Dear Journal:
This morning on my way to class I heard something on the radio that made me think... WOW! I AM SOOOOOOOO GLAD THAT I AM NOT THE ONLY CRAZY BIATCH on this planet! like I have always said that I am crazy and I have always said that one of the reasons why I study psychology is because I want to help myself de craze (that's a made up word) myself, but when I hear stories that I can relate to, I often think DAMN I LOVE PSYCHOLOGY! for our minds are so AMAZING! AND! we are all SOOOOOOO MUCH ALIKE! CRAZY MADNESS I TELL YOU!!!
Ok, so I am about to tell you a story journal that I hope you will not judge me for but it's REAL! you know very well that I do not fib to you, even though sometimes I get this strange feeling that someone is reading you! very strange indeed journal, very strange! non the less on here I have to share with you all the crazy that is my life and how I tackle and try to de craze (made up word) myself and how someday I hope I will be "normal" like the rest of the world.
This story is about something I did almost a year ago, right after AJ and I had stopped communicating virtually, remember AJ? http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2012/06/f-trust-issues.html so after he and I stopped communicating I felt really really depressed and very confused, I felt depressed because I felt as if I had lost someone very valuable and I felt confused because I didn't really know if he was really valuable, like goodness god who was he really? did I really know this man? what if everything he ever told me was a complete lie? what if he wasn't who he said he was? what if he was some creepy person who lied and went around making up stories to women. So many ideas and thoughts crossed my mind about my AJ and I felt that I would not rest until I could find out who he really was, I mean it wasn't like I could ask people or anything like that, because he and I never met in person and I did not know anyone that he did.
So.... what did I do? ok, please don't judge me journal. I went back on the site where I met him and I created a fake profile. YES I DID! I created a fake profile and used a fake picture and found him and sent him a message. A month went by and he finally responded and then we wrote one another maybe like three emails and can I just tell you journal that, talking to him again as someone else made me love him even more! he acted with me, the other me, the same way he did with me, the real me. Meaning, that he was the same exact person the only thing he did was not mention me to the other me you understand? I asked him about like did he ever meet anyone on the site and he said just good people nice friends and that pissed me off and I wanted to curse him out but I didn't.
After like the third email I told him that I had a boyfriend and I did so because I felt SOOOO GUILTY! about what I was doing and I could not go through with it, I kept thinking that what I was doing was a horrible horrible thing to do and that I didn't know how to be two people and that it was better for me to just let him be and forget him. So I told him as the "other girl" that I had a boyfriend and after I told him that, he was still really nice and said that if my boyfriend and I ever wanted to hang out he would show us around yada yada yada! do you see why I care so much for him??
After that whole situation with me and the made up profile he and I made up again and when we made up again, the first thing I did after we made up was tell him what I had done and explained to him why I had done it and told him to forgive me for that, but it was just that I felt so crazy when I lost him and how I needed to know if he was who he said he was. I think he was a bit upset but didn't really say anything else about it, so I am assuming in a way he was probably like, WHAT THE FUCK! and probably like... I'M SO GLAD I'M NOT FAKE! but maybe was also like, who the hell are you? and why would you do that? and you are crazy! but he never told me that so maybe he likes crazy? well, moral of the story is you NEVER know, who is doing this to you! and this is why you should be you no matter what.
The reason why I am writing this story is because on the radio this morning, this girl called in and told the radio station how she was in love with her best friend but he was not in love with her and how she had created a profile on a dating site that he was on using a fake picture and how he and her had started talking and have been talking for four months and how he tells her about his best friend and then goes to her (the best friend) and talks to her about the girl on the internet and all along they are both HER! is that fucked up or what??? honestly, I think she is a selfish bitch! how dare you do that to someone! if I found out someone did that to me, I would be extremely extremely extremely upset. That is the most selfish way of loving I can imagine. How can you say you love someone, but you are doing something so wrong behind their back. Now the thing is that I am not judging her because I understand how she got there, but I am judging her, because you can't claim to love someone yet everything you are doing with concern to this person is for your own selfish reasons. She is lying to him, pretending to be someone else just to talk to him and keep him but all along all she is doing is burying herself in a hole that I wish I could find out how she will get out of.
The people in the radio station asked her if she would reveal that to him on the show and she said she didn't know if she could do it and how she didn't know what to do anymore because she was in so deep. DUH! on the flip side of this whole story, you have to also wonder if he wouldn't see this as, WOW! she loves me so much she went as far as to try to get me anyway she could, except anyone who understands true love or understands what love is supposed to be about, would understand that love is not about me, loving someone is about you! that's why when you love someone, you say to them...I LOVE YOU! not I LOVE ME. LOVE IS JUST CRAZY! But then on the flip side, loving someone is so awesome! especially when the love is mutual, just awesome stuff!
I hope for her sake that she doesn't loose her best friend over what she is doing, but honestly if my best friend did something like that to me, I don't know that I would consider that person a best friend because a best friend wouldn't deceive you. CRAZY!
