love someone you should let them know because tomorrow is never promised. Telling you all of this took a lot of courage but it will take more courage to have to forget you :-(
ps. please don't analyze this letter, there is nothing to analyze because I know what I feel and it is called LOVE.
____________________________________________
LIFE LESSON.....
Thank you for allowing me to share these letters with you. I hope that you learn from them, that when we love someone truly, there is no pride, there is no shame, there is no ego, there is just love. The purest most beautiful feeling in the world.
He said to me the other day, that he couldn't believe how long I wrote to him for. I told him that I did it because I didn't want to give up I always get what I wanted, which in this case, was for him to respond to me.
Later after having that conversation with him, I realized that I didn't write him for that reason, I wrote him not because I had to have my way, but because I loved him so much as a friend, that I just wanted to know that we were cool, that so much time had passed that maybe our wounds had healed, that there were no grudges or resentment. My word is my Bond! if I told my friend that I loved him, it's because I really did So, I didn't give up, because in my heart, he had never stopped being my friend. It wasn't about being with him in a romantic relationship it was about making up with my very best friend who I loved so much.
STAY TUNNED FOR MORE LETTERS..... this one is the only one that I will share his response with you, I don't want to share any other letters he wrote me, because they were intended for my eyes only, they were between us. I shared this one, to give you an idea of what happened.
I know now, that he did not deserve those words of love that I sent him, yet, these feelings expressed in these letters were the most beautiful feelings in my heart. Some days, I would think of him and the words would flow.
I hope that when you read them, you will find something in them, they will inspire you to tell someone you love, that you love them. I don't regret writing them, because they were my real thoughts and feelings and that means that I am alive. I often say things like, this means I'm alive, because I am and that makes me happy. We must live, love and learn.
I am going to share these letters with the world, because if the person they were intended for didn't appreciate them nor cared nor responded then they are not really that private, they are just my thoughts that were lost in cyberspace. But now I want you to read them, because if you visit my blog, then that means that you like to read my stories and this means a great deal to me, so thank you. I dedicate to you, my letters to him.
Enjoy!
Letter 1. - Telling him I LOVE YOU! - Written Nov. 26 - 2008
(I sent him this letter after having a disagreement with him and him avoiding my questions)
Dear Friend-
I was just about to send you a text message saying something like "if you don't tell me what I want to hear I am going to go to your job and then you will have to tell me in my face so please don't make this an uncomfortable situation for the both of us and just tell me what I want to know" but then I realized that I am not some kind of psycho crazy young school girl and that the truth is, that I wouldn't go to your job, because as crazy as you may think I am, I am truly not.
The other day when you told me that the relationship I was having with the person I am sort of seeing wasn't healthy, I started thinking about what I feel for you and how un healthy it is and how I need to really stay away from you. And as I write this, tears are rolling down my eyes once again because I am so scared to stay away from you, or distance myself from you, but I know that I have to do it.
Before I do however, there is something that I need to say and so I am just going to do it. I LOVE YOU! I know that it is crazy and that I don't know how this ever happened to me but I do. I know it isn't fake or made believe or anything. I know that we have never had the opportunity to spend much time together that all we do is write each other and send each other text messages so our in person interactions have been limited but based on this fact, Is why I know that I love you!
Every man I have ever been in a relationship with, I have fallen for after we kissed, hugged or made love. With you however, there was no need for that. When my mom asked me what was wrong with me I told her I didn't know and that it wasn't like I could say I had incredible sex with him or he kissed so good or any of that it was just you, the person that you are. I know you, I know that I do, even if you think that I am crazy and that I don't.
You are not a fiction of my imagination, you are real you are in this world but I don't want to go after you and try to get you because that is not how love should be. Love should be natural and special and between two people not just one. The thing is you have been my friend for over a year now, you listen and give me feedback. I don't know why I feel like this, but sometimes in the matters of the heart you don't have any control and so this is me telling you that I know that I LOVE YOU.
You are not a fiction of my imagination, you are real you are in this world but I don't want to go after you and try to get you because that is not how love should be. Love should be natural and special and between two people not just one. The thing is you have been my friend for over a year now, you listen and give me feedback. I don't know why I feel like this, but sometimes in the matters of the heart you don't have any control and so this is me telling you that I know that I LOVE YOU.
I know that we will never have a romantic relationship or even share a kiss, I am mature enough to accept, that I am all wrong for you. I have thought about this over and over again and I wouldn't even do it to you because it's not fair. I can name a million reasons why we are wrong for each other, for example, I am catholic you are jewish, I am spanish you are white, I have children you don't, we come from different social backgrounds, I am older then you, I have been married and you haven't, you're a professional who know's what you want out of your career and I don't even know what I am doing. The list can go on and on......
I need to give myself a chance to maybe who know's, date people and give someone a chance that may be better suited for me. I'm sure it won't be anytime soon because I am not ready to be with anyone, not even you because I am scared to feel the way I do or ever live the feeling that I feel because it's to scary and I have had really bad experiences in my past relationships. So why start a new one right? but I felt like I needed to tell you this, because I think you deserve to know and maybe this will help you understand why I get upset with you sometimes.
