Dear Journal:
I wanted him back in my life so badly, so what now that we have made peace? goodness I don't understand this Scorpion man! he drives me out of my mind and all I do is think of him. I really like astrology and I was reading this article on Scorpio man and Libra woman and I swear it described us both to nearly perfection, it's so crazy! it said that there would be many break ups and even though he and I have never really officially been "a couple" this last year has been a roller coaster ride with him if nothing else. Sometimes I feel like I am so in love with him and others I want to so badly forget about him because he drives me so fucking crazy! I don't want to allow anyone to control my emotions that way but he has something that keeps me holding on and the worst part is that it is all emotional, we have never even seen each other! HOW CRAZY IS THAT??
Yet all I want to do is get on a plane and run to him, just grab him and hold him and show him all this that I feel, it's pretty intense. It's been one year journal, in one year you would think that I wouldn't care, that by now he would be a distant memory to me and me a distant memory to him. But no, we always end up right where we are now and where we are now I don't know where it is, but we are both in the same exact place. DRIVING EACH OTHER MAD! I drive him crazy! he drives me crazy so I guess we love each other, because if we didn't, then neither one of us would be back in this place... a place call no where! I bet he hates that he loves me just as much as I hate that I love him and now I am POSITIVE that I love him, like I am 100% sure! when the hell did this happen and why?
But I am still forcing myself to keep it moving, like even though we sort of talked, it wasn't even anything at all, two minutes after we made nice he was already annoyed at me and the best part is that he didn't tell me he was, but because I can almost read his mind, I could tell! how is that normal journal?????
Anyway, in the astrology article that I was reading, it said that if libra and scorpio can pass the test of time, it is one of the most powerful relationships between two astrological signs! I KNOW THIS TO BE TRUE! my very first love was a scorpio and OH MY GOD! what a crazy relationship! it was passion and love and jealousy and amazing! we loved each other with this intense passion that I can't even describe it and I was very young, I guess you can call it my first teen love because I was only 16 but we were mad teens in love it was pretty crazy!
All I know is that now he and I are even, we both hurt each other once and now I guess we can both move on, or will we? because I quite honestly can't stop thinking about him, it drives me crazy! I just want to talk to him and tell him so many things and just let it all out of my system except I have to act calm and collective and already he is pissed at me and I didn't even do anything wrong! if he only knew what he means to me, if he only knew how true I am to him and how true I would be to him and how happy I would make him. I bet if he knew, he would not be mad or jealous or whatever else he feels.
But journal, I have a prayer that I have been using for many many months now, I use it whenever someone is in my life and I feel that they aren't giving me what I deserve. Meaning that since I meet so many men that try to get close to me in whatever way they may be trying, for whatever reason they may be trying. I use this prayer. There were all sorts of prayers but then I came across this article and the article talked about spirituality and love and reading the article helped me very much. it made so much sense to me and after I read it I decided that I would just make up my own prayer.
I believe in a powerful higher greater being than us, I don't believe in religion I believe in pure love, LOVE is what I try to give out with hopes that love is what I receive. I give love to all people, regardless of who they are or what role they play in my life. I love all people.
Anyway, when my scorpio man and I had our first blow out because I was crazy and confused and so was he and we "broke up" even though we weren't a couple. I was so depressed and I missed him so desperately that I was ready to pray for him to please come back! but the article said that praying for someone to come back to you was not a good thing, that if we truly love someone it should be selfless and instead of praying for the person to come back we should always want that person to be happy even if that happiness does not involve us. In other words, love them enough to let them go, if that is what they truly want.
After thinking about it I realized that I never want someone to be with me because I prayed for them to come back. If you love someone let them go! Instead, I hope that someone will love me for who I am and if they come back it's because they feel that I am worth it. I want someone to be with me because that is what they feel in their heart and I have nothing to do with that decision other than the fact that I have treated that person with lots of love and respect and honesty and given them all that I have to give just as I did with him. After reading that article I sat down and I made up my own prayer and here it is.....
Dear God:
Thank you for all you give me each and everyday of my life, you know my heart like no other, you know my deepest thoughts my deepest dreams and you know what I truly want and deserve.
If (insert persons name here) is the man you want for me at this time of my life and us being together is for the greater good of both of us, then I welcome him into my life, I welcome him into my heart and I will love him unconditionally.
However, if this is not the man that you feel is best for me at this time in my life then I ask you to please take him out of my life, my heart and my thoughts. Please take out all the negative anxious feelings that do not serve my soul in a positive way, please take him out of my thoughts so that I will not feel sad, please allow me to let him go so that both he and I can move on and we can both be happy. I ask your will to be done, because you know what is best for both our souls. I ask you this with love... AMEN.
Anyway, this has been my prayer and this scorpion man keeps coming back and I know that one day, when the time is right we will finally be together because what he and I feel is greater than us and we both know it and we both fight it but eventually the will of true love will be greater than us. I will just have to sit back live my life and allow love to happen as that is all that I can do for now. I send him my love every single day, because that is what I feel and nothing or no one will be able to keep us apart if that is the will of God and if it is not then one day I will get over it and move on but for now, for today he is mad at me and I can almost feel it. And I have no idea why? I honestly don't know why men often get so mad at me? I don't do anything!!! it's Friday night and I am home blogging for crying out loud! I don't do shit!
