My dearest Journal -
Boy do I love to have you! I once shared my story with only one person who probably deleted all my entries. Yes, I would write him whole journal entries telling him everything that I did, he was my live diary, but now I have you, ever so faithful here waiting for me to write my next thoughts, and then, opened to the world, for anyone who dares to enter my thoughts and read my dreams, wishes, life challenges and all the other things that I am. You my sweet journal, are the one who allows my life to be shared with only those who wish to partake in it, in here I write my life and only here, can someone come to read it if they wish, I am not forcing anything, it is my love for writing that brings me to you and it is somone's wonderful curiousity that brings them to you as well, what wonder you are.
Today was an eventful day indeed, why without days like these, I wouldn't know what my life would be like. It was one of those days, that started out with a red dress. I felt very happy, I think it was the fact that the sun was bright and the birds were chirping and I woke up with the thought that I would live the moment today, that I wanted to try my hardest to work really hard all day long and be able to earn my pay, with honor. And so I got to work, to laugh and share with the wonderful human beings I am blessed enough to be around every single day, GOD I love that place and the people that sorround me. Those people are my family, genuine sincere and true.
I also had the chance to see him, the cute guy I have decided to hang out with. We sat and had coffee and spoke about running, he is so damn cute! but I will not allow myself to go by looks anymore, I have to learn to be less shallow and try to see the beauty within, it would appear that with such beauty in the outside, there must definitely be beauty in the inside. After having coffee, he asked me if I would have lunch with him next week, and I agreed. For the last few months, I have closed myself up in a world of me but I decided yesterday that I would allow people the opportunity to come into my life without having any expectations, I was locked up in a shell almost, afraid for my heart, afraid to talk to the opposite sex because I don't really want anything and even though we only discussed a lunch which really means absolutely nothing, I know that we have some sort of chemistry and I won't know anything unless I give people a chance, if nothing else, I will have found a new friend, someone to learn something from. After all, everything and everyone in front of us is our teacher.
I have been very sad for the last few days, I have felt like I was in mourning and that I was, well the lost of a friend is very sad but today when I was reading my favorite book no ordinary moments by Dan Millman, I came accross a pasage that spoke directly to me, it said something like....when someone leaves your life because they choose to, you have to accept it and mourn it and then set it free, only by doing this will you allow new experiences in your life, only this will help you to grow. I love that book! every time I read it, I feel like I am new again. It also said the following:
Expressing our feelings in the face of these cultural and social pressures takes real courage, the courage of a peaceful warrior..
When I read this, I couldn't help it but to smile, I smiled and said to myself, oh wow I am learning the way of the peaceful warrior, what a wonderful thing!
I wish I would of read that book almost 3 years ago, after I lost him, but If I called him my love again, I would probably be lying. Today after I walked accross the Brooklyn bridge living in the moment, enjoying the beauty that was all around me, feeling the sun in my face and the wind and watching people as they took pictures and enjoying their time, It felt just wonderful. I saw a man with a fancy camera and I went up to him and said, hey, did you take a picture of that? and I pointed at the moon and when he saw it he was in awe! and he looked at me and smiled and said "no I did not" and then proceeded to take a photograph, the rest of his family joined him as we were talking and we all smiled and I continued to walk. I could not allow myself to walk accross that bridge and not let someone else in on my secret, the secret of the moment that was right in front of all those people, yet no one seemed to notice, because everyone was just to busy. He, that man knew what I meant, he saw what I saw and he appreciated the fact that I pointed it out to him, his smile told me so. The moon and the sun out together it was breath taking.
There was also him of course, he gave me permission to buy 10 dresses, why do I feel like that man runs my life? yet he does and I feel like I like it. He helps me with every decision I make, he is the man in my life, without running things by him, I feel like I can't take the next step. He runs my life in a tactful way, yet he doesn't run it at all, I am able to do as I please, yet he runs my life sort of and I enjoy it, it is the strangest thing. We often have these disagreements that leave me wondering, what is happening? but we talked about my dresses to the point that he was confused, but he told me I could buy 10, and that I shall do! I am so excited about my new dresses, I love to feel like a lady.
Once I finished crossing the bridge, then and only then, did I allow myself to think of him, but if I call him my love, I will be lying. The thought came to my mind, that he had introduced me to the concept of the moment and the peaceful warrior way, and then I wondered if he ever did that, did he ever live the moment? was he capable of doing such a thing? all the things he said he wanted to do, I was doing them, I was living them. There I stood looking at all the beautiful flowers and the thought of him took my breath away and then I thought MY LOVE! but if I would of tried to say the words out loud, my words wouldn't have come out, because I did not believe him to be that anymore and then my eyes became watery and I felt scared, was he gone from my heart? had I finally let him go? was it him, that young man that I missed, the one that had finally saved me from that place I had been stuck in for so long?
