Monday, July 18, 2011

LIVING IN THE MOMENT.

A few weeks ago, my friend and I went on a road trip to Nebraska.  During that trip, her and I got into some seriously deep conversations.  I'm telling you right now, that if you ever want to really get to know someone, you should go on a 20 hour road trip.  While you are on the road, all sorts of conversations come up, I have to say, that it was one of the best road trips I ever took and I seriously dislike driving.   I went on that trip, because I wanted to go visit some really special people.  I do not regret taking that long drive, I actually rather enjoyed all the driving.  I had a great time, with some great people.


But I am not writing this post to discuss or brag about how much fun I had (because I did) I am writing this post to try to explain one of the conversations me and my Swansti (that's my friends name that I took the trip with) had.  Her and I have been friends for many years now, when her and I first met, I didn't really care for her much and as I found out during our road trip, she wasn't very fond of me either.  But Swansti and I have become very close friends since then.  During our trip, her and I talked about everything from, having babies, loving, being married, cheating, betrayal, death, sex, religion and finally, my favorite topic in the whole wide world..... PHILOSOPHY! OH PHILOSOPHY HOW I LOVE THEE LET ME COUNT THE WAYS!


She asked me, how I felt about the Philosophy classes that I have been taking since January of 2011, at the School of Practical Philosophy in NYC.  My response to her, without a second thought was..... I LOVE THEM! Indeed I do! going there once a week is truly amazing (there are no summer classes which I am bummed about).  I always leave there feeling extremely happy and fulfilled.  I will not deny that at first, I went to those classes because of two loves, my love for Philosophy and the love of the man that I was madly in love with.  But, afterwords, my love for him began to die slowly and my love for Philosophy grew immensely and so I must say, that attending those classes, was a win win situation.  


Win, because the man that I was in love with for so long, who was not in love with me was attending also and by being around him and being able to share these few moments with him, I began to realize that maybe he wasn't as extraordinary as I once thought he was, or maybe, being around him made me realize that when someone does not want to give you back what you give to them, then we need to learn to accept and move on.  There will always be other extraordinary people, if we only give those other people a fair chance.  Something I did not do for a very long time.  I refused to even remotely try to see the extraordinary in another human being.  But I am learning slowly, that we all have something extraordinary to share.


I will admit, that attending those classes with him was extremely difficult.  There were many times, that during the break, I would go outside to central park which is only a block away from the school and sit on a bench and cry.  I would cry really hard and then try to get myself together and build up the strength, to walk back into that classroom as if nothing had just happened.  Going to those classes with him made me stronger.  Facing my biggest fear (him) was very difficult.  But yet again, I can attest to one very important thing.  Love hurts, but it does not kill.  I am here alive and well, writing about the pain and the tears and telling you, that we can overcome heartbreak.  


But enough about my sadness as this is starting to make me depressed (because I am re-living those moments by thinking about them).  What this post is about is LIVING IN THE MOMENT and living in the moment is just that, it is not allowing ourselves to constantly relive those painful experiences that we often have to overcome.  Living in the moment is a discipline.  I am going to try to describe what living in the moment is, as clearly as I possibly can, however, please forgive me in advance if I seem to be rambling and carrying on, or if my thoughts are not put forth clear enough to understand.  Quite frankly, it is still difficult for me to understand it myself.  


For many years, I was one of those people who used the very popular phrase "I just like to live in the moment" when I would say this phrase, I had no idea of the deep meaning that living in the moment is.  For many people, living in the moment is running around acting crazy and having fun, because they are "living in the moment" I was one of those people.  An ignorant fool, that had no idea what the fuck I was talking about.  Yes, I did say ignorant, because that is exactly what I was.  Living in the moment is not about that, I will try to explain however, what I am studying and reading, and trying my very hardest to accomplish or to learn.  As I said, living in the moment is a discipline, there are people that take years and years of their life, trying to master this very thing.  


Being able to live in the moment, is almost like having this amazing power, this secret that many are oblivious to, this thing that when you master it, you can be in complete happiness and love.  I have only experienced living in the moment maybe once so far.  I experienced it fully, one day while I was running.  I have to say, that that was probably one of, if not the most wonderful fulfilling moments of my life thus far.