Hot and Cold - Katy Perry
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qgm9rw59Juc
I wanted him back in my life so badly, so what now that we have made peace? goodness I don't understand this Scorpion man! he drives me out of my mind and all I do is think of him. I really like astrology and I was reading this article on Scorpio man and Libra woman and I swear it described us both to nearly perfection, it's so crazy! it said that there would be many break ups and even though he and I have never really officially been "a couple" this last year has been a roller coaster ride with him if nothing else. Sometimes I feel like I am so in love with him and others I want to so badly forget about him because he drives me so fucking crazy! I don't want to allow anyone to control my emotions that way but he has something that keeps me holding on and the worst part is that it is all emotional, we have never even seen each other! HOW CRAZY IS THAT??
Yet all I want to do is get on a plane and run to him, just grab him and hold him and show him all this that I feel, it's pretty intense. It's been one year journal, in one year you would think that I wouldn't care, that by now he would be a distant memory to me and me a distant memory to him. But no, we always end up right where we are now and where we are now I don't know where it is, but we are both in the same exact place. DRIVING EACH OTHER MAD! I drive him crazy! he drives me crazy so I guess we love each other, because if we didn't, then neither one of us would be back in this place... a place call no where! I bet he hates that he loves me just as much as I hate that I love him and now I am POSITIVE that I love him, like I am 100% sure! when the hell did this happen and why?
But I am still forcing myself to keep it moving, like even though we sort of talked, it wasn't even anything at all, two minutes after we made nice he was already annoyed at me and the best part is that he didn't tell me he was, but because I can almost read his mind, I could tell! how is that normal journal?????
Anyway, in the astrology article that I was reading, it said that if libra and scorpio can pass the test of time, it is one of the most powerful relationships between two astrological signs! I KNOW THIS TO BE TRUE! my very first love was a scorpio and OH MY GOD! what a crazy relationship! it was passion and love and jealousy and amazing! we loved each other with this intense passion that I can't even describe it and I was very young, I guess you can call it my first teen love because I was only 16 but we were mad teens in love it was pretty crazy!
All I know is that now he and I are even, we both hurt each other once and now I guess we can both move on, or will we? because I quite honestly can't stop thinking about him, it drives me crazy! I just want to talk to him and tell him so many things and just let it all out of my system except I have to act calm and collective and already he is pissed at me and I didn't even do anything wrong! if he only knew what he means to me, if he only knew how true I am to him and how true I would be to him and how happy I would make him. I bet if he knew, he would not be mad or jealous or whatever else he feels.
But journal, I have a prayer that I have been using for many many months now, I use it whenever someone is in my life and I feel that they aren't giving me what I deserve. Meaning that since I meet so many men that try to get close to me in whatever way they may be trying, for whatever reason they may be trying. I use this prayer. There were all sorts of prayers but then I came across this article and the article talked about spirituality and love and reading the article helped me very much. it made so much sense to me and after I read it I decided that I would just make up my own prayer.
I believe in a powerful higher greater being than us, I don't believe in religion I believe in pure love, LOVE is what I try to give out with hopes that love is what I receive. I give love to all people, regardless of who they are or what role they play in my life. I love all people.
Anyway, when my scorpio man and I had our first blow out because I was crazy and confused and so was he and we "broke up" even though we weren't a couple. I was so depressed and I missed him so desperately that I was ready to pray for him to please come back! but the article said that praying for someone to come back to you was not a good thing, that if we truly love someone it should be selfless and instead of praying for the person to come back we should always want that person to be happy even if that happiness does not involve us. In other words, love them enough to let them go, if that is what they truly want.
After thinking about it I realized that I never want someone to be with me because I prayed for them to come back. If you love someone let them go! Instead, I hope that someone will love me for who I am and if they come back it's because they feel that I am worth it. I want someone to be with me because that is what they feel in their heart and I have nothing to do with that decision other than the fact that I have treated that person with lots of love and respect and honesty and given them all that I have to give just as I did with him. After reading that article I sat down and I made up my own prayer and here it is.....
Dear God:
Thank you for all you give me each and everyday of my life, you know my heart like no other, you know my deepest thoughts my deepest dreams and you know what I truly want and deserve.
If (insert persons name here) is the man you want for me at this time of my life and us being together is for the greater good of both of us, then I welcome him into my life, I welcome him into my heart and I will love him unconditionally.
However, if this is not the man that you feel is best for me at this time in my life then I ask you to please take him out of my life, my heart and my thoughts. Please take out all the negative anxious feelings that do not serve my soul in a positive way, please take him out of my thoughts so that I will not feel sad, please allow me to let him go so that both he and I can move on and we can both be happy. I ask your will to be done, because you know what is best for both our souls. I ask you this with love... AMEN.
Anyway, this has been my prayer and this scorpion man keeps coming back and I know that one day, when the time is right we will finally be together because what he and I feel is greater than us and we both know it and we both fight it but eventually the will of true love will be greater than us. I will just have to sit back live my life and allow love to happen as that is all that I can do for now. I send him my love every single day, because that is what I feel and nothing or no one will be able to keep us apart if that is the will of God and if it is not then one day I will get over it and move on but for now, for today he is mad at me and I can almost feel it. And I have no idea why? I honestly don't know why men often get so mad at me? I don't do anything!!! it's Friday night and I am home blogging for crying out loud! I don't do shit!
Hot and Cold - Katy Perry
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qgm9rw59Juc
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