WHO THE HELL IS ADAM?????

What can I tell you about Adam? I met Adam on Tagged almost 3 years ago, tagged is a dating website where you have a profile sort of like FB and people can send you emails and leave you comments and so on.

When I joined tagged, I did it because of two reasons.  The first reason was because I was single and that in my life was un heard of, I had been in a relationship since I was about 15 or 16 and that is all I ever knew, I wasn’t in the same relationship all that time, but I always went from relationship to relationship without really giving myself a chance to get to know myself and be alone.

The second reason why I went on Tagged, was because I was trying to forget my friend who I am in love with and I needed to find a distraction or (other guys) that I could hang out with so that I could “forget about him”  anyway, many guys sent me messages and left me comments, but none was as handsome as Adam.  I have to say that besides one other person who has become my true friend off of that site, Adam was probably the only other man that I felt very connected to.  The weird thing is, that it’s really really hard for me to like people, or rather it is difficult for me to feel attracted to men, I find that I am extremely picky and that I have very strange taste in men, sometimes I can’t even believe the men I am attracted to.

I love men with dark hair, I love bald men, I love men with salt and pepper hair, I love men with long hair, I love men that are in the process of balding, I love tall thin men, I love men that have some meat on their bones but not too much, I love men that have nice cut arms, I love a strong chest, I love men that have full lips, I love men that have small perky lips, I love men that have big eyes, I also love men that are really nerdy, I love men that are dorky, I love men that have a silly sense of humor, I love a romantic man, I love an occasional bad boy with that attitude that says come here now woman!  From this list I can probably say that I am ONE PICKY BITCH! but, that’s how I am.  I am obviously never going to find someone with all these things OBVIOUSLY, but at least I already know what I like right? 

Adam has dark hair, full lips, and his body is slender but nicely built, cut arms and six pack.  Needles to say, when I saw Adams picture I was like WOW! he was probably one of the only men that I met on a website, that I instantly thought, damn! he’s HOT! meeting people on line is very difficult in my opinion, because for me to actually be attracted to someone, I have to see them in person, I have to get that WOW feeling as I like to call it, I hardly EVER get that feeling about anyone, it’s only happened to me a few times in my life actually.  But when I saw Adams picture I thought WOW.  One day I was on line and he happened to be online as well, we started chatting and I found out that Adam was in a relationship, I was kind of bummed about it but I was really happy that he was being honest.  He told me that he cared about his girlfriend and that he was currently having trouble with her, we talked briefly and after our conversation I thought to myself oh well, I guess I will never talk to Adam again.  (Jazzy is no home wrecker, I don't do to other's what I would not like to be done to me).

A few weeks later I looked for him on tagged because I liked talking to him, and his page had been deleted.  I never saw Adam on tagged again.  Then one day (about 6months later), I placed an ad on craigslist (yes I was desperately looking for love as I absolutely HAD to get over the man I love) and when I am going through my responses (I didn’t have a picture on my ad) I had asked people to send me their pictures, so I wasn't really reading anything yet, and I come across this picture and to my surprise guess who’s picture comes up??? OMG it was Adam! I was so excited about being in touch with Adam again, that I didn’t talk to anyone else from the ad.  I started emailing him back and forth for a few weeks, he told me him and his girlfriend had broken up and he was very un happy about this.  I then gave Adam my phone number and we talked on the phone once, we became “friends” 

I would always say, Adam let’s meet up, and he would say ok, but never would.  Fast forward almost 3 years now, and I still haven’t met Adam (but have always stayed in touch).  The weird thing about Adam is, that whenever I txt Adam, he is ALWAYS there to talk to me, Adam never ignores my messages.  Adam and I are not friends on FB, we never talk on the phone, but Adam is ALWAYS there when I want to say hi via txt messages.  One time though, I told him off and said to him to go fuck himself that I didn’t want to hear from him ever again in my life! I told him that I didn’t want to keep being friends with someone I had never even seen.  I asked him why was it that he didn’t want to meet me and he said that he did try to meet me (he once asked me to pick him up somewhere but I was home and tired).  But it was never the right time.  After me telling him to go fuck himself, he respected my wishes and we stopped talking.  A few months ago I get a txt message from Adam, I was soooo happy! I obviously had to respond!  Adam and I made up, Adam is my friend, or is he? I feel like I know Adam because it's been so long that I correspond with him (even though we don't communicate constantly, sometimes weeks will go by or even months) I don't have any romantic feelings for him, I mean I don't usually think of him or want to see him or dream about him or any of that.  It's just that I don't ever forget him completely either.  I feel like I know him but do I? I mean I have been in touch with him going on 3 years now it’s really weird.

So, who is ADAM? I told him I was going to blog about him and he asked me why? he said that this was personal (meaning our communication/friendship) but is it? I have never even seen him! how is that personal WTF!

Who is Adam? what if he is some lonely fat bald old man who sits on his computer all day and just talks to strange women? what if he is a married father of 4 and is in an un happy marriage and looks for people to talk to? what if Adam is a midget? what if he is a really really lonely person who feels he isn’t attractive and just communicates with many woman via txt messages and the internet??? what if Adam is ashamed of his appearance and that is why he hesitates to meet me because he thinks I won't like him? What if Adam thinks I'm a desperate old lonely woman who wants to meet him to fall in love with him and marry him? what if he thinks I am fat? I mean I did send him a link to my FB page which is public.  What if he thinks I'm not good enough for him to be my friend? what if he just enjoys my messages because he has absolutely NO friends and I am the only one who sends him txt messages?? what if he is the ROOF TOP KILLER?? (like Meg Ryan thought of Tom Hanks in the movie You've Got Mail?) what if Adam is really really HOT (he once told me he didn’t need to talk to girls they talked to him) and just txt’s me back because we got used to it? I have sent Adam txt messages at 4:00 am after getting out of a club and there he is ready to write back to me WTF!

Who THE HELL IS ADAM???

To Adam:

I don’t care what you look like, I don’t want to date you or marry you, I don’t even want to kiss you or become your best friend, however, I do consider you my friend.  I would love to meet you sometime this summer? I want to have that coffee we have been planning for 3 years now.  Adam please meet me?  

ps.  I know I told you I wouldn’t use your real name, but I really really like it.  Also, thank you for always being respectful, kind and responsive to me! Adam you have always been a real gentleman with me, that's awesome! Thank you for being my.... friend?