I swear to you that I am a kind, generous and loving woman who has many wonderful qualities about her and that one day when I find my prince, I will give him my all and be the best woman that I can possibly be and treat him with love and respect and be everything that I know how to be and make him very happy.
I know you don't laugh at me or get a kick out of what I am telling you and that is why I tell you. I know that you are a great man and I know that someday a lucky woman will have the privilege to partake in your life.
I have sent you links to many songs and even though I never used the words "I dedicate this song to you" I know you knew they were meant for you or at least most of them were. But this song is my dedication to you. I dedicate this song to you with all my heart and Love.
I am a firm believer that when you love someone you should let them know because tomorrow is never promised. Telling you all of this took a lot of courage but it will take more courage to have to forget you :-(
I LOVE YOU B....
ps. please don't analyze this letter, there is nothing to analyze because I know what I feel and it is called LOVE.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
His Response -
Jazzy,
I am not sure what to say to the emails you have sent me as of late. Of course, I am extremely flattered by what you say you feel for me. And, Im not gonna sit here and judge what you say - what you feel is what you feel. I have enjoyed being your friend and even enjoyed the spicy tone that took sometimes; but, what I feel for you is just friendship. I definitely want to be here for you and I am glad that you trust me and feel close to me and I really like to hear about your life; but, I can only do that in a friendly capacity.
I am not sure what else to say. I hope you don't hate me.
happy thanksgiivng,
B.
I am not sure what to say to the emails you have sent me as of late. Of course, I am extremely flattered by what you say you feel for me. And, Im not gonna sit here and judge what you say - what you feel is what you feel. I have enjoyed being your friend and even enjoyed the spicy tone that took sometimes; but, what I feel for you is just friendship. I definitely want to be here for you and I am glad that you trust me and feel close to me and I really like to hear about your life; but, I can only do that in a friendly capacity.
I am not sure what else to say. I hope you don't hate me.
happy thanksgiivng,
B.
____________________________________________
LIFE LESSON.....
What did I learn? I learned that if a man does like you, he will ask you out and take you to dinner and want to spend time with you. I learned that you shouldn't read into things people do. What you say to me is what I believe. Because our word should be our BOND. What I hear coming from your mouth is what counts.
Don't analyze the things people do because when we analyze the person we like, we do it with our hearts, we see things that are not there, we create illusions to make ourselves feel better or to justify what the person is saying thus making ourselves believe that maybe we have a chance with them. We say things to ourselves like, well, he/she doesn't know how to express his/her feelings. When in reality, when someone does care for us, the words just come out. You just SAY IT!
WHAT I FEEL FOR YOU IS JUST FRIENDSHIP! This is the statement that I had to believe, it was loud and clear.
Later on that month I found out that he had gotten a girlfriend and had not told me, things got really ugly between us and we stopped talking. Or rather, he stopped talking to me, I wrote him over 500 letters in a span of over two years trying to make up with my friend, because I felt like I had lost my best friend in the world, but he never answered.
Till this very day, we are not friends. I have seen him a few times and he said we are still friends, but I know in my heart that we are not. Still, as I write this blog post, tears roll down my face. I created illusions in my mind, the love I had for him made me blind. He told me loud and clear. WHAT I FEEL FOR YOU IS JUST FRIENDSHIP! yet he wasn't even that, because he never gave me a chance to sit with him in a park bench and talk about what had happened. He never allowed us the opportunity to address so many questions, questions that were valid. We were friends, he wrote that to me, we had a friendship, I didn't make that part up.
Yes, he enjoyed corresponding with me and maybe when he first met me he thought I was cute which he told me but that didn't mean anything, all it meant is that he found me attractive, which did not mean he had romantic feelings for me. I should of believed what he said to me which was WHAT I FEEL FOR YOU IS JUST FRIENDSHIP. I should of believed it, BECAUSE OUR WORD SHOULD BE OUR BOND! We should only tell people what we really mean and hope that they do the same.
Until this day, I wish for him nothing but the very best and only hope, that one day he will love someone, as much as I have loved him. I didn't loose a lover, I lost my best friend and that is the thing I have never been able to recover from, loosing such a special person from my life.
Yet is he really that special? was he really a good friend? he never responded, 500 hundred letters.
Yet is he really that special? was he really a good friend? he never responded, 500 hundred letters.
Thank you for allowing me to share these letters with you. I hope that you learn from them, that when we love someone truly, there is no pride, there is no shame, there is no ego, there is just love. The purest most beautiful feeling in the world.
He said to me the other day, that he couldn't believe how long I wrote to him for. I told him that I did it because I didn't want to give up I always get what I wanted, which in this case, was for him to respond to me.
Later after having that conversation with him, I realized that I didn't write him for that reason, I wrote him not because I had to have my way, but because I loved him so much as a friend, that I just wanted to know that we were cool, that so much time had passed that maybe our wounds had healed, that there were no grudges or resentment. My word is my Bond! if I told my friend that I loved him, it's because I really did So, I didn't give up, because in my heart, he had never stopped being my friend. It wasn't about being with him in a romantic relationship it was about making up with my very best friend who I loved so much.
STAY TUNNED FOR MORE LETTERS..... this one is the only one that I will share his response with you, I don't want to share any other letters he wrote me, because they were intended for my eyes only, they were between us. I shared this one, to give you an idea of what happened.
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