Dear Journal -
I have neglected you as of late. I have however, thought of you as I often do. By thinking of you, I mean that often in my mind am writing stories that I so badly want to tell you. I had a story to tell you that was full of laughter and happiness from this past holiday weekend. But all of those memories were fast gone the minute I looked at the phone while driving back from my weekend getaway, to see a missed call from my sister and one from my niece.
Knowing them as well as I do and seeing that the time was 8:00 am, my first thought was that of "what happened" I know them well enough to know that they wouldn't call me so early on a holiday morning. I called back to hear that dreaded thing that most of us NEVER want to hear. That news that always leaves you in disbelief.
My 24 year old cousin Jonathan had passed away the night before and they were calling to tell me. The first reaction to these sorts of news are always those of disbelief and of course sadness. I don't handle these things well, because I try to shut down and pretend that it isn't real. Why? yet I know that death is as real as life.
I asked my friend to please let me get behind the wheel and for the next 5 hours I drove in space mode. I DIDN'T BELIEVE IT! WHY? After a while I told my friend I couldn't drive anymore so I finally got off the wheel and began to write. I wrote about him, my little cousin.
HERE IT IS.........
My little cousin Jonathan, what else can I say about you other than I loved you from the first time I held you in my arms as a baby, you were so damn adorable. Those big dark eyes that lit up a room. Always the handsome black sheep.
I remember the day you told me that you knew you were the black sheep of our family, I forgot that day to tell you that sheep are beautiful amazing creatures, much as you were. I loved you as a baby, as a teen and as a man. I will love you until the day I die and we meet again.
You were kind and loving and sweet. I'm glad that every single time I saw you, I made sure to tell you that I loved you, because I did.
I once used to carry you and change your diaper, yet the last time we spoke on the phone you gave me advice about boys. My little cousin had become a man and I don't even know how that happened. The other day I was looking at my daughter and I kept thinking, God she looks so much like Jonathan, after all, family is family we share some same genes. She does you know, we all say it and it's so true. She looks so much like you when you were a baby.
Remember when we talked about papito and you told me how sad you had felt when he had passed away? Please tell him that I love him and miss him, I know you are now with him.
When I got home and held my son in my arms because he is so devastated that you are gone, he told me something that I simply must put on this journal. He told me that he was thinking about you all day long and that he kept thinking about how you didn't need to be a latin king because you WERE a king. You were no longer involved in things that you didn't need to be in, like hanging around with the wrong people and for this I am proud of you! You were a king to all of us, how come you never believed our love for you!
My little cousin, you left us way to soon. We are all saddened that you are gone, but we will never ever ever forget how you touched our lives in different ways. My son told me you took him to a church, I wasn't aware of that. Thank you for loving him and giving him advice, too bad I didn't know you had done that, I would of told you thank you.
My little cousin, I don't know what else to say, I'm left without words to express the sadness that I feel in my heart. WE DID LOVE YOU! You were our black little loving sheep. Sheep's are beautiful creatures, they are creatures of God.
I know that my little black sheep will be well now. We know you are in a better place.......
MAY YOU REST IN PEACE!
10/18/86 - 7/3/11http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XhsTJzpI1UY
I have neglected you as of late. I have however, thought of you as I often do. By thinking of you, I mean that often in my mind am writing stories that I so badly want to tell you. I had a story to tell you that was full of laughter and happiness from this past holiday weekend. But all of those memories were fast gone the minute I looked at the phone while driving back from my weekend getaway, to see a missed call from my sister and one from my niece.
Knowing them as well as I do and seeing that the time was 8:00 am, my first thought was that of "what happened" I know them well enough to know that they wouldn't call me so early on a holiday morning. I called back to hear that dreaded thing that most of us NEVER want to hear. That news that always leaves you in disbelief.
My 24 year old cousin Jonathan had passed away the night before and they were calling to tell me. The first reaction to these sorts of news are always those of disbelief and of course sadness. I don't handle these things well, because I try to shut down and pretend that it isn't real. Why? yet I know that death is as real as life.
I asked my friend to please let me get behind the wheel and for the next 5 hours I drove in space mode. I DIDN'T BELIEVE IT! WHY? After a while I told my friend I couldn't drive anymore so I finally got off the wheel and began to write. I wrote about him, my little cousin.
HERE IT IS.........
My little cousin Jonathan, what else can I say about you other than I loved you from the first time I held you in my arms as a baby, you were so damn adorable. Those big dark eyes that lit up a room. Always the handsome black sheep.
I remember the day you told me that you knew you were the black sheep of our family, I forgot that day to tell you that sheep are beautiful amazing creatures, much as you were. I loved you as a baby, as a teen and as a man. I will love you until the day I die and we meet again.
You were kind and loving and sweet. I'm glad that every single time I saw you, I made sure to tell you that I loved you, because I did.
I once used to carry you and change your diaper, yet the last time we spoke on the phone you gave me advice about boys. My little cousin had become a man and I don't even know how that happened. The other day I was looking at my daughter and I kept thinking, God she looks so much like Jonathan, after all, family is family we share some same genes. She does you know, we all say it and it's so true. She looks so much like you when you were a baby.
Remember when we talked about papito and you told me how sad you had felt when he had passed away? Please tell him that I love him and miss him, I know you are now with him.
When I got home and held my son in my arms because he is so devastated that you are gone, he told me something that I simply must put on this journal. He told me that he was thinking about you all day long and that he kept thinking about how you didn't need to be a latin king because you WERE a king. You were no longer involved in things that you didn't need to be in, like hanging around with the wrong people and for this I am proud of you! You were a king to all of us, how come you never believed our love for you!
My little cousin, you left us way to soon. We are all saddened that you are gone, but we will never ever ever forget how you touched our lives in different ways. My son told me you took him to a church, I wasn't aware of that. Thank you for loving him and giving him advice, too bad I didn't know you had done that, I would of told you thank you.
My little cousin, I don't know what else to say, I'm left without words to express the sadness that I feel in my heart. WE DID LOVE YOU! You were our black little loving sheep. Sheep's are beautiful creatures, they are creatures of God.
I know that my little black sheep will be well now. We know you are in a better place.......
MAY YOU REST IN PEACE!
10/18/86 - 7/3/11http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XhsTJzpI1UY
=(((
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear Jazzy. you and your family are in our prayers
ReplyDelete