JAZZY THE DYKE!

Since I was about 20 years old or so, I always wanted so badly to shave my hair bald, like Sinead O'Connor or Demi Moore did in that movie GI Jane.  I'm not sure if it's because I didn't like my hair, or because I just like to experiment and I get bored with the same look always or because when I was growing up my mom wore short haircuts and I remember thinking, wow! my mom is so beautiful! No matter what my underlying reason was, I always liked really short hair cuts.  I never went bald yet, nor do I think I would actually do a Britney, but needless to say, I have always had a fascination for women with short hair.  And for different hair looks.

Through out my life, I have had all kinds of hair styles and colors, I was blonde at one point for so many years that I actually forgot what my actual hair color was.  Once as a teenager I even had a haircut that on the sides I had lines shaved on my hair like the way men have designs on theirs.  I guess I can say, that I'm lucky that my parents let me experiment with my hair as a teen and even luckier that as an adult, I am not afraid to take chances with it.

Judgements.  Most of my life I have also been stereotyped as some sort of person, I've often have been judged and most times, people think they know "what kind of girl I am." 


Last Friday night I finally came out of my hibernation and went to a Karaoke bar with my brand spanking new really short hair cut.  After having one too many drinks and proceeding to have what was in my opinion my best vocal performance EVER (singing while under the influence is dangerous) I woke up the next morning to listen to my cousin's story of how some girls had asked him if I was a DYKE.  I have to admit, that I found this to be hilarious at first! especially, because on my way to the bar, we had been talking about just that, we were saying how people were going to think I was a dyke because of my cut.  


After listening to his story and both of us laughing about it, we started talking about the time when I had kissed a girl and wanted to throw up from the experience (I had also cried after the fact, because I felt she took advantage of me, but that's a whole other blog post) and I kept shaking my head telling him, damn people always mis judge me, after saying that to him I felt really sad about this and I thought, why do people do this? why do we judge? even me, why do I judge others?

Later on, I started thinking about how we as humans are so judgmental, and how I have always been so judgmental and how it is such a horrible thing to feel that you are being judged wrongly based on a hair cut or the way you choose to dress or whatever.  Then I thought about this guy I went on a date with once, he was one of the nicest men I have ever met and he was filled with tattoo's, he told me that people always thought he was some sort of gang member or something, meanwhile he was an engineer WTF! He told me how sometimes people would talk to him in a condescending way, because they assumed he was dumb and how he really enjoyed their reaction once he would open his mouth and spoke and just knew so much about so many things.  He was awesome yet people misjudged him.

I have to admit that I fit into a very specific stereotype with my new hair cut, I told this to my co-worker and she and I agreed and then we both laughed and later said to each other wow this world can be so harsh.  I have been stereotyped as many things in the past, but here is the latest one that I think fits me perfectly.  Jazzy, heartbroken gave up on men and on love, raising three kids on her own decides that maybe a woman would make her happier.  Of course! No wonder! That's why?

I will not deny that more often then not, I find women extremely beautiful, to me, we are just amazing human beings.  I love the way we can carry a baby in our stomach's but then we can also roll up our sleeves and help at a construction site.  I love that we can wear dresses, but then throw on some jeans and sneakers and still look good! I love that our skins are soft and we can wear make up if we choose to.  Women are just the shit! there is absolutely no doubt about that in my mind, so, how can I NOT love women. I after all am one myself.  


I also have to admit, that throughout my life I have admired other woman.  I have admired women that are bolder then I am.  I admire how some women can be faithful to a man that has hurt them or cheated on them or the way some can have sex with different partners and be ok with it and be confident and still respect themselves or the way they can be good moms and tackle so many things.  I am every woman, but I am not all women and there are definitely things that I could not do myself that I definitely admire in others.  


But, this post is not about me trying to explain to anyone that I am not a dyke.  As hurtful as it feels for people to often judge me, I am not writing this to clarify or give an excuse or explanation about my sexuality or any of that.  I'm writing this, because it's sort of a reminder to myself, that I do not want to judge people based on what stereotype I label them to be and that judging others is wrong and that I try everyday to be better then that.  


I have no problem with people who choose to love another person of their same sex and I most certainly don't really care that people may think I no longer like men because "maybe someone broke her heart really bad."   I didn't feel hurt about what I was judged to be, I felt hurt because I was judged.


So, I ask you to please, before you judge other's, look at yourself first and put a label on yourself that you know you are not but that you fit the stereotype of, then ask yourself if you would like to be thought of as this and how that would make you feel.  Before you judge a book by it's cover, open it up and read it you might just be amazed!