Oh dear diary! what crazy moments we experience in life. Today was a lovely day and now I shall leave you and go back to the most precious things I have, my three true loves!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbYWkegobTU
Boy do I love to have you! I once shared my story with only one person who probably deleted all my entries. Yes, I would write him whole journal entries telling him everything that I did, he was my live diary, but now I have you, ever so faithful here waiting for me to write my next thoughts, and then, opened to the world, for anyone who dares to enter my thoughts and read my dreams, wishes, life challenges and all the other things that I am. You my sweet journal, are the one who allows my life to be shared with only those who wish to partake in it, in here I write my life and only here, can someone come to read it if they wish, I am not forcing anything, it is my love for writing that brings me to you and it is somone's wonderful curiousity that brings them to you as well, what wonder you are.
Today was an eventful day indeed, why without days like these, I wouldn't know what my life would be like. It was one of those days, that started out with a red dress. I felt very happy, I think it was the fact that the sun was bright and the birds were chirping and I woke up with the thought that I would live the moment today, that I wanted to try my hardest to work really hard all day long and be able to earn my pay, with honor. And so I got to work, to laugh and share with the wonderful human beings I am blessed enough to be around every single day, GOD I love that place and the people that sorround me. Those people are my family, genuine sincere and true.
I also had the chance to see him, the cute guy I have decided to hang out with. We sat and had coffee and spoke about running, he is so damn cute! but I will not allow myself to go by looks anymore, I have to learn to be less shallow and try to see the beauty within, it would appear that with such beauty in the outside, there must definitely be beauty in the inside. After having coffee, he asked me if I would have lunch with him next week, and I agreed. For the last few months, I have closed myself up in a world of me but I decided yesterday that I would allow people the opportunity to come into my life without having any expectations, I was locked up in a shell almost, afraid for my heart, afraid to talk to the opposite sex because I don't really want anything and even though we only discussed a lunch which really means absolutely nothing, I know that we have some sort of chemistry and I won't know anything unless I give people a chance, if nothing else, I will have found a new friend, someone to learn something from. After all, everything and everyone in front of us is our teacher.
I have been very sad for the last few days, I have felt like I was in mourning and that I was, well the lost of a friend is very sad but today when I was reading my favorite book no ordinary moments by Dan Millman, I came accross a pasage that spoke directly to me, it said something like....when someone leaves your life because they choose to, you have to accept it and mourn it and then set it free, only by doing this will you allow new experiences in your life, only this will help you to grow. I love that book! every time I read it, I feel like I am new again. It also said the following:
Expressing our feelings in the face of these cultural and social pressures takes real courage, the courage of a peaceful warrior..
When I read this, I couldn't help it but to smile, I smiled and said to myself, oh wow I am learning the way of the peaceful warrior, what a wonderful thing!
I wish I would of read that book almost 3 years ago, after I lost him, but If I called him my love again, I would probably be lying. Today after I walked accross the Brooklyn bridge living in the moment, enjoying the beauty that was all around me, feeling the sun in my face and the wind and watching people as they took pictures and enjoying their time, It felt just wonderful. I saw a man with a fancy camera and I went up to him and said, hey, did you take a picture of that? and I pointed at the moon and when he saw it he was in awe! and he looked at me and smiled and said "no I did not" and then proceeded to take a photograph, the rest of his family joined him as we were talking and we all smiled and I continued to walk. I could not allow myself to walk accross that bridge and not let someone else in on my secret, the secret of the moment that was right in front of all those people, yet no one seemed to notice, because everyone was just to busy. He, that man knew what I meant, he saw what I saw and he appreciated the fact that I pointed it out to him, his smile told me so. The moon and the sun out together it was breath taking.
There was also him of course, he gave me permission to buy 10 dresses, why do I feel like that man runs my life? yet he does and I feel like I like it. He helps me with every decision I make, he is the man in my life, without running things by him, I feel like I can't take the next step. He runs my life in a tactful way, yet he doesn't run it at all, I am able to do as I please, yet he runs my life sort of and I enjoy it, it is the strangest thing. We often have these disagreements that leave me wondering, what is happening? but we talked about my dresses to the point that he was confused, but he told me I could buy 10, and that I shall do! I am so excited about my new dresses, I love to feel like a lady.
Once I finished crossing the bridge, then and only then, did I allow myself to think of him, but if I call him my love, I will be lying. The thought came to my mind, that he had introduced me to the concept of the moment and the peaceful warrior way, and then I wondered if he ever did that, did he ever live the moment? was he capable of doing such a thing? all the things he said he wanted to do, I was doing them, I was living them. There I stood looking at all the beautiful flowers and the thought of him took my breath away and then I thought MY LOVE! but if I would of tried to say the words out loud, my words wouldn't have come out, because I did not believe him to be that anymore and then my eyes became watery and I felt scared, was he gone from my heart? had I finally let him go? was it him, that young man that I missed, the one that had finally saved me from that place I had been stuck in for so long?
Oh dear diary! what crazy moments we experience in life. Today was a lovely day and now I shall leave you and go back to the most precious things I have, my three true loves!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbYWkegobTU
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