Living in the moment means this.  We often live in our minds, meaning that we are constantly thinking.  Our thoughts take on so much of our life and energy, that most often then not, we are going through all kinds of emotional turmoil, because we are in our thoughts, in our minds, thinking and thinking and carrying on.  But we are not our thoughts, unless we let our thought control us.  I am not saying that we should not think, that's why trying to explain living in the moment is so difficult.  If you take time to analyze your thoughts however, I bet you will find, that most often than not, you are living either in the past or in the future.  In other words, we are constantly thinking about something that happened or something that will happen.  We think about yesterday, an hour ago, tomorrow, the next day, two years from now, what he/she said, what they did, etc. etc. when in reality, the only thing we have real control of is this very moment, this one, the one where I am sitting on my bed with my lap top on my legs and writing this post.  Yet even in this moment as I am writing this entry, I am not completely here, because in the very back of my mind, I am thinking about someone.  That's how difficult it is to live in the present moment.  It is EXTREMELY HARD! 


So what am I learning by going to these Philosophy classes? I am learning different techniques, that will allow me to accept the fact that this moment is the only true moment we have and that when we free our minds of all these constant thoughts that serve no real purpose in our lives, we begin to experience some sort of peace in our hearts and in our souls.  When you live in the moment, the situations that arise, begin to become easier to tackle.  When our mind is clear of all these old thoughts and ideas that we are raised with, that are taught to us by our parents, by our religions, by the people we grew up around.  We begin to see life in a very different way.  Things become clear and concise in our minds.  Situations are easier to control.  Emotions are easier to handle.  We become better parents, partners, friends, lovers.  We start to understand how easy life really is.  


I am writing this because I truly with all of my heart really believe this.  I know that it sounds crazy to some, but I know that since I began trying to un cover what living in the moment really meant, about a year and a half ago and began to educate myself on the topic, to read about it and to try little by little to at least for a few minutes of the day to practice this discipline, my life has all of a sudden, become so extremely meaningful.   Situations look clearer to me, I understand others a bit better.  I enjoy life a little bit more, with not a lot more.  I have to say that it is extremely awesome!


I feel like I have this secret that I want the world to know about, but no one will pay attention and understand.  I feel like I want every one to understand it, because when we all do, this world will be a much better place.  I wish I was able to explain living in the moment, in greater detail.  But it is still quite difficult for me to do so, because I myself and trying to learn about it.  However, everything I learn, I want to share with you, because if you take the time to read what I have to say, then I want to write something that is worth your time.  


I am currently reading a book called Journey to Ixtlan the lessons of Don Juan by Carlos Castaneda.  This book is also about the same discipline which is living in the moment and being a warrior.  I want to be a warrior, but not the kind of warrior that goes around fighting with a sword nor do I want to be the "warrior" as you may think of when you hear that word "warrior" to be, nor do I want to posses the same strength a male warrior has the warrior that we all think of when we think of the typical word "warrior".  


When I say I want to be a warrior, I mean I want to some day, have the discipline, to live a fruitful happy fulfilling life that we all have the power to live (that is the warrior way) A warrior is a human being, that lives with a heart full of love, who honors and respects the earth, people, and all things.   A warrior is a kind human being, who has discipline in his/her actions and control of his/her life.  They live in an honorable way.  A way, in which no matter their social class, they can contribute to the world we live in, in a meaningful way.  We can all accomplish these things.  We just need to want to do and all the tools we need, will be put in our paths, to do so.


Anyway, I am not even close.  But I am no quitter, so when I fall or slack, I get up, dust myself and try to start again.  I am not perfect nor will I ever be, but one thing I will try to do, for my own peace of mind and well being, is to try to live in the moment, to try and learn to become the best possible warrior I can become.  Love all people and treat others the way I want to be treated, give respect to to all living things.  


At the end of the day, all that is promised to us is this very moment, tomorrow is never promised, so we have to live this one in the best possible way we can.  Because this one, is the only one that counts......


PS.  IT IS HARD AS HELL :-)




Journey to Ixtlan: The Lessons of Don Juan

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