INACTIVATED

I get so confused when the page is no longer available.  I start to wonder where you went.  Why? are you ok? my thoughts are often of you, yet I feel like I have to try and conceal this deep secret from the world, yet here I am writing these thoughts on my public journal.  Who is he? why does she think of him?


I sat on my fire scape which is 6 floors above the ground floor, and the air was warm on my face and there was a calm stillness.  I sat there and stared at the sky, but there were no stars.  I saw only darkness and then I looked below and wondered what it would feel like to jump.  What if I jumped off? would the wind blow fast through my body? or would the fall be so quick that I would not have time to think? then I felt fear come over me, I am afraid of heights, yet I will get on a roller coaster ride and get excited about it, I fear not the drop.


I went on his blog today, I often do so to look for new words.  I love the way he writes, I often think to myself that I want to adapt his writing style, but if I did such a thing then where is my originality? I would have none.  Yet I often find myself writing in such a way that it slightly resembles his own.  Yet I haven't gotten a clue as to where to start to even remotely write one beautifully written blog post as his.  Oh so many years reading his words.  I remember when I would visit that blog a thousand times a day, it made me feel better.  I am not sure what I felt better about, but it did.  But when I went on it today I was just looking for a new word a new word that I could adapt and later use.  Which word could I learn? and then I found it, the word is sensory-rich.  Why did he use a hyphen to separate the two?


Now I need to use the words in a sentence, so I shall try.......


When he touched me, I felt a sensory-rich feeling that started at the tip of my toes and began to feel like a tingle that went fast like a bolt from my toes up my legs through my back and finally reached the top of my head and then it went back down to my toes.  A sensory-rich experience, because in that moment all my senses were alive.  I smelled the sweat, I felt the tingle, I heard our loud moans and felt his touch.  I rather enjoyed his touch, he made me feel like no other had in a very long time.  The whole experience was sensory-rich.


Why did he de-activate it? when this happens, I can almost feel his sense of overwhelm.  Do I really know him like that? or do I think it?


Sensory-rich...... He said he is a saver and I am a spender.  I wanted to say..... Then you should let me spend it for you.  I would dare not, but I could think it..........


Sensory-rich...... Sensory-rich......... I can't think of any other way to use this word yet the way it was used in his story was just magnificent.  I want to be just like him sometimes, this is probably why...


I hope you are ok, why is it inactivated? I don't like that........