Aerosmith - CRAZY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NMNgbISmF4I
This morning on my way to class I heard something on the radio that made me think... WOW! I AM SOOOOOOOO GLAD THAT I AM NOT THE ONLY CRAZY BIATCH on this planet! like I have always said that I am crazy and I have always said that one of the reasons why I study psychology is because I want to help myself de craze (that's a made up word) myself, but when I hear stories that I can relate to, I often think DAMN I LOVE PSYCHOLOGY! for our minds are so AMAZING! AND! we are all SOOOOOOO MUCH ALIKE! CRAZY MADNESS I TELL YOU!!!
Ok, so I am about to tell you a story journal that I hope you will not judge me for but it's REAL! you know very well that I do not fib to you, even though sometimes I get this strange feeling that someone is reading you! very strange indeed journal, very strange! non the less on here I have to share with you all the crazy that is my life and how I tackle and try to de craze (made up word) myself and how someday I hope I will be "normal" like the rest of the world.
This story is about something I did almost a year ago, right after AJ and I had stopped communicating virtually, remember AJ? http://jazzy-jazzysjournal.blogspot.com/2012/06/f-trust-issues.html so after he and I stopped communicating I felt really really depressed and very confused, I felt depressed because I felt as if I had lost someone very valuable and I felt confused because I didn't really know if he was really valuable, like goodness god who was he really? did I really know this man? what if everything he ever told me was a complete lie? what if he wasn't who he said he was? what if he was some creepy person who lied and went around making up stories to women. So many ideas and thoughts crossed my mind about my AJ and I felt that I would not rest until I could find out who he really was, I mean it wasn't like I could ask people or anything like that, because he and I never met in person and I did not know anyone that he did.
So.... what did I do? ok, please don't judge me journal. I went back on the site where I met him and I created a fake profile. YES I DID! I created a fake profile and used a fake picture and found him and sent him a message. A month went by and he finally responded and then we wrote one another maybe like three emails and can I just tell you journal that, talking to him again as someone else made me love him even more! he acted with me, the other me, the same way he did with me, the real me. Meaning, that he was the same exact person the only thing he did was not mention me to the other me you understand? I asked him about like did he ever meet anyone on the site and he said just good people nice friends and that pissed me off and I wanted to curse him out but I didn't.
After like the third email I told him that I had a boyfriend and I did so because I felt SOOOO GUILTY! about what I was doing and I could not go through with it, I kept thinking that what I was doing was a horrible horrible thing to do and that I didn't know how to be two people and that it was better for me to just let him be and forget him. So I told him as the "other girl" that I had a boyfriend and after I told him that, he was still really nice and said that if my boyfriend and I ever wanted to hang out he would show us around yada yada yada! do you see why I care so much for him??
After that whole situation with me and the made up profile he and I made up again and when we made up again, the first thing I did after we made up was tell him what I had done and explained to him why I had done it and told him to forgive me for that, but it was just that I felt so crazy when I lost him and how I needed to know if he was who he said he was. I think he was a bit upset but didn't really say anything else about it, so I am assuming in a way he was probably like, WHAT THE FUCK! and probably like... I'M SO GLAD I'M NOT FAKE! but maybe was also like, who the hell are you? and why would you do that? and you are crazy! but he never told me that so maybe he likes crazy? well, moral of the story is you NEVER know, who is doing this to you! and this is why you should be you no matter what.
The reason why I am writing this story is because on the radio this morning, this girl called in and told the radio station how she was in love with her best friend but he was not in love with her and how she had created a profile on a dating site that he was on using a fake picture and how he and her had started talking and have been talking for four months and how he tells her about his best friend and then goes to her (the best friend) and talks to her about the girl on the internet and all along they are both HER! is that fucked up or what??? honestly, I think she is a selfish bitch! how dare you do that to someone! if I found out someone did that to me, I would be extremely extremely extremely upset. That is the most selfish way of loving I can imagine. How can you say you love someone, but you are doing something so wrong behind their back. Now the thing is that I am not judging her because I understand how she got there, but I am judging her, because you can't claim to love someone yet everything you are doing with concern to this person is for your own selfish reasons. She is lying to him, pretending to be someone else just to talk to him and keep him but all along all she is doing is burying herself in a hole that I wish I could find out how she will get out of.
The people in the radio station asked her if she would reveal that to him on the show and she said she didn't know if she could do it and how she didn't know what to do anymore because she was in so deep. DUH! on the flip side of this whole story, you have to also wonder if he wouldn't see this as, WOW! she loves me so much she went as far as to try to get me anyway she could, except anyone who understands true love or understands what love is supposed to be about, would understand that love is not about me, loving someone is about you! that's why when you love someone, you say to them...I LOVE YOU! not I LOVE ME. LOVE IS JUST CRAZY! But then on the flip side, loving someone is so awesome! especially when the love is mutual, just awesome stuff!
I hope for her sake that she doesn't loose her best friend over what she is doing, but honestly if my best friend did something like that to me, I don't know that I would consider that person a best friend because a best friend wouldn't deceive you. CRAZY!
Aerosmith - CRAZY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NMNgbISmF4I
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