A QUICK NOTE TO YOU.

Yes I could probably send you a text message or an email or even call you on the phone and leave you a voice mail to tell you this what I am instead putting on my blog.  I choose this form of communication, because I have learned, that when someone does not want you in their life for whatever their reason may be, it is best to walk away and let it go.


Of course I learned this the hard way.  For to long I once tried to make up with my best friend at that time who broke my heart into so many pieces, that still, today, I am trying to rebuild it and be ok.  It took me almost 3 years to let that go.  With that said, I feel like if I write this on my blog and you ever wonder about me, you can always come here and read my thoughts.  I have nothing to hide when it comes to my feelings, I am afraid to fall in love and of commitment, but I am never afraid to tell another human being the truth.  I will always keep it real, because that is the only way I know how to be.  


He or she who chooses not to have me in their life I have no choice but to respect that decision.  Still, I can write whatever I want to write about on this my journal, because I chose to make my life public, so that others can see that they are not the only ones that have these sorts of thoughts and feelings and that it is ok to have them because we are all in this together.  This, the game called life.


The other day, I sent you a message on FB telling you that you needed to be careful with what you wrote on you page because it was public and companies sometimes look at what people say/do on their social network pages and base their decisions about hiring you because of their judgements on your personal life.  I was a recruiter for a very long time and it saddens me to say, that even when being considered for a job, people judge.  Yes, that is the truth and it is sad.  


You are not my friend on FB because you decided to delete me, I accept that I guess, after we spoke on the phone and I thought we were cool, I sent you a request which you never accepted.  I understand that to you FB is that important.  I have a public page because that page is not my life, my journal however is.  This is my journal, where I share my thoughts, hopes and dreams with the world and you have a choice to read it or reject it.  It's up to you.  


After sending you the friend request you never accepted or rejected, I continued to see your wall posts on my newsfeed and when I saw something that I felt was in appropriate, I felt that as a friend who loves you, I had no choice but to tell you my thoughts about it, so I sent you an email.  Yes, I know it is probably non of my business, but in part it is my business.  It is my business because I love you as my friend regardless of the fact that you choose not to speak to me.  I love you as a person and when I feel that a friend is doing something that will eventually hurt them, I have no choice but to express to them my discontent with their behavior.  


I told you in my message to make your page private because you did not need to be judged for a job based on the things you wrote on your page.  I further said that I visit your page because I miss you and I am no longer in your life, so seeing what you have to share made me feel happy.  Yes I guess people would call this me being a stalker and so I shall be that.  But I stalk your page because I miss my friend and that is the only way I know that my friend is ok.  


I bet that who ever is reading this right now, has once or twice looked at someones social network page that they are no longer in touch with or friends with, to see how they are doing and to find some comfort in missing that person.  We all do it, we are all human we all have the same sorts of feelings.  Sue me for being a fucking stalker! Do I care to say on my blog that I have looked at your page to see how you are doing? NO I DO NOT! I told you to your face, I'm not doing anything behind your back, I have no shame for my love for you.  


Yet, being the stalker that I am, I wrote you to tell you what I saw and told you that you needed to make that page private even if in you doing so, it would mean that I would no longer know about you.  Yes I know where you live and I could probably go to your house and knock on your door, but the truth of the matter is that I am not a stalker like that and I accept rejection and move on from it.  You are not the first to stop talking to me and I am sure, you will not be the last.


Today I went to your page to find that you had made it private.  I felt really sad and my eyes became watery, but at the same time I felt really happy and I smiled.  That page is just that, it is a page on the internet, that is not you.  I can say on my status that I am in Tahiti who give a shit, it's not that serious it's only a page on the internet.  And I'm not in Tahiti, I'm really on my bed.  Still I felt sad and I remembered when we had that whole conversation on our thoughts about FB and how I told you that to me it wasn't a personal thing and how you told me to make my page private and make it personal.  My life is not very personal, I choose to make it public for very specific reasons, one being my writing.  Anyway, after that I thought about what I wanted to say to you and so here it is.  


One, I am so proud of you, you are slowly becoming a man right before my eyes, you were, are and always will be an awesome wonderful beautiful human being in my eyes.  I know you made it private, because you know that what I wrote to you was true, you know that I said it because I cared, you know that what I said was a valid point and that I always and forever will have your best interest at heart.  Thank you for listening to me and loving me back, I know you do.  I understand you and I also know that one day, when you are ready, we will be friends again.  


I was going to send you a message and then I decided to write what I needed to say on my blog.  This is my way of respecting your wishes that you no longer wish to talk to me.  This way, if you choose to one day look at my page because maybe you miss your friend too, you can read this journal entry and know that I understand and that I will be here, when you choose to be my friend again.


I'M PROUD OF YOU! I have no doubt in your abilities and you know that what I say, is genuine true and sincere.  I did, do and always will accept you just as you are.  And in my heart you will always be my good friend...  


LOVE AND MISS YOU.
JAZZY.