Dear Journal -
Last night I went out to this little Colombian spot in Queens, where they play salsa and the whole time I was there, I kept thinking, God I wish I was home in bed. And so here I am, writing to you dear journal, to tell you that this morning I am having one of those emotionally unstable mornings, the kind of mornings that I do not like.
I had a really tough week last week, so to reward myself, I will be going to the East Hamptons later on today to go visit my cousin. I can't wait to be on the road, it's so much fun driving now. All of a sudden, I have developed this new sense of appreciation for driving. I used to really hate to do so, but lately, I really really like to drive.
I woke up this morning feeling lonely, no I am not really alone, I have my 3 beautiful children that I love and fulfill me, but I woke up feeling a bit down about the fact that I am single. And so I did what everyone who is single does when they feel lonely, I started thinking about my exe's and the one that came to my mind was HEX. I missed him very much this morning and I sent him good wishes.
And then I though about BK even though he isn't an ex, I thought about him and I even drafted a text message to him asking him if he would like to meet me for dinner sometime this week, because I really missed him and wanted to catch up with him. But after drafting the message, I deleted it and began to think, that I have to stick to what I said at the beginning of January, when I said to myself that in 2011, I would treat others, the way they treat me. BK doesn't want to talk to me, so why in the world would I disrespect his wishes? that is not a nice thing to do, to almost force myself on him. I miss him because we were really good friends, I loved talking to him. He did not appreciate me or my friendship and so I shall not bother him or ask him to go with me anywhere.
Then, as all these thoughts were going on in my mind, I knew deep inside who I really really am missing, I will call him Stanley, because I do not want to write his real name. Stanley, who since the day that he crossed my path, has become in a strange way, a significant person to me. I miss him so much, I can't wait to see him, I am looking forward to spending time with him. The strangest thing about Stanley is that he is so unique that I do not think he even know's this. And although his reputation and background may not be that of an angel, I see him in a very different way. I see him deeply, I see him not the person he portrays to be. Sometimes I feel like I have the gift of seeing beyond the person or the shell. I see him and accept him just as he is. In my eyes, he is awesome. Anyway, I am counting down the days until I am in his arms. The anticipation is getting me nauseas. I am saving myself for him.
After having all these thoughts I came to you my sweet journal to let it out of my system and share with you my feelings, because if I don't share them, then what's the point of feeling them?
I have to make this short journal, because I am going to clean out my closets and get ready to go away to the East Hamptons. I have to say that I am very excited about this! I can't wait to see my cousin! I am also hoping that my other cousin will take me on his boat, I didn't even know my cousin had a boat, wow, that's pretty darn freaking cool. I want a boat, I want a house and a boat and a new car and a Dog a picket fence and lot's of money so I can travel the world. Ok, that's all journal, so if you can get working on getting me all the things above that I want, that would be great!
Peace - over and out!
ps. I heard this song as I was writing so I wanted to put it on my journal, it kind of felt related to what I was writing..... that was weird!
Backstreet boys - I want it that way... OMG! I LOVED NICK insert heart here :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4fndeDfaWCg&ob=av2e
Last night I went out to this little Colombian spot in Queens, where they play salsa and the whole time I was there, I kept thinking, God I wish I was home in bed. And so here I am, writing to you dear journal, to tell you that this morning I am having one of those emotionally unstable mornings, the kind of mornings that I do not like.
I had a really tough week last week, so to reward myself, I will be going to the East Hamptons later on today to go visit my cousin. I can't wait to be on the road, it's so much fun driving now. All of a sudden, I have developed this new sense of appreciation for driving. I used to really hate to do so, but lately, I really really like to drive.
I woke up this morning feeling lonely, no I am not really alone, I have my 3 beautiful children that I love and fulfill me, but I woke up feeling a bit down about the fact that I am single. And so I did what everyone who is single does when they feel lonely, I started thinking about my exe's and the one that came to my mind was HEX. I missed him very much this morning and I sent him good wishes.
And then I though about BK even though he isn't an ex, I thought about him and I even drafted a text message to him asking him if he would like to meet me for dinner sometime this week, because I really missed him and wanted to catch up with him. But after drafting the message, I deleted it and began to think, that I have to stick to what I said at the beginning of January, when I said to myself that in 2011, I would treat others, the way they treat me. BK doesn't want to talk to me, so why in the world would I disrespect his wishes? that is not a nice thing to do, to almost force myself on him. I miss him because we were really good friends, I loved talking to him. He did not appreciate me or my friendship and so I shall not bother him or ask him to go with me anywhere.
Then, as all these thoughts were going on in my mind, I knew deep inside who I really really am missing, I will call him Stanley, because I do not want to write his real name. Stanley, who since the day that he crossed my path, has become in a strange way, a significant person to me. I miss him so much, I can't wait to see him, I am looking forward to spending time with him. The strangest thing about Stanley is that he is so unique that I do not think he even know's this. And although his reputation and background may not be that of an angel, I see him in a very different way. I see him deeply, I see him not the person he portrays to be. Sometimes I feel like I have the gift of seeing beyond the person or the shell. I see him and accept him just as he is. In my eyes, he is awesome. Anyway, I am counting down the days until I am in his arms. The anticipation is getting me nauseas. I am saving myself for him.
After having all these thoughts I came to you my sweet journal to let it out of my system and share with you my feelings, because if I don't share them, then what's the point of feeling them?
I have to make this short journal, because I am going to clean out my closets and get ready to go away to the East Hamptons. I have to say that I am very excited about this! I can't wait to see my cousin! I am also hoping that my other cousin will take me on his boat, I didn't even know my cousin had a boat, wow, that's pretty darn freaking cool. I want a boat, I want a house and a boat and a new car and a Dog a picket fence and lot's of money so I can travel the world. Ok, that's all journal, so if you can get working on getting me all the things above that I want, that would be great!
Peace - over and out!
ps. I heard this song as I was writing so I wanted to put it on my journal, it kind of felt related to what I was writing..... that was weird!
Backstreet boys - I want it that way... OMG! I LOVED NICK insert heart here :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4fndeDfaWCg&ob=av2e
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